Has anyone refused to stay on post natal ward due to men on the ward?

[PinkSnowAndStars]

Hi.

I’m not looking for a debate - and I understand how mums want their partners with them after giving birth.

I’m 26+5 with my second child. When I had my first in 2011 partners weren’t allowed to stay so there was no issue. This time my hospital allow Partners to stay on the wards in the 6 bedded bays with women that have just given birth. I’m a high risk pregnancy and will probably have to stay in one night after birth.

But the thought of staying in a bay with men terrifies me (childhood abuse) it’s literally panicking me and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone had or heard of people refusing to stay? I don know what to do.

Thediet - did you say anything at the time? X

Blacktea - I’ve seen the leaflet about it. It’s definately a thing at my local hospital

I was stuck in hospital with DS for a week. It was awful, my birth was bad, my aftercare was worse.

I will forever remember Dean and Suzanne in the bed next door having a domestic at half past eight because he'd missed the football.

My own home has never been so welcoming.

Yanbu. I hate this. I felt really uncomfortable in a maternity ward as I had th use the breast pump and there were always men in the room - so much so that I gave up and couldn't breastfeed either.

The men should only be allowed stay if they are in a private room with their partner/wife.

No way should men be allowed stay over in a public ward, that would be very stressful for a lot of people.

Are you sure this is the case? Your midwife will help you.

In Ireland the private rooms cost about 10 times that amount and people still pay it, and there are no men allowed on public wards overnight either.

@PinkSnowAndStars sorry you're going through all this stress op I really think given your circumstances that you should speaker to your midwife. Our local hospital didn't allow men on the general ward but did allow them in the private rooms which were also about £200. I didn't want to be left alone after having a haemorrhage and surgery post birth, I could barely lift my baby and the midwife looking after me was not very pleasant or helpful. When the surgeon came to check on me I told her I was going home that evening because I couldn't bare being alone. She was very against this as she felt it was necessary I stayed and said she'd give us a private room for free if it meant we'd stay. So they can definitely waive the fees for you. Good luck x

When I was in the post natal after having DS the woman in the cubicle opposite had her 16 year old DS with her at all times, fetching and carrying for her. Her DH appeared occasionally and admired the baby before effing off again. She kept making this poor awkward kid clean her cubicle with Flash wipes. Honestly, he looked exhausted. And myself and the other three women in our section didn’t particularly enjoy sharing our space with a teenage boy. I didn’t enjoy her 3am phone conversations either. I was there two nights and it felt like a lifetime.

I'm in the same sort of situation but the other way (previous sexual abuse but it was both men and women)
I'm hopefully having a private room as I need my DP there to advocate for me. This has been put on my notes etc and I've been told they'll try everything they can to arrange it.

I'm not going to get offended over the "Velcro husband" comments as I understand everyone's different.

I think if you spell it out to your midwife, they'll hopefully be able to accommodate it. I was dreading bringing it up but she was so lovely about it and didn't see it as a problem at all.

I would say you would be very high priority for a single room, given your history. Please talk to your midwife and tell her how you are feeling.

It is usual in our hospital for men to stay on postnatal ward - it was when I was in in May.

Please do speak to your midwife and explain as you've done here the reasons why you won't be able to stay on the postnatal ward. They should be able to prioritise you for a private room as you have a need for it.

It is outrageous that the needs of a patient are secondary to the wants of partners. If men/partners want to stay overnight it should be in a private room if any are available. Not on the post natal ward, which should just be for patients.

You should talk to your midwife but you may get lucky, I was on a 4 bed bay with just me and my baby all night the two nights I stayed in. That brought its own problems admittedly when post c-section I dropped my call button on the floor and couldn’t get anyone in to help me till rounds.

Part of the problem though will be worrying about it whilst in labour and giving birth. It would be good for it to be sorted out before that so @PinkSnowAndStars knows exactly what will be happening.

There needs to be a campaign about this.

How can women and baby's needs come after that of men's?

I will definately speak to her next week. And it’s really nice that you are all so understanding. I hope the hospital are as understanding.

Absolutely speak to your midwife. Please x

Also, thinking about having a doula or close female family/friend who can stay with you overnight is husband is at home.

Oh, and congratulations btw

Might be a daft question but- why is this allowed? They can't stay overnight on other wards. What's the difference? Are they supposed to be helping with the baby or something?

This may out my location slightly but I’ve found a leaflet about it online

www.buckshealthcare.nhs.uk/Downloads/Patient-leaflets-pregnancy-labour-and-postnatal-care/Partner%20staying%20overnight%20leaflet%20V1%20Apr%202017%20Review%20Apr%202020.pdf

I think part of the reason men are allowed to stay is because the staff are under such pressure. Before I gave birth, I wanted DH to stay at home and be well rested for when I came home, if I had to stay in. Ended up with a 28hr, traumatic labour and then emergency c section, and was good for nothing! I couldn’t get out of bed alone, and couldn’t get to the loo. There were nowhere near enough staff to help, and I couldn’t get to my baby if she was crying - she needed to be placed on me for feeding for the first 2 days. Without DH there I have no idea what I would have done. After 2 days we were moved to a private room as the ward was driving me crazy. They didn’t charge us. The midwives and all the staff were fantastic, but there were just nowhere near enough of them.

It’s not allowed on other wards where staff are just as pressed. This is not ok.

Sarahj
Some dickhead Cooking

Someone setting up a camping stove and cooking a mwsl is so unacceptable in so many ways.

Why don't hospitals stop behaviour like this?

Speak to the ward. I have friends who were unhappy with the arrangement and were given a side room for free.... you shouldn't be charged.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Some idiot cooking a meal on a hospital ward?

No way should post natal women be made to share at all, they should have individual rooms.