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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Did you find out the sex of your baby? Why?

195 replies

Rosehyd2 · 26/06/2017 17:05

I always thought I'd want to know, that I couldn't wait, it'd make it feel so real. Now I'm pregnant I was certain I didn't want to know, in case they told me wrong. I don't have a preference but tend to get carried away day dreaming with ideas.

Now, I'm not sure if I do or don't want to know! My husband didn't but now does - we are both confused.

We have a lot of time to decide but keen to hear others experiences.

Did you or will you find out? What swayed it for you?

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AriannaBlack · 27/06/2017 20:57

I am too excited not to find out.
I like to pick names out before the birth.
I also like to buy more than just gender neutral clothing and other baby buys.
I'm having twins this time so it's twice the excitement.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 27/06/2017 21:09

We did with DS and DD
We are not with this third and final baby. I am curious to see if finding out at the grand finale really is any. more "magical" than it is lying on the couch in the dim room, hand gripping my husband's, my heart in my mouth to know if they were healthy, then the words from the sonographer than changes my baby into my son or my daughter.

Either way think most of us have good reasons for finding out or not. At the end of the day does it really matter to anyone else? You don't need to justify either way. Your baby..your decision.....

Lnfb85 · 27/06/2017 21:13

I didn't want to know with first. We didn't find out.

I've heard of three different people being told the wrong gender. One lady was a midwife and had extra scans, was told she was having a girl and thought the same herself, decorated the room had personalised items made and put popped a boy...

I didn't want to risk that. But I guess if you had further tests done or a 4d scan it would be accurate and ok?

I'm pregnant now. I decided early on that it would depend upon our son. If he was adamant he wanted a brother (or a sister) we would have found out (with a 4d scan) in order to prepare him if it was the opposite. But as he just wants a brother or sister and doesn't mind which I feel confident that he'll be happy with whichever gender and he's just desperate to be a big brother so again we aren't finding out.

It's a very personal decision. Personally I like not knowing and finding out gender and name when the baby pops out rather than knowing all of this information beforehand.

But it really is each to their own and you need to do what you feel comfortable and happy with. There is no right or wrong. And everyone is entitled to their own opinion and ways of doings things. I judge no one for their choices. Just know what my choice is.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 27/06/2017 21:17

@beargrass i agree in part with the ghastly gender reveal, buy buy buy twaddle, but not everybody who gender has a massive disconnect or comedown. Actually some people find out to try and manage gender disappointment and deal with the feelings of having s girl or boy that wasn't what they wanted. Sorry that sounds awful I'm not being harsh about gender disappointment and I don't mean they want a girl like they want a certain handbag, but I think you get my gist.

Yes, sometimes they get it wrong, and I think that could be the best reason not to go on one scan result alone, I suspect that is way more traumatic for some women than not having the gender they wanted.

I have to say though, that knowing I was having a boy and then a girl didn't exacerbate and build up of fantasy v reality. In fact it probably encouraged me to see the, as a human being in their own right and not just a cute little bundle.

snailmum · 27/06/2017 21:21

I think this is very much personal choice. I have three children (two boys then a girl) and i didn't find out the sex of any of them! I wanted a surprise at the end of 9 months of really bad sickness (with all three), it gave me a focus!

Tazerface · 27/06/2017 21:24

@beargrass - I think mine and beardotdo experiences prove exactly what you don't understand - that different people feel or want different things.

BTW we didn't do any 'gender reveal' shite at all - it wasn't a thing 8 years ago anyway.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 27/06/2017 21:27

@Tazerface I agree it's entirely individual choice. It has no relevance on anyone's else anyway so what's the big deal?

The gender reveal thing though is getting very popular. Maybe not eight years ago but it is now. I do find that completely OTT... personally.

Luluandizzy · 27/06/2017 21:52

Yes. It helped me to form a little identity of my baby and a bond. Also made buying things and déclaratif his room easier x

user1486076969 · 27/06/2017 21:55

Rafflesway · 27/06/2017 21:56

Absolutely not! (Although our dd is 25 now anyway - gender reveal had really only just become possible at that time.)

Still wouldn't want to know if I had my time over. Spoils it for me but each to their own.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 27/06/2017 22:01

I didn't want to know, because I'm a daydreamer and liked to imagine different endings. I know that sounds silly. I was convinced I was having a girl and when he was born I asked if they were sure he was a boy

pipnchops · 27/06/2017 22:08

We didn't find out with DD1 and it was great having the surprise when she was born and fun everyone guessing. I was convinced she was a boy myself! Second time though we found out we were having another DD at the 20wk scan.

I honestly 100% did not mind either way if we had a boy or girl and was just over the moon that it looked like we were growing another healthy baby. But in all honesty I felt it was a bit of an anticlimax when I found out and immediately wished we had waited until she was born.

Knowing did have it's plus sides though as we knew we could use all DD1s clothes etc (although a lot of the newborn stuff was neutral anyway as she'd been a surprise girl!) And we could choose her name in advance and start taking about her with DD1.

Anyway, this is a long winded way of saying that, having done both, I preferred not knowing until the baby was born. But to each their own!

Biscuits2or3 · 27/06/2017 22:20

We waited all 3 times. When my cousin and my bil/sil had their babies they'd found out the sex and somehow it seemed to take away some of the excitement from the birth announcements.

jamdonut · 27/06/2017 22:54

Nope...never found out with all 3 of mine.

I wanted the surprise of finding out what Id got when it happened!

I bought clothes that either a girl or boy could wear, usually nice mint greens or yellows, or white. I knew that family would get gender coloured stuff when they found out. I think it keeps life a lot simpler, to be honest.

I actually find it quite sad that people know before the event. Everyone is so impatient these days. What's wrong with waiting till it happens?

NameChange30 · 27/06/2017 22:59

What's wrong with finding out?

It's annoying me how judgy some people are being on this thread. As PPs have said it's a personal choice. No need to criticise people who make a different choice from you.

anna1313 · 27/06/2017 23:41

We found out. It gives the aunties something to talk about ;)

MelinaMercury · 28/06/2017 00:12

If you don't want to find out there are lots places that sell funky unisex babygrows, clothing and other baby bits which aren't dull, neutral colours.

Personally plain white was my favourite on DS and DD but they also had Frugi, Maxamorra, H&M, Kite clothing and Vertbaudet bits and pieces so it really didn't matter what sex they were tbh.

user1496701154 · 28/06/2017 00:16

I found out the sex as I wanted to know, I did ask OH if he wanted to know as well and he said just fine out. At the time was I was going throught alot of emotional tramuma due to my grandad having a heartattack and been in ICU and wanted to know if it was boy I was going to name after him. Unfortunately daid grandad died i had lived with him for ten years. We are having a little girl but still so excited and she is getting her middle name off my partner mam who sadly passed away when he was a teenager.

FreezerBird · 28/06/2017 00:22

I actually find it quite sad that people know before the event. Everyone is so impatient these days. What's wrong with waiting till it happens?

I would have agreed with that, right up until my 20 week scan with DS, when we were told about his disabilities. At the next scan (a few days later) we asked to find out whether the baby was a boy or a girl. We named him, and it was much easier to talk about him and think of him as a little individual rather than just 'a baby with disabilities'.

Same with DD. They weren't sure she'd make it to term so again we found out so we could name her and start to talk about her and think of her as our little girl A. It didn't take away any of the excitement of the birth announcement as we were really quite excited that she was alive.

newbian · 28/06/2017 00:35

jamdonut in that case it should all be a surprise then. Why have any scans or tests? Let's just see how the baby is at birth and not ruin it

I don't get why gender is a particularly special category when women are finding out all sorts of other info about the baby they're carrying. To me it's another piece of information like heart rate, leg length, head circumference, and the other data I get from scans.

noeffingidea · 28/06/2017 02:08

Didn't know with my first, as hospital policy didn't allow parents to be told the baby's sex.
Asked and was told during my 2nd pregnancy.
Didn't want to know for my 3rd.
It didn't really affect my feelings either way. Each time was equally exciting.

AnnaT45 · 28/06/2017 06:09

I agree some people come across as judgy when people found out. In the same vein I think people who say they couldn't have bonded without knowing are insensitive/wouldn't know either way.

Ultimately, and this sounds harsh, the only people who really care are the parents. Do what you want. You can have the excitement, prepare and bond either way.

I didn't find out either time because we never have any genuine surprises so we dragged it out whilst we could people also love guessing and talking about it towards the end which made it even more exciting when I was getting fed up! Kept me going in labour too But do what you want!

needsomesunshineandwine · 28/06/2017 07:19

Some of these comments are sad! I genuinely have no idea how people can get worked up over people finding out the gender of THEIR baby and vice versa.

It makes absolutely no difference to use, if you find out, awesome and if you didn't, cool!!

I found out with all of mine, and guess what....it was still a huge surprise meeting the small person myself and my husband made together and carried for 10 months.

There's no right or wrong here people!!

fuzzywuzzy · 28/06/2017 07:22

Yes we did, because we wanted to know.

NataliaOsipova · 28/06/2017 07:40

I actually find it quite sad that people know before the event. Everyone is so impatient these days. What's wrong with waiting till it happens?

If you go for a scan, that's when it does "happen", in that sense, as it is there, on a screen, for a sonographer to see. So, in effect, if you've gone for a scan (why do that? Why not wait? People years ago didn't.... - same sort of arguments), then you are asking for one particular piece of information to be withheld from you. Each to her own, but to me that's rather arbitrary.

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