Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Sandstorm

The trigger for PND is the birth itself, it's the massive hormone changes in a relatively short period of time. Often PND is dismissed as 'baby-blues' for a few weeks, or mums think that they're just tired etc which is why sometimes it can take months to be diagnosed.

I had horrific PND that I'm only now starting to come out the other side of 20 months later. I know for a fact that if for any reason I couldn't breastfeed dd and had to bottle feed instead it would have tipped me over the edge. FF wouldn't have caused my PND but it would have contributed to it worsening or taking longer to treat effectively. So I can absolutely see why for some mum's bf and the difficulties they experience are huge factors in their PND and recovery.

@sandstorm I am so sorry about everything you have been through. It sounds horrendous. May I please ask if you don't mind: did you find it easy to get the support you needed? How was your family,NHS, HV with it all? I am interested as when I had PND I frankly found everyone useless in helping me deal with it and I think that pushed me over the edge. Not sure if lack of support was the catalyst for you too.

I didn't want to, and didn't and never felt bad about it. On the plus it meant with aptamil my husband could also feed at any time so we took turns during the night etc. If I ever have another will do the same again

All the people saying the dad can give a bottle (even of formula) and you still breastfeed. That might work with one bottle. But what if you don’t want to be stuck to a baby 24/7 except for one bottle? What if you want a genuine 50/50 split of early childcare - let’s be honest here, nappies, bathing and the rest take much much much less time than feeding in those early weeks. If you’re breastfeeding you don’t just have to worry about the individual feeds but your overall milk supply. If you formula feed half the time you may well find your milk dwinding to the point it’s not sufficient for the other half.

Breastfeeding can contribute to PND. FF can contribute to PND. it depends on the person, what they believe, their situation, what their plans were etc. I am absolutely disgusted by some of the militant BF people on here. Stop acting like we are on different sides fighting in the same way.

This is not
BF: BF is better
Ff: FF is better

This is..
Bf: your choice to FF is giving second best to your baby I don't care about other benefits and I know what's best for you and your child despite never having met you
Ff: fuck off and let's all feed how we want

I know personally of one person who wanted so badly to BF that when she was unable to, it did "push her over the edge" exactly as a pp suggested. She still finds discussions around BF and FF very difficult. This is exactly why I think we need to be so careful how we word our arguments when discussing feeding. We simply don't know the journey that others have been on. Yes, we all know that BF is the biological norm and the benefits it holds for mothers and babies but in some cases it isn't the best option and we shouldn't make mums feel guilty about this.

I personally don't like the thought of formula (makes me feel nauseous for some reason) so I breastfeed.
That's my choice though and you're just as entitled to yours.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about what you decide to do. At the end of the day, you need to make sure that you're comfortable and happy.

Hello, I won't be, it's not for me, my mum didn't either.

I'm in the FF camp too, the idea of BF exasperates my anxiety far to much so it would be detrimental to my mental health and the baby's wellbeing so I won't be going down that route.
It annoys me horrendously that women feel they have to 'justify' their reasons on their methods of feeding?! Whose business is it anyway to judge someone else? I say this as I'm often quizzed and if I say formula, I get the whole 'oh you don't even want to try BF? But it's much better for baby/you will bond better/it's the most natural thing in the world/you should at least do it to start with then decide'

'FED is best' regardless of how the baby is fed.

One question though, how quickly does the milk dry if not BF? And any tips to get this to happen quicker/alleviate the pain in doing so?

Good luck OP, choose to feed and look after your baby however suits you both best

'One question though, how quickly does the milk dry if not BF? And any tips to get this to happen quicker/alleviate the pain in doing so?'

I had no problems at all

Was told just to completely leave Breasts alone.

They were huge for about 3 days and then back to normal.

I wonder what the stats are on breastfeeding in relation to whether your mum BF? I would imagine that FF is generational I.e. once one generation FF, the chances are that the next generation will. I actually think this is one of the key factors in our low BF rates.

Not sure Shack

My Dm BF the three of us

But she's in her 80's now so pretty much the norm then I guess.

martha I think formula was very widespread in the 50s/60s, I don't suppose it was the norm to breastfeed then.

My mum tried to bf and was forced to switch to formula due to failure to thrive ...same as me. Wonder if it’s genetic?

We were born mid 60's early 70's

I'll have to ask her more about it all, never been something we've talked about much. I just remember her we were all BF in early stages.

I can remember my Dad talking about the '4 hours between bottles' bless him, so formula was used at some point.

Interesting

@ShackUp I imagine there's a very strong link.

My mum BF her children and I've BF mine.

A lot of what shapes our views / values is what's our 'normal' and the support we receive from our loved ones closest to us - Breastfeeding is just not expected or seen as normal to the majority of people.

Even those who have / do most then are under pressure to change to formula when baby is x months old as its seen as a newborn thing...

I don't think the rational will change - it's engrained to deep in society.

To much money to be made from formula and the damage is already done just read the responses on here.

Just look at our really low BF statistics - It's not the norm and hasn't been for a number of generations.

I wonder what the stats are on breastfeeding in relation to whether your mum BF? I would imagine that FF is generational I.e. once one generation FF, the chances are that the next generation will. I actually think this is one of the key factors in our low BF rates.

I have two friends who were bullied a bit by their DMs over their choice to BF, when their mums had FF. Reasons ranging from: baby will not get enough nutrition, preventing grandmum from feeding the baby, baby is too old now so your breast milk isn't enough anymore, etc.

@Patienceofatoddler Even those who have / do most then are under pressure to change to formula when baby is x months old as its seen as a newborn thing...

I feel like I'm going through this currently. My MIL, DH, and other family have now taken to asking how long I plan to BF with hints towards the idea that I should pack it in.

I always said I wanted to for sure for the first six months if I could manage, but now that we're past that mark, I feel like everybody is looking to me to switch.

Sorry, don't want to derail the thread, but this speaks to me and my current situation!

I think so too, Shack. My DM FF all of us from birth and this was pretty much the norm in those days (1970s). My sister also FF and I probably would have done too without question if I hadn't been influenced by my MIL who BF all her kids. I thought I would give it a go and she was a great support. My own family were a bit at my decision and never really got used to it. It seemed to make them uncomfortable but I guess they were unfamiliar with it. The exception being my GM who really encouraged me but then she was of the generation who would have BF her children.

Mugglemom I hear you. People seem to only want to support BF up to a certain age. The WHO actually recommends BF up to 2 years and beyond! My family were the same. Some of my friends too. I don't understand why others are so invested.

Mugglemom same here! Dd is 20 months and I feel I have to hide the fact I still bf. No one would bat an eye if a 20 month old had a bottle for bed, but some of the comments I've had in regards to extended breastfeeding are awful. The plan is to let dd self-wean, perhaps with a slight nudge from me in a year or so if she doesn't stop by then. My mum thinks it's "disgusting" apparently

@Mugglemom I am so sorry your going through this.

I had the same from friends / some family members. Esp the 'They will sleep better' and 'if you feed beyond a year they will be a nightmare to get off the boob' I personally felt that people had very strong opinions as my children got older on whether I should be breastfeeding still and I'm only talking at 7-8-9-10 months old which is so sad. It almost made me as nervous about feeding in public as I was when they were newborn again.

I was intending to bf my first but I had complications during the birth which meant I didn’t produce any colostrum at all so fed him formula from the beginning. I got some milk in about 5 days after he was born but not enough to exclusively feed him and he couldn’t latch as he had a stiff neck from a forceps delivery. I have horrible memories of me crying in pain trying to get a screaming baby to feed. It was hell. I pumped for 1 month which was absolutely miserable. I had to do it 8 times a day to build up supply which I had to do while the baby napped so had no time to rest. The moment I gave up it was a weight off my shoulders and I was so much happier. I am pregnant again and have zero intention of breastfeeding.

My son is very healthy and was happy on formula. We have a fantastic bond and I have no regrets about him being formula fed.

People say breastfeeding is best for the baby but in my opinion if it’s making the mum miserable and affecting her mental health it is most definitely not best for the baby. It might be slightly better nutritionally for the baby but a happy and relaxed mum is a lot more beneficial all round I think!

Olga great post

And you have literally just reminded me of the book I've been trying to find for dd

So thank you