Has anyone refused to stay on post natal ward due to men on the ward?

[PinkSnowAndStars]

Hi.

I’m not looking for a debate - and I understand how mums want their partners with them after giving birth.

I’m 26+5 with my second child. When I had my first in 2011 partners weren’t allowed to stay so there was no issue. This time my hospital allow Partners to stay on the wards in the 6 bedded bays with women that have just given birth. I’m a high risk pregnancy and will probably have to stay in one night after birth.

But the thought of staying in a bay with men terrifies me (childhood abuse) it’s literally panicking me and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone had or heard of people refusing to stay? I don know what to do.

This is my hospital too, I didn’t know about the change in policy until I read your link. I haven’t suffered any abuse, but this has made me feel sick, so I can’t begin to imagine how you feel. I would never sleep in a room with an unknown man under normal circumstances, so why the hell would I want to do it at my most vulnerable!

Wow, I didn't know this happened. I'm appalled that non-patient men are allowed to sleep on wards alongside other women who don't know them! I thought the Government was trying to eliminate mixed wards, so women don't feel so vulnerable. They absolutely should not be allowed to stay. What on earth are hospitals thinking?

Not sure what to suggest though, other than asking to move or having someone stay with you too.

It has been introduced to make up for a shortage of staff, which is not good enough.

I agree with CharlieSierra. It's a women's ward. If male partners are to be allowed to be in there then they should pay for a separate room so that they can stay with their partners who have just given birth. Definitely not impose their presence on other women. Urgh.

Yep, and some trusts assume that every single woman has someone who can be there 24/7 to care for her (your 'support' person), because it's women and maternity is the bastard stepchild of the NHS.

Completely agree crunchy.

I don’t agree with partners staying on post natal wards. I think long visiting hours are sufficient.
Previously I was unsure whether it was a good idea, then I heard a few horror stories and then witnessed it first hand and it’s just not a good idea
Dsis had to stay in a few days when she had her dd. Many men on the ward. All used the patients toilets and bathrooms rather than use the visitors toilet and shower at home.....this meant the bathrooms were always busy ......and the toilets were not in a good state. Dsis has an ensuite shared with the next room-the father next door had diarrhoea and used the bathroom and dsis was in tears as it was disgusting.

You could speak to your midwife OP but I’m your situation I’d be hoping for a straightforward birth and being able to go home soon after.

You should bring it up with your midwife now. Maybe she will be able to organise some kind of help for you.

I didn't think they could stay overnight in the bays only if they have a private room

If a woman needs to have her partner on the ward then they must pay for the private room.

If you can't cope with caring for your new baby without your partner there then what would you do if men weren't allowed to stay o the ward?!

@ZydecoLaydee I didn’t realise they did it until I went in the other day with low blood pressure.

To all those people being scathing about having partners staying- I had a c-section and was in complete agony after giving birth- couldn't move or lift my baby. The ward was short staffed and I have no idea what I would have done without my partner there with me 24/7. He got me out of bed, changed my pads, fed me and helped me hold my baby. Of course he wasn't fed or had his own bed! We would have happily paid for a side room if they were available, but there weren't any. And for those who are saying hospitals are putting the needs of men first- of course that's not the case. If the woman who has just given birth wants or needs them there, then it's the needs of the woman which are being met.

The needs of ALL women though, not just you, Yorke and if you need your partner there then you/he can pay for a private room so that the rest of us don't have to have a man in our space.

Hi Op,
On our postnatal ward, there are forms to sign and if any patient objects to partners being there overnight, the patient has the right to be moved to a bay/room where there are none.
Your needs trump the partners need to be there.

Sorry - I've seen that there weren't spare rooms available. That's rough and I understand that you needed him there - but you also need to understand that other women are vulnerable and don't want him or any man there.

Pink - do you have any professionals involved regarding your trauma (a therapist or nurse?) I'm a trauma therapist and on a few occasions have written letters of support for clients requesting their own rooms due to trauma. It's a valid need, please tell someone and request a room. You shouldn't have to pay as it's a need not a want.

Many many people in hospital are in extreme pain and are incapacitated. I should think many of us on this thread had C sections in difficult circs. Doesn't mean men should be allowed on the ward overnight. It doesn't happen on medical wards and shouldn't happen on maternity wards.

I agree with Yorke00. How is a man on a ward at 3am any different to 3pm?

Yorke
That sounds bloody awful but if men weren't allowed on the ward as they aren't in some areas, what would have happened?

Surely you and your baby would not have been ignored while you were There?

JM I don't usually sleep in a room with men I don't know. Pretty simple.

I am a midwife and we allow partners to stay in the single rooms but not the multi bedded bays. Often the women who have had C/sections will be in a single room. Some men are great at helping their partners, getting them drinks and passing the baby to them. Others are often snoring in the chair and the women still use the call bell for someone to change their baby as she doesn't want to wake the husband . I think no men should stay unless a valid reason, ie anxiety, twins etc.

When I had my children I wished partners could stay . First baby was born when I was 17 and I was basically left to it in agony and not knowing what to do . My last was a csection and like others I literally couldn't reach over to lift the baby out the crib . Staff kept moving my water jug out of reach and at mealtimes my meal would be dumped out of reach at the bottom of my bed . So every time I needed anything I had to buzz and the midwives would understandably to some degree be really annoyed at me .
My local hospital now lets partners stay BUT they've built a new maternity department where there are no wards , only lots of small private rooms with en suites . I think that's far better than expecting women to share with men . Op , definitely talk to your midwife and if needs be contact the head of midwifery .

Definitely mention it to your midwife and you should get a room for free.

I dont agree with posters who think men have no place there. They made the child, its much theirs as it is the mothers.

They should have seperate rooms for those who want privacy.

@sourpatchkid I don’t have anyone involved currently. It’s not been an issue until I found out on Thursday and now it’s panicking me.

I will not be able to sleep with strange men in the room

Cherry hospitals are about medical care of the two people who need it. Not ownerships.