Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13

Original poster

Has anyone refused to stay on post natal ward due to men on the ward?

310 replies

PinkSnowAndStars · 16/12/2017 13:48

Hi.

I’m not looking for a debate - and I understand how mums want their partners with them after giving birth.

I’m 26+5 with my second child. When I had my first in 2011 partners weren’t allowed to stay so there was no issue. This time my hospital allow Partners to stay on the wards in the 6 bedded bays with women that have just given birth. I’m a high risk pregnancy and will probably have to stay in one night after birth.

But the thought of staying in a bay with men terrifies me (childhood abuse) it’s literally panicking me and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone had or heard of people refusing to stay? I don know what to do.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/12/2017 16:58

@JMAngel1 at 3am the ward is dark, most people will be asleep, and there are a lot less staff on duty and they will be at the midwife station at the front of the ward not out an about.

And that isn't even the point. Most of the time nothing terrible will happen, but some women will have been scared and intimidated by the presence of male strangers whilst they are especially vulnerable. Some may have discharged themselves early to avoid it. That's not ok.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2017 17:00

I don't think any partners should be allowed to stay. I don't want to get up in the middle of the night and find some strange man prowling the corridors. Whether they are in separate rooms or not. If you want your partner there give birth at home or pay to go private.

BabyOrSanta · 16/12/2017 17:03

And if you have PTSD and can't afford to go private you shouldn't have babies...

expatinscotland · 16/12/2017 17:05

I have PTSD and cannot afford private and I don't want to share a ward with strange men.

Mrswrex · 16/12/2017 17:05

Wait until the GRC comes out...then you won’t even be able to complain. Because the six foot person called Dave has decided he is a woman today and is entitled to stay.

KadabrasSpoon · 16/12/2017 17:06

I was on a ward where partners were allowed to stay for 8 days after DS1 was born. Some horrible characters and it was like trying to sleep in a train station. Ward had 24 beds plus babies and partners so maybe 70 individuals.

Second time I said I wanted single sex ward. Also on my birth plan. It was granted. Quiet ish room with only 3 other women and babies.

ZydecoLaydee · 16/12/2017 17:07

Last time I thought the bays were too small for just the women and babies. There was always a queue for the loo. The daytime was chaos.

I think in a modern facility with private rooms it would be fine, and in an ideal world partners could then stay, but this one is not like that. They don’t have enough private rooms for those with serious issues, I don’t know anyone who even wanted to pay for a room to be able to get one.

Original poster

PinkSnowAndStars · 16/12/2017 17:11

I shouldn’t have babies because I can’t afford to go private? That’s ludicrous!

This is a second baby! And it wasn’t a thing last time!

and why should I pay because a man thought it was ok to abuse me? That’s not right babyorsanta!

OP posts:

jitterbug5 · 16/12/2017 17:13

My husband stayed with me when I had my baby 12 weeks ago - but that was because our baby was very poorly with sepsis and I was very poorly needing 2 blood transfusions and couldn't manage on my own. I was on the public ward until decided I needed my husbands help and they moved us into a private room so he could stay, although after 10pm he wasn't allowed to leave the room (apart from at 2.15am when our son had his antibiotics)

I would have never agreed to him staying if we were on a public ward as I know how awful that would have been for the other women. I'm shocked that they are letting them stay on public wards!??

BabyOrSanta · 16/12/2017 17:14

OP I was replying to the previous comment - my DP will be with me because of PTSD (he's my advocate if I go loopy) but the PP said that no men should be there even in private rooms offset from the ward (I'm in a no partners hospital)

Ven83 · 16/12/2017 17:16

I was so glad my "Velcro husband" was allowed to look after me and the baby day and night in the aftermath of the traumatic labour and EMCS, when I couldn't turn in bed without help, let alone get up whenever the baby cried. He was essential to me functioning at all: he lifted me, brought me food from the cafeteria (we had to carry our own trays, and I could barely walk), changed the baby's nappies and passed him over to me for feeding. Who else would do that for us, the staff? Not to mention helping me keep my sanity... If there is a next time and I get to choose where to give birth, it will definitely be the hospital where my husband is allowed to stay again.

But I do understand the safety concerns and think your wishes should absolutely be respected, OP, and you should be given a private room.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 16/12/2017 17:17

Wait until the GRC comes out...then you won’t even be able to complain. Because the six foot person called Dave has decided he is a woman today and is entitled to stay.

This has absolutely nothing to do with trans issues. A woman's birth partner, of either gender, is allowed to stay overnight in some hospitals. Nobody else who is not a patient is allowed to stay. Unless "Dave" has just given birth himself, he is either allowed to stay under the birth partner rule or not allowed to stay because he's not a birth partner, no matter his gender.

BabyOrSanta · 16/12/2017 17:17

Sorry, should have made it more clear.
And I can't afford to go private either.
I discussed it with the midwife and it was agreed that we would have a side room.

It's a hard conversation to have with the midwife but I found my midwife sorted it pretty quickly once she was aware

Original poster

PinkSnowAndStars · 16/12/2017 17:17

Ooohhh I see!

I’m not saying men shouldn’t be allowed.
I understand people need extra support.

I’m not comfortable with males staying on an open bay

OP posts:

mrkaykay · 16/12/2017 17:17

I understand why people with religious reasons or past trauma should get private rooms. But having just had my first baby with no family support except my husband I would have discharged myself 4 days early against doctors advice if he couldn't stay with me. I spent the whole time on a 6 bay ward 6 ladies and all 6 had men stay too. Not once do I think I was even looked at by the men they were too busy helping the ladies. I believe it's a breast feeding thing that made my hospital allow men stay as women are more likely to succeed if they have constant support.

expatinscotland · 16/12/2017 17:20

And yet the OP is saying she will discharge herself if she is forced to share a ward 24/7 with all the partners, too.

expatinscotland · 16/12/2017 17:21

' I believe it's a breast feeding thing that made my hospital allow men stay as women are more likely to succeed if they have constant support.'

Nope, it's an excuse to cut staff.

BabyOrSanta · 16/12/2017 17:21

Totally agree OP
I wouldn't be able to stay on the ward with either men or women there
Just trying to say that it didn't take much pushing for a private room to be agreed (even though it came across very wrong!)
Also, once you know they know (IYGWIM) it really helped me with the anxiety as I know I won't have to fight for it when I'm there

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 16/12/2017 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CharlieSierra · 16/12/2017 17:22

If you think about it, there could be a religious reason why you wouldn't want to sleep in a room with unknown men, and they would need to find you provision otherwise there would be trouble. A past history of abuse is just as valid

I don't have religious reasons or a history of abuse. I just didn't want to struggle out of bed after a c section, deal with my bleeding nethers or leaking breasts, or breastfeed, with some random bloke in the room. I don't care if he's your husband. No. If you have issues that mean you can't cope without your husband with you, to advocate for you or keep you company, then you do whatever you need to do to overcome them, have therapy, pay for a room, whatever, you're an adult. A postnatal ward is a women's space.

allegretto · 16/12/2017 17:22

Ven83- surely meal times were during the day, not at night though? Also if you have another baby, who will look after your child? When I was in hospital having my twins, my husband was at home with our son for a lot of the time. If a patient can't physically move to go to the bathroom or get food then the hospital staff should be helping, not expecting family members to be there -not eveyrone has them.

allegretto · 16/12/2017 17:24

I believe it's a breast feeding thing that made my hospital allow men stay as women are more likely to succeed if they have constant support.

Well having men in my room certainly made it more difficult for me to pump or try to breastfeed. I felt very exposed and gave up.

expatinscotland · 16/12/2017 17:24

And the MN award for Most Ignorant Post of 2017 goes to . . . . Pricilla who cannot even spell its own name properly!

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 16/12/2017 17:25

Fuck right off, Priscilla, and then fuck off some more.

AssassinatedBeauty · 16/12/2017 17:26

@PricillaQueenOfTheDesert don't be so incredibly vile. You have no idea about the OP and what she's been through. Did you miss the bit in the OP about childhood abuse????!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 12 13