Bleeding, waiting for repeat scans, worried about viability etc – let’s unite in limbo!

[MrsMcJnr]

Ladies, I know there are quite a few of us in this category and I am conscious that although the lovely ladies on here are supporting us on every thread we post on, I am worried that we are spoiling their own pregnancy experience by worrying so I thought I?d set this up for those who really don?t know if things are going one way or the other. Thought it might help us to get through the days/weeks until we do know what?s going on.

For those who don?t know me (though I?m a prolific poster ) here?s me in a nutshell: Based on LMP I?m 9+4 weeks (9+1 based on suspected OV). First pregnancy (though had early termination 10 years ago). TTC for 8 cycles to get here. Got BFP 26/1. Some spotting that week so sent to EPU on 23/1 for early scan. Gestational sac seen by external scan and yolk also seen by internal scan. Measured only 11.4mm though so only 5+5/6 weeks. Was rescheduled for scan 7/3 to see if things had changed. Given 50/50 chance. Started heavy bleeding 1/3. Had emergency scan 2/3. Told sac still there and has grown. Repeat scan scheduled for 9/3. In the meantime, more heavy bleeding, clots, cramps and much anguish.

I just wish I knew what was going on! Please join me.

Thank you Sweetbean
How are you feeling this morning? Good to see you're sticking around! x

Take care of yourself now Sweetbean and don't be too brave, you've been through alot.

can I share this with you all?

Well, decided that I had better tell my Mum what was going on last night. I thought about it hard and thought she?d be really hurt if she finds out I?ve been through all this and not taken her counsel. Don?t get me wrong, I love her to bits and we are very close but I know from a very brief chat I had with her at Christmas that she does not and will not ever understand difficulties in getting pregnant or anything that might happen before the birth. That sounds harsh but she and my sister fell very quickly whenever they wanted and had text book pregnancies. Anyway, I was feeling a bit stronger last night so called her and told her the whole story of the last 10 weeks! She?s abroad you see. Anyway, she was really upset for me and worried about me but said all the things I knew she would (that do not help at all) but to be honest, as I knew she?s say these things, I almost found it amusing, guess it was the irony. Anyway, laugh with me ladies but these were her top 10 comments on the subject:

1. ?I?m surprised you got pregnant at all, you were so stressed out? ? nonsense! I confided in her that I was upset it was taking so long to get pregnant (especially as I fell pregnant 10 years ago, a week after coming off the pill, using a condom on a one night stand! )

2. ?There must be something terribly wrong with the baby to have bleed so much, best that you lose it really? !!!!

3. ?It?s hardly surprising if you lose it given your lifestyle ? have you even stopped drinking?? !!!

4. ?It can?t be right given the drugs your DH was taking for his back when you must have fallen?

5. ?Aunt X bled a lot when pregnant and Cousin X was never quite right?

6. ?At least you know you can conceive?

7. ?You?ll just have to try again?

8. ?These things happen to girls your age?

9. ?You?d better tell your sister or she?ll be hurt after all, it?ll do her good to worry about something other than herself ? I?m sure she has post natal depression?

and the icing on the cake?.

10. ?So what amusing things have been happening??

Love her to bits but doesn?t she take the biscuit!!!!

Also meant to say, feeling happy today because after 5 days, the bleeding has finally stopped and I can stop wearing nappies!

Just popped on to see how you were doing and have to laugh at your mum... she sounds just like mine.. my mum does this big OH... when you tell her something like it's really bad, where you actually want reassurance.. I have some classics from my mother, I'm telling you... bless...but rather annoying at the time!

Ones things for sure you have not lost your sense of humour!

So pleased the bleeding has stopped... such a relief... XX

MrsMcJ
I am staggered by this, and would be utterly, utterly heartbroken, furious, and sad if these things were said to me. Sadly, it is just the kind of thing my biological mother would come out with. Or maybe I'm very sensitive?

I'm glad you shared this with us, this is too much for one person to take on board. Some mothers don't mean to be cruel, thougthless and break our hearts, but they do.

Mine abandoned me and my brother, left us in childrens home, and reappears years later, to cricitise my maternal feelings - priceless!
I was surprised that she was supportive about my preganncy though. She told me when I married DH,(who has mh probs) that we shouldn't have children, as they would be born deformed.

they can be so funny sometimes cant they,

Mrs - i dreamt about you last night, kept waking up, and wanting to come on here

i think it was because your orginal scan was meant to be today.

in the dream, everything was fine and the epu sent you home with a clean bill of health and you had a parry to celebrate and i was there i live in Kent ???

anyway glad the bleeding has stopped - good Luck for friday xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Party

Now I don't think a party is a good idea in your state... now is it

lol

Oh MMK ? I?m so sorry you?ve had such a sad past, but so pleased you have your DH and your DS. I?m sort of used to my Mum being bad in a crisis, it?s just her way, she?s great in so many other ways but not at saying the right thing! My MIL is a lovely, caring, sensitive lady but she has severe Manic Depression so I am worried about her either way this goes, she had to up her medication for our wedding (and she does like me!)

Pinkranger ? thank you hon I like hearing things like that, call me silly but I am quite spiritual and I believe in things like that. I told you about the Beautician last week didn?t I? I?ll be in Kent in the summer and I?d love to come to a party

PMSL you ladies are great!!!!

MrsMcJnr, sorry to butt in - have been reading your thread and wanted to sympathise on the unsympathetic monther front. My pregnancy is the result of successful IVF but I was in the throes of what I would have sworn was a normal period at the time we went back for the blood test (a strong positive) and convinced the pregnancy would not go forward. My mother, instead of even hearing my pain and distress in what I had to say, just repeated back her experience of being pregnant with me (a natural pregnancy at 28yrs old) which was to have light periods for four months - "so you are probably just like me". Well, that doesn't dry any tears but THANKS. I only had one embryo implanted so I knew it could not be a second or third coming away, so was utterly devastated until we saw a fetal pole at six weeks. The only thing that kept me going in the meantime was the fact that my HCG levels were so high in our blood test. I had another bleed at 8 weeks and another at 12, each less and less but more and more frightening, and only then did I read that "hormonal" bleeding can be really common in IVF pregnancies. Hang in there. If poss, ask for bloods to be taken as well as a scan if you are still within 12 weeks. The really annoying thing is that my mother's callous self-absorbed response may well have been true.

Thanks for sharing that with me Kiteflying - I did feel that my Mum did not give my pregnancy any hope at all. I hope she is wrong.

MrsMJ - are you sure we're not related?? My mother and sisters all fell really easily and I got the "you need to cut out booze if you really want a baby" comments. Priceless. Really helpful too

Thinking of you lots. glad to hear the bleeding has stopped.

Fingers crossed for all you girls in limbo. Know what you're going through and hope if works out. xx

Whoops I keep missing you on msn so just popping in to try and catch you here. Hope you are ok xx

Thanks Juicy

Though I'm laughing it off, she was so negative and so sure the baby was gone that I'm worried if I am holding on to a ridiculous and unrealistic hope and that after 5 days of heavy bleeding plus the 2 inconclusive scans and the dates being out too whether I really need to brace myself for the worst. Sorry to sound like a broken record, do you REALLY think there's a point in hoping or am I just kidding myself?

Mrs M
If hoping helps, keep hoping. So many odd things happen with a pregnancy. My plan is always to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
When will you know for sure?

My heart goes out to you

Hi Zephyrcat - have been appearing offline at the moment - I have been looking out for you online!
Feeling a bit crap today was feeling sick this morning and have backache now am wondering if it is the start of things
How are you? Managed to get hold of a midwife yet?!
MrsMcJnr - My Mum has said a similar thing suggesting that thisngs would be better If I stopped playing hockey, going here there & everywhere & get moving house out the way.
With ds1 I played hockey for a lot longer as I didn't know I was pg & with dd we moved to Scotland from Hampshire so I don't think any of that affects this!!

Hiya Good to see you

Fingers crossed it's just aches and pains, nothing more. I had some serious doubts last week but got booked in this morning. I've done so much more than I 'should' have as well in the past with moving, shifting stuff about etc. Prob not the best thing to do but did it anyway so know what you mean!

MrsMJ - if you're anything like me (and I think you are), you can't help but hold on to some hope until they tell you otherwise. You shouldn't have to give up on your dream until they tell you conclusively there is no hope.

And apart from anything else, most of the stuff your mum said was pure rubbish. Just said in the heat of the moment to have something to say and cover her worry for you and because she didn't really know what to say (that's always when the real crap stuff comes out!)

You can't know right now whether any of the stuff she talked about had any effect WHATSOEVER on your pregnancy. Don't dwell on it. Just wait and continue to hope and believe in your pregnancy.

Thanks ladies.

Whoops - backache (on one side) has developed today just when bleeding has stopped it feels like ligaments and is making walking hard. Hope you are ok x

Good luck MrsMc - backache could also be good, or just a reflection of your being a bit tense through all this

Hello ladies.
Please can you send positive vibes my way tomorrow? I'm 7 + 1 weeks pg, and have an appointment for a scan at the EPU tomorrow morning as I've been having bleeding & a bit of cramping today
Had a missed m/c last year, so am filled with dread that the same is happening again. On a positive note, I suppose, I had raging morning sickness this morning as usual. Also, I've continued to chart my temperatures since ttc, and there's been no dip in temperature yet. However, been examining my boobs in the bath, and I'm convinced they've shrunk, and they don't seem as sore as they were. I'm in such a state at the moment! I'm checking my knickers every 15 mins like a mad woman.
Do you suppose, if all is well, that I might see a heartbeat tomorrow? I'll cry with joy if I do, but am trying to mentally prepare myself for the worst.

MrsMcJnr I've got a horrbile feeling this backache is the start of something I'm getting crampy period type pains too
Just waiting for the bleeding to start keep running to the loo to do the knicker checking thing!

Hope you're ok & the time isn't dragging to friday too much for you

MrsMcJnr - your Mum sounds like a right one! My MIL is like that,in her head she's being supportive but it never quite comes out that way.Thinking of you for Friday chick.
Whoops- sorry to hear about the backache,hopefully it may turn out to be nothing?
Eaglebird - hello, will be thinking of you tomorrow. Just been through the same thing myself.
x