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Original poster

Missed miscarriage

178 replies

jpclarke · 22/05/2018 15:39

Just wondering if anyone can tell me their experiences of this. Found out today baby is only measuring 6 weeks and I should be nearly 11. Absolutely devastated, the doctor has given me 3 options. Wait for a natural miscarriage to happen, give me some tablets or a D&C she is recommending D&C because I have had 3 previous c- sections. I just don't know what to think. And what is the best.

OP posts:
Sagegreen · 22/05/2018 15:43

Hello, I am so sorry to hear your news. I have been in exactly your position and a few weeks later my SIL was too. It was my first pregnancy. I cannot URGE you enough to go for the D and C. A huge number of people (my SIL) who wait and think this is a good option, end up with the D and C anyway having experienced awful bleeding and shockingly painful experiences naturally. She only waited because the D and C was not offered then ends up at A&E and all sorts of difficulties and most importantly a very negative memory on top of the awful experience of a Missed MC.

I was in a different NHS Region and given the D and C under calm, easy conditions and was able to conceive again quickly. Honestly , please save yourself the experience which you will ultimately go through of passing this yourself. If your authority are offering you this the you really should take it. Good Luck OP, will think of you.

Original poster
jpclarke · 22/05/2018 15:48

Thank you for your reply, definitely bit going to wait for it to happen naturally. I don't think I could put that pain on myself and the not knowing when it will happen. My fear about the D&C is it is done in the maternity section of the hospital and in the same theatre as I delivered my babies where I will no doubt hear babies and will definitely see pregnant women. I don't know how I will cope with that.

OP posts:
mikeyssister · 22/05/2018 15:53

I had it happen twice and was in and out on the same day. My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

Olivecake · 22/05/2018 16:12

So sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage in January too and had the same 3 options - I decided to go for the pills because I thought it was less damaging and didn’t want to wait to happen naturally as I had HG so I wanted the sickness to be over ASAP.

I wish I had the D&C as the pills didn’t eradicate everything and I still had pregnancy tissue left for months afterwards - so many trips to the hospital for internal scans and eventually a hysteroscopy in April when I was finally given the all clear. D&C would have been much easier looking back!

Olivecake · 22/05/2018 16:17

It is a really horrible time and I know what whichever decision you make it won’t be easy. Thinking of you x

Finefineanddandy · 22/05/2018 16:17

I just wanted to share that I had medical management with my missed miscarriage last year.It was pretty awful (I wasn’t expecting the pain/blood) and I do have a baby already so have experienced labour.I have also had to wait nearly six months for my periods to return after having retained tissue and related hormone problems.I am not trying to scare you but I wish that someone had shared their experience as I would have chosen the d and c.This is also not everyone’s experience but it can be an outcome.

I am so sorry for your loss - it is absolutely devastating.

zaalitje · 22/05/2018 17:55

When I had my mmc I waited a couple of weeks for things to happen naturally, but then I had an event I had to go to and decided I couldn't risk it starting there and opted for medical management (pessary and tablet) instead.
It was no where near as bad as I had read, some strong cramps, passed a large clot a few hours after and then mid to low level bleed for a week or so.

I decided against the D&C as I wasn't willing to risk Asherman's and add that to my list of fertility issues, I also felt to mentally heal I needed to go through the process. I'd recommend the same to anyone else.

NotAnotherUserName5 · 22/05/2018 18:39

So sorry Sad

I would have gone for the d&c if I could have my time back. I ended up having to wait a week, then I had failed medical management that resulted in the d&c.

Sagegreen · 22/05/2018 19:08

Sorry I didn't get back straight away. I understand your concern about the ward but honestly they will be really good with you and you will be in and out in the same day. My consultant told me that in his experience people who have the d and c seem to go ok to conceive quickly again and you have few risks of retained products as is the term for natural miscarriage (which as has been said above can be quite shocking and painful). I think you need to be positive now and think about self preservation and the future; get out the other side of this as quickly as possible. If it helps, as soon as I got pregnant again I thoight of this new baby as somehow the first one having another try if you see what I mean and it really healed something. Do let us know how you get on.

Original poster
jpclarke · 22/05/2018 19:31

Thank you all for your replies. My consultant is advising the D&C now it's trying to book it in for a suitable time. My mil is away on Thursday and would prefer to leave the kids with family just in case there is any complications, the only availability in the hospital is Thursday or Friday afternoon which won't really suit because of kids bedtime and breastfeeding. My head is frazzled.

OP posts:
Mousefunky · 22/05/2018 20:43

So, so sorry for your loss Flowers.

It happened to me twice last year. With the first one I found out like you at 11 weeks, HB stopped at 7 weeks. I opted for medical management and it was the worst mistake of my life. I hemorrhaged and almost died, needed emergency surgery and a blood transfusion to save my life.

Second one found out at 12 weeks, the heart had stopped at 9 weeks. Opted for surgical and it was so, so much better. There’s no ‘good’ way to miscarry obviously but this way was the most dignified and least grim. I wouldn’t wish the amount of blood I witnessed the first time on anyone, it looked like a horror movie.

Hope all goes well for you OP, be kind to yourself.

jmfw34 · 23/05/2018 06:33

Hi, so sorry for what you are going through and to hear other stories too.

I had surgical management in December, opted for that as it felt like the cleanest and quickest way to deal with the mc and try to move on without waiting, plus didn't want to be miscarrying over Christmas etc. It was absolutely the right decision for me.

Re: the ward, I was with other pregnant women who had issues (e.g someone at 24 weeks had fallen over). It was difficult but to be honest once we got chatting they were very supportive and we were all rooting for each other in some way by the end of the day. And I know this sounds crazy but to have a day in bed (the procedure itself was 30 mins under general) with nothing to do but read or distract yourself with an iPad so you don't overthink things, it was something where I thought "if this is where I have to be, may as well make the most of it and really try to use the down time for me"!

Good luck, will be thinking of you xxx

Original poster
jpclarke · 23/05/2018 12:32

Thank you all for sharing your very sad stories, it gives me some comfort in knowing I am not the only one. It's just so devastating, I just want to curl up in bed and not face the world. But with three other kids it's very hard to do that.

OP posts:
NotAnotherUserName5 · 23/05/2018 14:09

Sad I'm so sorry. It's horrible and so tough.
Like you, I also had three kids I needed to put a brace face on for, but you must also be kind to yourself. Talk all you need with your family and friends, let out your emotions if you need to. Flowers

Original poster
jpclarke · 23/05/2018 19:13

I don't feel ready to talk to anyone. I hadn't even told anyone I was pregnant. The few we have told including PIL's and dh boss have all made stupid remarks about us already having 3 kids. Which is preventing me from telling anyone else really. My back has been sore the last couple of days but particularly bad this evening. Procedure is booked for tomorrow, so I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight.

OP posts:
Mousefunky · 23/05/2018 19:16

I have three DC too so know how you feel. It’s so hard to explain to them why you are upset without also worrying them. I remember DD bringing a book home from the school library about a pregnant mum and I just burst into tears and told her I couldn’t read it. It’s so difficult.

Good luck for tomorrow Flowers.

fuzzywuzzy · 23/05/2018 19:22

I’m so so sorry for your loss JPClarke, I had a MMC two years ago, I opted for SMM as I could not bear the thought of it dragging on.

I was too heartbroken and scared try for a baby straight after that but did fall pregnant successfully four months later.

KoshaMangsho · 23/05/2018 19:26

I had a D&C. I would just ask about the general anaesthesia if you are still breastfeeding and if there is a certain amount of time you need to not feed for. Mine was very quick (maybe 15 mins?) and I was home that evening. I felt whoozy once the next day but took it easy. You have my utmost sympathies.

Original poster
jpclarke · 24/05/2018 07:43

In the hospital now, it's going to be a long day 😰

OP posts:
Olivecake · 24/05/2018 07:58

Hope everything goes as well as it can. Thinking of you xx

Original poster
jpclarke · 24/05/2018 14:19

Been here since 7.30 this morning and I am still waiting, this is a form of torture

OP posts:
Pancakes7 · 24/05/2018 15:29

Hi, I found out on Tuesday I also had an mmc. Started bleeding on Sunday went into a&e. They did a urine test which showed positive pregnancy. Sent me away and couldn't do scan till friday. I was so worried I couldn't wait. We booked a private scan with a company within our hospital. This showed baby died at 6 weeks. I would have been 11 weeks today. No heartbeat. I am so heartbroken. I opted for the surgical management. However no appointment till friday (tomorrow) I had alot of pain yesterday and passed large clots. I believe it's now happened naturally. I will have a scan tomorrow before the operation to check if I still need it. This was my first pregnancy. I was so naive. I never thought this would happen. So you're not alone. I really hope we all manage a successful pregnancy next time.

Pancakes7 · 24/05/2018 15:30

I hope they see you soon. Let me know how you get on. X

Original poster
jpclarke · 24/05/2018 20:04

So sorry Pancakes that you are going through the same thing, it's horrendous. When they scanned me this morning some bleeding had started around the sac but I still wasn't bleeding. I didn't get home until nearly 6 this evening so it was a long day. I went to sleep crying and woke up crying and feel empty now. It has to be one of the worst things I have gone through. I hope you get on ok tomorrow.

OP posts:
Pancakes7 · 24/05/2018 20:50

I'm glad you're home. So sorry it took so long for you. I need to be in at 7.15am. I hope its done quickly. They said I should be able to go home around by 2pm. But scan first as I believe I may have passed it. Yes this is one of the worst experiences of my life. Feel very empty. Feel it's gone. Hopefully all gone but it not surgery will at least confirm it's over. I am determined to get pregnant again. It's the only thing keeping me going. The hope of a future baby.

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