Has anyone refused to stay on post natal ward due to men on the ward?

[PinkSnowAndStars]

Hi.

I’m not looking for a debate - and I understand how mums want their partners with them after giving birth.

I’m 26+5 with my second child. When I had my first in 2011 partners weren’t allowed to stay so there was no issue. This time my hospital allow Partners to stay on the wards in the 6 bedded bays with women that have just given birth. I’m a high risk pregnancy and will probably have to stay in one night after birth.

But the thought of staying in a bay with men terrifies me (childhood abuse) it’s literally panicking me and I don’t know what to do.

Has anyone had or heard of people refusing to stay? I don know what to do.

Why is it criminal to expect men to care for their own children

It’s not criminal to expect men to care for their children. It’s criminal to tell women who have just given birth and aren’t yet well enough to leave hospital “right, you’re on your own, we aren’t going to fund the NHS enough to provide you with basic nursing care even though you live in one of the wealthiest countries in the world, so you’ll need to make your own arrangements. Can’t bring in a partner to help out? Partner is more hindrance than help? Tough shit.” That’s what’s criminal.

I was so pleased my hospital allowed my husband to stay. He actually went home between midnight and 6am to get some sleep but it wasn’t forced. They did have to sign a code of conduct (that included being chucked out if they snored!).

OP - I think you have extenuating circumstances and hopefully they can give you your own room, they certainly should.

On the whole I totally think a partner should be able to stay. The only sleep I got in the three days I was in is when he was there holding my baby as she just cried in the cot.

I think it's safe to say op does understand how it feels to be alone and vulnerable van. Hence why she doesn't want that feeling increasing with the presence of unknown men when she's at her most vulnerable.

Following your logic would it be ok if op brought along a pet guard dog breed to stay because she was feeling vulnerable and emotionally needed it to be there? Or would the potential discomfort of other patients trump that need? Because that's no different to inflicting a partner on other women.

Great if everyone is ok with partners there, but if not it isn't discrimination for the patients right to a single sex ward to be honoured.

Should have voted Labour imo

Except on a children's ward, the parent who stays is well. On a postnatal ward, the mother likely won't be. So the father is there for the baby.

Whether he's the biological father or not - he is there for that baby. You will get some arseholes, but as any scan of Mumsnet will confirm, that's not an exclusively male trait.

Yes, the NHS should provide care to women who need it. But I don't think it's unreasonable to allow fathers to care for their newborns, and instead allow overstretched staff to care for the mothers.

Does anyone who’s been in a ward with a partners overnight policy know how the ward handled women who weren’t comfortable with it? Did they do separate bays or something? I know there are private rooms, but there are never enough of those. Making plans for potential DC 2 at the moment and rather worried that both my nearby hospitals have this policy now.

Fathers should care for their newborns if they’re in private rooms, absolutely. If they’re on a shared ward, then women should get the same rights to single-sex accommodation that they would elsewhere, not be told to lump it because most people aren’t arseholes.

This is the root of the issue - my view is people have a right to arsehole free accommodation.

I see no reason to distinguish based on sex.

People are in hospital because they are ill. It makes no difference if the other ill person next to them is male or female.

I'd take a quiet, polite, considerate man over an arsehole woman any day of the week.

I see no reason to distinguish based on sex.

That’s fine for you, but the NHS does see a reason, as do a lot of patients like the OP. “I wouldn’t care, so you should put up with it” isn’t any kind of policy.

And I agree there should be private rooms for people, like the OP, who have very good reasons for not wanting to share.

But my hope is they would be the exception rather than the norm

Not necessarily - you can have people who give birth who identify as male

In hospitals wards are single sex. So yes hospitals do take this into account

Not all wards. Children's wards are unisex, as is intensive care

I’m thankful that the maternity unit where I live serves a lot of the religious Muslim and Jewish communities- no talk what so ever of allowing for men to sleep on the wards!

The ward I work on isn't single sex @crunchymint but we'd never have males and females sharing a bay or a toilet.

@NimbleKnitter they may well identify as male but they will most definitely be biologically female if they are giving birth.

Intensive care and children's wards are clearly different to other types of wards, and not similar to post natal wards at all.

I identify as a billionaire. Oops, that's done nothing to my bank account.

@TheVanguardSix it's not discrimination. Many hospitals, including the one where I recently had DS2, don't allow partners overnight. They can be there for 12 hours, 11am to 11pm. The NHS's stated aim is to have single sex facilities - why should post natal women be excluded from that?

Partners should only be allowed to stay overnight where there are individual rooms, preferably with en suite bathrooms or separate toilet facilities to those for the women on the ward.

Both times I've given birth, we were placed over night in a small 3/4 bed ward, my partner stayed as did the partners of the other occupants, it was a wonderful bonding time just the three of us behind our little curtain, and having him there to help me whilst I recovered from my stitches etc was a god send. I would understand for reasons stated on here if men were banned but personally I am so glad we shared that time together.

It’s a long way from ideal but I would change to be under a different hospital.

Even if your current hospital says you can have a private room, it will only be if one is available at the time and nobody with a greater need has it (and relatively common things like being MRSA positive would count) or needs it so you are moved. The worry of not knowing for certain would be too much for me and the last thing you want is to be stressing about this whilst in labour.

Not really up to you though is is? If someone identifies as male, they are male.

Same as religion - if someone identifies as Jewish/Muslim/Buddhist, really isn't anyone else's business

They can identify all they want, but you have to have a uterus, a biologically female organ, to give birth.

True. So they would be male with a uterus.

Problem?

Um, only because you appear to try to be creating one, Nimble. But please, carry on if it suits your agenda.