Pregnancy after MC Part 6 - supporting each other through the highs and lows

[Daisybump]

I thought that this one sounded really good!

Do you mind if I ask if you are still bleeding or if it has stopped altogether? (We are all frantic knicker checkers on here so we understand what its like).

I take it they didn't see a heartbeat then or could it be that you really are much further behind than you thought?

Sorry if these are nosey questions xx

Hi PurpleLostPrincess. I am still bleeding but only lightly. No clots but....some little bits of matter (sorry if T.M.I.!!).

They didn't even point out a foetus let alone a heartbeat - they measured the sac. I know I haven't got my dates wrong - I was so desperate to get pregnant that I wrote my af in my diary.

Not nosey at all - all advice is much appreciated! x

That's really shit, Lorla. When I went for my scan, they let me keep the photo. Sounds kind of morbid but it made it real and it showed they appreciated that I had just lost a baby.
I was diagnosed a mmc at 9.2 weeks, and started properly bleeding the day after. Just to prepare you it could be very painful once it does happen, so get plenty of painkillers in, get plenty of rest and get your DP to give you lots of TLC, you'll need it. You will be advised when you go back whether you want medical intervention to help speed the process. I didn't bleeding lasted for about 7 days, was very painful for about a day and a half. But I know some people for whom it went on longer. Sorry you are going through this.

Yes, with my first m/c I stayed at home and let things happen 'naturally' as such - I'd advise a hot water bottle and lots of strong painkillers if you choose that option. I was obsessed with putting lots of tissue down the toilet before I went as I couldn't bear the thought of losing the baby like that. I did it every time apart from the one time I think it happened . (I've never told anybody that!)

My 2nd m/c, I had a dramatic emergency ERPC (similar to a D&C). Either way, I'd advise lots of tissues as its so emotional. Furrymummy is right - get DP to look after you.

Also, try and help him to talk about it too. I know it is something that you yourself are going through physically but you are both going through the loss of hopes and dreams etc. My DH spent so much of his energy looking after me that he managed to skirt around his feelings really well. Unfortunately, it bit him on the bottom a few months later.

We're all different and there are no rules - both be kind to yourselves. xoxoo

Good Morning hope everyone's feeling cheery.

Lorla - how are you coping hunni, thinking of you xx

Had a bit of an accident this morning, was walking down stairs carrying Barty Cat (he does love his cuddles) when my right foot slid off the bottom step, managed to stagger into the dining room (Cat had jumped away) and steady myself using the table, but my right foot fahking hurts My big toe and top of my foot really. Went and sat back down on step, in meantime DH comes rushing down stairs and fetched some frozen fruit smoothie mix and put it on my foot. No sign of any bruising or swelling just hurts like buggery! Still planning on doing some shopping though lol

Monring all, another grey and chilly day here! Not much rain yet but due very heavy rain later - what fun! How is everyone today?
LorLa Hope you are okay, it is awful not knowing what is happening. If the worst happens for you then I found that paracetamol and a hotwater bottle were good for the pain. I would imagine they will discuss medical intervention if Tuesday's scan is not good and nothing has come away. I had ERPC for first m/c as it showed no sign of coming away and with second let it happen naturally, unfortunately it didn't all come away and I needed and ERPC a couple of months later to complete it. For that reason I personally would take help if it is offered but I know it is different for everyone and you have to do what is best for you. Don't know what else to say but take it easy and let yourself be looked after.
Ouch for your foot Furrymummy! (but at least it was just your foot, when I started reading the post my heart was in my throat, I thought you were going to say you fell all the way down the stairs - phew!) I am very accident prone and that is the kind of thing that happens to me all the time.
Well my hair is still falling out in handfulls but thankfully I have quite a lot of hair (although it is fine) - roll on the glossy haired healthy glow bit of pg, even my GHD's are not giving me shine at the mo! Have been feeling very rough, slightly so in the morning but gradually getting worse through the day and evenings are awful. Not as crushingly tired as I was but hoping that's just because I am getting used to it! Keep worrying that this is all going to go wrong, I don't remember it being such a constant worry after my first m/c. Will be soooo glad to reach 13 weeks safely and KNOW I have a healthy baby growing.

Thanks for all of your support. I guess I will have to wait until Tuesday and see what happens. At least I am in no pain at the moment. Good luck with all of your pregnancys - it gives me hope that things can be ok after a miscarriage.

I am looking forward to trying again now and hopefully it was all just a trial run!

xxx

Lorla - my thoughts are with you. I echo everything the others have already said. We've all been there and it is horrible. keep talking to DP/DH, you need eachother. I think people forget sometimes how upsetting mc is for the man as well and conversely they feel they can't show their feelings as they feel they have to be strong for you. Take care, xxx

Furry - lucky you were on the bottom step, but I hope your foot is a bit better this evening.

The sun has come out at last here, just as we got DD to bed!! What a horrible, horrible weekend it has been weather wise, but I've not been worrying too much about my scan on Tuesday. Don't think I've felt the baby at all today, but then I've been quite busy, so maybe I've not been concentrating.

Ejt, thanks for your encouragement for the October thread. I "know" a couple of other people on there from another thread, so if you promise to be nice to me, I'll venture on there soon. Maybe after my scan on Tuesday - I know I shouldn't worry, but it is so hard not to.

MrsMc - hope all goes well at the consultant's tomorrow.

Anyway, hope everyone else is doing well.

Take care
xxx

Evening all,

LorLa - so for you - what you described happened at your scan sounds like what happened to me when I had my 2nd mc - which was a mmc. They didn't point out a foetus or anything, and there was just a sac. Thinking of you - it is horrible. I had a natural management for my 1st mc, and felt very isolated and alone, as nobody really seemed to be keeping tabs n what was happening to me - I opted for a medical management for my 2nd mc (leaving it to go naturally wasn't an option as I had had no bleeding , and the pregnancy had probably happened 7 weeks before it was detected - very rare apparently), which, although it didn't work (I was one of the 1% of women for whom it doesn't), and ended up having a D&C, was very cathartic for me: I felt like I had delivered my baby.
I hope all goes well for you - as the others have said - we've all been in the same place as you, and we know it's not great.
The positive side of coming to this thread is that you can see that there is life after mc - we have all grasped the nettle and gone for the scary entity which is pregnancy after mc - I look forward to seeing you on here in happier circumstances.

Furry - hope your foot feels better soon! Do you have any arnica cream? Put some on it, it'll bring out the bruising beautifully!

becklespeckle - hang on in there - these first 3 months of pregnancy after mc are the longest 3 months you will ever experience - I can honestly say that I experienced every second of every minute!

fettle - looking forward to 'seeing' you on the October thread in the near future - good luck for your scan on Tuesday!

Right, I'm going to have an early night - I'm interviewing tomorrow - I hope I don't throw up on the poor interviewees!

Take care everybody - have a good end to your weekend ...

Hi LorLa, and ((((((hugs))))) to you. My first mc came away in the toilet after some heavy bleeding (I couldn't flush the loo and just sat there hugging it waiting for DH to come home ) and when they scanned me there was nothing there...not even a sac so it was pretty conclusive. The second time I'd had a bit of bleeding, and when they did a PG test it was negative so they didn't even scan me, but it was very early (6+ weeks). I've never been in the limbo situation in which you find youself, but can empathise on how you're feeling. I hope that you get some positive news on Tuesday, but as everyone else has said...we've all been through it and will help you get to Tuesday if you need the support.

Big (((((((((hugs))))))))) again. xx

Good Morning everyone.

I am pleased to report that my foot is much better!
Beckle - hope everything goes fine with your scan tomorrow
MrsMc - Good luck for your consultant appointment today.
Daisy - how you doing, is it less than 4 weeks now?
Ejt - yes that is always the worry about going to work with m/s that you may accidently throw up on someone . So far not happened to me, though thought I was going to in Chruch yesterday lol
Lorla {hugs}
Fettle, Uki, PLP and everyone enjoy your week!
I'm off to Spain on Wednesday but will definitely post tomorrow to let you know how the scan went!

Morning all, hope everyone is okay! Furrymummy - is not me with the scan tomorrow hun, is LorLa (hope you okay LorLa). Wish I did have one though! It's less than a week after the last scan and already I am panicking as I feel less ill than I did before the scan. Am hoping it is just because I have been having lots of snacks and that is staving off the nausea. OTOH I rolled from one side to the other in bed last night and the pain in my boobs as they settled into a new position was enough to wake me up! Didn't get them this sore with any previous pgs! (mind you, last time when I m/c was the worst sickness I have ever had). Oh, and I am fairly sure you are not supposed to use arnica in pg, esp not in the first 6 months? I could be wrong though! I know DH's arnica gel says not to use if pg, he got really humpy with me when I would not put it on for him without a glove on!

Glad your foot is much better furrymummy! (do you mind if I ask what sort of church you go to?). Hope all goes well with the scan - how exciting to have a holiday straight after that!!!

Thinking of you Lorla - let us know how you are hun?

beckle - I wouldn't have a clue about arnica I'm afraid so I can't offer any wisdom on that one. Can gladly say that my boobs haven't been too bad of a night time, its just my hips!! Seeing the midwife on Thursday so will se if she can recommend anything. (already have a myriad of pillows around me at night!).

ejt - I sit in meetings to this day and worry that I might start vomitting in the middle of them so I really feel for you!!

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Afternoon all! Had the day off on Friday to paint skirting boards in our dining room and ds' room. Painted the walls of the dining room on Saturday and managed to put the dining room table back together yesterday so we have an almost functional dining room for the first time in 6 months and more room for ds to run around in!

Becklespeckle (and anyone else who asked) - my mum seems okay. She's seeing the oncologist today and having her bloods done before her second dose of chemo tomorrow. I told her about Hotchoc's(?) mum feeling fine until the last treatment and I think she was encouraged/reassured by that!

Princess - I will be thinking of you tomorrow... Take it easy and don't expect too much of yourself.

Lorla - so sorry to hear what you're going through. I will keep my fingers crossed for you, but realise that it doesn't sound great. I would echo what everyone else has said - keep talking to your dp and try to give each other the support you need at this difficult time.

Furrymummy - have a fantastic time in Spain. Whereabouts are you going?

Hotchoc - hope that your scan goes/went well today!

Fettle - good luck for tomorrow!
EJT - sounds like you had a very uplifting weekend! All that singing must be good for your breathing in childbirth...

MrsMcJnr - hello again and welcome!

Rubles - I second you joining the October thread!! (This could be like that Castaway programme with people from competing antenatal threads trying to get you to join their thread!!!)

EJB - hope your daughter's birthday party was THE social event of the year amongst her peers!

Daisybump - I had exactly the same at the weekend. Meltdown on poor dh (brought on by being at home together on Friday and him "critiquing" my work and then snapping at me on Saturday) followed by LARGE bouquet of flowers on Saturday afternoon to cheer me up. Lilies from my stepchildren, freesias from my ds and a small flower (can't remember the name) from dh which was the same as some flowers he picked for me on the first evening we met... How romantic!!

Firststar and Uki (and anyone I've missed) - HELLO!!!

Hi. Just a quick hello and all the best
to Fettle and Hotchoc for the scan. Will be thinking of you tomorrow, Purple.

phew, great news......everything is fine and dandy and i am 9+4 weeks. so excited and relieved. the little bean was wriggling loads and very clear. thanks for all your support. i think i will sleep like a log tonight.

mumpbump, the bloods can be done right up to the last minute before chemo so if they are not up yet, do not worry, this happened with mum once then another time she was delayed but it was not really a big deal. i told my mum about the baby today, sniff sniff, sorry, and she is delighted, something else to keep her going i hope. she has her scan to see if it all worked next month, seems like another forever wait.

all the best to those having scans soon, i really was sh*ing it, then lots of blubbering, i am finally so excited about being pregnant. next stop 12 weeks scan and bloods (i am 39 so next paranoia is my age), what do you all think of getting a neuchal scan done privately? they are not part of the ante natal care here.

love to all

hotchocXXX smiling lots

fantastic news hotchoc! Try and relax and enjoy it all a bit more now - easier said than done as we all know!!

I've got my 20 week scan tomorrow and am a little nervous. It is at 9.30am, but then have to go straight to work as I have a meeting that I'm going to be late for, then straight from that to 3 interviews back to back, so I may not report back until tomorrow evening, just to warn you all.

Purple, I hope tomorrow is not too hard for you. I actually found the build up to my due date worse than the actual day - it was wierd. Luckily with my 2nd due date, I'll be nearly due with this one, which will be better than not being pg on the last one - take care! x

Hello to everyone else!
xxx

Hotchoc & Mumpbump - you are both so brave and so are your mums! Thinking of you all. MB, I'm off to a small village called Busot, about 30 mins drive from Alicante.

Foot loads better, no bruising. Didn't know about not using Arnica during pg, haven't used it but useful to know!

Been feeling soooo nauseus today, got dragged into a meeting by my boss, he said it would only be half an hour and it went for, I kid you not, 5 hours . So will have to go in very early to tie up all my loose ends so I can get away on time for my scan!!!

I go to an CoE church, very prgossive and modern, I love it!

DH is here, must dash, love to all!!

Evening all - interviewing was exhausting ! we appointed - I got the final say as the person who would be their line manager - a big responsibility - but I was happy with being given the final say!

v. quickly popping in so it doesn't get overwhelming tomorrow - this thread moves so quickly!

Furry - glad your foot is feeling better. Enjoy spain, send us a postcard!
I go to a Chuch in Wales church - lots of ritual - I love it! I teach the Sunday school - but had to give up when at my most sick - I could hardly move, let alone do the games and stuff I like doing with the little ones!

I was under the impression that homeopathic remedies were ok to use in pregnancy (except the ones to bring on labour, obviously) - I've used arnica tablets during this pg when I had a nasty fall early on ....
I think that they put the warnings on a lot of products as they haven't specifically been tested on pg women ... to save themselves from somebody suing them. I shall ask our friendly homeopathich pharmacist (who works in Tescos of all places!) and let you know.

at a 5 hour meeting! You must have lost the will to live!

firststar - have you got a long beanbag pillow? I used mine when pg with ds, and it was v. comfortable - I then used it as a cushion to help me position ds when bf (trying to avoid c section scar!) - am now using it again in bed to support the bits of me that need supporting!

mumpbump - congratulations on having an (almost) fully-functioning dining room!
I'm thinking of you and you mum - hope the chemo isn't too traumatic this time around.
I hadn't thought about using singing breathing during childbirth .... mmmmm - I do know that singing was one of the things that I used to get rid of the nausea - if you're singing properly, you breathe past the nausea, and somehow soothe your stomach. Now I sing in the car on my way to work - to wake myself up, but also to help not be sick whilst driving!

hotchoc - about scan - great news!

fettle - thinking of you tomorrow!

Right, off to cuddle dh, then am going to bed early!!!

Am now having to be a bit more adventurous where sex is concerned - the normal favourites have become a tad uncomfortable - I don't think I've laughed so much when having sex since .... well when I was pg with ds! When did it start getting 'adventurous' for you?

Thanks for the encouragement guys, its like a big hug! Don't know if I should mention it to DH or not as I'm sure he is oblivious!

I don't know what our church would be called but I'm a born again christian...

I keep having dreams that I go to the toilet and there's blood on my panty-liner - I guess it goes with the territory for us?!

Have a lovely holiday furry!

ejt - I love singing in the car but up to now I was doing it more because I thought the baby could hear me. I've been getting a little nauseaous again lately so I might try that as a preventative!

Thinking of you and your mum mumpbump ((hugs))

fettle - hope your day isn't too hectic with the scan and then straight to work! Looking forward to your update

firststar - hope you manage to get some restful sleep somehow!

Waving hello to hotchoc, glimmer and everybody else xxxx

Bleugh. First night back at work tonight after 2 1/2 weeks off and I am knackered! Felt quite rough all evening - feel more like I am starving and have not eaten for days than actually sick though IYKWIM? But the thought of most foods turn my stomach. Not helped this evening by scanning people's shopping - especially the fresh bread! Got a bit of a shock when put my work trousers on though, can't really breathe out or sit down when they are done up! (resorted to safety pinning them up...)
Good luck and hugs for you and your Mum tomorrow Mumpbump. Hotchoc, soo pleased your scan went well today! I really hope your Mum's treatment did the trick, it is lovely for her to have something as nice as a new grandchild to look forward to. I think positive thinking is half the battle TBH. I think it is up to you if you have the neuchal scan done - the main question I would ask myself is how much difference the result would make to me eg if child was at high risk of Down's Syndrome what would I do? In my case it would make no difference but I would be glad to be pre-warned (although I am not having one as it is not offered here either).
Good luck tomorrow Fettle, hope your day is not too hectic!
Purple, hope your day is okay too hun. I think the dreams definitely do go with the territory, I had one when I very first found out I was pg this time and it was horrible, it has had me convinced that I am going to lose this baby even though the rational part of my brain tells me that dreaming it doesn't make it true.
Have a great time in Spain Furry! MrsMcJnr, how did the appt go with the consultant? Hope you got some helpful and good news!
Hi to Glimmer, Ejt and everyone else

Right, fully unwound now so off to bed - am going to be knackered in the morning!

Ohhh mI feel so sick, have been all day!
Yes the 5 hour meeting was a killer lol my boss is evil....
PLP - did you come to faith through Alpha? That's how it happened to me! DH and I now supervise the Student Ministry Team, the church is a big one in a university town and has a big student congregation. We even have a very cool Christian Rock group who provide the music at the 8pm service that is mainly geared at students, though lots of non students (like us!) attend to.

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Morning all!

Hotchoc - so pleased you had a good scan result. I didn't realise your mum's treatment was on-going. I hope she has an equally positive scan result!! I agree with beckledspeckle that whether or not to have the nuchal fold scan depends on what you would do if the results said you were high risk. If you would then have an amnio or CVS to get a positive confirmation one way or t'other with a view to terminating the pg if the baby had DS, then it might be worth it, but if you would proceed with the pregnancy anyway, then I wouldn't bother - there are enough other things to spend your money on where babies are concerned!!

Fettle - hope that you are enjoying seeing your baby as I type and looking forward to hearing the result!

Furrymummy - I have a boss like that! My appraisal took 3 hours and what he said, he could have said in about half an hour!! A bit of a waste of both our time, but at least I wasn't feeling tired or sick at the time! Poor you...

EJT - that is a big responsibility, but a testament to your ability and their regard for you that you got the final say! Well done!

Princess - if I were you, I'd mention it to your dh. If he is like mine, he will be cr*p at remembering dates and I think it helps for them to understand and be tolerant if you are a little "out of sorts". Hope today is alright...

Beckled - I was like that yesterday! My suit trousers were too tight so ended up changing into a skirt instead. Starting to look a little pg, rather than just fat though so it's not too bad!

Hello to everyone else! Not much going on in our house at the moment. Got an early night in last night which was good as ds woke up at 04:30 and decided he wanted to sleep in our bed. He's a little wriggler so that always spells the end of a peaceful sleep... Don't know how we're going to manage with two of them in bed, even if it is a big one!!