Due March 2019

[Bozley47]

I'm 10-11DPO and just had BFP on a digital. I know it's incredibly early but looking at a due date March 3rd 2019!

I've told work and two friends and it will be another 5 weeks until we'll see family to tell them. It is weird to tell your boss before your family!

Was interesting reading about the male age and the effect on conception
I'm 20 something; 25 I think? Don't remember. And hubby is 55. Currently pregnant after 2mc. Wondered why they happened when we already have an 18month old, possibly that was the reason?
Annnyywaayy

Fingers crossed this babe sticks, should be due for his birthday beginning of March! Haven't even told him yet... Want to wait for as long as possible without putting him through the dread and anxiety!

Interesting ages @Emmafh3 - I'm 20something and have lost count 😂 (26) and he's 51, so we wanted to get a shuffle on ASAP before he got too much older. I told him as soon as I knew despite that slight uncertainty because I knew he'd rather know than not. Afterall, if you know you've been able to get to a positive test then in some ways that's an achievement even if it doesn't go all the way (that's what we tell ourselves anyway)

Don't see many couple with our age gap these days! Often get mistaken for his daughter and our daughter being his granddaughter... Even when he had a picture of her at his desk... With people he'd worked with for ten years... 😉

You're right, small achievements are still achievements! Just hoping for one last stonking humongous achievement....

I feel quite lucky that no one has ever called us out on the age gap, as I don't think I'd be very happy with that, but in fairness he does look much younger than he is (that was my mistake because I thought he was early 40s when I met him so hadn't quite appreciated his age until it was too late 😂). He certainly doesn't act his age...!

I just want to stay positive but not get my hopes up until a few weeks pass. I'm planning to have an early scan and the genetic screening test you can do privately just to reassure myself all is well. I've started my folic acid too 💪

@Emmafh3 and @frankiefumbles - so interesting to find other ladies with 50something partners having babies! And your gaps are a bit bigger than mine - I'm 37. My hubby was great with the last baby (she's 2.5yrs now) but does a full on job and gets super tired. I'm hoping he copes okay when number 2 comes along.... x

My hubby looks much younger too, although he was once someone did ask if I'd brought my dad along. I put that down to my youthful looks 😂

@pushit sounds like that is a compliment in your case 😆 I will definitely fall into housewife type role after this - hubby and I work together but I can mostly work from home. He is out at 6am riding his bike to work and often doesn't get home til 6/7/8pm. That's okay though because we've talked about it and know that's how it has to be if we want a family.

He has a DS and DD with his ex (long story, she left him...lied that the DD was his for 7 years, just to briefly set the tone there!) so we also have that little dynamic to manage so they don't feel "pushed out".

@frankiefumbles my hubby is out from 6-7 every day too, and comes in exhausted. He often goes to bed before my daughter!
That's a interesting family dynamic to have to add in to the equation.... lots of little emotions to take into account.

How old are they now @frankiefumbles?

All my dh are in their 20's so haven't had too much trouble after the initial dad's dating somebody my age shock.... 😬

How dare these youthful looking older men catch us impressionable young ladies off guard 😉

Can i join . BFP today at 11dpo. Due early March - 8th I think. Will be my 3rd - I've a 16year old and a 10 year old... so a bit rusty lol. This will be dp's 1st. I'm a bit worried as had a early mc in March at 6+5.

welcome @Rachh84! Congratulations, and I hope this bean sticks.

Well, I guess I wake up at 6.30 now. It can be my book-reading time since I just conk out at night. Having terrible worries today about losing this pregnancy - for no reason, just foolishly allowed the thought any space at all. I'll be so much happier if I can get past 8 weeks.

Those of you whose older partners have children already, I was one of those children! I was 21 when my half-sister was born; dad's partner is nearer my age than his. It made us feel like a family unit. If you have any questions, I'd be happy to help without outing myself too much.

Welcome @Rachh84

@ladycarlotta I think it's normal to be a bit paranoid about it, but just remember at the moment there is no reason to believe there is an issue. Light cramping is fine, symptoms/no symptoms are fine. It's all okay, and we can afford to be positive 😊 I think it's a bit of a self protecting thing not to take it for granted though.

That's sweet @lady thanks for the offer. Might be interesting to have some feedback compared to your situation, especially on how you felt about the new baby and how they broke the news to you.

Re the existing "family unit" we have SS (9 in Oct) and SD (just 16) and I'm 26. Thankfully the gap there is sufficient for me to feel okay about it, but their mother called my hubby a "paedo" for dating me(!). We are going to have quite a lot of trouble with her sending the message of "daddy doesn't love you, daddy has a new family" which all started almost as soon as we got together. SS is fine because he's young and he's a boy so doesn't really care as long as I make decent pasta bake, whilst the older SD has gone off and doesn't come to see us and has changed her double barrelled name to remove DHs name and just keep her mothers.

I always wanted to be that "bonus" mother that had a really good relationship with the ex, but it's gradually been crushed out of me...she messaged me a fortnight ago to say she never wants me to text her again. It's just daft.

The relevant bit is, telling the existing children. Partly for this reason, we aren't telling anyone other than parents on both sides until it physically shows. So just prior to it showing we will have to take SS aside and tell him it's not his replacement and he's still loved! When baby arrives (not that I'm getting ahead of myself) DH and SS will spend time together without the baby to reinforce that. Issue is with SD who hardly sees us. She only comes over just before birthdays and Christmas! So it may have to be we tell them both in the lead up to Christmas because that's the next time she's likely to make an appearance.

Sorry for the essay. It's a bit of a debacle tbh. I like things simple and this is far from simple.

I woke up at 4am with a sore throat. It's been hanging around for ages, I can't shift it, and in that stupid half asleep state I started to get in a panic that it would somehow affect the pregnancy. I was really convinced. So you're not alone in your worried/bad thoughts @ladycarlotta -x

oh god, @frankiefumbles she sounds a bit like my mum, who from the time I was 16 has definitely pushed the 'your dad has his new life now/he's ditched you/what a shit parent' line. I think it must have worked for a while as at the time I was told SM was pregnant, I was refusing to talk to my dad. He chased me for weeks to tell me. I was definitely being a reprehensible douche, but I was furious and confused and stressed, and really didn't know how to build a relationship with him/didn't think he wanted one with me.

I can't remember exactly at what point it changed, but the pregnancy did change things. I started going down to visit them more often, and since my SM was on maternity leave and had the bump it was her I hung out with. I guess I understood that if I wanted a rship with the baby - and I did - I had to have one with her. It also clicked that she wasn't going away; she wasn't a satellite to our family, she was part of it. When the baby was born I was still at university, but went down a lot to hang out with the two of them. After about a year I moved closer to them, and would visit at least once a week, and took on childcare here and there. It was harder for my brother who was a teenager and not in a great place; he was also very nervous of the baby and scared of holding her in case he got it wrong. He was also still living with my mother, who didn't even want to hear about the baby, so his loyalties were quite divided. He ended up moving in for a bit with my dad (this was my mother trying to punish him for the 'new life'; it wasn't in my brother's best interests for a million reasons), and that worked out better than it could have. It built a good rship between my brother and the baby, but I think put my SM in a weird position 'parenting' a teenager aged 30ish, with another hostile parent to navigate.

My dad's partner has tried so hard to reach out and have a good relationship with my mum, but I think has accepted it's not going to happen. This is just a hill my mother has decided to die on. We are at least old enough to build our own relationships and choose who we want to see. That could be really tricky with the age your two are - at 9 I guess DS is very much subject to what his mother wants; the 16yo is growing in autonomy and this really might be the making of a new relationship, but she's young too. All you can do is make them welcome, and present it as a lovely family-building thing - it just means more opportunities for love and for fun. Can't say it won't be fraught, but there is lots of scope for happiness.

Also an essay! sorry!

@RedRobin7 I'm seeing my GP on Monday about it as I am reading conflicting advice about my medication (amitriptyline) so want to get his opinion. Last time I was pregnant I was not yet a migraine sufferer so I don't have anything to compare it to. Hope you don't get too many headaches/migraines this pregnancy.

@ladycarlotta @pushit I also keep having worries about holding onto this pregnancy now. My nausea had completely gone which made me think something was wrong, but this morning I feel nice and queasy again never thought I'd be happy to feel sick! I am trying to remind myself that these symptoms are caused by hormones which are not always released in a steady stream, so because of the ups and downs there will be days when symptoms are worse and days where I don't really feel them.

In my last pregnancy I was only 19/20, and miscarriage never once crossed my mind as I just thought it was something that only happened to much older people (and I wasn't on mumsnet back then!) I think it's good to be aware of what can happen, but at the same time I don't want the worrying to make it a self-fulfilling prophecy somehow. I did another FRER this morning and the line was darker than the control line which was reassuring somehow!

So good to hear the other side of the story @ladycarlotta! I think it takes a lot of strength to be the bigger person and be part of the family

@pushit and @lady, joined you today in The omg will baby be okay feeling! Noticed my back ache around the shops today. Convinced its the same sign as all my other mc's but hoping it was just a bad driving position and lifting dd throwing a tantrum because I wouldn't let her eat a block of butter!
Took another test but didn't realise it was blue dye, still a positive even if it was still light....

@mostimproved nice and queasy 😂🙈 I look forward to the day I can say that!! I can feel I'm incredibly hormonal and the post from @ladycarlotta made me into a right snivelling wreck. I'm such a sap at the moment! God knows how people do this if they have an office based job.

Sorry to the rest of you guys about my next essay 😂 scroll past if you like...
@ladycarlotta
Interesting similarities in the situation. We chased SD for almost three months to tell her we were getting married (that's the time from when he proposed to when we tied the knot low key with just two of us). We couldn't have told her by text because DH wasn't comfortable with that, but she seems to hold it against us. Given she only sees us about four times a year, seems a bit mad that she was that bothered.

It has occurred to me that SS May want to move in with us at some point. I think we could probably provide a more stable home life than his mother does so it would have advantages for his development. We've had fairly strong house rules from the start so we've got a good base if he did choose to move in as a teen (when I've got a toddler...gawd!)

Mostly importantly I have always made it clear they are welcome and DH and I have never said anything against the mother in front of them. I believe it's a bit late with SD as she's rather made her own mind up. She uses her dad (who is not biologically hers, but her mother has yet to tell SD she had an affair and my DH/her dad is not her actual dad) for money when it suits her, but he is keen to be "dad" in her life so he puts up with that so he does get to see glimpses of her. She's currently campaigning for £400 allowance a month for clothes and travel (on top of the stupid vast amount of child maintenance the children get which is more than my income).

I get that in any breakup there will be different stories, but all I see is my DH desperately wanting a functioning family unit. I assure him, and your words have helped me believe it, that when the children are old enough, maybe even mid 20s, they will reach their own decision about their mother's actions and whether or not DH is as bad as he's made out to be. In the mean time our doors are open and our lips our sealed!

I'm rubbish at name tagging. Sorry 😞

@frankiefumbles do bear in mind that lots of 16yos behave like dickheads and use their parents as cash machines without any external pressures, she may not always be that way. £400 allowance though?! She can go and get a job.

I do think it's huge that you are thinking about the kids, their feelings and how the new baby will fit in WITH THEM. I mean it's also basic human decency, but there are women who feel the impulse to close ranks against step children and cherish that new little nuclear family, and I don't think it's healthy for anyone. You accept them as a package deal with your partner, however crappy the deal might be sometimes - just keep doing that. It's at least half the battle.

I know what you mean about blubbing all over the shop. I have been crying at everything lately! @mostimproved @emmafh @pushit glad to know I'm not the only one fretting. I'm feeling less sick today and obviously that has not helped my panic. Whatever will be, will be though - I went for a swim, which I haven't fancied for a while. My stamina was really bad but I managed a kilometre.

I'm having little cramps every now and then - not bad but noticeable, like you might get a day or two before your period. After scouring the internet I am willing to trust that it is just everything rearranging itself, rather than imminent mc. TMI, but I have gone so far as to check cervix, which is very high and firm. I THINK this is a good thing.

also, despite reduced nausea I can still smell EVERYTHING. I had to ask OH this morning whether I stank - he said no.

@ladycarlotta A km swim is awesome! I can barely do that when not pregnant!
I'm scared of going for my runs. I went hard core and did some hiit sessions and a 6 km the few days before I tested, but now I barely want to walk for fear or any damage!

The little cramps every now and then are great, they are my only reassurance. Had them a lot when I had dd and can tell they are different to period cramps- not as intense or consistent
I wouldn't know about the cervix thing, I feel like mine isn't as high and is very tender but didn't do a check persay 🤭

@frankiefumbles thankfully we're over the money side of things now in legal terms, but he still pays a silly amount to support his youngest son through uni because his mum refused to give anything if it means altering her lavish lifestyle.
Stay strong! You're completely right about them understanding and coming to their own conclusions when they get older. Just like ladycarlotta says, keep being open and honest and willing.
Partner has only just mended the bridge with his oldest(26) because she's still a bit poisoned by her mother's lies, all I could do was support him and encourage him to have a heart to heart about all the truth! So it will happen for sure eventually!

@Emmafh3 that is incredibly reassuring! Thank you, I feel better.

I must be clear that I was swimming at old-lady speed. But I am quite chuffed that I did the distance, despite being absolutely ready to bail.

9DPO today, and got a positive on an FRER and Clerblue Early Detection!

I had a miscarriage in April, so am absolutely delighted yet terrified of another loss.