Unwanted Abortion

[ThisDevilWearsPrimark]

I'll be brief because it's really hurting me to write this for advice- any kind of advice. I know that I've done wrong so please don't judge as I feel bad enough already.

I met a (married) man online and have been seeing him for just over 2 years. He has a family and so do I. We see each other only very occasionally as he lives just under 3 hours away.

Anyway- long story short, I am 2-3 weeks pregnant by him and my sensible head is saying to abort the baby (I was always so set against it). My heart however, is saying that I'll manage- allbeit at the cost of my family, my marriage and most probably my job. I'm in bits, my head is all over the place and only the 2 of us know about this baby. I know that I've done wrong and been very selfish in what I want- I'm just desperate for advice.

Oh and, my OH has made it clear in the past that he doesn't want a second baby...ever, something what I've resented him for for over 4 years as I always did. HELP!

I find it so very interesting on the people defending this woman, she came on here for advice yet continues to take her own advice and lie. How would you all feel if your partner was cheating on you with another woman for god knows how long, had her knocked up and then continued to play happy families with you while playing happy families with her, but came on here to post his ‘regret’ while doing nothing about it Lol any man would be crucified if he came on here with that story. Absolute Hippocrates the lots of you who feel sorry for this compulsive liar

It’s not the mistake that makes her selfish or a bad person, it’s the continuing to lie and deceive after having time to think on it and having some pretty sound advice that she asked for.

If it was a mistake she would have fixed it a long time ago. She hasn't spent the last 2 + years accidentally tripping and falling on some random married guys penis.
She has done this with intent and loathing for her husband and his decision to not want any more children.
You know fully the consequences of these actions. If it was a one off maybe but 2+ years and a baby on the way later and this is still being called a mistake!?
It's only a mistake because a child has been conceived out of the lies and secrecy of this long winded affair.
It is only a mistake now because things are about to be unearthed which will cause disruptions in people's lives.

For that period of time you known What you are getting yourself in for and it's not a happy ending in some way or another.

Have I been in a situation like this before? I've been cheated on yes. But I found someone who wasn't a 1st class arsehole and moved on to someone I adore and now have a baby on the way.
Would i do what she has done?
Never. I would sooner leave someone to persue my own happiness than have a situation like this happen. I believe if you are truly that unhappy or don't get anything from a relationship, move on and save the hurt and bullshit.
If I did something like that I would have owned up to it years ago.

I know women who would give their left leg to be able to settle down and have a family with someone but due to disabilities / mental health they never have.

I ain't on any high horse and I'm not the one losing any sleep over this mess. Shut up with your preaching the bible has a lot more to say about her than it does us so take your righteousness elsewhere.

I can not condone actions that are just blatantly shitty. This is no mistake this is just a rabbit in the headlights looking for the most convenient escape route.

For God's sake, woman, get your shit together. Enough already with all this self-flagellating, self-indulgent rubbish about how much you're suffering and how sad you are and how you deserve it. And stop acting like people have advised you to suck it up and terminate. Virtually nobody has advised that.

Your marriage and the dream of a traditional family are dead. Dead dead dead, and they were killed by your actions of having a two-year affair and getting pregnant by a married man. Why, in God's name, would you get an abortion you obviously don't want to save a marriage to a man you clearly hate and want to punish? A man you are blaming for not noticing what's happening, even though maybe just maybe he has no reason to suspect that his wife is pregnant by someone else? You say you want to punish yourself, but I say you really want to punish him. What are you so afraid of?

It's other people who will suffer most by your actions, not you. If you love your baby so much, accept it, come clean and face the consequences. Grow up.

If the boot was on the other foot and OP came on upset that her DH had been playing away and got another woman pregnant then we would all be sympathising with her, because its despicable to cheat on someone like that and there are no excuses for it.
Why, just because shes female and pregnant by this OM should we justify her actions and agree with what shes done? Its disgusting. The truth will come out in the end it always finds a way to bite you on the arse.

@Hannabee123 tripping and falling on some married guys penis 😂😂😂😂😂

@xxmissbrightsidexx so bloody true!!!

However, thankfully, many of us live in the real world where life is far more complicated and we understand that people need compassion not judgement when they are hurting.

My compassion is reserved for those caught up in this shit through no fault of their own. The Ops DH and the OM DW who let's not forget is at home looking after the DC whilst he is comforting the OP and no doubt was doing the same for the past 2 years whilst they have been happily shagging.

I went to an Anglican school and one of the best lessons that Christianity teaches is that of letting those without sin cast the first stone. Whether or not you are Christian that is a good rule. Don't judge, lest you be judged.

I have no interest in religion. Full stop.

First para should be in bold

I feel for the children and wife in this situation. The outcome of this affair is a child, a sibling his children should never need to face up to. How utterly cruel.

Let me just tell you , I’m a year out from discovering an affair. Every day I consider ending it all, my life has been a lie and I trust noone. I love on antidepressants and in counselling, something I NEVER needed. Every day I ask myself how a woman can knowlingly take part in destroying another woman’s life. Anyone who takes part in an affair knowing there is a family is just as to blame as the man in my option.

You know what, the choice is yours. But you are sitting on a time bomb and it’s not just you you need to think about. You’re playing the part in destroying a family just as much he is and innocent children are involved.

Get your shit together and start looking out for the sisterhood rather than your own pleasure

Hi, OBVIOUSLY it is 100% up to you, but here are my thoughts and what I would do - If you are having an affair, and don't feel about your husband the way you should, then I would end it. There's a high chance your daughter will grow up knowing that you are unhappy with her father anyway, is that really best for her?
And if the guilt of having an abortion is unbearable now, it would only get worse if you went through with it. I can't imagine living with the regret of that for my whole life. Also if you are getting an abortion partially for the sake of your husband it may only cause you to resent him further, just making it worse and worse to the point you couldn't live with him anyway.
Do what your heart tells you to do

Also I would say your husband deserves to know the truth, even though it will be horrible for him. As someone else said, he still has a chance to find happiness with someone else.

Op your marriage is clearly over anyway. So I would compartmentalize each thing. Marriage. Baby. Other man. Marriage - over. Baby - sounds like you want to keep baby, dont rush your decision. Other man - you need to think about that one. Whatever decision you make is going to have negative consequences. Dont abort a baby you actually want to remain in a marriage you dont want.

Just giving an update- it all came out about everything but DH is determined not to seperate/divorce although we have talked and cried lots about it. He's begged me to syay although it's killed our relationship. For me, there's only one way to go from here...

I had the medical abortion yesterday after 2 failed attempts to go through with it and as you can imagine I'm feeling pretty down about it. So many emotions going through my head and instantly regretting it every single second of the day. I lose.

Thank you for your positive advice, those of you who've contributed to the thread. Miss my baby so much regardless of who the father is.

I'm done.

I feel sad he had to beg you even though he did nothing wrong. I hope he heals soon

I’m glad that your husband knows the truth now.
I am sorry that you’re struggling with your decision

So am I, Mrsmumtobe . Thank you. Never thought that I could live someone so much- someone I've never even met. Hurting like crazy and I wish that I'd never gone through with it.

*love

Your poor partner is all I can say.

Thank you for your input June .

Tough decision but at least you aren’t impacting on the OMs family. They didn’t deserve the pain of a product of an affair.

That product being a baby. A real life person.

Nothing further to discuss on this thread. I'm through with everything.

Thank you everyone who's participated in this thread - both useful advice and not-so.

I wish everyone well.

I’m sorry you’re hurting. Pretty surprised you went through with it after very obviously not wanting to do so and going against so many people’s advice. If your marriage is one sided I really don’t think there’s any point you continuing in it just for the sake of your daughter. You have massively betrayed your husband. What about the wife and children of the OM? Do they know of the full situation? So many people have been hurt. I only hope you are able to work out what’s best for everyone involved.

That product being a baby. A real life person

Yeah just as real and with feelings as your husband and everyone else involved.

You’re a bit selective in who you care about.