Has anyone refused to stay on post natal ward due to men on the ward?

[PinkSnowAndStars]

Hi.

I’m not looking for a debate - and I understand how mums want their partners with them after giving birth.

I’m 26+5 with my second child. When I had my first in 2011 partners weren’t allowed to stay so there was no issue. This time my hospital allow Partners to stay on the wards in the 6 bedded bays with women that have just given birth. I’m a high risk pregnancy and will probably have to stay in one night after birth.

But the thought of staying in a bay with men terrifies me (childhood abuse) it’s literally panicking me and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone had or heard of people refusing to stay? I don know what to do.

@misspilly88 it’s good to know those hospitals have listened. When I started worrying about it I did a quick google search and didn’t find anything so was beginning to worry it was only me feeling this way

I've never heard of this and think it's dreadfull. I thought the NHS was strapped of cash ? I assume these partners have to be fed, have washing facilities and have their beds changed all at the expense of the NHS.

I can see why some may feel uncomfortable, but I am completely the opposite.

Just being in a hospital brings on my anxiety and the thought of hubby having to leave me once I've had the baby fills me with dread. As this is our first, it's less likely I'll be able to have a home birth and despite having months to go, I'm already worrying about everything.

Which then makes me worry more about having a more stressful labour which affects my baby, as I know I won't want to stay alone afterwards...

Write by some form of registered post or email (with read receipt) the director of midwifery services and explain your needs. I expect they will find you an amenity bed or make other suitable arrangements.

In case it comes to it, you can discharge yourself against medical advice. You are an adult, what you do is up to you. If your child needs to be in hospital for treatment, you can not usually discharge your child against medical advice.

When I was pregnant 2 years ago I had the same fears. I decided on a home birth easy enough as it was my 5th child!
Before deciding on the home birth I spoke to my midwife who just said nothing could be done and if I felt uncomfortable while on the ward the just to pull my curtain around

My partner wasn't aloud to stay with me (there was no one else on the ward) I was 21 at the time and very nervous about having my first baby.
I lay awake all night and was very very anxious.

it really affected me, I suffered from PND for a while after because I felt I couldn't be left alone again.

Gingefringe No, partners don't get beds, washing facilities or food! They can sit in the chair alongside the bed and bring their own blanket if they wish. OP has posted a link of the leaflet which says what is expected of partners. I don't think partners should stay, personally, unless there's very good reasons - very sick mother/child - and then only in a side room.

@Ninjamilo the only workable solution is for you to have a private room where your partner can stay. Then you have your support and other women are not put in a position where they will discharge themselves against medical advice. I would suggest you also speak to your midwife and explain why you would need a private room, or consider paying for one if that's a possibility.

I had a private room after having my son. I didnt pay for it. But i had serious conplications after birth.

@fivetoomany that’s what I’m worried about. Pulling the curtain round isn’t going to help - you can hear everyone else still.

I’m worried by speaking to my midwife they will just brush off the fears.

They shouldn't brush you off at all. I had other issues around hospitals and was taken very seriously. I had a meeting with a midwife counsellor on the ward to discuss the things that were specific issues for me, and how to manage them. They were very helpful.

If your midwife doesn't help then contact the supervisor of midwives at the hospital to complain and to ask for your needs to be taken into account.

Watching with interest as recently learned the two nearest hospitals to me also allow partners overnight on postnatal. I agree you should bring this up with your midwife to start with and see what she says. It surely won’t be the first time they’ve dealt with this.

I'm confused - surely by allowing partners to visit freely, it is the mother's needs that are being met if she doesn't want to be on her own? I wouldn't imagine that these partners are stripping off into pjs and getting in a single bed - surely they are fully clothed and sat in a chair? I genuinely can't see the problem as long as no one was talking loudly although my memories of post natal ward were that quiet was a no go anyway with newborns crying.

@PinkSnowAndStars the hospital where I had my two children tried out having partners stay on the large postnatal ward in the time between my two pregnancies. It was still in effect at the start of my second pregnancy and I was really concerned about it. Thankfully about halfway through my pregnancy they stopped the trial and returned to just having patients overnight. The reason for this was overwhelmingly negative feedback from patients. The main compliant was feeling unsafe and vulnerable.

If more hospitals are told that this policy is problematic then hopefully they might reconsider.

@JMAngel1 did you read the OP?

Yeah, and then you get told off for having your curtains shut.

Just sitting in horror as I didn even realise some wards did this. I was so so blessed to have a side room each time (i had a prem the first and the second they wanted me to have time with her and get my head round the whole normal full term thing)

Fuck.

If you think about it, there could be a religious reason why you wouldn't want to sleep in a room with unknown men, and they would need to find you provision otherwise there would be trouble. A past history of abuse is just as valid.

Personally had one birth without husband and one with, and I think it's a brilliant thing for us, however it can't be at the expense of the women who don't want to be around men, it's a time where you can feel very vulnerable.

pink you should tell your midwife that it is causing you severe anxiety, and you are worried how it will affect your mental health postnatally. This is a big issue for you, and any decent midwife will take your concerns seriously.

I agree that ideally men shouldn’t stay either - it’s unsettling and uncomfortable even for those of us without difficult / sensitive histories. I think the difference between a postnatal ward and a normal ward is that you have the baby to care for too. I could do nothing for her for 48 hours.

They have started allowing this in our local hospital and I too think it's ridiculous. I was told to turn on to my side and let the midwife check my "bahuki" her words after birth to check my stiches at this point another midwife whipped the curtains opened and said keep the curtain open please. Not realising the other midwife was in. Whole ward likely got an eyeful. I'd of been furious if men had been there too.

Then there's the fact they don't allow you to shut the curtain and you are sitting there boob out in the beginning trying to latch the baby on. Sometimes tired and emotional. No bugger that.

If men stay they should be the ones that have to pay 200 for a single room. They shouldn't be staying on the wards.

Unfortunately I’m high risk plus have a high bmi so I’m not allowed a home birth - neither would I want too.

I couldn't cope with that either, shouldn't the male visitors be paying for rooms, not women who are there to give birth YANBU OP, see if your midwife can help.

I really can't imagine trying to establish breastfeeding in front of strange men.