Unplanned third pregnancy - petrified of telling OH. Advice please!

[TryingToThinkPositively]

As the title states.. I took a pregnancy test last night and again this morning and have found myself with two positive tests now stashed away in my wardrobe.

OH and I currently have a soon-to-be 20 month old and a 7 month old who we are both lovingly obsessed with and would be entirely lost without.

I had an inkling a few days ago that I might’ve been pregnant, so I tested the waters with OH by reading him out a few threads from here about husbands who emotionally blackmail their wives in to having abortions when the woman doesn’t want one. I found myself in that situation 8 years ago with a previous partner, and suffered terribly with grief, guilt and shame for years afterwards - the guilt didn’t actually start to subside until I fell pregnant again with our first DS. Anyway, after talking through the threads with OH and him being aware of my history, he made it clear that he could see how traumatising and downright horrible those sort of situations must be for the woman, but also followed it up by saying ‘that being said, I think a third baby would kill me right now’.

I am so, so scared to tell him. Our second DS wasn’t planned either and I sobbed when I announced that pregnancy - all for it to turn out fine and left me feeling silly for getting myself so worked up. But this time is different. OH was and is adamant that two babies are enough, and 3 under 3 will be insane. Our eldest still wakes up countless times a night and our youngest starts his days at 4:30am so we’re both zombies 99.9% of the time.

I know we’re foolish for not using protection. After we discovered we were pregnant for the second time, OH threw around the old ‘that’s it, I’m getting the snip’ malarkey. I ended up convincing him not to get one as I made it clear I wasn’t done having children (I’m only 25). We reasoned that I would go on the pill and if in 5 years time he still hadn’t warmed to the idea of another baby, he was free to go and get the vasectomy. I didn’t go on the pill, and slowly but surely, we eventually stopped using condoms. For the most part we’ve been using the ‘pull out’ method (not effective, I know!), but this third pregnancy is the result of just ONE incident where it was left in.

I’m torn between telling OH as soon as we’ve got both DS’s down for their nap today, or waiting a while longer to process it more myself. OH is off work until next week so I think telling him this week is probably better, I just have no idea how to go about it and I’m petrified of him asking me to get an abortion.

Anyone been in a similar situation???

[TryingToThinkPositively]

@LBNM19 sorry to hear about your previous termination but pleased to hear you're welcoming a new little bundle soon!
OH has known for a while now, if you read the full thread, you'll know how he reacted and how I've had to come to this decision

[jpclarke]

So sorry to read your update, I was sure your dh changed his mind. Wishing you all the best for tomorrow and the coming days, weeks and months.

[TryingToThinkPositively]

Thank you @jpclarke - I held out from booking the appointment for a few weeks because I thought he might come around, but he stuck with it and as much as it pains me to say it, I can understand his rational thinking. I wish things could be different, but maybe waiting a few more years for a third baby won't be such a bad thing after all. I'm just gonna have to keep telling myself that!
The nerves are starting to kick in now and I'm really scared about crying at the clinic tomorrow, I know it's probably something they're more than used to though 😞

[jpclarke]

All I will say is please only go through with this if you are 100% sure. Men are not programmed like us and he will forget and move on very easily whereas you will not. I lost a baby through a mmc at the start of the summer and I still cry for that baby whereas my dh doesn't understand some of my feelings around this I struggle being in pregnant women's company and he doesn't really get that. Although I know he was sad, it didn't have the same impact on him and probably because he had nothing physical to see, whereas I felt pregnant. The empty feeling that I woke up with after the d&c I will never forget. Please be kind to yourself and ask him for plenty of support especially with your other children. You really don't know how you will feel after this but try not to resent him. I know sometimes I feel like dh isn't as bothered about the loss of our baby as what i am bad that really upsets me. So please try and get and take as much help s

[HettySunshine]

Thinking of you today op. I hope everything goes smoothly and your dp gives you the support you need.

[TryingToThinkPositively]

Unfortunately, my scan showed me to be 9 weeks and 3 days which is the exact cut off point for being able to take both sets of pills in the same day. So I'm having to go back again tomorrow. I've been told because of how far along I am, I have a higher chance of it failing and needing a surgical termination which I desperately wanted to avoid.
I'm upset it's been prolonged by another day, especially as I've had to travel for an hour and a half to get to the clinic.

[sophiec123]

How did it go? X

[slithytove]

How are you op? Handholding if you need