As the title states.. I took a pregnancy test last night and again this morning and have found myself with two positive tests now stashed away in my wardrobe.
OH and I currently have a soon-to-be 20 month old and a 7 month old who we are both lovingly obsessed with and would be entirely lost without.
I had an inkling a few days ago that I might’ve been pregnant, so I tested the waters with OH by reading him out a few threads from here about husbands who emotionally blackmail their wives in to having abortions when the woman doesn’t want one. I found myself in that situation 8 years ago with a previous partner, and suffered terribly with grief, guilt and shame for years afterwards - the guilt didn’t actually start to subside until I fell pregnant again with our first DS. Anyway, after talking through the threads with OH and him being aware of my history, he made it clear that he could see how traumatising and downright horrible those sort of situations must be for the woman, but also followed it up by saying ‘that being said, I think a third baby would kill me right now’.
I am so, so scared to tell him. Our second DS wasn’t planned either and I sobbed when I announced that pregnancy - all for it to turn out fine and left me feeling silly for getting myself so worked up. But this time is different. OH was and is adamant that two babies are enough, and 3 under 3 will be insane. Our eldest still wakes up countless times a night and our youngest starts his days at 4:30am so we’re both zombies 99.9% of the time.
I know we’re foolish for not using protection. After we discovered we were pregnant for the second time, OH threw around the old ‘that’s it, I’m getting the snip’ malarkey. I ended up convincing him not to get one as I made it clear I wasn’t done having children (I’m only 25). We reasoned that I would go on the pill and if in 5 years time he still hadn’t warmed to the idea of another baby, he was free to go and get the vasectomy. I didn’t go on the pill, and slowly but surely, we eventually stopped using condoms. For the most part we’ve been using the ‘pull out’ method (not effective, I know!), but this third pregnancy is the result of just ONE incident where it was left in.
I’m torn between telling OH as soon as we’ve got both DS’s down for their nap today, or waiting a while longer to process it more myself. OH is off work until next week so I think telling him this week is probably better, I just have no idea how to go about it and I’m petrified of him asking me to get an abortion.
Anyone been in a similar situation???
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Pregnancy
Unplanned third pregnancy - petrified of telling OH. Advice please!
TryingToThinkPositively · 31/07/2018 05:49
There now seems to be a big shift suggesting his behaviour and attitude towards you now and over the years, may possibly be because he is on the spectrum and therefore may find relationships/emotions/situations etc a challenge.
I don't personally think that gives him the green light to be a dick or to have a constant reason for dickish behaviour but it would give you some relief to know there may be a reason behind some of it.
Having said that, if he does find emotions and relationships etc difficult to manage then I really don't think I'd be allowing this man to make a life changing decision concerning me re an abortion!
You have already started looking into bigger houses. You've already said there would just about be enough money and you have already said you're happy having no.3.
Your DH couldn't go through with a bloody vasectomy so how on earth can he sit there and tell you to have an abortion?!!!!
No, no, no. You wanted this baby when you first found out. You know you will regret an abortion. You can do this 
I don't think you should make a decision based on what he wants, at the end of the day he sounds like a complete control freak! Ordering an abortion, ignoring you, not going to his appointment is no way to treat the mother of his children!! (Autistic or not!!)
Relationships fade/end, granted, not all of them do but these children are your blood. They are a part of you. They will be there if your relationship ends.
You need to decide if you could do it alone, you already have 2 children and are coping just fine, a house is not necessity, you make things work, use your old baby stuff! You make do with what you have! Buy a cot off Facebook or selling sites, walk to save money. By the sounds of things you want this baby! You're young and don't need to be ruled by someone who has already had these years to make decisions etc!
I'm 22 and live in a 2 bed rented house, we have a double room and basically a box room, if I was in your position my house would be the last thing on my mind. The baby will be in your room for so long anyway so you don't have to worry about any of this for like..15 months
Good luck I hope you start putting yourself and your children before him! 
OP - I think think the huge questions for you now is: do you love him? Can you get over this (whatever the outcome) and not resent him for it? If you’re strong armed into doing something you don’t want to do, will you forgive yourself? I only ask that last one as I have huge problems with forgiving myself and things tend to haunt me. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. 
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