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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

20 week scan soon, am scared baby might be a boy

252 replies

WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:04

Have 3 lovely girls and am pg with 4th. I am hoping beyond hope that this baby is another girl. My scans on Tuesday and I'm making myself ill with thoughts it might be a boy.

I've been so lucky so far with getting girls, just praying its another beautiful girl. Anyone else have a gender preference?

OP posts:
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Miaou · 09/03/2007 13:19

(oh and btw hunker, I am deeply upset at your insinuation that my gorgeous dds are yuk and am currently sobbing into my cuppa )

hunkermunker · 09/03/2007 13:20

Oh, not YOUR DDs, Miaou.

Obv.

Or my niece either, btw (hi sis )

Overrun · 09/03/2007 13:20

lol Hunker

I always imagined myself with girls, and now have 3 boys. Got a lot of stick during my pregnancy with boy dts to just be grateful that they were healthy. So I know what it feels like to be in a turmoil about something, and for people to be less than sympathetic.
I know that opinion is divided about this, but all I can do is offer what worked for me. I really needed to know at the scan, and for me, get my grieving for the girl I would never have out of the way, before the babies arrive.
The likelihood is that if you don't find out, that when the baby is actually in front of you, you will bond with it, even if its a boy. There is just a small chance, that it will take a bit longer for you, and thats not fair on the baby. Thats why I think find out at the scan, because even if its horrible for you to worry (if they say its a boy) It wont affect the baby.

incy · 09/03/2007 13:21

Wantingmorepink, I do think your feelings are more common than you may imagine so try not to worry. A friend confided to me that after her first girl she cried for a week when she discovered she was having a boy. Basically she loved her DD so much that she couldn't even imagine feeling the same about a boy. Needless to say she adores her little boy and loves having one of each gender.

Another friend was devestated that she was having a third boy instead of a longed for girl but again, the moment he was born she loved him to bits and often admits guiltily that she favours him !

From what I have seen, regardless of gender you will love your DC but it may take some time to overcome your strong feelings so be kind to yourself and realise that you are not unusual.

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 13:22

think i'm going to find out but keep it between dh and i. Scan is tues morning so gonna try to keep busy this weekend and not worry or over analyse.

OP posts:
Miaou · 09/03/2007 13:26

Overrun, you make a good argument for finding out.

WMP, all the best for Tuesday whatever the outcome

Overrun · 09/03/2007 13:26

I do feel for you Wantingmorepink. If its any consolation, finding out, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear, was a relief, from all the wondering and worrying.

katierocket · 09/03/2007 13:26

I have 2 brothers and 1 sister and I would say that I definitely get different things out of my relationships with all of them - and some of that is related to gender. My brothers taught me things my sister didn't and vis versa.

GRUMPYGIRL · 09/03/2007 13:27

I have to say I think this is quite strange, I can understand being annoyed by people ASSUMING you want a boy, I could understand not WANTING a boy for genetic reasons.

All I ever wanted was a HEALTHY child, the boy/girl thing really wasnt relevant. Im sure if it comes to it and you are eventually presented with a boy you will love him the same as your other children but to fret about it in advance...why bother having another child if you werent willing to accept the 50% chance it will be a blue flavoured one?

You say the "perfect family" has developed into ALL GIRLS but your DH isnt a girl...im sure your girls would be DELIGHTED with a brother it was one of the things I REALLY wanted when I was younger, and if DH gets some support in the male department im sure he will be very PLEASED in years to come!!

GlitteringGoldie · 09/03/2007 13:28

WantingMorePink, I'm not judging you for how you feel but I'm worried that you are so stressed about this that you are not enjoying your pregnancy. It's the extremeness of your worry about the sex of the baby that is perhaps disturbing to a lot of people and it's only for that reason that I agree you might need to speak to a counselor to help calm your mind.

In response to your worry about how a boy would be with his sisters or vice versa, I can assure you that my baby brother is adored by my sister and I and has always been. My sister and I were always protective over him when he was little and when we grew up, we had him looking over us and protecting us, which was useful as teenagers with horrible boyfriends who made us cry. Trust me, boys will think twice about upsetting your daughters when they know they have a brother looking over them. I've always loved having a brother and so does my sister, just because we love him as another sibling, it's always been irrelevant he was a boy. Plus it's nice to have a variety of siblings. Not to mention, because we are all so close he understands women so well and never says "dumb" men comments to women, e.g. he knows that the "do I look fat in this" question is always NO without even thinking about it! In the same way, having a brother I'm close to has given me the advantage of having a better understanding of men. I have a few friends who don't have brothers and they have always been at a slight disadvantage when it comes to understanding "boys". Conversely I think the same holds true for brothers without sisters. There's definitely a difference with guys who don't have a sister. Not a bad difference, just a difference. That's just my experience with a brother who I love as much as my sister and I hope it will give you a bit of understanding and hope regarding the potential dynamic between a brother and your daughters.

Plus, I think it's wonderful to have a boy to carry on the family name. This might not think seem important to some people but I feel it's important personally.

incy · 09/03/2007 13:29

Good luck on Tuesday!

A lot of people have very specific ideas about the 'perfect' family for them either in terms of number of children or gender. When this is not the case it can take time to come to terms with it so don't be hard on yourself.

I am confident that whatever the result you will love your baby as much as your lovely three girls.

x

somersetmum · 09/03/2007 13:29

Well, my mum says you get what suits you so maybe you will be lucky (fingers crossed )

Personally, I consider myself the luckiest person in the world to have one of each. There are so many people out there who are desparate for just one healthy baby (whichever flavour).

I hope you get the baby girl you wish for, but I pray that if you have a little boy you will love him unconditionally. A mother/son bond is so very special. You'll see

hollyandalice · 09/03/2007 13:35

I really do understand how you feel. As a girly girl myself the thought of having a boy fills me with a sense of dread! What do you do with them? What kind of toys do they play with? What kind of books do they read? I suppose that's half the fun of being a parent, finding the answers to these questions out (and I suppose that's what dads are for!!).

Aloha · 09/03/2007 13:36

The OP was very tactlessly phrased. It implied that there was something 'unlucky' and undesirable about having boys who aren't 'beautiful' and are so awful it will make you feel ill to even think of having one, which naturally makes some of us who have boys feel pretty prickly. I have seen this attitude before in some parents of just girls tbh, and it is insulting. HOWEVER....I think this goes beyond a normal preference for one gender and I think you should talk to your midwife about the possibility of antenatal depression.
I have a boy and girl (5&2) and they hold hands in the back of the car and tell each other 'I love you' all the time. Wouldn't you be happy with that sort of 'dynamic'?

Aloha · 09/03/2007 13:38

Jesus! What sort of books do they read? Well my ds who is five read Beatrix Potter this morning and a bit of his French phrase book and last night we read the story of Hercules and two chapters of Clever Polly and The Stupid Wolf. What do you think they are like? Monsters?
They are all DIFFERENT!

hollyandalice · 09/03/2007 13:45

Sorry for wondering!!

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 13:47

grumpy girl,

I never set out thinking I want 4 girls. When we began our family all we knew was we wanted 3-4 children. With pg1 I wasn't bothered either way and didn't find out, far more concerned with giving birth. When I was presented with dd1 it was amazing and never having been broody/ baby obsessed type of person I was amazed by how much love i felt for ths baby girl. When I had dd2 I was not bothered either way again but had a slight preference for a girl. Seeing them together and how they forged a sisterly relationship was what made me want a girl for pg3 and now I have 3 dds I feel almost overwhelmed by love for these girls and so want another baby girl.

My desire for more girls has got stronger with each girl I've had if that makes sense. I kne it was 50/50 when ttc #4 and decided I wanted another baby regardless of gender but now its actually happening I can't help but feel this longing for a girl.

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 09/03/2007 13:48

My Ds's love The Gruffalo, We're going on a bear hunt, Charlie & Lola books & things like that!
DS1 (7.5) likes Horrid Henry etc, but picked a fairy book from the school library this week!!

Aloha · 09/03/2007 13:51

It's just a different gender, not a different species, you know.
My two love each other. They are the centre of each other's world. Sometimes dh and I feel almost superfluous, which is great.

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 13:53

Aloha,
You have read alot more into my OP than was intended. I don't think its unlucky or undesirable to have boys. Boys of course can be beautiful.

OP posts:
Aloha · 09/03/2007 14:09

Well, I'm glad it wasn't intended but when you say 'I've been so lucky so far wtih getting girls', it is not unreasonable to assume you think having a boy is 'unlucky'.
I have one of each and they are both lovely and love each other. Talk through your fears with your midwife, I really think it is odd and excessive to be 'ill' with worry about this. Maybe she can help.

princessmel · 09/03/2007 14:13

Not read the posts just the OP.

I am offended at this post. I find it very hurtfull. 'Lucky with getting girls'

Think of all the childless couples that would adore a boy. Not 'unlucky' in anyway.
Actually not just childless couples, most mothers would love any child they had.

Enid · 09/03/2007 14:18

I would want a girl if i got pg again (have three girls already)

I think some of that is down to having to 'talk up' girls so much when I had dd3 to deflect all the comments about dh being disappointed not to have a boy! I think I did it so well I have convinced myself of the innate superiority of girls

Enid · 09/03/2007 14:19

I think you lot have forgotten what its like to be pg

esp with 3 other kids

you are knackered and you think all kids of weird things

I dont think you are odd wantingmorepink. I think you are scared of having 4 and this is hwo it is manifesting itself.

some of the posts on this thread are taking this WAY too personally

princessmel · 09/03/2007 14:25

Ok, I've read it all

I'm sorry you are not feeling happy and are worrying WMP. The wording in the OP just upset me a bit thats all. I truly just wanted my baby to be alive when it was born and when I hear things like this, it just makes me think they should be grateful for a healthy baby of either sex.

If I can agree with anything it will be your worry about how the boy will fit in with 3 sisters. But he just would. Because thats his family who love and adore him.

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