Disappointed about sex of baby and need some help pulling myself together!

[Chattyhan]

I don't want to be ungrateful and I know i'm being really pathetic but had 22wk scan this morning and found out it was another boy. Both DP and I wanted a girl and i'm finding it really hard to accept. I can't stop crying and feel i'm missing out on that special mother/daughter relationship. We can't afford to have any more children and wouldn't want to risk 3 boys so that's that.

Please don't be angry with me and i'm sorry to those who think i'm being stupid.

Chattyhan - I have 2 boys 2 1/2 and 4 1/2. They are so close and have the same 'boy' interests trains cars and so on. Its sometimes a bit mad with the 2 of them as they have so much energy but so much fun too. I find that my boys are very affectionate although I'm sure that won't last!!

Like you I sometimes miss the fact that I won't have the special mum daughter relationship as I am very close to my mum. However, not all daughters are close to their mothers and lots of sons are close to their mothers.

When you hold your son for the first time there is no way you'll be disappointed!

Don't worry about the mess chattyhan. My cousin has 2 girls and they've had to put all their clothes in the parents' bedroom because they are forever changing clothes and leaving piles of stuff strewn around the house. Not a problem with my 2 ds who would happily wear filthy/wet clothes all day, and probably all night too.

Also, I have another cousin with 3 boys. I went round for dinner one night and when we finished, she clapped her hands and they all got up and cleared the table. No, really. I reckon it's all in the training.

They'll be grand. Don't worry. And give your husband a slap.

Hope you are feeling better after reading these. I as excatly the same and wanted a girl but conviced myself that i was having a boy and when i had my scan 4 weeks ago and said boy i was really really happy, my ds will make a great big bro. I may have anthore one, who knows but i will be happy my boys and as someone has said i dont have a great relationship with my mum but dh does with his mum and dad.

I was also very disappointed when I found out ds2's sex, cried for 24 hrs, but then got over it v quickly. He is only 10 wks old but was musing in the shower this morning that if I had a third now think I might prefer another boy - I know where I am with Thomas the tank engine and bob the buider, not sure I want a load of Angelina ballerina stuff messing the house up! Can now see lots of advantages to 2 the same sex, esp if close in age. Hope that you learn to accept it as quickly as I did.

I really wanted a boy when I had my first, found it was a girl and by the time she was born I was absolutely over the moon about it because I had just got used to the idea of having a little girl.

Having said that I didn't have a girl already because then I may have been slightly disappointed.

I have a closer relationship with my boy than I do the girl, she's all for her Daddy but everyone is different.

I too am not very close to my Mum either. We never had that bond.

I have 2 DSs and they are wonderful! They are great mates and also great enemies at times. I am pg again now and although if I could choose I would like a daughter, I will not be disappointed if I have another son, as long as baby is healthy that's all that matters to me. Can't say the same for DH though, he will be sorely disappointed if we don't have a girl as that was his main reason for wanting another (which I think is quite sad in a way but at least I get to have another baby )
In your case you and DH will get used to it, you have plenty of time and when he is born you will just love him regardless of his sex.

Hmmm, don't for one minute imagine that there is no chance that you will be asked to buy a pink sparkly fairy costume or repeatedly presented with treasures made at pre-school in predominantly pink and lilac paint schemes, or read books about fairies or have to play with fifi and the flowertots toys.
(ds1 is a sensitive soul and loves anything girly, making cakes etc).

ds2 is shaping up to be the boyish boy of the family.

Boys are great and I have seen cases where they adore their mums so much as young adults. One of my older friends with two 20 something year old lads says its secretly loevly to have the love of 3 good men in her life, her dh and her 2 sons as it makes her feel special. She can also never be accused of favouring her own daughters over her future daughters in law.

My DS (4) said to me the other day "Mummy I will still give you a kiss even when I am a big boy".....melts my heart

My ds recently said he'd never give up wanting to give me a cuddle. (He's 6 btw)

I have 2 DDs 18 months apart and am ttc no3, having 2 the same is great, they are very close and you can be sad like me and buy two of everything! I swing from wanting a boy (mainly as I know DP wants one) to wanting 3 of a kind, sometimes I think a boy would feel left out a bit and we are not having 4!

I think it's understandable to feel like you are TBH if I had 2 boys I would be desperate for a girl but then again I would probably adore my boys and wouldn't know what to do with a girl. I'm sure after a few days both you and your DH will get your head around the idea of 2 boys and by the time he's in your arms you'll be so utterly in love with him you'll wonder why you ever felt like this.

At least you have time to prepare. My friend had three scans and was told definitely a girl at each one which they were delighted about as they had a son and despeartely weanted a daughter this time - it was only when she went for a scan following a bleed at 36 weeks (just two weeks after her previous scan) that the sonographer asked "do you want to know the sex"?
"Oh no" said DF "we already know it's a girl" at which the sonographer went all quiet and said "Oh - well actually....." You can guess the rest.
They do get it wrong sometimes BUT it's usually girls who turn out to be boys.

Hi Chatty, sorry you're so down about this. I can't really comment as I'm having my first, but I'm sure your boys will adore you and you'll always have a great relationship with them. As others have said not all mother/daughter relationships are like best friends. My sister and mum are a bit too similar and they clash soooo much, and my MIL and SIL don't even speak anymore.

I've got a friend who's one of three boys (well he's 35! Not really a boy) and I always used to say that I felt really sorry for his mum, but he's got a great relationship with his mum, he speaks to her at least three times a week (and it's not just because he's a mummy's boy, his brothers are the same) they absolutely dote on their mother. In fact, most men find it really difficult to find a women in life they love more than their mothers, I'm sure that's why so many find it hard to commit in relationships!

Another friend who's got two of each (she's very smug about that - the cow!) says her boys are much more affectionate with her, her girls (aged 13 and 6) are so independent and headstrong, and her boys (12 and 10) are just the sweetest cuddliest little boys, when she drops them off at school the girls run off with barely a backward glance, and her boys always want a kiss from mummy!

I'm sure everything will be fabulous with your boy, he'll be adorable and worship the ground you walk on. I'm really hoping for a boy, I'm terrified of having a girl. If she's anything like me she's going to put me through hell!

xx

Two boys are lovely. They can share a room, play lego together, talk about Dr who, Star Wars, Harry Potter etc for hours on end. They do fight sometimes(well quite alot) but they will always have a friend. I think one of each are often not as close.

I had a girl 3rd time round, but know people with 3 boys and they seem really, really good together.

I also think you did the right thing finding out the sex, as when he's born you will be able to focus on how beautiful he is and not just on his sex.

aww 2 boys will be lovely...boys are scrummy
You'll feel better about it in a few days and start to think about having your new boy

I'm sure i will feel better about it soon. I feel so guilty about not being happy about it now! Probably more shocked that i am so upset because i thought i'd got myself prepared for a boy - obviously not!

Awwwwwwww, you lot are making me broody for another boy!!!

I know what you mean about feeling guilty. I still feel guilty that I was disappointed when the midwife said 'it's a boy' with DS2. I wasted too much time feeling disappointed when I could have been rejoicing. The disappointment didn't last long. I love looking at my 2 gorgeous boys when they are sitting together side by side in companionship!

Hi, Just wanted to add that I was certain, what with female intution and all, that I was carrying girls, on my side of the family it is only girls and i remember being so shocked that I was having boys. I don't have brothers and could not possably imagine what it was going to be like looking after and raising boys, they were an alien, yucky species until I was in my teens!!! I have two beautiful boys and although part of me hankers after a girl, the relationship that has developed between the two of them is amazing. I love my boys to bits and I can honestly say that I don't believe that I would have enjoyed girls any more.

I have an amazing relationship with my mother and I do worry that I'll miss out on that mother/daughter thing when they're older, but you only get out what you put in and I know of lots of male friends who have a great relationship with their mother, which I'd be proud to have with my sons in the future. Having said that they will probably never going to want to go shoe shopping with me, will they?

I did read somewhere that if you have 2 children of the same sex and go on to have a 3rd, there is a 75 % chance it will be the same sex, as the other two, as long as its the same partner.

i'm sure they'll both bring me home lots of lovely girls for me to shop and chat with - unless they're gay!!!!!

and if they're gay chatty, you definitely won't miss out on all the shopping and gossiping (sorry for dreadful stereotyping of gay men!)

I waS exactly the same when I found out at my scan I was having another boy, I cried for a while and was sad about the things that would never be but by time he was born I would not have changed anything. The day I came out of hospital I was so when a support worker at the hospital saw me, stepDS, DS1 and new DS and asked me was I disappointed I had another boy.

Now although I would secretly love to have another baby but can't I am sooo happy with my 2 gorgeous boys one of whom loves to shop with me and give me his opinion on what I should buy.

I don't have much to add but I just wanted to send you positive vibes, it's perfectly natural to feel this way so don't feel guilty. It doesn't mean you'll love your baby any less when he arrives. You'll be a wonderful mother regardless.

You might be worried about not being into the same things as him, but like other people have said he might not be into sports and things anyway. My friend's dad was really disappointed when she was born because he wanted a son who he could share his love of football and rugby with, but she's into those things and has a great bond with her dad. His third child, a son, is gay and shows no interest whatsoever.

2gorgeousboys,

what an incredibly insensitive comment for a "support worker" to have said! I would have been so upset and angry- just what you need when you are starting life with a new child.

chattyhan,

I have 2 boys aged 5 and 2 and am expecting a baby in less than 2 weeks. I didn't want to find out the sex, however at a scan about a month ago the sonographer kept referring to baby as "he" and "his" so I think it's likely it will be a boy despite people telling me that sonographer probably didn't mean anything by it.

I have been a little down at times by thought of never having a daughter, and other people's endless comments about "hoping for a girl this time" haven't helped. However I do agree with a lot of the posts here regarding stereotypes- not all girls have great relationships with their mothers and I certainly get to see a lot (rather too much) of my MIL due to DH being a good son.

I think the fact that your thread has had such a big response shows that you are not being silly or unreasonable in having these emotions.

Rosetip..i thought it was pretty much common place for sonographers to refer to baby as 'he'
They did with both of my pg and i have one of each