Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Redteapot - I didn’t try for a day, never had an intention of. What right do you have to judge me? My DC’s are healthy and DH and I are happy with the decisions we made.

Casipana - any reason. You wouldn’t believe me but I’m pro choice. But I do think you owe it to your babies to at least try. There is a wealth of research showing how it is best for baby. To not even try because you think formula is just the same is just falling for the formula marketing hype.
I struggled massively with my first and nearly couldn’t do it. I know I would have felt judged if I’d then ff but no one judges people who have tried and not managed it. It’s more in their heads.
People do judge those who actively and happily chose second best for their children - often for no good reason at all. (No this does not apply to you if you have a good reason!!)

Parker - no one needs a right to judge. Everyone does it. You judge me for breastfeeding. I’d judge you if you smoked or drank in pregnancy. Judgement is a normal part of life.

Ps I think you need to acknowledge that I’m just one person admitting to it. Most people would judge in their heads if you had no good reason and didn’t even try at all.

'Most people would judge in their heads if you had no good reason and didn’t even try at all.'

Can you not stop?

You are not most people

Majority of people couldn't give a shiny shite

It's ridiculous

Martha - but people do!

'You judge me for breastfeeding.'

I'm sure that poster doesn't

I certainly don't

But you if you represent the majority of mothers that do choose to BF then that would be a pretty awful show.

It would certainly go towards tilting my decision

It's nauseous

The amount of judgement on here for breastfeeding past a year of age is shocking - people do judge that

Martha F off blaming me for people not breastfeeding. Own your decisions - you made them not someone you don’t know commenting honestly about people ff from birth without trying bf

As I said before

You enjoy your Veggi crumble

And

I'll crack on with my Bacon roll

You are not 'people' as you said yourself.

Be happy for the fabulous mums like myself, enjoying feeding their DC however they CHOOSE.

Blimey

I can't make head or tail of your last post

Goodnight Vienna

Maybe....get a little sleep.

Yeah I will. And every time they release more and more info about how anti cancer breastfeeding is you sit there and feel guilty you didn’t do the best for your children. Because it sounds as though underneath you are inherently selfish and care more about your own needs.

Red you sound as if you're suggesting that women with children aren't ever allowed to do anything that they enjoy.

Red - you are getting ridiculous. No parent makes a decision which they think will in any way harm their DC’s. I was not selfish in ff my DC’s.

As you asked about expressing. I BF my first DC and started off BF with my youngest. After loads of problems I'm virtually exclusively expressing with some prescription formula due to CMPI.
Expressing is very time consuming, it takes ages for me to get a decent amount. Some people can express a lot quicker though. Then of course all the washing and sterilising takes time.
I found breastfeeding a lot easier, no time spent expressing or washing and sterilising bottles. Plus when going out no need to take bottles and try to guess how many I'll need.
If you end up deciding to try breastfeeding you could do a mix of BF & FF, lots of people do, and I did after a few months with my eldest. You might find it helpful to feed in a mirror too, so you can work out what people can/can't see.
I'm sure you already know that any time BF is beneficial for a baby, so if you decided to feed for the first week or even the first day there's lots of benefits for you and your baby. In terms of helping your uterus starting to shrink back to size for example, and helping your baby's immune system, plus many others.
As you've said you won't really know how you'll feel until your baby is here. You might find it helpful to read a book on breastfeeding, I read The Food of Love, but there's loads of others. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is often recommended.
If your going to FF you'll need to take starter pack bottles into hospital if that's where your going to have the baby. As they don't allow you to make up formula from powder in case of contamination.
Good luck with everything and whatever you decide, don't let anyone make you feel bad. As long as your baby is fed it's got nothing to do with anyone else how you choose to do that!

I’m sorry - Martha wound me up.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with ff as the best alternative in many situations (post natal mental health concerns, maternal health, strain on the mother, difficulty latching etc) but to sit there and chose from birth to ff without even trying bf and thinking that’s the same (or even better) than bf and be goady as to your choice is just plain weird to me.
Formula ISNT as good as breastmilk - but it’s a bloody good alternative. But surely it’s become very fucked up and the formula marketers have won if people are acting choosing it thinking it’s the best for their child.
Surely people who choose f are doing so ‘on balance’ considering all factors. Martha seems to have chosen it because it matched her designer handbag.

I’m almost 27 weeks and my current intention is to attempt colostrum only breastfeeding, possibly continuing for a week or two if I’m happy to do so.

One of the reasons for this is that I want my partner to be able to share in feeds, but don’t want to be constantly expressing! Slightly more selfishly, I’m also just not hugely comfortable with the idea of that constant demand on my body.

I've been reading this thread and have a few comments.

• PND. @Sandstormbrewing and others have said things about how issues related to feeding have "given" people PND. Tbh I find this slightly offensive as PND is different from feeling upset or feeling down. It's a medical condition and it isn't "caused" by anything you do or don't do, it just happens. Feeling sad/emotional/vulnerable in the postnatal period is different from PND and happens to pretty much everyone. I can totally see how feeding choices play into this as it's a big part of life in the early days, but that's not a mental illness.

• sharing feeds/partners helping etc. In these discussions this always comes up. But you can give your baby a bottle of formula or expressed milk every day and still bf the rest of the time. Bf doesn't mean partners can't do the odd feed. Mixed feeding exists and is really common - it doesn't have to be all or nothing (as I think @owmn suggests).

Formula isn't as good for your baby as breast milk. That doesn't mean it's bad. Like everything in life it's a balancing act - nursery isn't as good for your baby as one to one care but many people choose that and others have to; living in the city isn't as good as living in the country for a child due to air pollution, but again it's a choice. The important thing is that it should be an informed choice, and it's difficult to get to the facts because there are huge commercial interests on the side of ff who have been advertising and marketing and lobbying governments and hcps for generations, ploughing millions into trying to make people buy their product to their huge financial gain. On the other hand the struggling NHS is promoting breastfeeding - go figure.

@harrietm87

Sandstorm spoke about her own PND and breastfeeding being a contributor. I don’t think you should dismiss her experience as being baby blues. Although PND is an illness, certain things can put you at greater risk of it. For example there is evidence there is a greater risk of PND if you stop breastfeeding due to physical reasons or pain (one of the reasons I feel so strongly that those who wish to make the argument about best milk being better are sensitive in how they word it).

PND is a chemical imbalance, it really isn't caused by the inability to breastfeed. Not succeeding with bf can of course contribute to the feelings of depression and helplessness, but if someone is going to get PND they'll get it however they feed.

Evidence does show a link between difficulties breastfeeding and PND.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jan.12832

I have never had PND but I have had depression. A chemical imbalance, fine, but it was triggered by coming out of an abusive relationship. Maybe PND is different but my understanding is that there can be external triggers and risk factors for depression.

@Caspiana I didn't dismiss anything as baby blues. I'm not denying that someone had PND, I'm saying that it doesn't help anyone to say that PND was caused by something they did or didn't do with regards to feeding their baby. As @TeddyIsaHe said, it's an illness. You wouldn't say someone's broken leg was caused by bf, even if they themselves thought that was the case.

I read your first paragraph as suggesting she had baby blues not PND. There is no evidence linking bf issues to broken legs. Not so with PND. It’s a totally false comparison.

harrietm87 fuck off. You don't get to tell me about MY PND. Baby blues and 'feeling down' do not make you want to kill yourself. They don't make you wish someone come and take your baby or make you regret becoming a mum or seriously plan walking out on your family and making a new life. So did off with telling me I am wrong in thinking I had PND and that the inability to off load my baby for more than a few minutes or the fact that I got no more than 90minutes sleep for 8 months were contributing factors. Your body cannot repair itself on so little sleep. The chemical imbalance cannot fix itself unless given time and energy to do so.