Cheeky mother in law 😡 Need advice

[princesspxx]

Ahhhh i am fuming today and need a rant and a bit of advice really. So I’m nearly 27 weeks now, and booked a 4D scan for me and my partner to go to to see our little girl.

It’s been a bit of a difficult week, I’ve been uncomfortable/tired and quite anxious etc so this was a way of relieving some of that anxiety. So anyway, my partners mum rang us asking if his little sister could go with us, she’s 5. Hesitantly I said yes as I was put on the spot over the phone.

After thinking about it, I thought first of all maybe it’s not appropriate (if something came up on the scan etc how would we explain that to her?), and like I said before I was anxious and just wanted me and my partner to go. So I texted his mum and explained that I wasn’t sure if his sister should come or not and explain why, she was nice to me and said okay let her know tomorrow (which is the day of the scan).

Next thing I know, she’s at my door and his little sister is asking whAt time we are going to see the baby!! It really took me off guard. Anyway next thing I know his mum is storming out the house telling her daughter she can’t go to the scan. My partner has fallen out with me and said he wasn’t going either as I was horrible to not “let” his sister go. Even though I never promised her OR said she wasn’t going. I never said anything to her.

So unfortunately I went to the scan by myself. Everything fine but I really wanted him there and it upsets me that this has caused such a big falling out. It also pisses me off that his mum is now slagging menoff for “letting her daughter down” and apparently not making a big enough fuss over her and taking her. They’d left before I even said one word!!!

Honestly, I just needed a rant. His mum has a bad habit of giving something (she paid some money towards the scan which we didn’t know about till she text saying she had put money in the bank) basically so we would take her daughter with us, who’s off school poorly with a stomach bug so To me , if she’s off school sick she’s too poorly toncome to a scan and have a day out. Not to mention his other siblings would feel left out.

I feel like a complete bitch now but I made it clear to my partner I just wanted us to go, but apparently that’s an awful thing to do and now I’m left alone upset whilst he goes to his mums and they slag me off :(

I think I forgot to add, yesterday when I got home his two younger sisters knocked at the door but left before I could answer. I don’t understand why their mum would let them come round when she KNEW me and my partner would be arguing/awkward and when I’ve apparently let one of them down. It’s as if she wanted to make me feel guilty.

She’s been off with both of us actually ever since we moved in together because we said no to babysitting her kids every evening when she works. She’s changed her shifts to “fit around childcare” yet she works early in the morning (when they are going school), and in the evening. And sits at home during the school day. How does that work??

I said they can go to their dads instead, I’m not becoming a daycare for them sorry. So I think she got the hint when my partner had a quiet word with her and said if they was going to turn up unannounced (they were literally just walking in too!) that it can’t happen all the time.

We live in a 2 bedroom house, our bedroom and baby’s nursery (which is at the min a bit of a shit tip of baby stuff. Need to get it decorated haha!) and she even had the cheek to tell her kids they would be having sleepovers here. I told them no, where the he’ll would they sleep???

Honestly this whole situation has put everything into perspective, his mums not as nice as she acts like she is

Me and my partner are going to speak when he finishes work. x

@Lozz22 i am so sorry to hear what you are doing through and have been for some time!!! Your story really is heart breaking you need to to get out of there its never to late to leave what he is doing to you is far from okay do you have much family of your own?

@princesspxx she sounds like a right control freak i hope all goes well with your other half later keep us updated xx

@LMX0 I will do

And I know. Another example is how she insisted I get a Cosatto pram in a certain print (don’t know what it’s called but it’s brightly coloured bit like a Rubix cube) it’s ok but it’s just not my style at all. I wanted something more girly or plain and I told her that, so I bought the cosatto unicorn one 😂 Anyway she still sends me offers about the other pram and constantly messages me saying people are selling on fb for such a price.... no thank you! I’ve picked my pram!

Lozz get out!
It’s not too late.
He’s raping you.
Please go to the police/womans aid get real life support. Please.

You should be proud of yourself for how strong you are being. Keep standing up for yourself and your DD, you haven't let anyone down, in fact you are making your daughter proud.

His mother needs to back off- you are not her free child care, this is not her baby and you did not let down her Child, she never should have mentioned going to the scan.
He needs to man up, he's clearly to much under his mums control.

Stay strong. Don't let them manipulate you. Think carefully about the surname and the birth certificate.
You can do this. X

Stay strong Princess and remember no matter what he says.. his words will be to the benefit of only Him and His Mother... you must take control and be thinking about You and your Baby long term ...

his behaviour right now displays who he truly is.. and how he will respond to future issues... he walks away and turns his back on you... this is who he is ...

Be Strong Princess and stand your ground...

Husband should support you first and foremost!! Don't blame you for being annoyed!!

Congratulations on baby though :-)

Your MIL is still treating you all like children and she is treating your baby like it's going to be another one of her children. That explains the automatic assumption that your DP's little sister somehow has the right to be at your scan. I'm sure it's quite a difficult mindset to get out of but she is going to have to get over it.

Your DP on the other hand is an abusive twat.

That’s what I felt from the beginning. She made me feel like my baby is just another one of hers, at first she wanted us to move in with her (leave my mum) because the kids would love it so much and benefit my baby and be like siblings. I put my foot down said no, I want my own house.

You have some seriously good patience.. I would have flipped at her by now 😂😂 you've got to think what YOU want and what is best for your baby which I totally can see you do.

If your partner can't see this and agree with you then you've just got to stand your group and see what happens, either way you'll be fine and I'm sure you'll make the right path 😁

But most men can't stand up to their mothers... just tell her where to go if she carries on... they can be right pain in the backsides!

It was a hospital appointment, not a trip to Disneyland!

The grown ups volunteering a five year old to go to a hospital appointment as a day trip need their heads knocking together.

It’s hard 😂😂 I was tempted to message her first of all asking what the fuck her problem was. Then when I calmed down maybe message her and explain why her daughter wasn’t coming and that she completely overreacted and let her daughter down herself. Instead I’ve just chose to say nothing, and I don’t plan on seeing her anytime soon 😂

You go girl! Stand your ground with that women 😂👍🏻

Sorry.. I'm probably not helping here 😂😂

😂😂 More I think about it more it annoys me and the more I want to message her! But I’d rather be the bigger person and let her realise what a prat she’s made herself look like - promising her daughter things she shouldn’t then letting her down and blaming me! X

OP, chances are she is complaining to all and sundry. If so, the average person will tell her she is in the wrong. I would sit tight and let them do your talking for you.

whose name is on the house OP

@Gemini69 it’s in my name :)

well done Princess you have protected yourself and your Baby already ... you did good

I can’t remember who replied so... yes I sort of knew deep down that it’s rape but I didn’t want to believe it was. As for leaving I want to but I don’t have the courage too!! I can’t even afford to rent a scratty little bedsit!

^ complete bollocks

Anyone who patronisingly calls someone 'my dear' & uses the word 'hubby' is a WUM of the 1st order

@Lozz one step at a time. Get some support, Women’s Aid is a good starting point, and also CAB is a good source of advice about how it is possible to manage financially, benefits you would be entitled to etc.

There are alternatives to being raped and abused for financial survival.

Start you own thread in relationships. There will be people who urge you to move out, right now. But you can gather information and support: information gives you power.

@Diana1998 right - perfectly reasonable to bring a possibly contagious child into a personal medical scan to appease to gain the 'trust and confidence' of an overbearing MIL

OR

A crazily, inappropriate demand from someone whose childish actions really negatively impacted the OP's experience of what should have been a special and private occasion.

Scans aren't the cinema or an excuse for childcare