20 week scan soon, am scared baby might be a boy

[WantingMorePink]

Have 3 lovely girls and am pg with 4th. I am hoping beyond hope that this baby is another girl. My scans on Tuesday and I'm making myself ill with thoughts it might be a boy.

I've been so lucky so far with getting girls, just praying its another beautiful girl. Anyone else have a gender preference?

I totally agree Soupy. WHenever one of these threads pop up you get the comments about be grateful you can have babies etc etc. I hate it when people tell you that you are wrong to have certain feelings as there a people worse of thanyou. I know there are, but that doesn't mean your feelings aren't important.

soupy, it's not unsupportive to comment that the OP was rather insensitive to those who have boys or have had mcs/problems ttc. That's not being stupid, it's an understandable reaction.

Worrying about having a boy in an otherwise healthy pregnancy does seem v trivial if you are wondering whether you've got a viable pregnancy or not. Many of us have been there!

that's not to sayshe's wrong to have these feelings nor that it's not natural etc etc.It's just thatshe could have expressed this concern a little more sensitively.

I have to say I agree completely with comeOveneer and Soupy. Who are we to judge other peoples emotional reaction to things?
Its all relative isn't it? When I have been counselling some one. I don't sit there thinking, "Oh yeah you think you've got problems, but my other clients are worse off than you". It makes no sense.
I have a vascular abnormality on my right leg, and remember some dim witted person telling me that I shouldn't be upset because some people don't have any legs, wtf
Whilst occasionally witnessing some else's suffering can make you stop and think and gain perspective. Thats a different thing from denying people the right to have their own emotions and problems iyswim

I agree with Soupdragon.

It is easy to be rational when you feel rational about something and are viewing it from a distance.

WMP says she is making herself ill - which shows she is not experiencing it the same as other people, for whatever reason.

WMP, I am sorry that you are not enjoying your pg. It sounds as if you have maybe built up a picture of one particular way a fmaily can work, and are panicking a bit because you can't envisage another scenario. Or that you are afraid that things will fall apart if your picture is not completed the way you can see it. Do you feel insecure?

Would it help to talk this through with your mw?

Anticipation of the unknown is often much harder than the lived reality. If your baby is a boy, you willknow for certain, and a different picture will start to come into focus in your head. It's funny - my friends who have girls, i just can't imagine them with boy...I still feel that it is a bit of a surprise when I see my friend with her second child, a boy, as i am 'used' to her as the Mum of a girl. I always envisaged having a little girl - it felt weird to imagine myself as the parent of a boy. But now I have one, I can't imagine what it would have been like if DS had been DD! If you do have a little boy, your girls will dote on him. You'll have to put up with loads of irritating comments about 'oh, a boy at last, now you can stop' etc etc - but if you have a girl the comments will be equally irritating.

You know, in your own heart, you were right when you decided that another baby was the thing you wnated...can you get back to that?

sweetheart you will love your baby when it comes

and your dds will love him/her no matter what

please try not to worry

I have to say, that in all the years I have been on MN, I have never heard anyone say "I had a boy but dearly wish he had been a girl". Once the baby is here, you will love him or her - period. Honestly

I hope you come back and read the supporting comments that are on here. I hope you are ok!

(are you on an antenatal thread by the way? I am guessing you would be on mine (due in July)). Do come and look in, we are very supportive of each other and our various worries.

when you are upset and anxious and concerend, you do not always worry about how expressing those concerns might affect anyone else

so , if you are in the midst of an emotional turmoil, it is not fair to be asked to be thinking of how someone else will perceive those remarks

like telling someone who is depressed, they need to get a grip, there is always someone worse off than you , doesn;t really help

Really, you won't mind one bit if it is a boy once he;s here.

I sobbed when I found out I was having another boy, I was absolutley gutted that I'd never have a girl.

Ds4 is 7weeks now and like I said earlier, come a spend the afternoon here with him and you'll only want a boy

I don't think comments like, "just be grateful it's alive" are stupid. They are true. Sometimes it helps to put things into perspective. "I've been so lucky so far with getting girls" is far more stupid IMO. It's bound to upset people.

WMP, I understand where you are coming from. It's not that you couldn't love a boy it's just that you feel SAFE with another girl, I'm sorry but who could really balme you for that you have 3 of them.

As for the sister bond, Umm that baby if a boy will be spoilt rotten by it's big sisters that is a fact.

My ds and dd are just adorable together, I am pg with no.3 now and will not be upsett either way but if I'm honest from a practical point I would like another girl. Only being practical, my ds is adorable and was a cuddly, scrummy bundle of fun, far more than dd who is independant, miserable, moody and sometimes she is already a B*h, she's only 18mths old! However I love the girly bit and we have fun doing Pretty things already.

I also agree with soupdragon and the others, it doesn't matter about anybody elses stuggles, MN is here for us to post OUR worries whatever thay may be, some may be big things and terible terrible experiences but not every one has these and poeple shouldn't feel bad to post smaller wories in fear of getting a "well, you should be greatful you are pg or that the baby is healthy" comment.

There have been some great posts on here, I hope you can take them and feel a little more positive, if the scan today shows a boy then it may take time to get used to the idea but you WILL without doubt forget all about your worries when that beautiful boy is placed in your arms. He will be different and bring some change but he will make you smile, cry, laugh and worry the same as your 3 girls do now.

Ladytophamhat, that is it in a nutshell really, you are soooooooooooooooooo right.

Yuck, girls

I can understand exactly what you mean WMP. I had one DD and when I was pregnant again I was convinced I was having another DD. I didn't not want a boy but was just convinced I would be having two girls, based on some theory that because DH has 6 or 7 nieces that there was some gene thing going on that meant his family didn't have boys. Sounds pretty silly now but at the time it was completely logical.

I had a desperate urge to know that it was another girl, I had a girl and knew what to do with a girl and I needed confirmation that it was another girl. If it was by any chance a boy I would need a few months to get used to the idea I figured. Not that there was anything wrong with boys, most of my friends had them, I just had it completely lodged in my head that we were having two girls and if it was going to be different I needed to know.

Our local hospital won't tell you the gender from the scans so I forked out for a private sexing scan to my complete amazement she was a he. I was speechless and DH was laughing at the look of complete shock on my face and the fact that for once in my life I couldn't talk ! It took me about 24 hours to get used to the idea that I was having a boy, then it seemed incredibly great that I was. DS is fab and has changed the family dynamics in a really positive way.

I think until you feel like this, which I swear is under the influence of hormones then it probably seems completely irrational, but when you feel like this during pregnancy it seems completely rational.

Thanks for some of the more understanding posts. The horrible ones have just made me all the more glad I haven't voiced these concerns to my friends and family who all assume I'm desperate for a boy which kinda undermines how lovely my 3 girls are.

I am lucky to have 3 girls which is why I posted that....had 2 girls and wanted a 3rd and so was lucky to have my lovely dd3. I never said boys were awful but I had 2 dd's and just loved loved loved my girls and never ever wished one of then had been a boy.

Blu, you were right - I have built up this picture of my family and how we will have 4 girls......a boy doesn't seem to 'fit' with this at all so I'm actually worried more about how a boy would like being with 3 sisters rather than whether I could accept a boy.

I'm sorry some of you have taken offence at my feelings but I was trying to be honest with myself and all of you as this has been really upsetting me since I did the positive pg test. Of course the baby being healthy and alive is the main thing and as soon as the sonographer says baby is ok it willbe amazing but the next thing I'll think is what gender? Its like you should have no other worries when pg as long as your baby is healthy and this is not the case for the majority of us.

I thank all of you who were supportive as its been hard to admit this to myself. I feel sick at the thought of going for my scan and honestly can't help my feelings, its overwhelming at times. I look at my 3 dd's and long for there to be 4 girls in the room..........its my last pg, I can't imagine never having another baby girl to hold and I really feel like a boy would be odd one out.

I know boys who are now men who have two or three older sisters and to a man they ahve loved it - they get extra mothering. The downside is that I can see ds is already used to women running around after him and he will need teaching that this isn't going to last forever if he is ever to get a girlfriend.

(Btw, mine was a supportive post - but only because you were to extrapolate from it that I understand the feeling of not feeling comfortable being pg with a particular gender - when I was pg with DS1, the thought he was a girl made me feel physically nauseous - even seeing pink clothes made me feel queasy. With DS2, I didn't have the same revulsion, so I wondered if he was a girl, but didn't mind what he was. I think if I was to have another one I'd quite like a leopard though).

Message withdrawn

I suppose I may also have this weird thing where I feel sisters should have sisters and brothers should have brothers. Everyone in our family has same gender families - I had sisters, my cousins were all brothers etc

Obviously I know mixed gender families do exist but in a way I have this thing about the perfect family and for me it's developed into all girls. Really hope this is kinda explaining the way I feel. I don't want to be one of 'those'parents and am totally against sex selection and any form of designer babies.

I haven't tried to 'sway the odds' when ttc any of our children to increase chances of girls and don't really agree with that sort of thing tbh but I feel strongly that I would prefer a girl.

I think that's fair enough, really.

Not everyone wants both genders. Only people WITH both genders believe that

When I was pregnant the second time around I was sort of sure it was a girl, simply because the pregnancy was the same and all I knew was girls and couldn't picture me with a boy (but I wasn't fussed either way). It was a real surprised when I popped out a boy. 2 years down the line he is my little angel. There is a connection between mothers and daughters certainly, but the bond I feel with my son is a very different and extremely special.

When is your scan WMP? please come back and let us know the out come.

lol, hunkermunker, thats true too.

aha, WMP, what you just said about your experiences of same-gender families really reinforces the view that a lot of people have expressed on here - it's not just your own personal experience then, but your extended family experience! Little wonder you are nervous at the thought of "breaking the mould" as it were, by possibly having a boy. It's outside the boundaries of "safe". I understand that, I really do.

What are your thoughts on the scan at the moment? Are you minded to find out, not ask, or do the envelope thing? It might help to write it down here; help get your thoughts in order.