Cheeky mother in law 😡 Need advice

[princesspxx]

Ahhhh i am fuming today and need a rant and a bit of advice really. So I’m nearly 27 weeks now, and booked a 4D scan for me and my partner to go to to see our little girl.

It’s been a bit of a difficult week, I’ve been uncomfortable/tired and quite anxious etc so this was a way of relieving some of that anxiety. So anyway, my partners mum rang us asking if his little sister could go with us, she’s 5. Hesitantly I said yes as I was put on the spot over the phone.

After thinking about it, I thought first of all maybe it’s not appropriate (if something came up on the scan etc how would we explain that to her?), and like I said before I was anxious and just wanted me and my partner to go. So I texted his mum and explained that I wasn’t sure if his sister should come or not and explain why, she was nice to me and said okay let her know tomorrow (which is the day of the scan).

Next thing I know, she’s at my door and his little sister is asking whAt time we are going to see the baby!! It really took me off guard. Anyway next thing I know his mum is storming out the house telling her daughter she can’t go to the scan. My partner has fallen out with me and said he wasn’t going either as I was horrible to not “let” his sister go. Even though I never promised her OR said she wasn’t going. I never said anything to her.

So unfortunately I went to the scan by myself. Everything fine but I really wanted him there and it upsets me that this has caused such a big falling out. It also pisses me off that his mum is now slagging menoff for “letting her daughter down” and apparently not making a big enough fuss over her and taking her. They’d left before I even said one word!!!

Honestly, I just needed a rant. His mum has a bad habit of giving something (she paid some money towards the scan which we didn’t know about till she text saying she had put money in the bank) basically so we would take her daughter with us, who’s off school poorly with a stomach bug so To me , if she’s off school sick she’s too poorly toncome to a scan and have a day out. Not to mention his other siblings would feel left out.

I feel like a complete bitch now but I made it clear to my partner I just wanted us to go, but apparently that’s an awful thing to do and now I’m left alone upset whilst he goes to his mums and they slag me off :(

Do they even allow young children?

I don’t know. Even though i saw the baby etc it didn’t strike me as something fun for a child or like she would understand completely if that makes sense!

Some one I know took their child to a scan but there were some serious health issues discovered. It was very distressing for everyone.

This is a medical procedure not the cinema.

Maybe take a cold hard look at this situation and imagine a life with a child with this man. He's gone slagging you off along with his mum and family? Most people only go with their partner to a scan; it's intimate and you never know what news you'll get. And he's slagging you off.

You need to really think about your future and how it's going to go with him.

This was one of my points Moussemoose. I explained that wth any scan you just never know what could come up x

First things first here, his sister was of school with a tummy and she expected a pregnant woman to take her to a scan with her? Big no,no that's the last thing you want to be around! Also your husband should support your decision,no matter what. You didn't want her to go and that's that! A scan is an important and exciting thing weather you booked it yourself or not,feel really sorry for you!!!! Transfer the money back,she only sent it to butter you up xx

Avasarala I understand where your coming from completely. It’s al I’ve been thinking about since, when I fall out with him I might say to my family “oh we’ve had a little falling out!” But I never go as far as to slag him off as I wouldn’t want him to feel awkward when he next saw them. Cba seeing his mum ever again hahaa!

I think you have every right to be fuming and it wasn't her business to even ask like that, people should wait to be asked if they want to be at the scan/similar things I think. And I think your DH is being very unreasonable here siding with her.

lucyLou19 I’ve given her the money back, and exactly scans and appointments just feel incredibly private and intimate to me. Especially with the stress I’ve had recently, I just didn’t want to hear bad news AND have to hear it in front of a 5 yr old and explain. Thankfully baby is ok. X

I've been where you are and there no good way to deal with it if your partner won't back you up.

Once you've got the initial feelings under control, sit down with him and tell him everything it made you feel, and ask him what his attitude will be like each and every time she sticks her nose in. There's no baby right now so it's easier to talk about and you want everything out in the open now, so you're ready for baby.

A scan is such a private thing. No need for an audience your DH is totally out of line not going.

That's because they are private and intimate. It's a medical procedure.

If she is too ill for school she is too ill for the scan and what kind of idiot takes a child with a tummy bug to see a pregnant woman?

Thank you all so much, I really needed to hear that I’m not the complete bitch im being told I am!! On the phone she basically said it’s private up to us etc BUT gave a million reasons why her daughter would want to go and even referred to my baby as being like her daughters little doll. like no. She’s MY baby, OUR baby and it’s my body. I’ll decide who’s at a scan private or not! I could honestly rant for ages haha!

I’ve been really upset ever since that happened this afternoon, never been made to feel such a nasty Cow

Also to make it 10x worse with my partner not going, he kept ringing me whilst I was in the waiting room and I was sat with HIS best friend and his partner who were finding out the gender of their baby. And they could hear him calling me names over the phone! Once everything’s calmed down I’ll soeak to him, but for now I’m just glad I’ve got an outlet to vent on!!

He’s calling you names!!??!! What a prick.

Seriously, I’d be thinking about whether this actually has a future. He doesn’t back you up, he insults you...

I’ve been called every name under the sun today. Old arguments brought up too. We are a young couple, I’ve just turned 19.

He is very hot headed, which means the slightest argument and boom! It’s the biggest argument ever. Hopefully he will come home tonight and we can chat. Even if it did come to a break up (which honestly breaks my heart to write) I just want the best for our daughter. I don’t want her to grow up in an environment where that’s ok.

Wow, he chose not to see his own baby over this? He has totally got his priorities wrong and this is not where a sick child should be taken.

Yeah he basically said it wasn’t fair on his sister, if she couldn’t go he wasn’t. He then rang me and was walking down to meet me , next thing I know he changed his mind and walked back home. So embarrassing, especially when our friends asked why he wasn’t with me, and they knew I was lying when I said he was at work. :(

I would like to give you just one piece of advice, OP. Do not stay with this man. Any man who is so immature that he thinks a sick five year old should be at a scan really isn't worth it. And any man who swears at his pregnant wife - ESPECIALLY at such a stressful and poignant moment, when you are about to look at your child and learn whether he/she's okay, is cruel.

You can do MUCH better than this. Plan for a life without him. There are tons of men who are miles better than this one.

You need to get away from him start planning it now

You said that you just wanted a rant, so I won’t offer solutions or suggestions. I just wanted to reassure you that it sounds to me like you are absolutely right to be feeling as you are.

1. As you say - a scan is not the place for a child, especially when it is not out of necessity. There’s always the chance that you will hear bad or unexpected news.
2. It would have been irresponsible in the extreme to bring a small child with a tummy bug to a waiting room of pregnant women.
3. The fact that your partner used not attending the scan of your unborn child to punish you is reprehensible.
4. Your MIL was manipulative and unpleasant. The fact that your partner is ‘siding’ with her now by leaving you alone is causing drama and upset when you are 27 weeks pregnant is also reprehensible.

I hope you’re OK, it sounds like a really tough time. All the best to you and the baby

I have recently been called all the names under the sun too, and I know it really doesn't feel nice. I haven't seen him since and I don't plan to until he apologises. If he rants and raves at you tonight send him away and direct him to some information on how stress can have negative effects on the baby. You always hear of people putting up with more shit in relationships because they're pregnant or have a baby together, for me it seems it's gone the other way and it's given me some sort of strength. I hope it's the same for you.

@MyBrilliantDisguise
Thank you, it’s just so hard to admit that it’s not working. I think he does need some of help with his anger, I just don’t know how to go about it.

He doesn’t physically hurt me which he always mentions. But the verbal abuse is just shocking, and I think today was the straw that broke the camels back really. Feel like I can’t look at him the same.

Firstly big hugs - he should be supporting you not slagging you off, name calling etc. Secondly - you don't want or need to be around a child (or anyone else) with a tummy bug, last thing you need is a yucky tummy. Finally it is a scan not a zoo trip. You have no idea what might turn up on a scan, I didn't take my teenage kids to their baby sisters scans for exactly that reason. And it is YOUR baby not a blooming doll

@Sandsnake thank you 💓

My baby girl is honestly my reason for keep going at the min. Sounds so cliche, but even as I’m sat here alone I don’t feel completely alone as she is kicking away. Hopefully things are going to get better xx