Missed miscarriage

[jpclarke]

Just wondering if anyone can tell me their experiences of this. Found out today baby is only measuring 6 weeks and I should be nearly 11. Absolutely devastated, the doctor has given me 3 options. Wait for a natural miscarriage to happen, give me some tablets or a D&C she is recommending D&C because I have had 3 previous c- sections. I just don't know what to think. And what is the best.

I hope it all goes well for you tomorrow, it's an emotional rollercoaster. Apparently you are very fertile after a loss and I have read that you don't necessarily have to wait that doctors only suggest waiting to make it easier to date. I am thinking of maybe planting a tree so I can watch it grow in this babies honour.

Yes I have heard there is a lower risk of miscarriage if you conceive within 6 months. I really hope we both have a successful pregnancy soon. I am feeling nervous. I just woke up. Had my last bit of water.

This is truly a horrendous time for you both, i am so sorry for your pain

I don't know if this is the right time to give you hope as you need to grieve too but - I had my surgery in December and genuinely wasn't sure how I would feel about trying again as the whole process is such an anxious wait from ttc to poas to 12 week wait.

Long story short I had a successful 12 week scan this week. There will be a light for you both soon so please don't lose heart, time will help and it's important to emotionally process what is happening right now however you can.

Wishing you both a lot of love and support during your recovery and hoping you will be on these boards soon with more positive news xxx

It's a horrible thing to go through and I hope everything goes as well as it can today.

Do take as much time as you need to recover emotionally as well as physically. For me, the surgery was straightforward and I was well enough physically to go back to work after 24 hours, but I definitely was not in the right headspace and was so glad I was signed off for longer.

On a positive note, that was in January, and I'm currently 11+5 and had a healthy scan yesterday. I was told there was no need to wait to TTC again and it only took one cycle, which was a happy surprise. Hope your experience is the same.

Oh @jpclarke I'm so sorry. My DH and I turned up at our 12 week scan last year (first pregnancy) in August, only to be told 'there's no heartbeat'. We were so shocked, as we'd had a private scan at 8 weeks, and all had been fine. I had to have an ERPC, as my body wouldn't miscarry naturally. It does require a general anaesthetic, but it's a painless procedure and physical recovery is quick.

Emotionally, it'll take time to recover. Don't listen to anyone who tries to minimise your loss ('It was for the best', 'At least it was only at 12 weeks' etc). The best support are those who will listen and give lots of hugs. The Miscarriage Association and Saying Goodbye are also fantastic, supportive charities.

It took me around 2 months to start feeling a bit better again. I hope this doesn't upset you, but I got pregnant again 3 cycles later and am now 31+4. There is hope. Immediately following the MMC, however, I couldn't bear to be around anything pregnancy related, and I kept thinking I'd never cope with pregnancy again. For now, though, take time to grieve and make sure you get as much support as you can. Xx

Thinking of you today Pancakes

Thank you for the positive stories and it is emotionally going to be hard, my sil is expecting and I told by husband lastnight that I can't face meeting her and that I won't be going to the baby's christening. He didn't really take me serious but until December passes I think it's going to play in my mind what should of been. Still have some pain this morning in my lower back and abdomen. And have already shed some tears. I still want to wake up and find out this is all just a nightmare and not real life.

Thank you for the positive stories. I had a scan and some had passed but not everything. So going ahead with the SMM. Seen doctor and anathesiologist. Waiting to go down. I am trying to keep positive. My SIL had a mc last year in January and is now Mummy to a baby girl born in December. I really hope that will be us.

I'm back home now. Everyone was very caring. Had a private room with a view. My husband came to be with me as I recovered. Resting now.

So sorry pancake that you had to go through the trauma of both a natural and a medical miscarriage, I didn't cry as much today but really struggling with the idea of not really having closure.

Awful as it was naturally, it did give a very small amount of closure. I felt empty afterwards. I didn't feel pregnant or pain as much after it happened. I was scared with the pain but I keep thinking something was wrong and it wasn't meant to be. I'm glad atleast I know its all safely taken now. I don't know if everyone feels this way but I am just counting down the days till we can try again. I want a baby more than ever now. I get scared that this will happen again. But I have to have hope.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this too. It's not fair.

I am having a really bad day. I keep breaking down. I just cant accept it. It's not fair. Why did this happen to us? I feel bitter and angry at friends who on the pill and drinking get pregnant by mistake and their babies are fine! I did everything right. I just don't know how to cope. How will I go back to work next week. I feel like nothing in my life matters. I just want our baby back.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so bad @Pancakes7

After I had my missed miscarriage I cried all day every day and couldn’t get out of bed - I felt such a mixture of sadness and anger and resentment.

Miscarriges are shitty and unfair and it really sucks. But I t does get easier I promise - for me it’s almost been 6 months and it still hurts, but I feel more positive about the future and even though I still have a lot of sadness about it, it doesn’t eat me up all the time.

I wish I could say something to help you right now. The main thing is just to do whatever you need, take as much time to feel sad and mad as you need. Are you able to talk to your partner/family/close friends about it? I had a friend who had a MC previously and speaking with her really helped me to know that someone understood what it was like.

Thank you for replying. I talk to my husband mostly. He's been amazing throughout this awful week. I just feel so much anger and sadness and I can't see it stopping until I'm pregnant again. My sister in law had a miscarriage earlier but it wasn't missed. So I can talk to her. But she has a baby now. So I feel jealous like she's got through it. I just want to fast forward to being pregnant again and I want a proper healthy ultra sound. I didn't look at all. I couldn't bear to see the baby. They gave me an envelope of photos but I won't open it. Seeing them will only make it worse. I don't know why I'm going on like this. I just need to get it out.

My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. I was booked in for a D&C but ended up miscarrying the night before. For those who are reading this I just want to say that whilst I would have preferred the op my experience was not too bad painwise (pretty awful emotionally though). OP, anyone who thinks you shouldn't be that bothered because you already have children is an idiot and hopefully if you're too polite to say so anyone listening will take them aside and say it for you.

@Pancakes7 I felt just like you did after my MMC at 12 weeks. I cried most days, and couldn't bear to look at anyone pregnant. I remember DH and I went to a cafe for breakfast one day about 3 weeks after my ERPC, and I couldn't stop crying when I saw a pregnant woman.

I know it doesn't feel like it now, but I promise you that things do get better. It's very early days, however, and how you are feeling is to be expected. If you can, contact The Miscarriage Association and/or Saying Goodbye. I received fantastic support from them on days where I could barely face going outside. Make sure you talk to people if you can. I was very open about my MMC, and the support I got as a result helped a lot.

Pancakes I am so sorry you are feeling so crap today. As I have other kids I have no choice but to get up and try and get on with it but I have been avoiding meeting people and I am feeling very sad. It's just not fair that this has happened. I just want to lock myself in my bedroom and stay there all day by myself until I feel better. I cannot get my head around it all and why it has happened. I have been avoiding friends calls and texts. It's such a secret loss with no real way of letting go of all the emotions that go with grief. When someone loses someone they usually go through the funeral process and in the long run it helps but with a miscarriage you are expected just to get on with it. I had to ask for pictures of the baby, I felt it was important to have them even though like you I haven't been able to look at them yet. But I think I will appreciate them in time as this baby was a wanted baby that I need to have a symbol to represent.

I don't feel I want to phone the Miscarriage association as I just don't know what I'd say. I am back at work on Wednesday. But dreading seeing anyone and having to act normal. I just want to cry all day. I had the miscarriage naturally on Wednesday as my op wasn't till Friday. However it wasnt completed so I had to have the op as well. The wait for the op was awful. And to think I went into a&e last Sunday with bleeding they wouldn't give me a scan till Friday. We had to pay privately to have a scan at the hospital. I am so glad we did otherwise this would have been dragged out even longer. Plus the natural miscarriage would have been even scarier. Atleast I knew it was coming. But it was horrible. I look in the mirror and I just look so drained. I feel empty.

Thank you for your replies.

I understand that empty feeling it was the first thing I said when I woke up after the surgery. I can't even sleep with all of this going around in my head. Can you take more time off work? I can't face anyone either. I just want to hibernate.

I'm in 2 minds about it. Will more time off alone be bad? Will I just get more upset. Is work good to keep me busy. Or will I go back to work and not be ready? I am worried I'll get upset at work. I also am worried my boss will get angry if I ask for more time. Only my boss knows what's happened. I worry what everyone will think.

I don't think your boss will get annoyed if you ask for more time off. It's very raw. Today is only Sunday wait and see how you feel, you are in no rush to make any decisions. I am sure people will be understanding as you feel strong enough to tell them. My dh is back to work tomorrow and the older kids have an even in playschool that I have to attend my dh was too supposed to attend but now can't as he can't ask for more time off. I don't know how I am going to face the other parents.

Yeah its horrible the thought of seeing people isn't it? I just feel like seeing people just makes it even more real. I want to hide away and pretend this didn't happen. I want our baby so much. I am so scared that it will never happen for us.

My sis had a mmc on her first and she went on to have a baby so please try not to think like that. It's mil birthday and she is so good to us but my sil is living with her at the minute so I can't face going to see her as she is expecting.

Yes my friend had a mmc at the end of 2016 and she now has a baby boy. My SIL also had a mc last year and has a baby girl now. I just have moments when I think what if we never get our baby? I just want to be pregnant again. I have had a shower and got dressed. Tidied house a bit. Dh is doing gardening. I think keeping busy will help. I am very up and down atm. One minute I think I'm ok. The next I break down. All we can do is try again. I just hope I get pregnant quickly and that it all goes ok next time.