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Original poster

20 week scan soon, am scared baby might be a boy

252 replies

WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:04

Have 3 lovely girls and am pg with 4th. I am hoping beyond hope that this baby is another girl. My scans on Tuesday and I'm making myself ill with thoughts it might be a boy.

I've been so lucky so far with getting girls, just praying its another beautiful girl. Anyone else have a gender preference?

OP posts:
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ledodgy · 09/03/2007 10:20

I don't really see how it will upset your 'family dynamic'. Even if you had another dd she may be completley different to your others , she may not be girly etc Every baby is different as you know and boys can be beautiful too!

DetentionGrrrl · 09/03/2007 10:20

my comment was cruel? i don't think so. people complaining that that only want a certain gender makes me damn angry TBH. adopt the 'right' one then, or don't have anymore.

quietmouse · 09/03/2007 10:21

making yourself ill with thoughts it might be a boy??

is that a serious statement?

If so, I think you may need to talk to someobdy about why you feel the way you do.

I really hope you are having a girl because you seem to have some serious issues.

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:21

yeah, i would like to know what one of "those" parents is supposed to imply?

OP posts:
quietmouse · 09/03/2007 10:22

what do you think it's supposed to imply? it's not that difficult to work out, is t?

DetentionGrrrl · 09/03/2007 10:22

one of 'those' parents who only want a certain kind of baby.

piglit · 09/03/2007 10:23

I'm guessing it's meant to imply that you are one of those parents who worries about the sex of your baby when there are people everywhere who can't have dc or who struggle with pg and or miscarriages.

Just a guess...

lulumama · 09/03/2007 10:23

i see what you mean about the family dynamic

but, there is nothing you can do to change what sex the baby is.....

not saying you are wrong to feel like this, but to feel ill over it is not good. so, you need to really look at why you feel like this...if it is to do with the family dynamic..families adapt..to all sorts of thigns !

DetentionGrrrl · 09/03/2007 10:24

i don't doubt that you aren't the first parent to have expectations like this, or sadly the last, and i'm sure you'll find people here who have felt the same, but i personally think it's a damn shame to think that way. sorry if you don't like it, but there you go.

DrMarthaMcMoo · 09/03/2007 10:24

I'm not sure about the family dynamic comment either. If you have a boy then your family dynamic will be three girls and a boy. And you'll love it like that, and won't be able to imagine it any different or even remember why you were so dead set on another girl. Guaranteed.

RanToTheHills · 09/03/2007 10:25

I suppose you've got some people's backs up (well,the 50%+ of us with boys/who've had miscarriages etc etc) with the emotive language you used- being "lucky" to have girls and "praying"for another is obviously going to offend some, even if youdidn't mean to (which I guess you didn't?)
I do agree though that it is quite normal to have some preference, just not this extreme.

compo · 09/03/2007 10:26

Perhaps you have AND if it's making you so ill?
Does your dh want a boy?

ledodgy · 09/03/2007 10:27

All I know is with ds I had a difficult pregnancy. The scan showed up a problem which meant he could have had something wrong with him when he was born and one of things mentioned meant he would have probably died. I went through an amnio and then a horrendous five week wait (the machine broke) wondering if he would be ok. Thankfully for me ds was fine but after going through all that worry I find threads like this where people are concerned about the gender because it won't fit in with someone's 'family dynamic' a bit hard to stomach. I think if you feel so strongly about this and you find out you are having a boy you should see your gp and maybe get some counselling.

quietmouse · 09/03/2007 10:28

poor child if it is a boy, being so unwanted already

octopussyintummy · 09/03/2007 10:32

People are going to get very upset with eachother if this continues (sensible head)

ComeOVeneer · 09/03/2007 10:34

BUt it is hardly her fault that people have had miscarriages or can't have babies is it. I have had a miscarriage and I have a son, but she hasn't put my back up. Whilst I have never had a particular feeling when pregnant as to what sex of child I want, I really don't see it as such an evil thing if you do have strong feelings.

octopussyintummy · 09/03/2007 10:34

thats not directed at anyone in particular btw just the OP has said something which will outrage some people and it is already getting horrible - not what anyone likes to see.

ComeOVeneer · 09/03/2007 10:35

Just because the OP has said she really wants a girl, she hasn't said she couldn't/wouldn't love it if it was a boy.

Original poster
WantingMorePink · 09/03/2007 10:36

a boy is not unwanted, i'd just prefer another girl

OP posts:
Uki · 09/03/2007 10:36

OK OK

It's good you are airing your fears as it will help you get over them and understand them.

I'm positive a boy would not upset your family balance

  1. the girls will love him and dot on him regardless.

  2. dh would probably love to have a boy to do some boy type things with, my dh has just built an amazing ride on train for ds and i'm so proud. It is so lovely to see them playing together, of course it would be the same with a dd but i can see the male relationship cloud of joy when they are together.

  3. If you do have a boy i'm sure he'll bring a wonderful and different joy to the family you would not have had with another girl. But you may never know this.

and yes i think it would be less weird to have three of one and want a different sex, because life should be about variety and different expeiences. That is how we grow.

ledodgy · 09/03/2007 10:37

I for one am not saying it's an evil thing but just that if this baby is a boy and isn't wanted the consequences for the mum, the child and the rest of the family could be upsetting and if the baby is male I think the op needs to talk about it with her gp or someone else.

ledodgy · 09/03/2007 10:38

Sorry I have just noticed you said a boy wouldn't be unwanted but a girl preferred.

aquasea · 09/03/2007 10:39

I am preg with my first and before I got pregnant I always thought I would like a girl (probably only due to being on myself!). Now that I am pregnant, I just hope and pray that the little one will be healthy. I honestly couldn't care less what sex it is. I can't imagine feeling like you do. I think it's a little outrageous to be honest.

hippmummy · 09/03/2007 10:39

Hi WMP
I agree with runtothehills. Its the extremity of your worry that is unusual. Lots of people do get fixated on which gender they want but at the end of the day have the attitude 'but I don't mind deep down, as long as it's ok'.
I remember wanting a girl first time round -I found out at the 20 week scan that it was a boy and felt disappointment, then extreme guilt, followed by a kick up the bum and immense gratitude that the baby was fine!
You will feel like this even if you find out the baby is a boy.
Or better still - don't ask the gender at your scan. With my DS2 we didn't find til he was born and I was so thrilled to have him I couldn't care less what he was!
And boys are gorgeous

frenchleave · 09/03/2007 10:40

After 2 girls I secretly hoped my 3rd would be another one as I knew how they "worked". We had a boy, and he is the most scrummy and adored baby we could every have imagined. His big sisters are completely in love with him and although the family dynamic has changed, it has definitely changed for the better

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