Missed miscarriage

[jpclarke]

Just wondering if anyone can tell me their experiences of this. Found out today baby is only measuring 6 weeks and I should be nearly 11. Absolutely devastated, the doctor has given me 3 options. Wait for a natural miscarriage to happen, give me some tablets or a D&C she is recommending D&C because I have had 3 previous c- sections. I just don't know what to think. And what is the best.

Physically I am worse today too, my back is in bits and my stomach is very crampy today too. I dread how I am going to manage tomorrow on my own.

I am so scared that it will never happen for us.

@Pancakes7 these were my feelings exactly after losing our bean at 12 weeks last August. I'm now 32 weeks tomorrow with my second pregnancy. The anxiety has been (and still is!) hard, but I would never, ever have believed in those very dark, crying filled moments following the MMC, that I'd be here.

Thanks for your reply. I am in 2 minds wether to wait. I am waiting till the bleeding stops atm. I was told to then take a test and make sure it's negative. Otherwise I need to go back to the hospital. Once I get a negative. I want to try again straight away. I just hope we conceive quickly again and that it all goes ok. I've never wanted something so much.

The mmc I described was my first pregnancy. I got pregnant again the following year (we took a break for a few months) and we have a little girl. I met so many people who had a miscarriage first or in between. It's much more common than you think when it happens to you. But it means that every subsequent pregnancy is full of anxiety. We're ttc for no 2 and if I am lucky enough to get pregnant I will spend the whole pregnancy expecting to lose the baby.

spend the whole pregnancy expecting to lose the baby

@User12879923378 I still feel like this at very nearly 32 weeks. Everything is 'if' rather than 'when'. That's definitely as a result of having had the MMC.

I am feeling very bruised. My neck, arms and legs. All over really. I have googled and it says it can be an after effect from the general anasthetic. Anyone else had this? I can't sleep. Dh is fast asleep. Feeling sick too.

Funnily my neck has been sore too, was reading the booklet the hospital gave me to take home this evening about miscarriage. It's not really very informative. I haven't been able to eat and sleeping has been all over the place. Was up half the night lastnight in the middle of the night but fell asleep early. Thank you all for sharing your stories about subsequent successful pregnancies. I always never felt I was out of any danger zone until after 28 weeks in my other pregnancies because I always felt at least after that point if the baby came early it had a good chance of surviving but I understand the worry that comes after a miscarriage as I had a very early miscarriage before my last baby. I feel like a failure though now that I couldn't carry this baby and it's gone. I have never felt so low.

feel like a failure though now that I couldn't carry this baby and it's gone. I have never felt so low.

@jpclarke I felt like this too. Our baby had been perfectly on track (right size and strong heartbeat at 8 weeks), so to find out at the 12 week scan that he (I was convinced I was carrying a boy) was such a shock. I kept wondering if I had done something. Had it been the 1.5 hour flight I had been on? Had I not eaten well enough? Had I failed to do something essential in pregnancy? I was so upset about what I had 'done' I went to the GP. She was lovely and said that this was absolutely not my fault, and that it was very likely baby had a chromosomal abnormality, or something that I could have done nothing about. In time, I accepted this and now I'm in my 2nd pregnancy, I realise that the feeling that I was to blame was just an extension of one of the many complex emotions you go through with a MC. Realising (and accepting) that 'should I have done...' wouldn't have made a difference is really, really hard and I found that acceptance only really comes once time passes and you start to slowly feel a little better. Have you got a sympathetic GP you could speak to? I find going to mine really helped.

I have barely slept. Feel physically sick from all the crying. I feel like I'm dying inside. I'm so upset and so angry. I just can't accept what's happened. Why us? Why me? Why?! My husband says he's devastated too. But he sleeps and he doesn't cry. I just wish I could handle this better. I feel I'm going crazy. How will I ever feel better?

I'm not coping very well. I just don't know how to be normal. Do normal things. I just feel broken. I feel so upset and it's horrible as its a secret loss. No one knows. No one understands. I just feel so alone.

I only had that conversation with my dh lastnight, if we had a baby to bury we would have people around us supporting us. It's the fact no one knows unless I tell them and right now I feel like just being in a cocoon because as soon as I start telling then it becomes even more real. I have people from work texting asking if I have a bug, I can't even bring myself to answer messages. I just can't get it out of my head.

You are grieving pancakes and you need to give yourself time. I feel like I have to surprise my grief as I can't be sitting crying all day in front of the kids.

I keep trying to think back to that time in my pregnancy and trying to work out what I did wrong. My gp wouldn't be the most sensitive and I don't want medication to be thrown at me.

Yeah I don't think a gp can help me. Nothing can help except time. And a future baby. My dh has started a garden project. I managed to make myself help. I thought, I can sit here crying and making myself feel worse. Or I can get up and help and try and take my mind of it. The gardening is helping. I feel night time is my worst because I'm alone. I guess I'll have ups and downs. I just hope and pray I get pregnant soon and that it's all ok.

I want to plant a tree I think as a symbol so I can watch it grow, maybe you could consider something similar especially if you have started gardening. I hope you get those two lines in a test soon. I don't know whether I want to go through all of this again.

I am really struggling again. I think I've run out of tears. I didn't know it was possible. Yes planting a tree is a lovely idea. I feel like the only way I can cope is to try and forget. Is that a horrible thing to say? I just feel like every time I remember I break a little more. I can't handle the pain anymore. I just want the pain to stop. I just want to stop feeling.

It is unbearable, but you have to think about getting your body ready to try again. You potentially could be fertile next week. I can't get the image of the scan out of my head.

Thank you for being here. Somehow talking on here is helping. I guess I can get my feelings out. I feel like you understand because you have the same pain. I will wait for my period then we will try again. It just feels so long to wait. Will you try again soon?

You might be lucky you might not have to wait for a period. I am not sure my dh wants to but I don't really know yet how I feel about it. Part of me thinks yes I want a baby and it will be the only thing that will help make me feel better but after having a chemical pregnancy in the past and now this maybe I should be just thankful for the kids that I do have. It's so hard to know what to do for the best, that longing for a baby hasn't gone away just my head and my heart are conflicting.

Maybe you should wait if you are unsure. I'm only determined as we have no children and I want them so badly. I'm feeling a little better today. I am just thinking positive and waiting till we can ttc. It's my last day off today. I am hoping work will keep me busy and take my mind of it.

How are you feeling about work tomorrow now? I am not going back until Friday, I dread it.

I've been feeling alot better today. Coping better. I dread work a bit. I know there will be alot to do. But I think being busy will be better than sitting at home. We have an event coming up so will be away for 2 nights in a couple of weeks. Dreading that. I hope you start to feel better. Once you're back it'll be easier. Returning to normally is helpful I think.

How was work today? I had another meltdown this morning.

Same here. I didn't make it to my desk...drove all the way in. Walked in a couple of people said hi, feeling better? And i broke down and ran into the loo... someone came in after me. I was full on loud crying... she said go home. She told my boss. I went to see my SIL. She booked me a gp appointment. Speaking to the gp helped actually. She was really understanding. She said statistically next time i am less likely to have an mc again. She recommend mindfulness apps, headspace. Signed me off the rest of this week. My boss is being understanding which us a relief. You ok? How do you feel about going back Friday?

I am so sorry to hear that, it's easier be in a little cocoon than face reality. I have no choice but to go in even for just a couple of hours on Friday. I just don't know how to feel right now.

You can do it. Be strong, if you get upset nip to the loo, let it out and then go back. I think on Monday I'll be doing that. I just keep thinking time will make it easier. I have times when I think I'm ok then I fall apart. I just keep thinking next time, next time...

Doctor thinks I have a kidney infection now!! Just what I needed, my dh told my kids teacher and she sympathised with me today and it set me off again. Will this ever get easier?