Posifrickentive into 2018 - thread 20 for those pregnant after mc

[MsJuniper]

New thread - bringing lots of happiness, support and understanding through Christmas and into the new year!

Thanks guys still can't quite believe it!

How is everyone doing??

Agh, after gingerly walking around for a week while everything was icy, this evening I managed to fall over getting out of my car. I was in a hurry to get home as desperate for the loo and didn't realise my heel was caught in my bag. Went down quite hard but I think I must have been trying to protect the bump instinctively as I kind of bent my knee so it would take the impact. Now have a very sore knee and a bit of worry going on, although the baby is kicking away and all seems normal so hopefully got away with it. Luckily winter coat and "natural padding" will also have protected me. Really don't need anything else to worry about though!

Hope you're all having more successful evenings than me...

Oh crikey MsJuniper thats scary. I skidded a few times last week when walking the dog and my heart was in my mouth!! You might need some ice on your knee.

My evening not successful either. I've got flu
I had the jab a few months ago so trust me to go and catch another strain! I'm over the worst of it but my main concern is that for 5 nights I've only been getting 2 - 3 hours sleep due to blocked sinuses (ouch!!) and coughing a lung up every 10 seconds. I mean I was already pretty tired prior to flu, now I can not function at all. The Ovia app on my phone kindly reminded me that I should to be getting more rest to support development of baby

forever I feel for you, proper flu is the pits. I’m glad you’re over the worst of it. Thing is, all sorts of vulnerable women have perfectly normal babies, like alcoholics, Heroine addicts, people in war zones... refugees. I try and remind myself of this when I stress about another cold (I’m on my 3rd cold in this pregnancy and one lasted 6 long weeks), or the fact I don’t get enough sleep or if I accidentally had too much caffeine one day... baby will be fine 👍

juniper it’s really icy here, I don’t know how I haven’t fallen over! I did in my last pregnancy and went over so badly on my ankle I ended up in a and e. No one at the hospital was particularly concerned about baby as I didn’t fall on my bump and movements were fine, so you’re grand.
I also banged my car door onto the bump a few weeks ago 🙀 it hurt so much I nearly cried. Again, baby fine. They’ve a lot of padding in there.
Make sure you rest your knee and get DH to wait on you
Welcome grumpy 👋

I meant not !!

@msjuniper I had a similar experience in my last pregnancy at 36 weeks! I had a really terrible fall on some ice, my back went into spasm and I couldn’t get up! I was taken to a&e and they did a scan of my baby there and all was well! I think those bumps are very resilient!

@TheGrumpySquirrel I’m also early - only 5/6 weeks :) there’s another antenatal thread for August babies if you want to join that too! It’s on the antenatal club section

Thanks @Babydreaming I'm on the August thread, but to be honest it's been quite anxiety inducing reading everyone moaning about their morning sickness so I've had to step away. My miscarriage was physically traumatic and I have a phobia of feeling ill at the best of times. Still feeling totally normal but I'm expecting the symptoms to kick in around 5.5-6 weeks like last time. I didn't vomit but felt exhausted and nauseous often.

Thanks for the positive messages! Feeling fine this morning so think all ok.

@TheGrumpySquirrel I haven't been able to join in any other AN threads, I follow the April one from time to time (even though will likely have the baby in March) to see how people are doing.

juniper sorry about your knee, I hope
it's better today. Hope you feel better about the fall as well, I totally get the anxiety, but as long as the baby is kicking away you will be absolutely fine. The worry never end, does it? I just wish the next weeks and months away.

Hopeful I'm sure nature would have given us better immunity during pregnancy if the flu was dangerous for the baby. But it is of course the last thing you need, so lots and lots of sympathy to you.

Welcome grumpy, I hope your stay here becomes a long and good one, as I wish for all of us. As for nausea and exhaustion I also suffer badly from that (7+4 today) and have in all my pregnancies. I have to say, though, that this time around I find it to be a welcomed distraction. It is so overwhelming that I find it dampens the anxiety that something may go wrong again somewhat.

Speaking of which, we had our annual Christmas party yesterday. And I felt mostly fine, after two weeks of utter exhaustion and nausea throughout the day. And today I'm still ok, despite a short night. I even enjoyed my daily coffee. Of course I'm entering into panicking mode. It's all so stressful. It probably also doesn't help that when my mmc was discovered, they estimated that the baby had died on the day of last years Christmas party. And while I'm normally a very rational person, I now have this sinking feeling that something is wrong. Argh, I'm sure I will fell really bad again very soon and laugh about my own irrationality.

4+1 and have stopped testing but feel in total limbo not knowing if it's going to stick. Seems an eternity to wait until I can get a scan at 7/8 weeks in January. Want to try and stay positive over Christmas.

@TheGrumpySquirrel I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through. I’m 5.5 weeks and my symptoms are only just starting to kick in. Do whatever keeps you calmest :)

These early days are really tough! I’m already counting down the days to my 12 week scan. Even though I know it’ll (hopefully) only give me momentary relief!

Congratulations and welcome Grumpy.

Ouch, your poor knee MrsJ. I am glad baby seems fine though.

I hope you feel like crap again soon Notparticularly. I did feel in my firs trimester that my mental health and sickness levels were inversely correlated. Significant days are really hard to get through, especially if you end up able to be in the same position the next year. Wishing you many happy hours of puking

I have been away for an advent retreat in a monastery. It was very peaceful and, given the population of people attending is largely retired ladies, my bump was very popular indeed. I think it made many people happy to see it.

brenna A retreat in a monastery sounds amazing! I’m setting up my own business at the moment and would love a few days away from anything electronic! Did you organise it through a church?

particularly I found the early days hard, I almost didn’t want to get attached to the baby because I didn’t want the devastation when it all ended... I also had my symptoms come and go which drove me mad. I recommend keeping busy and having a chat with your midwife (if you have one yet). Those 2 things kept me sane.
I’m 31 weeks now and am still impatient of the weeks going by, and I still worry... but it is less these days.

I've been struggling a lot with 'not feeling ill enough', which in a way is a ridiculous 'problem'. DH cheered me up a lot by pointing out that I just discount any symptoms I do have - he was astonished when I casually mentioned that I feel nauseated about 50% of the time (which only happened after I hit 8 weeks), and said 'But you've been crying about not having morning sickness?!'. I said that it doesn't count because it's only a mild feeling, and I never feel like I might actually be sick. He said 'I'm pretty certain that other women who feel like that consider themselves to have morning sickness', and maybe he's right? I'm also sleeping about 11 hours a night, having a lot of, ahem, digestive issues, and I am ludicrously bloated (my jeans don't fit). I think I have unrealistic expectations of pregnancy symptoms - I basically want a neon sign flashing to tell me 'you're still pregnant', and I guess I want to feel completely different. But I don't, I just feel a bit rundown and ill, but basically normal.

I thought I'd feel so much better when I passed the point where I lost the other pregnancies - and I'm lucky because that's early, I've never been more than 7 weeks before - but it just feels like this step into the unknown, and I can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong with me so this can't last. I succumbed to temptation and booked another scan (a private one, this time - quite annoyingly, I would normally have got a final 'extra' NHS scan at EPU at 10.5 weeks, but that's Boxing Day and they're not doing routine/reassurance ones over Christmas/NY, and by the time they're back to normal it'll nearly be time for the 12 week scan) for Wednesday - just felt like I couldn't get through Christmas without knowing there's still something in me!

I also have a very personal question - apologies and no worries if people don't want to answer! Did everyone else carry on having sex as normal? We've had sex exactly once since we found out I was pregnant. Part of me thinks that's fine because we're both fine with it (DH is very, very reluctant - I think he's absolutely terrified that it'll cause something to go wrong, even though we both know logically that that's not the case), another part of me worries that we're never going to have sex again!

Lisa, everything you're experiencing sounds very familiar. My ms was very mild in my first pregnancy, stronger in this one but I was never actually sick. And often it was more aversions. The digestive issues sound a very big symptom!

Regarding sex - no, not full sex and when we did recently I managed to get a really bad uti so tbh I'm steering clear for now. That might be just me; my mother said she was very prone to utis in pregnancy and I've had two now when I never get them. Very high sex drive but have to ahem work around it.

I didn't feel more confident at all till after my nhs scan. I briefly did after the harmony test scan but it didn't last long, partly as I know scans are snapshots and partly as then I was waiting for results. I think something to do with being in the 'normal' routine pregnancy system helped a lot, plus mc after then is much rarer.

With my first I had a couple of other health things going on (which we are so far on top of this time) and the anxiety really got to me. I ended up having to be signed off work and seeing the perinatal team. Nothing they said really helped - giving birth helped really! I think sharing your thoughts here is really helpful; I found the best thing was after calling PANDAS and the woman I spoke to told me she wasn't surprised I was anxious as I had a lot on my plate. I do think the same for you - your feelings are very reasonable given what you've been through. And I do belong it will get a little better. Kicks can help (as long as you feel them consistently - I went through a phase recently of only on some days; it's daily now at 19 weeks) and simply creeping nearer to your due date (and viability) really help.

Sorry I need to catch up on the thread. Huge welcome and congratulations to newcomers! I'm delighted for you Grumpy, I remember you from the ttc thread.

It was lovely Mogul. The monastery runs them themselves. They are catholic Redemptorists. We went there between christmas and new year for a healing retreat, which had a lot more in the programme and was exhausting but very instructive - lots of talks on self esteem and forgiveness. This was an advent one, so lots of prayer sessions and short talks on advent and being a better person etc. It is in the hills on the outsirts of Perth and is surrounded by wood and farmland.

I think it is quite normal to keep worrying, even when you are in new territory Lisa. I still do now. It does get easier then later you get. Luckily this little one is an almost constant wriggler. Feeling them bump and thud around definitely helps. I haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnant. I had a bleed start after sex in one of my previous pregnancies and that was the end of that game for me, I daren't risk it now.

Oh Lisa, you poor thing. You clearly do have many symptoms if you feel nauseous half of the time and sleep 11 hours every night! But even if you didn't, I don't think it necessarily is very informative about how things are progressing. Some people go through pregnancy without any nausea whereas some people throw up for nine months. This is my fourth pregnancy and I have had bad nausea with them all from about six weeks, and still lost one of them (and perhaps this, I don't know yet...). But the anxiety from your mcs will probably not go away until the baby is born. I get some comfort when mogul says that it does get easier (thanks for that!). I also try to remind myself that after a good scan at 10-12 weeks, mc rates fall substantially. It's no guarantee, but at least odds will be on your side.

As for sex, we have also done it exactly once since I discovered I was pregnant. I am so exhausted that I am simply not in the mood. These things will improve in the second trimester for most people, so I wouldn't worry to much.

Big hugs to you, this is all so stressful.

Thanks for the lovely messages all - it feels good to have got it off my chest and to know that other people feel the same.

My private scan is on Wednesday, which is ludicrous really as it's only a week and a day after my last one. I really wanted one for Friday when I'd be exactly 10 weeks, but I guess a lot of people want pre-Christmas scans because I couldn't find anywhere around us that had a slot for then.

Thank you @Ekphrasis !!

I’ve optimistically booked a harmony test + private scan for 29 January. I’ll be 10+2. It’s free to cancel and booking it won’t change anything now but it feels good to have a date to work towards. My plan is to do the next digital test at 6 weeks, EPU scan at 8 weeks and then harmony at 10 weeks. You pay an extra £85 for the scan but as my mmc was discovered at 9+6 I don’t think I can do it without a scan too.

Hi ladies - just updating on the MIL issue... she seems to have backed off a little which has been a huge relief. My DH said something to her and she's not been calling. Because I'm a worrier I'm now worrying that we've hurt her feelings, but it's been good to have some respite from the calling and symptom interrogation.

Which leads me on to the fact that my symptoms have completely vanished for around 3 days now. I don't have nausea, I'm not tired, I've stopped needing the loo in the night, I'm sleeping well and I don't feel pregnant in any way. Feeling really anxious about the whole thing. Our 12 week scan is on 27th December, and I've been unable to get a private scan anywhere so will have to wait it out.

We've had 2 MMCs both discovered at 12 week scans. I'm really worried. I'm adding to my worry because DS comes back from his Dad's on 26th December (I'm already very upset about missing Christmas with him). I don't want our mood to effect his Christmas if it's bad news. I hate this uncertainty and anxiety so much.

I really really feel for those of you who are going through the Christmas period in early pregnancy - you're wishing time away and worrying and the last thing you need is everyone else drinking and making merry around you. Having to wait for scans etc is going to compound the whole thing. Even now at 24 weeks I feel a bit like that but it is so heightened in the early stages.

@LisaSimpsonsbff I had very little sickness in any of my pregnancies, just occasional nausea and excessive tiredness. One morning I felt very dizzy and retched a bit but that was it. Everyone's experience is so different that unfortunately it doesn't tell us much. What you're feeling seems totally reasonable to me though.

Until my mc I had no idea there was such an industry in scans and private scans!

Me neither - if I'm honest I think I was a bit scornful about all that kind of thing, but then I was convinced when we started TTC-ing that I was going to be a super chill pregnant woman who ignored the more hysterical of the guidelines around food, drink, etc., who did everything as normal (I had some vision of myself playing tennis at eight months pregnant, which is odd as I haven't played tennis in about a decade) and who wouldn't become one of those boring women who are obsessed with their pregnancies... Eighteen months and three MCs on...