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Original poster

Disappointed about sex of baby and need some help pulling myself together!

161 replies

Chattyhan · 14/05/2007 14:31

I don't want to be ungrateful and I know i'm being really pathetic but had 22wk scan this morning and found out it was another boy. Both DP and I wanted a girl and i'm finding it really hard to accept. I can't stop crying and feel i'm missing out on that special mother/daughter relationship. We can't afford to have any more children and wouldn't want to risk 3 boys so that's that.

Please don't be angry with me and i'm sorry to those who think i'm being stupid.

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Uki · 15/05/2007 10:07

Chatty, you will get through it. Are you upset because of dh reaction, or both that and GD?

Original poster
Chattyhan · 15/05/2007 10:10

all of it i think! I cry for the girl i'll never have, then i'm sad for the baby i'm carrying, then i cry because i think my DP doesn't want this baby and i'd really like him to talk to me.

OP posts:
Uki · 15/05/2007 10:16

Im sure he is upset that your upset, and vice versa. I have been going through this too, and the first 2 weeks were not fun., i still have good and bad days, No part of conception, pregnacy or birth have been that good to me, but could also always be worse.
You have to look at the positives one at a time.
no.1 baby is healthy

Dropside · 15/05/2007 10:17

why why why do people find out the sex

if you don't you miss out on all this misery

kittypants · 15/05/2007 10:19

am i only one who thinks your lucky youve got children?no matter what sex.

Uki · 15/05/2007 10:21

My dh wanted too, personally i think it would be harder to have dissapointment at birth, but dh thought i would get PND if i didnt find out

Dropside · 15/05/2007 10:22

You wouldnt have been disappointed at the birth though. You would have loved your baby no matter what.

Original poster
Chattyhan · 15/05/2007 10:22

no kitty i'm sure lot's of people think i'm pathetic, ungrateful and should snap out of it but that's not helping me.

OP posts:
madmarchhare · 15/05/2007 10:23

You are right, you need to pull yourself together. You are grown up who have made a decision to have another child, not a girl.

kittypants · 15/05/2007 10:23

i dont think your those

Uki · 15/05/2007 10:24

some people understand some dont. i wish i didnt understand either

Original poster
Chattyhan · 15/05/2007 10:24

Uki - i thought the same thing i was worried that if i spent the whole pregnancy hoping for a girl and was than handed a boy i would reject the baby and get really depressed i feel awful now but i've got time to feel better.

OP posts:
Dropside · 15/05/2007 10:25

'reject' the baby? of course you wouldnt have. You won't now either. You just need a bit of time to get over it.

Pulling yourself together wouldn't hurt though

MrsWeasley · 15/05/2007 10:26

Mums and boys are simply the best combination IMHO.

When you dont have a girl you think about the pretty dresses, the girly chats, shopping together etc etc the Reality is : when they are little crawling etc its a pain in a dress then they learn to talk and its "I want trousers, I'm not wearing THAT"
"girly chats" stop as soon as the know "everything" about 10 years old then !
and shopping: when the D says mum shall we have a girly shop that means mum bring your Credit Card! eveything you want D to have is Boring or gross and you hate the stuff they look at! ending in your spending a fortune because D agreed to have the nicer stuff if you bought her the TaT too!

I Love boys they are simply creatures (just like mini men)

Uki · 15/05/2007 10:29

The best start is to go buy a new baby outfit. I bought a gorgeous white fluffy bear outfit with little ears and paw feet. its white, so no one has to know yet in RL( and I have enough blue) and both dh and I gushed at how cute it was I look at it often. Go buy something gorgeous today , and show dh he ll melt too.

Uki · 15/05/2007 10:33

My no.2 positive is ds is going to love having a brother. Say what you like but I reakon most same sex siblings have more in common.
What age is your ds?

Dropside · 15/05/2007 10:33

same sex siblings are great

Original poster
Chattyhan · 15/05/2007 10:38

ds is 2.5

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 15/05/2007 10:38

I totally understand, I have 2 DS's and was at first really disappointed that I was not going to have the "Topsy and Tim" offspring that I'd always imagined.
Now, I couldn't be happier, the boys play well, it's very cheap having same sex siblings and they both love their Mom best!
I don't want anymore children (and, as a warning, I know of a girl-desperate Mom who has just had her 4th boy and is planning another try soon!!!)

OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 15/05/2007 10:40

I think you may be feeling so much worse as your Dh is making you feel like you've disappointed him in some way.

I think he needs to pull himself together and sharpish.

Babies are new little people not accessories to fulfill your fantasy life.

I can understand some initial disappointment when your image/desire is not fulfilled but I think you'd find it much easier to look forward to this new equally lovely but different scenario with some support and acknowledgement from your DH.

Uki · 15/05/2007 10:45

Yep, I now reakon its not very likely to get one of each, but society loves to portray that whole mum, dad, 2 kids always boy and girl thing, does make you feel left out.

are you telling people the ultrasound result? I lied and said i didnt find out partly because of family pressure to have a girl, no wonder i have gd.

trice · 15/05/2007 11:05

Boys are lovely. Think of the money you will save with hand me down clothes and toys .

It is hard to argue with irrational desires but I imagine that when you meet your baby he will melt your heart. Your pregnancy hormones are probably just making you a bit extreme at the moment.

LadyTophamHatt · 15/05/2007 11:09

do you know as soon as I read the title of thsi thread I knew the sex would be a boy.

Don't get me wrong I was upset when I found out ds4 wasn't a girl but it's not as if I can choose anyway.

What is it about boys that people dislike so much??

(sorry chattyhan, not really getting at you but this comes up such a lot)

OutragedfromTunbridgeWells · 15/05/2007 11:17

Yes it does seem that generally the choice of sex will be a girl. (in this country)

Poor little boys

Uki · 15/05/2007 11:19

I really don't think it's boys as such ladyTopham, it's just people have an idea of what they thought they would have. I have now found many, many women with girls who are desperate for boys, sadly i find comfort in that IYKWIM