Cheeky mother in law 😡 Need advice

[princesspxx]

Ahhhh i am fuming today and need a rant and a bit of advice really. So I’m nearly 27 weeks now, and booked a 4D scan for me and my partner to go to to see our little girl.

It’s been a bit of a difficult week, I’ve been uncomfortable/tired and quite anxious etc so this was a way of relieving some of that anxiety. So anyway, my partners mum rang us asking if his little sister could go with us, she’s 5. Hesitantly I said yes as I was put on the spot over the phone.

After thinking about it, I thought first of all maybe it’s not appropriate (if something came up on the scan etc how would we explain that to her?), and like I said before I was anxious and just wanted me and my partner to go. So I texted his mum and explained that I wasn’t sure if his sister should come or not and explain why, she was nice to me and said okay let her know tomorrow (which is the day of the scan).

Next thing I know, she’s at my door and his little sister is asking whAt time we are going to see the baby!! It really took me off guard. Anyway next thing I know his mum is storming out the house telling her daughter she can’t go to the scan. My partner has fallen out with me and said he wasn’t going either as I was horrible to not “let” his sister go. Even though I never promised her OR said she wasn’t going. I never said anything to her.

So unfortunately I went to the scan by myself. Everything fine but I really wanted him there and it upsets me that this has caused such a big falling out. It also pisses me off that his mum is now slagging menoff for “letting her daughter down” and apparently not making a big enough fuss over her and taking her. They’d left before I even said one word!!!

Honestly, I just needed a rant. His mum has a bad habit of giving something (she paid some money towards the scan which we didn’t know about till she text saying she had put money in the bank) basically so we would take her daughter with us, who’s off school poorly with a stomach bug so To me , if she’s off school sick she’s too poorly toncome to a scan and have a day out. Not to mention his other siblings would feel left out.

I feel like a complete bitch now but I made it clear to my partner I just wanted us to go, but apparently that’s an awful thing to do and now I’m left alone upset whilst he goes to his mums and they slag me off :(

You would not be a failure for speaking out, you’d be a strong independent woman who will raise a strong independent daughter. You said yourself that your mum left your step dad. Your mum should understand. Go to your mum’s and talk. You need other people to know. The reason he and his mother will keep on doing what they do to you is because no one will call them on it, they think you will never say anything. Prove them wrong, speak out.

I agree with @NotTakenUsername you shouldnt have to play down him to your family they are your family they don't care about you being a 19, pregnant or being a failure they care about your and your babies welfare and they want you to be happy and they want the best for you your family will understand and support you

Any man who calls his pregnant girlfriend "fat" is an utter twat. Would he like you to develop an eating disorder while growing his baby? If all he is going to do is slag you off to other people and call you names, you may have a more peaceful pregnancy living apart from him.

OP I had my first at 18.
My partner was emotionally abusive, he made sure I had no friends and I had no confidence. I was told day in day out no one would love me enough to take on me and another man's child so I felt stuck with him.
One day the stress got so bad I had bad tummy pains an thought I was losing my dd.
That was my turning point.
I left him when I was 5/6 months pregnant.
8 years on I have a loving partner, 2dcs and I know no matter what happens in the future I will be fine.
You are in no way a failure. Do what is best for you and your beautiful daughter. The joy you have ahead will make it all worth while. Once she gets here you will be fine no matter what the future holds for you. Good luck OP

How did he respond to your text OP? I hope he has backed down now and apologised?

Does this not tell you EVERYTHING you need to know...

I know his Nan would be fuming at him right now. She wants me to give the baby my surname, and him to step up more (they know what he’s like , just not the full extent ) . His grandparents also said if I ever needed anywhere to go, I was welcome there

You had an abusive SF. Your Mum didn’t protect you. You can do better for your DD.

I wish I could bring you here to get you on your feet and let you learn that you’re not a failure. You have your WHOLE life ahead of you. Make SMART choices, make a good life for you & your DD. I’m not going to lie, it’s not ideal being 19, unemployed & pregnant to a complete tosser, BUT making the right decisions now can change your whole life to come.

19/80 years...it’s a quarter of your life, all pretty much as a child! Take control and make GOOD decisions for you & DD.

I would be mortally ashamed of my 19 year old if he ever spoke to anyone, let alone the mother of his child, like you were spoken to today. Unfortunately his Mum won’t feel the same shame as it seems he learned his abusive behaviour from her.

IF the 6 year old is ‘heartbroken’ and has been ‘let down ‘ it is not you who did it. Her mother made promises that she had no right to make.

She seems to have no consideration that it is YOUR body being scanned. She has no right to tell anyone they can see inside YOUR body.

Please let your Mum and your Nan look after you.

You deserve to feel special. Loved and special, building up the love that your little girl will be born into. Not abused.

Oh, and don’t even consider giving your baby his surname ! Seriously. His name as an extra middle name maybe, but NOT just his name. His grandmother is right.

Least you've got some sensible help from grandparents - just cut the rest out - your getting great support and strength from this thread but he's not going to understand that - use it to your advantage

Making me angry just reading this so rude of her!

He's an actual child himself. You will end up doing all of the work for this baby and he will only drag you down. Him and his mother I mean. Honestly you will be better off going it alone. I can't imagine all the crap they're going to give you when the baby is actually here!!

He’s decided to stay at his mums house. I feel a bit better now, I have spoken to my mum and I’m gonna go see her tomorrow. Early night for me cuddling my cat lol 💛👍 thank you all x xxx

He’s also seen where I am coming from on why it was inappropriate for us to take his little sister and said he will speak to his mum x

He’ll be panicking now.
He was counting on you agreeing to him coming round and laying down the (his) law.
Of course he’s told you that he’s toldthem they were wrong, but he doesn’t really believe it.
It’ll be something else tomorrow/next week/next month/next year.
There’s a saying on mumsnet:
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Believe that he is an immature abusive piece of shit.

do NOT give your Baby her Fathers name

So sorry OP
Just wanted to send you some love.

But him saying atleast he doesn’t hit you is ridiculous. Like he deserves a medal for not beating you up. Funnily enough, not hurting someone you love should just be standard human practice. You don’t get rewarded for it.
And I’ve been in a situation where my ex partners Mum liked to stick her nose in and had a say in everything. So intrusive and she knew her son (my ex partner) would always stick up for mummy and she used it and loved it.
Hence the ex bit.
I got out of there so quick. And I’m so glad I did. I’m older now and in a great relationship and I would never let my now mother in law ever make me feel that way. I stand up for myself all the time.
Unfortunately (and this was the feeling I always got) I think because your still young, people feel like they can boss you about and manipulate you. Like there right and you’re wrong because they have more years of experience.
But now you have something worth standing up for yourself for. Your going to mature quickly and your going to be a great mum no matter what. Be brave x x x

You sound great princess and you should be proud of yourself. Show him now that you won't tolerate this behaviour. I know it's scary, I'm terrified at the prospect of doing this alone and I am 36! But if he doesnt step up when the baby is here, because up until now he's been a useless twat, he can get lost. Stay strong x

Either way it's your choice who comes to your scan, not your interfering mother in law, or your bellend boyfriend. Maybe she should taken some parenting tips by sending her child to school when they are clearly well enough to be out and about! This post made me rage sooooo much. Anyways.... lol on a lighter note... you were in the right, they were wrong and I hope you have a lovely calm night snuggling your cat and bump :) xxxx

This is going to end with you being a lone parent. You do realise that?

Sorry but he sounds like a childish prick! And sadly I can see some of my life in there too!! One difference in mine is I don’t have children because my husband was/is too selfish to go and do a sperm sample in order for me to be able to have all my fertility tests done to see if we need either IVF or some other form of treatment. My in laws have also told him he did right in disagreeing to it all because it definitely wouldn’t be him that had the problem because after all they had 2 kids and his Sister has or will soon have 2 children too!! Looking back now I wish I had walked away right at the beginning but I didn’t I foolishly got married and here I am nearly 11 years later unhappy as hell! I sort of felt under pressure by his mum to get married because she said it wasn’t fair on some family who were travelling hundreds of miles to come to the wedding! I was also on antidepressants at the time and they both took it upon themselves to tell the vicar who was marrying us and he made me come off them. In hindsight it was stupid but I was young and nieve and also a bit ----a lot frightened *! I can also guarantee your boyfriend will still be running to mummy when he’s 30-40 whatever age!! I don’t want to out myself on here because they already go through my Facebook but my husband still runs to his mum now! He has a vile temper and the other week I had a metal mug holder full of cups picked up and thrown at my head! He’s forceful in bed and will very rarely take no for an answer! More often than not he will forcefully turn me over and force my legs apart even if I continually say to him no please don’t I don’t want to! He will hurt me until I just give into the fight and let him have sex with me. Sometimes I think maybe it’s a good job I haven’t fallen pregnant because I want a baby out of love with someone not because they demand sex and can’t and won’t take no for an answer!! The sad thing is I have sort of met and fallen in love with someone else and he is the total opposite!! He is so kind and gentle and he respects me for who I am and anything I don’t feel comfortable with he doesn’t force it upon me. He also desperately wants a child with me. Unfortunately he like me is also married although like me not in a happy marriage!! Sadly I don’t think either of us are brave enough to take that first step and leave our spouses!

Lozz... that’s rape. Are you still in a relationship with him?

So sorry you had to go to your scan alone!
Apart from my DH there's no-one I would allow to come to any of my scans and if he dropped dead I'd go without a birthing partner. It's a very private thing!
Also taking a 5 yr old is a responsibility! You'd have to look after her and if she got bored after 5 minutes and started wandering around the room causing mischief it would have been for you and your partner to stop her.
I wouldn't dare even ask someone if my child could go to their scan. I think most people wouldn't want anyone else there no matter who they are!
I hope you and your partner manage to sort things out! He's still young and immature but might grow up a bit when the baby is here!
My MIL was 15 when she first got pregnant and although they've had their ups and downs and acted like 5 yr olds a lot in the early days (from what I've heard) they are still together over 40 years later, have mellowed out and couldn't be happier.
Most men are a bit of a prick each from my observations!

Lozz, do these things:
Look the Freedom Programme up online.
Call Women’s Aid and tell them what is happening.

They won’t pressurise you at all, they will give you help and advice and someone alongside you,

Lozz, you can't continue on like that he is vile and you deserve better. Please seriously consider leaving

@Lozz22 I’m so sorry you have to go through that 😔 please seek the help other people have suggested. Thinking of you x

Poor You OP

Nasty petulant abusive man child. Textbook.

Please don't put his name on the birth certificate. Good luck with everything. MN is always here x