Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Unwanted Abortion

180 replies

ThisDevilWearsPrimark · 02/11/2017 09:28

I'll be brief because it's really hurting me to write this for advice- any kind of advice. I know that I've done wrong so please don't judge as I feel bad enough already.

I met a (married) man online and have been seeing him for just over 2 years. He has a family and so do I. We see each other only very occasionally as he lives just under 3 hours away.

Anyway- long story short, I am 2-3 weeks pregnant by him and my sensible head is saying to abort the baby (I was always so set against it). My heart however, is saying that I'll manage- allbeit at the cost of my family, my marriage and most probably my job. I'm in bits, my head is all over the place and only the 2 of us know about this baby. I know that I've done wrong and been very selfish in what I want- I'm just desperate for advice.

Oh and, my OH has made it clear in the past that he doesn't want a second baby...ever, something what I've resented him for for over 4 years as I always did. HELP!

OP posts:
WitchesHatRim · 15/11/2017 13:43

So more time passes where you are stringing your DH along, having an affair and having someone else's baby.

OM was with me and was a great support

While his DW is at home looking after their DC with no idea he is shagging someone else.

Of course whether you decide to do with regards to your pregnancy is yours to make.

The way however you and OM are lying being deceitful can't continue and is quite cruel.

Hannabee123 · 15/11/2017 13:54

I wouldn't waste any more time commenting. It's obvious she's going to drag this out and lie to him as long as possible. This thread is extremely infuriating so just let her get on with it and hope the husband or the other man's wife finds out and it's all bought to light and they can move on.
It's deceitful and disgusting beyond words continuing to carry someone else's child and act like everything is fine.
I believe in karma to a degree and I bloody hope I'm right.
Anyway that's me done now so yeah I hope he finds out or the cheating blokes wife finds out and they find someone who will treat them how they should be treated in a relationship. Not taken for idiots by people who are so childish, irresponsible and cant even own up to their own shitty actions.

BigBaboonBum · 15/11/2017 14:33

^agreed

thelittlethingz · 15/11/2017 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MynewnameisKy · 15/11/2017 14:55

As each week goes by it's getting harder and harder to let go. At least I can take care of my baby for another week.

I think you have answered your own question. It won't be easy but then neither option is easy and you can't change what's happened now.

Original poster
ThisDevilWearsPrimark · 15/11/2017 19:30

Thank you Sej and Ky. It's really good to hear your advice and I'm sorry Sej that you've been through the same thing as I. If any of you knew me in RL you would realise that I truly am not the person that you've decided that I am, quite clearly. I have just made a really stupid, massive mistake- I am fully aware of that- and it would be judgemental of me to assume that everyone else has never made any mistakes in their lives...ever??

It is because I am usually so family-orientated, etc. ...is why I am actually really petrified and unsure of how to handle this so I'll thank you for not making assumptions of my life as you do not know me. At all.

Thank you for those who have given me some good advice- it is truly appreciated. As for what happens next...I really do not know. Thanks everyone for your input. Goodbye.

OP posts:
MagicMoneyTree · 15/11/2017 19:37

You handle it by coming clean to your husband and facing the consequences. Your decision about whether or not to terminate is yours alone, but most people who’ve replied on here are in agreement that stringing your husband along for several more months just so you can have some bullshit happy family Christmas is just really cruel.

WitchesHatRim · 15/11/2017 19:41

It is because I am usually so family-orientated, etc

Yet you were/are having an on going affair for years.

You need to come clean to your DH!

Hannabee123 · 15/11/2017 19:49

So your hiding all of this from him because you are a good person Hmm

Okay then. Whatever helps you sleep at night

Discombobulated42 · 15/11/2017 19:51

I was in a not dissimilar situation 10 years ago. Went to the abortion clinic, couldn't go through with it. It's right for some people, just not for me at that time. Lots of upset all round, but long term the best decision I ever made........my son is now 19 and at university. If your gut instinct is not to have an abortion then don't have one x

Sej1981 · 15/11/2017 21:45

I wish you all the very best and hope you manage to come to the right decision.
I’m sorry that so many people on here have been so heartless, clearly they have been blessed with a far more straight forward life, lucky them.
Take care of yourself xxxx

WitchesHatRim · 15/11/2017 22:22

I’m sorry that so many people on here have been so heartless, clearly they have been blessed with a far more straight forward life, lucky them

Having an affair for years is a choice the OP has made. No one forced her into it. That's an active choice.

My feelings are for those caught up in this mess that are being lied to constantly.

MagicMoneyTree · 15/11/2017 22:29

It’s not heartless to consider other people’s feelings in all this - far from it. Can’t imagine how it must feel to find out about all the lying months down the line when it could be done now. Why drag it out? The affair has still happened, the baby has still been conceived. Continuing to lie to significant others who are non the wiser? Now THAT is heartless.

thelittlethingz · 15/11/2017 22:33

My message got deleted. Truth hurts huh! Your right you must be a really family oriented person cheating on your husband and still lying to him. Your child must be so proud.

thelittlethingz · 15/11/2017 22:33

@MagicMoneyTree so true!!!!

Sej1981 · 16/11/2017 07:46

The op is already going through an awful time.
How dare you women judge her when you’ve never been in her situation.
This is a place where people come for help and advice and I’m ashamed at those of you who just saw it as an opportunity to be no more than a school yard bully.
Disgusting
If you had no advice or help to offer you should stay quiet.

Hannabee123 · 16/11/2017 08:03

I don't give a flying xxxx if you are ashamed of me sej.
School yard bully!?
She IS getting advice and the advice from several women has been to own up to her actions, talk to her husband and see what can be worked out and keep the child as that's obviously what she wants.
Many women have stressed the advice of telling her husband. Not only because it's the right thing to do but a secret like this is best out and dealing with things will becoe so much easier without it hanging over her head and she can move on with having the child.
It has infuriated and disgusted many women that she can not be responsible enough to tell her husband and continue to lie / act like nothing's wrong and have a 'perfect family christmas"

I'm so glad that you can sit there and justify her actions when it is the wrong way to go about this for everyone involved.
I'm glad you can stick up for her from us "school yard bullies".
Everything that's happening now she's just bringing on herself and as I said previously if she's unwilling to own up to her own shitty actions I hope they find out one way or another.

Greenieland · 16/11/2017 08:13

I agree with all you have said Hanna and of course Sej is can justify OP’s action as she herself has done the same. Urg these two should stick together. Deceitful, shameless and selfish people who have no consideration for the innocent partners involved in all this.

MagicMoneyTree · 16/11/2017 08:40

If a man had come on here and posted this, he’d have been absolutely ripped to shreds, so no I don’t really think the op has been given an especially hard time. I really don’t see what’s wrong with advising the up to tell her husband the truth now and take things from there. I genuinely don’t understand how anyone could keep this up for so long. I would be absolutely devastated to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour, even if my relationship had been troubled for whatever reason.

thelittlethingz · 16/11/2017 11:17

@Sej1981 lol oh yeah I have had a partner who cheated on me with another woman for almost a year, so pipe down, the woman’s a cheat and needs to face up to the mess she has got herself into, instead of the rolling pity party

WitchesHatRim · 16/11/2017 11:36

How dare you women judge her when you’ve never been in her situation.

You no nothing about others experiences.

This is a place where people come for help and advice

Exactly. Not a pat on the head and willfully agreeung with someone because tgey hapoen ti be the same sex as you.

and I’m ashamed at those of you

You know nothing about me so your opinion holds no weight.

If you had no advice or help to offer you should stay quiet.

You have no right to police what people post

HTH.

WitchesHatRim · 16/11/2017 11:37

*will fully agreeing because they happen to be...

Iris65 · 16/11/2017 12:01

Having an affair for years is a choice the OP has made. No one forced her into it. That's an active choice.

It must be so nice to live in a world that is so simple and balck and white.

However, thankfully, many of us live in the real world where life is far more complicated and we understand that people need compassion not judgement when they are hurting.

Iris65 · 16/11/2017 12:08

As for 'no consideration', sometimes people make mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes continue for long periods time, but, and you need to read this carefully: this does not make them bad or wrong or selfish or any of the other judgements that you are heaping on TDWP and anyone who understands her.

I went to an Anglican school and one of the best lessons that Christianity teaches is that of letting those without sin cast the first stone. Whether or not you are Christian that is a good rule. Don't judge, lest you be judged.

So climb off your high horses and go and put your time and energy to better use.

thelittlethingz · 16/11/2017 12:17

@Iris65 not interested in your religious preaching

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread