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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

20 week scan soon, am scared baby might be a boy

252 replies

WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:04

Have 3 lovely girls and am pg with 4th. I am hoping beyond hope that this baby is another girl. My scans on Tuesday and I'm making myself ill with thoughts it might be a boy.

I've been so lucky so far with getting girls, just praying its another beautiful girl. Anyone else have a gender preference?

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aquasea · 09/03/2007 10:40

whoops...i meant "being one myself" not being on myself!

Ali5 · 09/03/2007 10:41

Our boy is fab, so cute and cuddly. Think you need to talk to someone, and fast. DH? m/w? gp? Your family can only get better with the addition of a little one, boy or girl.

Miaou · 09/03/2007 10:44

WantMorePink. I have two dds, then had a ds. I was worried about how I would feel about having a boy after two girls, particularly as there was a gap of 6 years between dd2 and ds (so I had done "just girls" for a long time). I didn't find out what I was having before the baby was born and was amazed ds was a boy.

But tbh, he was a baby who just happened to be a boy, for a long time! Seriously, I used to forget he was a boy and get a shock when he changed his nappy (that's what sleep deprivation does to you )!. Only now that he is 19 months old is he starting to show some traits which I could ascribe to him being a boy - eg he is much more cuddly than either of my dds were at this age - surprising and lovely. But generally speaking I see him as a person, not a gender, and I get irked by people suggesting that he does things because he is a boy (er no, he does them because he is who he is).

Maybe as he gets older he will need to be told not to bounce on the sofa, and maybe he will go through a phase of saying "poo" all the time - but he is not loud, boisterous or smelly. I love him because he is ds and he is mine. I have known him for 19 months now and it is his personality that makes me love him, not his gender.

I hope this helps you to understand how I feel. Pregnancy is a worrying time, full stop, and I think that our hormones play havoc with our ability to be logical and make us build things up into much bigger issues than they really are. I'm 20 weeks pg with my fourth too, btw

misdee · 09/03/2007 10:45

WMP, i think i understand. If i ever had another one, i would also prepare #4 to be a girl, just for the simple fact i know how to deal with girls, i can chaneg their nappies, the thought of chaging a boys nappies is scary because i have never done it. i have tons of girls stuff, am an expert at beading, dressing up in pink wigs, dancing etc etc. i know boys do this stuff as well, but ooo i dunno, another girl just appeals more to me. a boy wouldnt be unwelcome, but would scare me a bit.

i;d say ask at the scan, then you can prepare youself. i asked when pregnant with dd3, as i needed to know myself and also dh who really really wants a boy (though he also says girls are fab!)

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:46

well, thanks for the support MN. I have every sympathy for people who have had miscarriages or struggled ttc but we all have our own problems.

I really don't want to offend anyone who has boys, i just have a gender preferene which is more through circumstances rather than choice iyswim. i had no preference in pg1 and pg2 and just so happened to have girls.

by 'ill' i mean i'm not sleeping well, can't eat, feel anxious and am not really enjoying my pg.

OP posts:
RanToTheHills · 09/03/2007 10:47

but why,wmp? What do you think is so bad about boys?

Twopinkoneblue · 09/03/2007 10:49

If you find out that you are expecting a boy, you just wait when he arrives you will be sooo chuffed.

I have 2 girls and when I found out I was having a boy I wasn't keen at all. Now he is here it makes a lovely change. My husband is thrilled with him and he wasn't keen too.

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:50

miaou,

thanks for your kind words! i am an 'only girls' mummy and just cant imagine otherwise. your ds sounds delightful.

OP posts:
CS1753 · 09/03/2007 10:51

WMP I can understand gender prefernce and after 3 of the same I guess there is a bit of the fear of the unknown. But re. your family dynamic well if if you have a baby your family dynamic will change anyway you adding another personality into the mix, whether a boy or girl. I wanted a girl when I was pregs but got a boy and he is the best thing since sliced bread. I think you should concentrate more on celebrating the fact that you have a lovely new addition to your family coming and less time worrying about things you can't change and after having the baby, if a boy, you probably won't want to change it!

RanToTheHills · 09/03/2007 10:52

I give up. Good luck anyway, wmp.

octopussyintummy · 09/03/2007 10:52

WMP - I have had really down times this time too and have focused/channelled energy on things that I think were the cause e.g. baby not moving/turning etc - and felt very sad and anxious - I spoke to my midwife about it and posted on the antenatal depsression thread which was really supportive - I am now over it and feeling much better. Maybe you have a bit of AND and the worry about the sex of your baby is compounding the issue. You may be best to find out the sex so atleast you stop worrying about it.

We're all meant to feel happy and grateful and blooming but unfortunately it isn't always like that. I couldn't speak to my family or friends about how I felt but the AND thread was really good and so was my midwife.

Hope you get things sorted out - good luck for your scan xoxoxox

Uki · 09/03/2007 10:54

Yes What is there to be scared of????

what is it that creeps you out about boys??? There not that different really,

No 1 is we are human and have personalities....

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:55

i don't think there's anything wrong with boys........i have girls, i understand girls, i am a girls mummy, i love the sisterly bond i see, practically i have girls things to re-use, we do pink and pretty, dancing, fairies, glitter, etc

dh is not bothered btw

OP posts:
hatrick · 09/03/2007 10:55

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Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:57

boys DO NOT creep me out

OP posts:
nearlythree · 09/03/2007 10:57

When I was pg with no 1 I wanted a girl, simply b/c I thought I would be able to cope with a girl more easily (pregnancy was unplanned but a nice surprise) - we did have dd1. We nealy lost her at birth and when I was being wheeled into theatre I was just praying that the baby was okay, not for a girl or not.

With 2 & 3 I couldn't care and had a girl and a boy. It actually makes our family dynamic very settled - I have a big girl, a baby girl, and a beary boy (dd1's name for him!) Ds is by far the easiest to look after - he actually sleeps which is new to me! - and he is soooo cuddly. Dd1 in particular adores him and makes him laugh by dancing and falling over. And I'm enjoying the new experiences - little boys' clothes can be very cute, and he looks like a boy - it's a very different face looking up at me - I feel very differently about him than my dds (who I love more than life itself) - he's my little man, I guess (I am going to be the mil from hell, I fear).

All of which ramble means - don't fret, you may surprise yourself. And talk to your mw if you feel really worried - I suspect this is just fear of the unknown as boys get such a bad press - but at least with boys you don't get the backstabbing and bitching to deal with later.

bambi06 · 09/03/2007 10:57

FWIW i`m pregnant withmy third and hoping it willbe a boy..we already have one of each so realy souldnt matter but my reasons ar etha tmy first[ds] has autism and the risk is higher if you have another boy i was told that they will also be autistic ..although of course he might be perfectly o.k but i know it will be very hard work if i have two as they take up alot of time and energy and feel its unfair on my dd as she will miss out on yet more attention..poor thing ..so keep fingers crossed fo rme please ..i should find out the end of this month what it will be though ..then i can at least breathe a sigh of relief just to know!!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 10:58

i am lucky i have 2 boys.
i have not read all posts, justthe op so farand find it shallowand offensive- sorry.
think yourself lucky you have a baby at all i say.
ihope this is a joke.

Miaou · 09/03/2007 10:59

WMP - I have walked in your shoes to some extent.

Regarding finding out the sex of your baby - I think you need to have a long,hard think about doing that. If you do find out, and it is a boy, bear in mind that for the next half of your pregnancy it is the only thing you will know about him. You won't know the shape of his head, the colour of his eyes, the sound of his cry, the contented sucking and sighing noises he makes when he feeds ... all the little things that endear you to your baby and form bonds of attachments. All you will know is "he is a boy and I have no experience of boys, this is worrying".

On the flip side, as some other posters have said, it gives you time to get used to the idea of having a boy, and gives you time to reconcile yourself to the fact rather than have a surprise at the birth. Personally, I would rather have a surprise, I'm that kind of person. But it's got to be what you think and how you react (or might react) - that's what's important.

If you are stll unsure, ask the sonographer to write down the sex and put it in a sealed envelope. Give the envelope to a trusted friend (away from the house). If and when you decide you do want to find out what you are having, you can do so, when you are ready.

hollyandalice · 09/03/2007 11:02

I understand wmp! Unfortunately you have to get used to it! I am pg with no 2 and already have a dd. I was soooo desperate for no 2 to be a girl that I was really making myself all worked up about it. At the scan I found out it was a boy and I burst into tears and cried for 2 days afterwards! Now (5 weeks later), I'm really used to it and am looking forward to the new challanges a boy will bring. I am actually ashamed that I felt this way as this baby is really wanted!! I spent a day with one of my friends with a new baby boy to see what it would be like to have one. Maybe you could do the same thing. It might help you get used to the possibility of a boy!

CS1753 · 09/03/2007 11:03

WMP - you can still re-use some of the girly stuff for the boy - I admit not the clothes, that would look a tad funny but my DS has a barbie, watches disney princess movies and barbie movies etc. It takes some keeping up to switch from barbie to spiderman without even blinking!! Also think about how much fun it would be shopping for a whole load of new bits for a boy!! pirate costumes, superman, spiderman, jeans, shoes etc.

NotanOtter · 09/03/2007 11:03

its a difficult one

Overrun · 09/03/2007 11:04

People always get so irate about other people daring to have a preference for one gender or another. In fact people get really sanctimonious about it.
Having said that, you do seem to have an incredibly strong preference, so i would agree that you should find out at the scan. Then you can get used to the idea of a boy, if that is the case.
As lots of other posters have said, I am sure that you will be okay once the baby is here, whatever happens.

hatrick · 09/03/2007 11:04

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LadyOfTheFlowers · 09/03/2007 11:05

isee now this is not a joke.
i just dont understand why you feel it would be so different. a baby is a baby is a baby. they all need thesame things, regardless of gender.
you will get brotherly sisterly bonds. so cute the youngest being a boy when they are older but still trying to prtotect his sisters! adorable!

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