Pregnancy after MC Part 6 - supporting each other through the highs and lows

[Daisybump]

I thought that this one sounded really good!

Hello all - have a nice shower ejt and hope you have a good nights rest!

Well, I've managed to get through today OK but a bit low and emotional. I've realised that I need to hold on to the fact that I've got this LO inside me now and every time she kicks I realise that it was meant to be this way. I'm letting myself bond with her just lately which feels strange... I told DH about what today is and he hadn't remembered but didn't make a big deal out of it. Thankfully I'm not too much of a state but if I was, I know he would be understanding knowing the facts.

Brilliant news on the scan furrymummy! I was brought up going to church but wasn't brainwashed in any way - I'd say I really established a relationship with God about 10 years ago. My church sounds similar to yours but I don't go half as often as I should. Took SIL on an Alpha course last year that our housegroup was running...

What time do you finish work fettle? We're thinking of you and wondering how you got on today!?

Rubles, your DD sounds very tuned in bless her! I guess we become unaware of what gets observed and picked up LOL!

Mrsmc - strange about the lady but comforting in a way I guess - did you ask her which ones she goes on?

I've got the consultant in the morning, I think its just routine because I'm overweight so shouldn't be too interesting!

Firststar, I reckon you'll make use of that pillow either way - sounds really comfy! My v-pillow helps but only about 20-30% - I think the pain is just going to stay no matter what for me . Hope you manage to get some sleep - I'll be thinking of you when I'm lying awake at night! I'm quite sure that my lack of sleep has triggered some underlying nausea (sp?) grrrrr

Daisybump, how exciting that you're so close - you're an inspiration to us all!!!

Sorry if I've missed everybody - you all tend to be on here in the weekdays whereas I'm evenings and weekends LOL!

Thanks again for all the support and thoughts regarding today - it really has helped me get through it!

PLP xx (21+3)

Hi everyone -

Just found this thread after mostly watching the "babies in the new year" thread -
I had a mc in March, it was my first pregnancy so like you Lorla had no idea it would/could happen to me. I was on holiday at the time in Australia and had a D&C, i have to say they could not have been nicer about it and they didnt even end up charging me for the operation.

So now I am 6 weeks along with pregnancy #2 - we started trying again straightaway and got there within a few weeks, at least I know we're fertile! Over this past weekend I had some bleeding so I had a scan done on Monday and it was "inconclusive"

Now I have to wait til next Friday to get a second scan to see if it is a viable pregnancy, and the waiting is dreadful. I dont know whether to be optimistic and hope that my positive vibes will help the baby develop, or pessimistic to stop getting attached. Right now I am pretty pessimistic but I sooooo want everything to be OK, I just cant let myself hope.

Any advice, is there anything I can do beyond positive vibes?

Sorry fettle - crossed posts! How lovely a little boy!!!!!! I'm due 22nd Sept so we can be online preggers buddies, yay!!

xxx

Sorry KB75, crossed posts again. So sorry to hear you are going through this - we've all been there and will do what we can to keep you sane iykwim! It can be very reassuring to know that you're not alone in all of this. Feel free to vent - it can be very theraputic to start with and we're not afraid of the details either xx

(Has anybody heard from Lorla by the way?)

thank you purple - it makes me feel better just to hear a kind word.
after the last mc we decided not to tell family/friends until we knew this one was sticking around, so its really just me and dh to comfort each other.

we'll get there - it may seem like forever but friday is only a week and a half away!

Hi All again,

Was wondering about Lorla - hope she is ok.

KB75 - as PLP said we are all here for you. We've all been through it and those early inconclusive scans are the worst - the unknowing. I've been through it twice. Once was early like you and second scan showed a lovely strong heartbeat and is now 3 years old, upstairs refusing to go sleep! The other time was around 9 weeks and I wasn't as lucky and it was missed mc. (I've also had a really early miscarriage around 6 weeks).

Just keep talking to anyone who listens and understands - us, your friends?, family. Most importantly, keep talking to your DP/DH - I think they find it the hardest to deal with and mine certainly bottled up as he didn't know how to approach me.

take care
xxx

ps Rubles - your DD sounds a sweetie and obviously very perceptive.

ejt - glad interviews were successful - we're interviewing for 8 positions and the interviews have been going on for at least 2 weeks now, with at least 3 a day for the rest of this week too! At least my manager, whom I'm interviewing with, actually told one of the interviewees, that I was going to be the manager of one of the new departments we are setting up. First time it's been said officially and in the open - just hope the pay increase follows shortly!!

PLP - I'd love to be pg-buddies. I was induced at 36 weeks with DD, so fingers-crossed I get a bit further this time!

take care all
xxx

Hello, just time to post my scan pic Turtle
Dh prefers Turtle to Tortoise lol

MrsMc, glad to hear your appointment went well, sounds like you will be well look after.

Daisybump - love the name!

KB75 - welcome! Fingers and toes crossed for you, each one of the ladies here have been excatly where you are now, so we know how you feel.

PLP {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} it's no surprise you feel down today. You are entitled to grieve for your lost lo.

Fettle - Great news about your scan, I rofl at your DD and DH's big mouths! They must be so excited! Is DD pleased to get a big brother?

Hi to everyone else I've forgotton hope you are all well.

Bless Furrymummy....he/she does look like a turtle. Our seven week scan looks like ET, LOL...

KB75....sorry to hear about your MC and that you are in limbo over this one . Fingers crossed for you and I hope you get some positive news next week...is that the 25th for your scan? it seems a bit of a gap really. We'll all be popping in and out of here if you want to chat. I'm on maternity leave at the moment, so I'm usually about through the day a lot....think positive is the only advice I can give really, and if there hasn't been any more bleeding then that's a good thing. I had a bleed at about six weeks and I'm now 36+3...so there are good outcomes too!

Fettle.....brilliant news. We did the same..said we'd find out but keep it a secret and DH told his dad straight off, even thoguh his mum had said she didn't want to know. I think they just get a little bit giddy about it all...they might still have got it wrong though...but not long to wait now!

Purple....(((((hugs))))....thinking about you

God do I need your help and support. As you may have seen I have been put at very high risk of Downs syndrome after 20 week scan.

Have been offered Amnio which runs the risk of another miscarriage. Even though the % is small I have managed to be the 1%for everything else so far.

Keep feeling baby move. I love it so much but really don't have enough left in me to cope with all this.

The big question is if the Amnio causes me to miscarry would I ever forgive myself. I can't go on not knowing and need to be prepared but I am so exhausted with the whole thing and just need some help and support.

I thought giving birth to my 16 week old son was hard but this is so much worse!!!!! I don't know which way to turn next

Cupcake, so sorry you have this worry, I wish I had some useful advice for you, but I don't... just mt best wishes. How's your DP feeling about it?

As for me, had BAAADDDD stomach ache last night, crying with pain. I think it was something I ate, fine this morning, but dashing to loo. Still I know it's nowt to do with Turtle, just two days of to much naughty food and over excitement!

Very quick one, but I'll be back later to post properly - hopefully!

KB75 - just try to take each day as it comes. You simply can't tell one way or the other that early. I remember when I had my 8 week scan this time around, I got into the waiting room with dh and started crying 'cos I was so wound up. The waiting and suspense is really hard, but one way or t'other, you will get to next Friday and hopefully have good news...

Cupcake - there was a thread a few weeks ago about someone who was in exactly your position and having to decide whether to go for a diagnostic test. Lots of people with children with DS posted and it was amazing how positive they were about their experiences. So, I am not sure that DS is as scary a prospect as people fear.

What test gave you the high risk assessment? Is it something they have picked up at the 20 week scan? (Sorry - haven't seen any other thread from you on this subject...)

Back later to say hi to everyone else. Except for FETTLE - excellent news and really pleased that all is well!!

Godd morning everybody and hello to KB75 and cupcake.

KB75 -- I do not know if you have read many threads but bleeding in ealy pregnancy is quite common. I bleed continuously from week 6-9 and things turned out to be fine so far. Interestingly, I didn't bleed at all with mmc. So, I think there is reason for optimism. 6 weeks is pretty early on. What did the mean with 'inconclusive'? Was it an internal or an external scan? Could they see the sac? We all know how difficult it is to pass the time while we wait for the next scan, so come here anytime and let us know how you do. I believe there is nothing you can do, excpet make sure you have enough folic acid (I was so freaked out about the bleeding that I forgot to take the supplements...)

Cupcake this must be a very difficult time for you. Have you had your detailed, 2nd, scan yet? First of all you must rememeber that even 1:50 (which is considered high risk) is only a chance of 2%, i.e. very small. I know very well what you mean about being the one in 100 (I was the 1 in 500000), you can never think about statistics the same why you did before. However, it is important to realise that the events are independent, i.e., the cases where you have been the 1 before are completely uncorrelated to the events right now and your previous chances are irrelevant. (Have no idea if this helps...-- it did help me...)

It seems that the only thing that matters now is how you feel about having a child with Down syndrome. If you and your DP decide you would want to keep it under any circumstances, then maybe you shouldn't undergo any further invasive tests. As I said on the other thread: it is your right to opt out of further tests. Make sure you are not pressured by the system into something you do not want!!! And chances are the baby will not have DS! But you have to weight the anxiety that comes with uncertainty against knowing for sure one way or another and being able to prepare yourself one way or the other. This is a very personal decision and I believe the women on these thread would make very different decisions in the same situation (although I beleive that we support each other in whetever decision we make I think this is sign of deep and true respect). There have been a number of threads where mothers of children with DS post and I found these posts very eye-opening. Maybe it would help to talk to one of them? There is also a society where you can arrange to meet a familiy with a member who has DS on short notice. Maybe this is something you might want to consider? All the best to you we are thinking of you.

Cupcake, I was up in the night yesterday too, so I posted on your other thread then. It really is an impossible one. Good luck with your thinking and talking and I hope you come to some sort of decision that feels right.

Fettle - that's brilliant news about the scan and seeing that it's a boy. Do you think you might start to feel more confident about this pregnancy now? On the subject of the size, aren't I right in thinking you are both tall? I have in my head the idea that you are about 5'9 or 5'10 - in which case would that not affect the length and size of your baby?

We had the scan and didn't find out the sex. I was really trying to look anyway - it's tricky though. I may start a thread about it. I sometimes thought that i could see something willy-like but it was small and then it turned out to be a foot. I came out of the scan and said to dp that I still suspect it to be a boy but he thought the complete opposite.

Hello to everybody else really sorry for not looking through the thread properly at all. This has to be super-quick as it is dd's birthday so I am off for a day out with her.

Cupcake -- don't know how to do links but the thread I was talking about is called

'Hi risk blood results for Down Syndrome'

Maybe you can do a search?

Glimmer - what section is it in? I can link it if I can find it.

Fettle - Fab news and congratulations to having a son!

Sorry and thanks Mumbump -- it's under 'pregnancy'. Where can I find out how to set a link?

Here you go...
thread on DS

Glimmer - it tells you at the bottom of the page. You have to type:

\link{ (insert website address) \ (insert your description of the link) }

Hi all! Hope everyone is okay. Glad the scans went well Fettle and Furry! Sorry to hear that you have been put through more worry Cupcake, I agree with Glimmer though that with regards to more tests you need to consider how you feel about a baby with DS, if you would proceed with the pg anyway then maybe just prepare yourself (just in case) but not put yourself through the trauma of the extra tests?
KB75 hope your next scan shows good news but sorry that you are having a tough time of it at the moment.
Hi MrsMcJnr, good to know you are doing all the right things for your baby at the mo! Must have been reassuring to hear that and hopefully scan will be fine next week for you!
Glimmer, I totally understand your panic 7-10 days after last sign of life. My scan was a week ago, now I am not feeling sick as such (just starving hungry every couple of hours) and last night I noticed my boobs are not rock hard anymore. The only sign (retrospecively) last time that I had m/c was that boobs were not hard - still had awful sickness and all other signs. I am terrified in case I will miscarry this one, mostly because if I have lost it I am unlikely to know about it for another 4-5 weeks when get next scan. Am feeling very down today.

Hello all, haven't been here for a while - hibernating whilst waiting for booking scan which is tomorrow. Trying not to think at all, to be honest, as when I do I'm on a rollercoaster between enormous excitement and happiness and feeling that this might actually happen, and then complete conviction that it's all over. Symptoms have more or less gone (and now have a stinking cold too, nice) apart from peeing in the middle of the night, so I'm just hoping that things will be ok tomorrow.
Cupcake, so sorry that you have these awful decisions, especially when you're already so stretched. Whatever you decide, from what i've read on MN people will be incredibly supportive and you are unlikely to be the only person to have gone through something - there are always people there who know how you feel.
KB, waiting is the most awful difficult thing - my EPU wouldn't scan at all until 8.5 weeks and those four and a half weeks seemed like a lifetime. All you can do is try to keep positive - hard when you're sitting bawling all the time - can you arrange one small happy thing every day? Even if it's watching rubbish telly or eating a mars bar (or, ahem, two). For a control freak like me, the total inability to do anything positive (other than eat healthily, oops no mars bars) is the worst bit, so trying to have one thing I could control helped a bit.
Seem to have waffled a lot here - but good vibes to everyone. Keep your fingers crossed for me tomorrow.

Good luck, fingernails...

Hi All so much happening it's hard to catch up

my preggy brain has registered this much so far

KB75 - It is not fun waiting, and all I can recommend is lots of movies to distract you, it doesn't sound like your bleeding has been to bad so I hope all is well with bean.

Fettle -baby boy congrat's

Cupcake- You sound so strong and in love with your baby already, I think you'll cope fine, sounds like you don't want to do the amnio because of the risk, it'a a horrible situation.
What does dh want to do? I think I'd be fine with things as thwey are, you are partly prepared if the baby has ds, but much more than likely baby will be fine.

DaisysGotabigbump- Love the new name, I didn't know you knew the gender, are you disclosing to us?

Firstar- hows the sleep going?

All fine and well in camp uki thank goodness

Fingernails...good luck for tomorrow and keep us informed

Beckle...I had a complete drop in all my symptoms at around 10 weeks and was convinced that it had all gone wrong again. We even booked in for a private scan as the thought of waiting anouther 3 weeks for my dating scan was horrendous. Everything was OK though...apparently hormones go up and down and different symtoms can come and go, so try not to worry about your lack of boob symptoms.

Cupcake....(((hugs))) to you. I hope you come up with the right decision for you and your DH and that you can get some support from other parents of DS babies. We decided on the route of no testing at all and what will be will be, but I realise that that approach isn't right for everyone. Fingers crossed whatever you decide, and there's always someone here who will listen to you chat/vent your feelings/bounce ideas around etc.

Hi Uki....the sonographer said he was almost 100% sure it was a girl, but I know they often make mistakes with girls who are actually boys...but I've felt pretty strongly from the off that this was a girl, and the raging hormones would seem to back that up....the nursery is still blue though! Strangely enough though we have a firm buys name, but can't decide on girls.

Saw my consultant this morning, and if I haven't gone into spontaneous labour before then, I'm booked in for a c-section on 5th June......3 weeks today at the very latest I WILL HAVE MY BABY!!!! It seems so much more real now we have that date. I can still change my mind at any point though, and if I do go into spontaneous labour I can decide whether to go for a trial of vaginal or straight to theatre.......aaaaarghhhh