Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

It doesnt make you a bad mum at all, it really annoys me when people get on the BF v FF subject and totally disregard FF mums as bottom of the barrel!!

Im 23 weeks pregnant and at first thought i would go straight to formula but after seeing my best friend breast feed with ease for the first 5 months with the option of expressing i feel like im now going to give it a go. I will put "on the breast" on my birth plan but will have formula ready in my bag in case things dont go as smoothly as expected.

If i do breast feed successfully i will most likely express as much as i can, or do a bit of both where convenience is concerned - i like the thought of having bottle option as i have a large family who will love feeding baby as well as the bonding time for my hubby.

I dont judge people who breast feed very openly in public, in fact i think its great but i wont be doing that myself (of course i will have to at points but ill cover up) ... as much as its natural i think im going to find it odd having my little human sucking on my boob but iv been told so many times it feels perfectly normal once your in the zone! FF mums shouldn't judge BF mums and the same applies the other way around.

Its your turn to be a mum and all the decisions are yours to make. As long as you are planning on feeding your baby when he/she is hungry and bring him or her up in a safe and loved environment who can complain.

Formula feeding wont stop your baby from being happy and healthy and sure as hell wont make a difference to there adult life!

Rant over from a person who plans to breast feed with flexibility of formula!! :)

good luck with your pregnancy

@NameChangedNow here here fed is best - surely?!

Anecdotally, people I know whose mothers had FF were more likely to give up BF (no judgement, just a fact). SIL for example tried to BF but her mum wasn't able to give her any BF advice and told her to switch to formula. Another mum I knew who switched said that her DM hadn't had enough milk.

I had the knowledge that my mum had BF me for 10 months, she was able to reassure me that it was all normal. She was advised to stop feeding me when she became pregnant with DB and she told me that I should stop feeding DS1/DS2 at 18 months I'm still going strong with DS2 at 27 months.

DH didn't feed either of our boys until 6 months, neither of them had a bottle, it didn't stop him bonding with them! It just meant he didn't feed them

Asked my DM today

The longest she BF was 10 months

@Sandstormbrewing sorry for what you went through but I really think you misinterpreted what I posted. Firstly, I wasn't saying that you or anyone else didn't have PND. I was taking issue with the suggestion that bf or not bf caused it. Having suffered with depression myself, I don't think it's helpful for people to feel that anything they did or didn't do caused them to suffer from this debilitating illness. If we casually say things like "bf caused PND" I think it suggests that the ill person could have avoided being ill, or that it was somehow their fault. Whilst the way you feed your baby (or more accurately your feelings about that) could trigger depression/PND, they won't be the cause of it. That's all I was trying to say. It would be a shame if someone was swayed from feeding a certain way because they thought it would put them at risk of becoming depressed.

I didn’t want to with either of mine ... so I didn’t. I didn’t feel pressured by midwives to try, even when I was in hospital for two weeks after my second and coild have had a lot of support from a breastfeeding midwife. I do feel like there’s more stigma around mums who choose not to breastfeed these days but stick to your guns and do what you want to do. I did ask for the midwife to collect the first milk from my breasts in a syringe to give after birth but neither ever latched.
Only thing is though if you end up staying in hospital for a long time after having the baby you won’t be entitled to free hospital meals if you aren’t breastfeeding.

Will people please stop saying that one of the reasons to formula feed is to allow dh to bond with baby. I have BF both of my children and they both have a very strong bond with DH, he hasn't missed out on anything other than a whole load of mixing powder with water. Bonding happens at times other than feeding time.

'I didn’t want to with either of mine ... so I didn’t. I didn’t feel pressured by midwives to try, '

Neither did I to be fair

Everyone was really accommodating and helpful.

Not sure if this was because I was late 30's and clearly had my regimen in order

Bonding can happen in many ways.

It's okay to want to FF so that dad can have a bonding experience with the baby.

It's also okay to want to BF so that you can have a bonding experience with the baby.

I am surprised at seeing so much offense taken at the idea that bonding is mentioned as a reason for either FF or BF. Nobody is saying that these are the ONLY ways to bond. Just that it plays a part in their decision. Both are okay.

@Mugglemom 'I am surprised at seeing so much offense taken at the idea that bonding is mentioned as a reason for either FF or BF. Nobody is saying that these are the ONLY ways to bond. Just that it plays a part in their decision. Both are okay.'

Exactly, i know my DH will bond in every other possible way, being there for baby is a type of bonding but he likes the thought of that feeding intamcy as an added bonding experience! and i totally agree, people pro BF say a reason is for bonding .. you could argue the exact same thing the other way? if you dont BF its not going to stop you bonding with your baby.

Im actually going to BF like stated in previous comment but i think both BF and FF shouldnt be judged so harshly and mums should be left to do what they feel is right!

I know this is going to come across as antagonistic and I really don't intend it to but what do so many people say 'I'm going to try to breastfeed.' When I had my children I just assumed it would eventually work out ok , despite some tough times along the way to it being established. I just think when I hear that 'I'll try but I'm already planning to give up when I hit a bump' - which is simply to be expected in the first few weeks until you and baby both know what you are doing. As it happens I did have to top up with formula after a few months as the reflux was so bad that our baby wasn't gaining weight - but I set out with the intention that I would breastfeed (not packing formula just in case etc.) I just don't think that sort of thing helps mum's when they are already feeling worn out - it's better to get support and encouragement in other ways if you can. I think breastfeeding needs to be talked about more honestly antenatally - it is bloody hard, or can be, for the first 6 weeks or so. It's really tempting to give up at times - I have felt that when feeding through thrush etc I do think though that if you are prepared for the battle then you are more likely to ride it out. Personally, I also dislike this 'fed is best' saying. It isn't best. If you've got good reasons for formula feeding then of course it's great that we have that option but I think it has to be acknowledged that breastmilk is biologically better than formula given everything we now know about it's benefits for future health. I know everyone says 'my children were formula fed and they are healthy' but I strongly suspect the outcomes over a lifetime for people who were breastfed are better in terms of illnesses etc. I really am not saying that formula should be banned and is awful but I don't think it being so readily available helps our breastfeeding statistics.

Agree with you@Picklesandpies

Fed is best is a term (which is a spin if from 'breast is best') and is completely meaningless as what's the alternative... to not feed?!?

Sadly a lot of mums just don't have the support from partners, close family or health care professionals to get through the early weeks.

If when things get tough your closest family / mum etc advise formula because it's what they know then I imagine its hugely damaging to your confidence.

I agree lots need to change and it's so frustrating that it's become a 'us' as 'them' situation.

I didn’t think not breastfeeding was an option before I failed at it. I was deeply committed. I feel like fed is best is aimed at people like me whose kids were not gaining weight despite doing everything possible (lactation consultant even told me to supplement because I’d tried everything, I was terrified to do it because I was sure it would result in the elimination of what little supply I had). I said when I gave the first supplement, in tears to the health visitor “I guess it’s like, it’s better to feed your kids organic fruit and vegetables, but if all you can get is junk food it’s better than nothing” and she said it’s not junk food, it’s nutritionally complete.

@DieAntword My comment about 'fed is best' not sitting right with me is not about people like you who have been deeply committed to it but for a very good reason have had to give formula. Like I say, I've been there too. More so at the people who say 'fed is best' with complete disregard for all the evidence which shows breastmilk is best nutritionally and don't even try it before deciding it's not for them. My friend is a wife of a doctor and she had to formula feed after supply issues and being in hospital hooked up to medical standard breast pumps for days. In these instances of course you should formula feed without a shred of guilt. I just feel in so many others 'fed is best' is a blanket excuse for not really trying and ignoring all the evidence saying you should at least give the colostrum. It's the first selfless thing you can do as a mother (your needs will come after that of your child's most of the time for years to come!) I do worded whether the people who say 'I don't want to be a human cow/milk machine' etc are really ready to be parents - it's just the beginning really (and I don't say that with any sort of gloominess - it's just the reality that you will need to put them first'.) Not though, aimed at people like you (or me for that matter!)

I have breastfed both of mine against the odds (DD1 has Down’s syndrome and DD2 had an 80% tongue tie, which made feeds very short and snacky, and a bit painful until the tie was divided), DD2 is EBF and I can’t imagine not wanting to breastfeed given the option.

HOWEVER, DD1 had formula top ups for her first few months, and there were certain advantages to it that I don’t get with DD2; DH struggles to calm DD2 down when she’s upset/hungry, and DD1 let him hold her for a lot longer. Also, I had the option of going out if I needed to without DD1 (I went out for the afternoon/evening for a hen do when she was 3 weeks old ), whereas I’ve not dared to do anything like that with DD2 (now 12 weeks). Ideally I’d like to express some milk for her, giving me the chance to at least go out for a hair cut or something, but I’ve just not had the chance to express a decent amount, and I think I’d have to give it a dry run if I tried to give her formula, as no idea yet if she’ll take to it!

I have huge respect for those who express regularly, I just can never find the time! And anyone who bottle feeds - it’s so much faff compared to breastfeeding. I’ve just taken the easy option really 😂.

I've just clicked on this thread to catch up on it and look at what's being advertised at the bottom of the page It's awful to advertise this and no wonder people think it's a good option rather than being a last resort for people who have really tried! Mumsnet please sort out your advertising.

I believe breast is best. It is human milk for a human baby. I had a very easy journey with breastfeeding however if it was the other way around i would have formula fed without any guilt.

@harrietm87 Might be helpful if you stopped telling other people with PND what did/didn't cause their PND.

@SleepIsNeeded Agreed. Surely that's not right.

@curliegirlie Sounds as though you have really had to persevere. Props to you for doing that. I hope you can get out for your haircut soon. My friend had her eyebrows threaded with her one year old climbing all over her the other day! I'm surprised they did such a good job! I used to express from one breast and feed from the other very first thing in the morning when they were like footballs - then we would give the expressed milk last thing at night to settle dd. Because there was so much it always knocked her out!

@Daisy2990 might be helpful if you (a) read and understood my posts properly (because you've misunderstood) and (b) actually added something to the debate.

My addition to the debate is several pages back, thanks for asking.

Daisy you did completely misunderstand her point

SleepIs - formula isn’t a last resort. It’s there for those of us who prefer to choose ff instead of bf.