Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Disappointed about sex of baby and need some help pulling myself together!

161 replies

Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:31

I don't want to be ungrateful and I know i'm being really pathetic but had 22wk scan this morning and found out it was another boy. Both DP and I wanted a girl and i'm finding it really hard to accept. I can't stop crying and feel i'm missing out on that special mother/daughter relationship. We can't afford to have any more children and wouldn't want to risk 3 boys so that's that.

Please don't be angry with me and i'm sorry to those who think i'm being stupid.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
SoMuchToBits · 14/05/2007 14:53

When I was expecting ds (my only one) I really wanted a girl, and was quite disappointed. But now having got used to it (he is 6 now btw) I'm really glad I have a boy - no frilly pink things around the house, and I think girls can sometimes be a bit more "fussy" about things than boys.

Also, ds is like a real little friend to me, so I wouldn't discount the bestfriend relationship.

But I don't think you're being stupid at all - I felt just the same when ds was born, but when you get to know them as a person, that's what counts.

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:56

bananabump - it was because he also wanted a girl. I think he really got his hopes up. i've been the one to keep saying it's probably a boy and he's been saying no it's definately a girl!

He did have to get back to work but as soon as the sonographer said it looks like a little boy he went quiet and didn't say another word he helped me to the car with ds then drove off in his car! Haven't heard from him!

OP posts:
jabuti · 14/05/2007 14:56

the way you described your feelings chattyhan, i think its completely understandable your frustration. i say that because in the past i read some posts here about 'not wanting to be a girl/boy' and they kind of sounded bad to me.

anyway, im expecting our first baby, or not quite the first, the second perhaps. i dont know how to count it. we had a stillbirth last year, and it was a girl. of course this time around we were all geared up emotionally for a girl and we were quite happy to find out it was another girl at the 20 weeks scan. however, now that im 29 weeks pregnant and the baby is starting to have her own personality inside of me and in my mind, because of how she kicks, or the things i saw her doing in the scan (sucking thumb for example), i honestly wouldnt mind if it was a boy. the point is, once the baby starts to reveal itself i think you might not mind at all thats its a boy, because you will be to wrapped up on that little soul to mind its gender.

and about the ballet classes, pink, best friend relationship... it just doesnt happen easily like that in life, does it? if it was just a matter of gender for us to bond... i have a very shaky relationship with my mother, while my husband has a wonderful one with his mother. i think it all comes down to what kind of connection we form with our little ones.

good luck!

iknowhowshedoesit · 14/05/2007 14:58

When scan told me it was a boy (already had a girl), I cried my heart out for about 2 hours, devastated. How on earth would i cope with a boy? I really wanted another girl.

Weird thing is DH was pleased as punch, walking tall etcetera. When DS was born, DH could not stand him and for a couple of years was much less warm to him than his sister.

Well done on the pregnancy, boys are fab and I love mine to bits

alibubbles · 14/05/2007 15:00

I had a girl first and desperately wanted another girl. I had DD at the scan and they were so surprised when I cried, they all thought I'd be happy having a boy - one of each.

I am glad I knew, it gave me time to get used to the idea. He was a fabulous baby,toodler and child. Now he is a strapping great handsome ski instructor about to turn 20!

It will be fine, you'll love him the momenet he comes out

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:01

Thanks jabuti - you're right i'm being very stereotypical and i'm sure lots of girls don't like girly things but i'm quite girly and i think i'm worried i won't have anything in common with my boys - i hate sports!

OP posts:
SoMuchToBits · 14/05/2007 15:03

I'm quite girly too, but my ds isn't into too many of the really macho things - e.g. he doesn't like Power Rangers, fighting men, football etc. I'm not sporty either, but I do like watching cricket, and ds has now taken an interest in that. Otherwise he is mostly into fire engines, diggers and steam trains, all of which I can handle!

Bouquetsofdynomite · 14/05/2007 15:12

Totally understandable but you'll get used to it. There are advantages to having all the same sex. Will yours be close in age? You'll have great holidays because they'll be into the same thing to a certain extent. How they treat you is up to you - if you lie on the floor you'll get walked on. And as your DH was so keen on a little girl I'm assuming he'll be a good example to your boys on how to be respectful to women. And you can always get a girly handbag sized puppy one day .

BTW My brother has 3 boys under 5 and they seem to just live in the garden, rain or shine, come in for meals and a bath. Would recommend investing in wipeable dark leather sofas eventually though.

jabuti · 14/05/2007 15:14

chatty, my sister's girlfriend sounds similar to you. she is extremely girly, so much that i would NEVER guess she is gay, NEVER. but she is. and her best friend is her mother. she wants to have babies, and she cannot think of anything else but girls, because she wants a best friend just like what she has with her mother, and because she hates sports too. who will take the boy to practice or to watch games, if its a boy? (

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:17

bouquetsofdynamite - there will be just under 3 years between them

OP posts:
jabuti · 14/05/2007 15:18

heeeeeeeeeeeeeel.

(that bad spelling actually hurt my eyes)

Jazzicatz · 14/05/2007 15:21

I have 2 ds's and was also disappointed initially, now I a realise how much fun they both are, no having to buy a whole new set of clothes/toys etc, and they have each other for all rough and tumble games.

hannahsaunt · 14/05/2007 15:24

It will be fine - you will forget as soon as you see your new baby. I love having 2 boys and now that they are a bit bigger whilst they are off playing cricket and penalties with dh I get to have a cup of tea and read my book!!! It's fab . You will still have a special relationship with them because they are yours - ds2 told me the other day that his favourite activity in the whole world was snuggling up with me (poor dh!) - they can still be close. Enjoy.

hatwoman · 14/05/2007 15:26

a tinsy bit of me was disappointed when dd2 popped out. now I can;t imagine having two children of different genders. as a child I desperately wanted a sister so I see having given my dds a sister each as something really special. I do see them as a package and it feels like the right package - for them, for me, for dh. I;m sure your two boys will come to feel the same for you. And think about the priveleges of being the only girl. you'll have 3 boys who will dote on you - as children and as grown ups. they'll adore you. every family is different, gender and age affect the nuances of the relationships - you'll learn to love and to celebrate your own family's make-up.

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:28

Thanks hatwoman and hannahsaunt for some very positive views - now you're making me well up with pride!

OP posts:
Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:29

This was just the reason we wanted to find out now because i knew i'd need time to get my head round it! Just worried my DP is going to bury his head and be convinced the sonographer was wrong!

Anyone know how likely this is?

OP posts:
talcydoesjacksparrow · 14/05/2007 15:31

I think not likely when its a boy
i think!

talcydoesjacksparrow · 14/05/2007 15:33

You'll have so much fun choosing baby stuff, names etc...
that's what i did once my head was straight, kind of over compensated, wouldn't have it any other way now

jabuti · 14/05/2007 15:35

we extensively searched the web for info on how to detect the sex ourselves when going for a scan...

i dont know if you or your husband had a chance to look at the monitor, but the signs are:

girl - 3 lines, vagina

boy - must see testicles, because if its only the penis it could be a shadow that looks like it but its not.

Mumpbump · 14/05/2007 15:37

I sympathise. I wanted a girl and so wanted to find out what sex the baby is at the next scan so I had time to get used to the idea if it was another little boy. But I think I am now okay with the idea of either. I don't think you're being irrational. I agree that boys don't keep in touch as much as girls...

Twinmummyx2 · 14/05/2007 15:41

It will be lovely to have 2 boys together. They will look out for each other. And from my experience boys are a lot easier than girls. They can have lovely relationships with their mums, mine are very loving, caring, love cuddles.....and they are not constantly on about buying the latest clothes like girls are!!! so if you are on a budget..boys are cheaper (apart from the playstaion years..lol)

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:41

Thanks jabuti - i couldn't see the monitor very well because they had to tip me upside down and the photos are only of the top half! She didn't spend long looking but i'd heard if they say a boy it usually is and it's more likely a girl turns out to be a boy!

OP posts:
FioFio · 14/05/2007 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 15:49

lol fiofio - i knew i'd be slightly disappointed so wanted some time to get used to the idea. I didn't want to be handed my beautiful baby and feel disappointed! This way i'll have sorted out my feelings by sept.

OP posts:
3andnomore · 14/05/2007 16:05

HI there,
when I found out with es that he was a boy, I was disappointed...but I was glad I found it out at the 20+ weeks scan, because that way I could get used to teh idea, and by the time he arrived, I didn't care what he was....incidently I ended up with 3 boys...!
BUt wiht #2 and#3 I didn't find it a problem, as with #1 I was just worried as Boys were such a unknown territory, lol!
I know, not much help...try not to feel guilty about your feelings, we can't help our emotions...you will get used to the idea and I am sure you will start looking forward to that little bundle as time goes on