Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Disappointed about sex of baby and need some help pulling myself together!

161 replies

Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:31

I don't want to be ungrateful and I know i'm being really pathetic but had 22wk scan this morning and found out it was another boy. Both DP and I wanted a girl and i'm finding it really hard to accept. I can't stop crying and feel i'm missing out on that special mother/daughter relationship. We can't afford to have any more children and wouldn't want to risk 3 boys so that's that.

Please don't be angry with me and i'm sorry to those who think i'm being stupid.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
maisym · 14/05/2007 14:33

your baby will have so much fun with his big brothers!

how you feel is fine - go with it and you'll get through this.

RubyRioja · 14/05/2007 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penmack · 14/05/2007 14:35

i was a bit disappointed when i found out my 2nd was a boy , but two boys together are really great fun. and you are less likely to have to put up with the pmt and unsuitable boyfriends that end to appear with girls!

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:36

DP stormed off from the appointment straight back to work and i'm at work with my ds nannying and can't help but think of what i'll never have. No ballet lessons or pink clothes or bestfriend relationship!

OP posts:
scorpio1 · 14/05/2007 14:36

you will get over this

i was dissappointed last time too - but the next day i got over it and started looking forward. which dc is this?

i have 2 boys and a stepson,and we are ttc.i actually want a boy this time because i want a matching set!!

Honestly, you will be ok.its not bad or awful of you either.

scorpio1 · 14/05/2007 14:37

tbh i think your dp was a bit out of order for that.dont think its your fault or anything that he behaved like that - the sex of your child is not something you can pick! think of what you WILL have - beautiful strapping boys - plenty of DILs!

melminx · 14/05/2007 14:38

hun i know the feeling although i am lucky enough to have 3dd now. first 2 from 1st marriage. girls do not happen in my dh family all boys and i was so disappointed when they told me our ds2 was a boy. desperately wanted to give dh his "girl". so i brought a book on how to have a girl and it worked she is 1 next month.I have heard this book work for others too.

Dont be hard on your self you know you will adore him when his here xx

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:39

it's dc2. But we're in a 2 bed renting and finances mean this is the end of at home with the babies - i have to find a full time job in a few years or we'll never get a mortgage or our wedding!

OP posts:
tigi · 14/05/2007 14:40

I was the same after boy 2, and tried for no.3 hoping for a girl (just in case!). It was another boy, but it really didn't bother me at all, surprisingly. You will find that you just look at them and see them as your babies/children rather than it's a boy,or it's not a girl. My 3 boys are lovely. Very cuddly, very noisy, but great fun, and great mates. As they grow older, you will realise you can have a great mother/son bond, and chat about everything, just like mates or mother/daughters.

gythaoggsfrog · 14/05/2007 14:41

Even if you had a girl there is no guarantee she would want ballet lessons/like pink/have a bestfriend relationship with you.

On the other hand having a boy does not mean he won't want ballet lessons/like pink/have a bestfriend relationship with you.

WanderingTrolley · 14/05/2007 14:43

Some girls hate ballet
Some girls hate pink clothes
Some girls don't want their mum to be their best friend

How you imagine having a daughter could be a million miles away from how it actually might be.

I don't think you're ungrateful or pathetic, btw.

popsycal · 14/05/2007 14:43

having two boys s amazing. Mine are 2 and almost 5 and it melts my heart seeing them together. They idolise each other and are the best of friends. It may feel awful now but having 2 boys is always entertaining

TwirlyN · 14/05/2007 14:44

they'll be great buddies. you'll save loads of money, they can share the same room. You'll love it, your boys. they'll argue about whos going to marry you. Congrats. XX

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:44

I think i'm put off by my brothers. They have no respect for my mum and only talk to her when they want something. My DP doesn't talk to his mum either always makes me answer the phone and says he's out. Also whenever i've worked for families with 2 or more boys the house is hectic, messy and the mum is at the end of her tether i just don't want that for me!

OP posts:
GameGirly · 14/05/2007 14:44

Blame your hormones! I promise that by the time he arrives, you'll love him as much as you would have a little girl.
(Go on, have a 3rd, you know you want to ...!)

ChippyMinton · 14/05/2007 14:46

I really hope you can get your head around this - because you already know that boys rock!

And think of all the 'me' time you will get on saturdays whilst your DP takes the boys off to do sporty things.

scorpio1 · 14/05/2007 14:47

you're not any of those people though

my house is never messy or more hectic than other peoples with as many children as me.having more than one child is going to make the house appear more hectic if one is what youre used to iyswim?

ElenyaTuesday · 14/05/2007 14:49

Oh, Chattyhan, I felt like this after I had ds2 - I deliberately didn't find out the sex beforehand as I knew I would be upset at having another boy. I knew we wouldn't have a third so he was my last chance. I thought I was going to miss out on so much.

BUT, I really like having two boys - ds2 is a typical rough and tumble boy but ds1 is more like me. He is a gentle, loving boy who likes nothing better than sitting in a cafe eating chocolate cake and chatting and watching the world go by. So, having two boys doesn't have to be the end of the world. Actually now when I look after my nieces I realise that I'm glad I don't have to do all that hair plaiting and playing with Barbie!!

Don't worry - when he comes along you will still love him.

MuminBrum · 14/05/2007 14:50

Oh poor you. When I was pregnant with DS I didn't find out for definite that he was a boy - I asked them to zoom over the relevant area at the 20 week scan so I wouldn't see anything - but I was almost certain that he was, and was really quite miserable about the idea of having a boy. But the instant he was born I fell in love with him, of course, and my desire to have a daughter completely evaporated. Now I feel quite sorry for women who don't have sons (sorry, sorry, sorry to all of you who have daaughters, I'm sure they're lovely too!) and would be thrilled if we could have another boy. Boys are heaven and if you bring yours up right, and I'm sure you will, they'll be your best allies all your life. My DStepS always sides with me against his dad!

notsolilKel · 14/05/2007 14:50

Hiya - you're not pathetic it's a natural reaction and good of you to admit it & let it out! Once the shock wears off check out this book on Raising Boys - helped give me some hope when told I'd be having one myself... Book

I'm sure there are loads of mums who could offer you negatives re girls if it gets so bad that you need to hear it...!

bananabump · 14/05/2007 14:51

I so know how you feel, I had my heart set on this one being a girl, and of course we found out (and checked at a subsequent scan) that he is a boy.

I was disappointed and guilty because I should be so happy he's healthy and strong, and not worry about the gender. But then you see all the cute little dresses and pretty things out there for girls, versus the dingy blue cars and action figure clothes out there for boys, and you can't help feeling like it's not fair.

Doesn't help that everyone who I know in real life who is pregnant are having girls.

How come your hubby stomped off though? Was it because you were disappointed, or was he also hoping for a girl?

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:51

I do SWYM scorpio, but when i've worked for families with 1B 3G the house is much calmer. My mums always said girls are easier and boys make mess!

Thanks for all your supportive messages.

OP posts:
Aero · 14/05/2007 14:52

I agree - my dd ditched the ballet after two terms, and although she has been through a pink phase, really, it's a colour she rarely chooses these days. Also, the relationship we have is special, but, and this is very important, it is no more special than the relationship I have with ds1 and ds2.

I think to have three children all of the same sex must be special too and in some ways easier. I sometimes feel sad for dd as she'll never have a sister, and she sometimes feels that way too. Whatever happens, I'm sure you'll move on from this and just see this little one as your precious baby and love him just the same as his brothers.

ginnedupmummy · 14/05/2007 14:52

Message withdrawn

talcydoesjacksparrow · 14/05/2007 14:52

Agree with rubyroja,
Feels awful though,
I was hoping for a boy with 2nd pg
Found out having another girl.
Felt sooo guilty for being dissapointed esp when others have such a shit time.

Took me approx 48 hours to get my head straight.

Now have 2 gorgeous girls 8 and 7
Still hanker for a little boy
but can't have anymore.

Enjoy your pregnancy....and your boys