Posifrickinspring thread for PG after MC!

[BertieBotts]

If we can't be positive about the weather what can we be?

Welcome posters new and old.

keepon I found the bit after everyone first knew at work so hard - people (quite random people sometimes!) kept congratulating me, and I felt like they must have thought it was an unwanted pregnancy or something as I found it so hard to just be normal and smile and say thanks! I find work quite a hard environment now I look so visibly pregnant - I'd never thought about it before, but universities have a lot fewer pregnant women wandering around than the general population, so I find strangers stare at my stomach a lot in a way they don't do when I'm in Tesco or whatever. I have found it getting easier, though. Definitely ask for help from perinatal mental health if you need it, and if it seems to be getting harder not easier - that's what it's there for! I was having counselling when I got pregnant and in the early stages of this one, and I found it helped me a lot.

Anne I think tell when you want to tell. Anyone who knows your history will understand and be kind about the fact that this is still an anxious time for you. As unicorns says, we treat 12 weeks like it's magic in the UK, but not everyone does - I occasionally use a Reddit TTC/pregnancy group and in the US women seem to have their dating scan earlier and then tell everyone, so it's cultural rather than medical. If anything does go wrong (and obviously I desperately hope it doesn't) then that wouldn't be something you've 'done' to her, it'd be something really horrible life has done to you, and you'd deserve the support of your loved ones.

Couldn't agree more on the mythical status of 12 weeks lisa. Statistically a heartbeat at 8 weeks is nearly as good I think. But we've been on the wrong side of those odds before so I'm taking each extra week as reassurance.

My hesitation now is more about the baby being alive on the 12 week scan but also having a massive issue - eg its heart is still beating but it has no face, or it has Pataus and no feet - that sort of thing. I mean, I'll love it no matter how many feet it has, but I have a friend who had a TFMR for Edwards and I'm not sure how much they're checking in the RMC scans, just that it's still there and if my fibroids have grown? Or if it has a face?

I'm in my pre-scan day freak out, it started last night and I'm wishing the time away by wittering on when only time will tell what's what.

We were away with a friend last week who knows about all of the past stuff and I'm sure he rumbled me like you say keepon - no wine at dinner, decaff, mid afternoon nap - but he didn't say a word bless him and I'm hoping anyone else who suspects is also as kind.

Nice to hear people weren't chippy about being told when they were, I'm a bit worried my SM is going to lose her shit when she finds out my Mum's known since 6 weeks, but my Dad made my Mum promise not to tell him till we were well in he safe zone as he couldn't cope with anymore bad news! Sounds really heartless of him but he's not like at all, he just struggles. I told them at 7 weeks last time and still got grief for having told my Mum first. Sometimes you can't win... I think it's his approach that's making me stress about my sister. You're so right Lisa, of course you are, but I feel a lot of entirely self-induced pressure to get this one right, keep it alive, get it to term and out safely and if it does go wrong I really really don't want to have to tell people.

Hope all going okay Bertie.

How did you get on today Bertie? Thinking of you.

Oh @AnneLovesGilbert here's a hand hold. Will be keeping fingers crossed for your scan tomorrow.
And that the time between now nd then flies. X

Thank you @intelligentPutty Sorry was spiralling a bit earlier, appreciate the hand hold. So tired now I’m not really thinking much but I notice my pre scan pattern now and I always get an awful lot of work done on a Wednesday morning! Scan not till half 4 tomorrow. So so so desperately hope all is okay in there with my little flutter.

Someone at work announced she was pregnant today, she’s going to be one of those bright eyed, energetic, well put together, efficient types and I’m already feeling like a sleepy, rapidly expanding, forgetful, munchy nap addict in comparison.

Thanks for messages everyone. Scan went fantastically, new doctor completely lovely and we're having a boy :) But I'm now freaking myself out stupidly :( One of the scan pictures we got is lovely and looks like the baby is smiling and waving, and I was over the moon earlier but then a comment I made on FB suddenly made me realise that 20 week foetuses are not supposed to be able to smile and suddenly I am worrying about this angelman syndrome again, because one of the symptoms is that the children affected tend to be very smiley. And now I can't look at the picture any more and I've had to turn off the comments on facebook.

We'd talked about the testing for this ourselves this morning and decided that at this stage we wouldn't ask about it because the chances are so small and I'd been so anxious about the scan this morning that I felt it would just add another unnecessary worry and I hadn't been worried about it previously. But now it seems like I am regardless. And I don't want to have the baby and always be looking for signs something is wrong. Especially when the sign is something as nice as a smile.

Luckily, we have the detailed scan tomorrow, where they will scrutinise everything and I think I'll ask that doctor about "smiling" and whether it's all in my head or whether it's common and maybe we will go for this extra testing.

Hi ladies please can I join. Tentatively putting myself in the pregnancy boards. 15dpo and finally got a bfp after mmc at 8 weeks in Jan.
As you all must be I'm petrified. Worried that it took so long to get a bfp, worried ill have an mmc again. Epu has booked me for a scan in 2 weeks and I've got private blood tests tomorrow to check hormone levels and stuff. Not sure there's much else I can do.

Any other tips?

Hi @Cakelaur welcome! It took me 7 months to get a BFP after my MMC in May 2017 - I don't think it makes a difference how big the gap is. The early days are so nerve wracking and drag badly - lots of ladies here at the same stage and those of us later on can sympathise too. Try to stay distracted until scan day, if you can!

@BertieBotts congratulations on your boy! I wouldn't over think the "smiling" (not sure how that's even possible to see accurately on a scan). I hope the detailed scan tomorrow provides some reassurance x

Oh yes I spoke to DH and we agreed that there isn't even really a smile there. It's the baby opening his mouth and there being a shadow between the jaw bones which is slightly angled. Like how you can tilt a coin and make the queen "smile" or "frown". The photo immediately before and immediately after don't show it so it was just a nice interpretation (like a scan photo I saw where the baby looked like it had a cup of tea :)) - it was more the fear of if I'm reading into this, how am I going to cope with everything else, is it even going to stop when the baby is born (apparently) healthy? What if I'm questioning his development forever.

I'm going to talk to the doctor today about my worries and talking to DH last night helped as well. He is still adamantly against amnio because he thinks if the worst happened due to that we'd never forgive ourselves whereas I'm thinking that would be hard but we'd get over it and have another baby, whereas if we have a disabled baby needing lifelong care that's it for life, we can't change it or go back and do it again (I could never give a child up to know that they'd go and live a life in an institution or with strangers). DH is probably a bit right though in that if it took us 18m+ to conceive again I'd probably go a bit crazy, and of course he's talking for himself as well and I have to respect that. We've also talked about potentially moving back to the UK in a few years with work which would mean that if we did actually need more support than we have here we could access that via family.

Can you have NIPT or are there other conditions they can only check for via amnio? And you are higher risk because of your chromosome issue?

It's complicated but basically yes it's to do with the chromosome issue. The biggest risk is that the baby would have too much/too little genetic information but I'm not too worried about this as DH's version of the translocation is very clear cut so it would be large amounts which tends to lead to early losses or clearly visible problems on ultrasound, that's why we're getting the extra detailed scans. They couldn't check this with NIPT because NIPT only looks at three chromosomes, which aren't the ones affected for us.

Then there are other problems associated with a translocation - microdeletions, almost like when the chromosomes come together a bit "crumbles" off the edge, this is rare but can happen. But again we are not worrying about this because the test for it is unreliable and even if they say that we have one it could have a very mild effect, so it's not something we'd terminate for - we would only terminate if there was something catastrophic.

The one I've got myself in a state about is UPD 15 which is where the baby might get two copies of the father's 15 chromosome plus the mother's and then the body deletes one meaning that the baby ends up with two of the dad's version. On 15 in particular there are some parts which only get expressed through the male/female version so UPD 15 has different results if it's from the male or the female. From the father if this happens they get a rare syndrome called Angelman which is like a combination of severe autism with seizures. It's so rare apparently it's often picked up as autism or epilepsy first and only later realised to be this problem. It's rare and I wouldn't worry about a rare thing but our chance is probably 1:2-500 (it might be lower, more like 1:1000) whereas the general chance is 1:15,000 which is a huge jump. And the problem for me is it's so severe yet carries no physical markers. That's what I keep going back and forth on. I can be rational and say that there's probably a just as high risk of something else I haven't even considered to be a possibility, but it's not really helping.

There's one NIPT which tests for this, Panorama, but it's very expensive and it needs a persuasive doctor to get the health insurance to cover it. We were also concerned about the accuracy/rate of false positives and thinking it may just be another thing to stress about. I only found out about this recently so I think another time we'd definitely look into having it much earlier, if we can get it covered. Certainly I wouldn't spend the money on it ourselves, as it's not a cost we could afford, which surely means that I don't think it's that important to know.

A baby boy Bertie So glad the scan was good and he's alright. Was sending you vibes all day!

Blimey though, so much to think about with screening and potential issues. So glad you have DH to talk to. Hope your scan goes as well today as yesterday.

Sounds like a lot to deal with bertie but seems like the risk is still very low. Panorama is around £400 here in the uk I think.

I was awake from 3-5am with baby kicking and I'm absolutely ruined today. Considering going home from work but I'm in late tomorrow due to scan and working from home on Friday due to whooping cough vaccine. Also suddenly worried that I don't think I got a confirmation letter for my scan - the midwife just told me when she was booking it for... need to check when I get home, maybe I did get a letter and just chucked it in my notes

Glad to see good news all round! I've just had another viability scan. 7+1 according to them (bit behind what I thought but not much), good heart beat and little bean on the screen. Feeling a bit more relaxed now, past the scary 6 week bit I haven't been able to get past, but defo won't manage to wait until 12 weeks for another scan!

Hi all - can i join? Had a mmc November and apparently didnt get past 6 weeks though had increasing symptoms etc.
Im pregnant again - 6 weeks this week and all symptoms have disappeared :/ i have paid for an early scan next Saturday 21st just so i dont have to hang on for nhs with a delay carrying around a baby that isnt coming like last year.
I started off positive as my due dat is 1st dec which will be the anniversary of my surgery for the mmc last year. It felt like fate was being kind to me and distracting me from what would have been sad. Now im dreading and keep wondering to change my scan to this weekend but then - would it show anything? Im 6 plus 2 today.

Sorry you had a rough night Grumpy Hope you get some peace from kicking tonight and can catch up on sleep. Is it your 20 week tomorrow? Sorry, losing track a bit. Busy week of pregnancy stuff.

Fab news on your scan lettuce! Lovely news. They had me 4 days behind dates at my first one at 6ish weeks and then catching up by 4 days two weeks later. It's an inexact science! No chance of an EPU scan for reassurance before 12 weeks?

I'm going slowly mad and have a right fit of the grumps, I hate scan days, which I hadn't expected. When I don't have to face the possibility it's all gone wrong without me noticing, I can feel quite happy and excited about being pregnant and imagine our foetus bopping away in there quietly. And it's amazing to see it, but the prospect of it not being okay again is grim and makes me a narky bitch

Will be thinking of you and hoping for good news at the scan, anne. I also hope your appointment goes well, bertie - it sounds like so much for you to take in at the moment, and I really hope the specialist can answer some of those questions and (hopefully) reassure you.

Welcome and congratulations cake and bloomin! I had my first scan at 6+4 and did see a heartbeat, bloomin - but it's a bit uncertain whether you will at that point (even if everything's fine) and the odds of it continuing go up each day, so most people say to hang on as long as you can as scans at 6 weeks can leave you anxious for no reason. Having said that, I totally relate to the feeling of not being able to wait any longer to see what's happening in there.

I waited till 8 weeks for an early scan bloomin as the probability of success goes up quite significantly between 6-8wks, keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Thanks Anne yes it's my "20 week" scan tomorrow but i will be 21+3. I'm more nervous than I thought!

Had bad news at the scan. Another mmc. Got to 9 weeks and should be 10+5 today. Had a meeting with the consultant and hoping to get the surgery tomorrow.

Oh shit! So sorry to hear this Anne 💔** you are under RMC care right? X

Oh gosh anne I’m just so so sorry to read that. I really can’t belive you have had another mmc, life is just so unfair sometimes. I really hope you are getting looked after ok and surgery goes smoothly. Will be thinking of you. Much love for this hard time.

@AnneLovesGilbert so so so sorry. just checked in to see how you got on.
Life is such a shit sometimes.
I have no words but I hope you have some good support around you.
Xx

I am so so sorry Anne xxx