Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

I didn't want to and when she was born I didn't change my opinion. I got so much harassment when I was pregnant from my family and random strangers (none ever from medical professionals) it was terrible. I ended up once taking a day off work crying over it but I was sure it wasn't for me. I wanted to enjoy every moment and have the freedom to leave her with her dad for a couple of hours to go out if I wanted. I also wanted her dad to never feel like he couldn't comfort her in the same way I could. So I formula fed from birth and it worked for us. My kid is less often sick than plenty of breastfed kids.
The harassment was awful though. There should be support for those that want to breastfeed not nagging of those who don't.

And also I live in Luxembourg where it seems 99% of mums do breastfeed.

The poo doesn't smell any different! It's only when they start eating real food that it smells

“The issue is that breastfeeding is hard work to establish and people who do manage this don't want their work devalued by people saying "Meh, there's barely any point and it's not going to work for our family so no thanks".”

I get your point, but the OP is clearly asking for the reasons and thought processes of women who don’t fancy BF, she’s not asking a retorical question on whether or not it’s a waste of time. It wouldn’t be right for posters to moderate their comments on the basis that a BF Mum might stumble on the thread and get pissed off at other peoples’ opinions.

I have no skin in the game as I’m still weighing up how to feed DC2, but I don’t get myself into shapes when I see posters extoll the virtues of bf and demonise FF because that’s how I fed DD.

I don’t think anyone’s said breastfeeding is pointless or disgusting though. What I and others have said is long term, the difference is negligible and so you should choose what suits you, not what you feel pressured into. It could be breastfeeding, it couldnot be.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband

"I breastfed my first for about 5 minutes and it just repulsed me."

"What puts me off is does it feel the same as how it would feel if your husband was sucking your nipple"

"I never wanted to have a baby sucking my nipples. Just no."

"I did try with my first but absolutely hated it. The whole thing made my skin crawl"

I find this a really interesting topic, of course there are many women who find breastfeeding unappealing in our society. Bottle feeding has been drilled into us over the generation's as being better/easier more conviante.

In many other culters they wouldn't think twice about breastfeeding. We've been trying to change the tide in this country because it does help long term health outcomes. Although things like obesity may be how babies are bottle fed rather then the milk in the bottle as it seems express fed babies can be at risk just as much as formula fed babies.

The fact is we are very lucky to have the choice, in which way we feed our babies. Formula was initially invent as a emergency solution for babies who otherwise may not have survived. It wasn't very good to start with and outcomes where poor. It's now good enough for most babies, but there are many even in our own country who struggle to afford this choice. It's certainly not affordable in a lot of other nation's. And there is also no where near enough cows to produce enough milk for all the babies who would need it either. So we do need to keep breastfeeding.

It's great to have this choice and if you can afford it and want to make it great. But I love to see formula feeding mum's advercating for a generic formula that is more affordable for everyone. After all most of the money these big companies make goes on advertising.

Formula was invented for Mum’s who struggled to BF since in the past they would either have to employ a wet nurse if rich, have a relative feed their baby or would give the baby something dangerous such as condensed milk or goats milk. It was also invented to line corporations pockets of course and what a profitable business it has transpired to be...

Something has happened between formula existing purely as a back up for struggling Mum’s and now, where only 1% of British babies are still EBF by six months of age.

Reading this thread has enlightened me. It does appear that the biggest reason women choose to FF is feeling squeamish about using their breasts for their natural purpose. I find this incredibly disconcerting and, well, just sad really.

@eeanne Those women were asked for their reasons, and gave them freely.

You might not like their reasons, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to voice them when asked directly.

Those opinions are not a reflection on you choose to feed your children, nor does it devalue your experience.

dinosaur I said I can't leave those comments unresponded to without any positive story because google is for everyone and I hate the idea of someone on the fence about BF reading this string of comments.

I have no problem with their feelings. It's my right to respond with an alternative view which I have.

Blair suggested I was imagining that people said BF is disgusting...I haven't imagined it have I.

@eeanne that is how some women do feel though. They aren't saying 'women shouldn't breastfeed because it is disgusting' they are saying how it made THEM feel on an entirely personal level. The OP asked for these experiences. I had a similar experience. I absolutely hated the feel of it, everything. It's not to say I think all women should FF and BF is disgusting at all! It's a personal choice. Nobody needs to come on here and start insulting other people's choices. They are simply describing how breastfeeding made them feel.

eeanne saying they personally find it squeamish is different to saying “it’s gross”.

I find lots of things squeamish. I don’t judge others who don’t. So bir of a leap.

@GreenMeerkat exactly!

Interesting topic!

I felt the opposite way and knew from the get go that I was really keen to breastfeed, but it was such a struggle. We did combination feeding early on as my milk took a while to come in and I ended up having to pump 8 times a day to establish supply while we figured it out. It was a nightmare and I absolutely felt like a milk cow at times. I don't regret it in the least, as I feel we've gotten a lot out of it, but I can absolutely understand why someone would choose to formula feed instead!

Can't believe the responses from people here that are so pushy. I'm a relatively new mum (8 months old), but just like every baby is different, every mother is different.

saying they personally find it squeamish is different to saying “it’s gross”

I'd call equating breastfeeding to sexual play with someone's husband is as close to "gross" as you can get and well beyond "squeamish" so let's agree to disagree.

Moving on.

I'm a HV and honestly didn't have any opinion either way over how I would feed as I have seen so many mums struggle. Even went into hospital with a starter pack of formula. As it turned out, DS had other ideas and wanted to BF and never took a bottle. He literally latched on the moment he was born. We didn't have an easy time as it took over a week for milk to come in due to a big bleed and retained placenta, two TT revisions and CMPA but we got through it.

I actually loved BF and we did it for 16 months. BF is how my favourite part of my job, I don't make my mums who FF feel bad as I just say 'your baby, your choice' which it is and I don't think formula is the devil unlike others I work with.

OP,

I felt exactly the same as you with DD1, couldn't give any reason why I just did not fancy BFing and I now have a happy and very healthy (and I think genius obviously!) 3yo.

While pregnant with DD2 I saw one of my best friends BFing their baby (and probably got a bit more confident in myself) and I thought you know what? I'll give it a go. I absolutely love it it is just 100 times easier without the bottle washing sterilising and making up flasks before we leave the house.

But both babies are perfectly fine and I have done what I felt was the right decision for each 😘

If breastfeeding feels, to that woman, the same way it feels to have her husband licking her boobs, should she not have the right to say that?

She’s not saying it feels that way for everyone.

DS was mix fed. I tried I bf him but it was painful and he couldn’t suck properly. Me saying that doesn’t equate to me saying breastfeeding is always painful or difficult. It was for me though. I’m still up for trying it again, but those of us who had difficult times with it shouldn’t have to be silent to not offend breastfeeders (similarly those who find bottles a faff should be able to say it!)

@eeanne I get that this is very personal to you, but I don’t agree with your taking offence where none is meant.

The posters on this thread don’t have an obligation to breastfeeding mothers when being asked their opinions on why they didn’t think it was the choice for them.

If someone had said it was perverted or something as equally ridiculous, then yeah you’d have a point. But just because you breastfed doesn’t mean that previous posters should have to censor their own opinions because you might not like them.

I didn't BF either of my children because I simply didn't want to. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. Never regretted it for a moment and I'm very glad I've always been able to share the load with DH.

dinosaurkisses I never asked for anyone to be censored.

The question was raised, why are people who DID BF commenting?

My response was, because some of the reasons given for not BF made me a bit sad and I wanted to give an alternative view for anyone who reads this and isn't sure what they want to do.

I never ever said

• women can't feel the way they want to
• women should censor their opinions

or anything of the sort. So please stop making assumptions.

Was adamant I wasn't going to do it but when baby came out and was instantly bobbing for my boob that's where I felt the guilt (not from any MW etc) So I tried it and found it was ridiculously easy and felt amazing. I know this isn't the case for everyone but sharing so you know to expect the head bobbing and that there's a small chance you can change your mind.

Why is it sad that some women don’t enjoy breastfeeding? We’re all individuals and we won’t necessarily feel the same way about something.

I have 2 DC and didn't breastfeed with either, I just didn't want to, I didn't want the hassle of feeding in public. I mean, I know it's natural but you still get some weirdos out there trying to perve even if you do cover yourself up. Also the negativity breastfeeding gets, but then again formula feedjng also gets negativity.
I formula fed my DS until he was 12m but he still had formula for his night feeds and cows milk Inthe day. My DD has just reached 8m and she doesn't drink as much milk as her brother but again still formula fed!

Whatever you chose to do, unfortunately you will get negativity, myself however, I will respect and praise whatever you wish to do 😊

I don't think there's anything wrong or disappointing about women feeling squeemish about the process whatsoever, and I think it's harsh to belittle and mock someone else's feelings.

I can understand why someone would feel squeemish about it, at the end of the day you have to attach another human being to your breast succefully and sit whilst they suck it. You have to cope with the feeling of the milk coming out as well as the suckling.

I do think women need to back off one another a little bit when it comes to this choice. There isn't a right and wrong, it's all about choice.

Now there may be a best and not so good, but those of us who chose to FF aren't stupid, we knew/know breast has marginally better be edits but it was outweighed personally by other benefits of FF, such as DP/DH able to feed, that's all really.

@eeanne I’m not assuming anything. You took the trouble to go back through the thread and c&p comments which you felt were incorrect opinions on BF in response to @BlairWaldorf.