Bleeding, waiting for repeat scans, worried about viability etc – let’s unite in limbo!

[MrsMcJnr]

Ladies, I know there are quite a few of us in this category and I am conscious that although the lovely ladies on here are supporting us on every thread we post on, I am worried that we are spoiling their own pregnancy experience by worrying so I thought I?d set this up for those who really don?t know if things are going one way or the other. Thought it might help us to get through the days/weeks until we do know what?s going on.

For those who don?t know me (though I?m a prolific poster ) here?s me in a nutshell: Based on LMP I?m 9+4 weeks (9+1 based on suspected OV). First pregnancy (though had early termination 10 years ago). TTC for 8 cycles to get here. Got BFP 26/1. Some spotting that week so sent to EPU on 23/1 for early scan. Gestational sac seen by external scan and yolk also seen by internal scan. Measured only 11.4mm though so only 5+5/6 weeks. Was rescheduled for scan 7/3 to see if things had changed. Given 50/50 chance. Started heavy bleeding 1/3. Had emergency scan 2/3. Told sac still there and has grown. Repeat scan scheduled for 9/3. In the meantime, more heavy bleeding, clots, cramps and much anguish.

I just wish I knew what was going on! Please join me.

Hi everybody, just catching up. Had my second scan on Mon and no change so went for D&C yesterday.
Imaginaryimogen, sorry to hear you are not feeling so hot, as they kept telling me yesterday everybody's body deals with this in a different way. I felt a weight lift when it was all over yesterday, but feel like it's back again today. I'm not good at being on my own at the moment. I don't think it's anything to do with being or not being brave and if you ask me how I feel today it will be completely different to how I feel tomorrow, it's just such a rollercoaster. I hope you feel better soon and I'm sure facing people will get easier.

I am looking for some advice on what to tell my four year old. Bearing in mind he lost two grandads and an auntie last year I am wondering what to do. Should I not say too much and hope I conceive fairly quickly...which is my plan..... or do i come clean and put him through the sadness. Any advice wuld be greatly appreciated.

Glimmer ? yeah! so delighted for you hon! I really am, I hope you can relax a bit more now what did you see?! No results yet from my tests, I?ll try again on Tues had to postpone my appointment from tomorrow until 17/4. Got myself all stressed in case I am oh so lucky enough to be pg but calmed down when I found out that you don?t need to worry too much until after 5 weeks. I was planning on doing a test next Thurs if no AF, that?ll be 6 weeks since the MC and if I did OV on 28/3 - 15dpo. We?ll see how I feel nearer the time or if AF turns up in the meantime.

Greedy ? you seem really relaxed, I?m so pleased

Hello Clairebear ? I?m sorry hon we?re here for you anytime. I don?t know what to advise really with regard to your DS but if it were me, I?d go for waiting to see if you conceive again or if he mentions it, it might give you time to feel a bit stronger too so you can help him. Any chance he might just forget or have you talked about it a lot with him already?

Hi,
haven't posted for a bit as been a bit up-and-downy (and have had the best part of a bottle of wine as I post this!)!

Glimmer- what wonderful news! I know it must be so hard to relax- I know if we go for it again I will find the pregnancy VERY stressful! And then you have the whole 'I shouldn't be stressed cos it's not good for me or the baby' thing going on too. But, you must try and have some faith/confidence/belief- whatever and realise that if all the signs are good there's no reason why you shouldn't have a totally trouble-free pregnancy; millions of women do!

Clairebear, I'm sorry things didn't work out. I'm glad you felt a sense of relief- in a way I think going into hospital and everything can give you a strange (but probably temporary) sense of closure. But it does keep coming back doesn't it? I was determined not to be too sentimental about losing the pregnancy- I have two wonderful (if demanding!) children and I am so grateful for that. But I couldn't help checking my calendar to see exactly what I was doing when I was 8wks+3 (when the sonogropher estimated the heartbeat had stopped). It seemed I wasn't doing anything significant but I wonder did it stop all of a sudden, or slow down gradually? Was it because there was something wrong with the baby or (and I know you're not supposed to think this) but was I really stressed that day- had I argued with dp? Were the boys being awful and I lost my temper? I know it's silly and I'm sure these sort of preoccupations will subside but at the moment they are really niggling me.

Clairebear I don't know what advice to give with regards to telling your 4 year old. We hadn't told our ds's (3yrs and 5yrs) and in retrospect I wonder if it was because I thiught there was something wrong. My dp's grandma died this week and I had to tell our 5yr old about that and I was surprised at how well he took it. I think children can have a kind of pure acceptance that is almost alien to us. I do think it is probably something you should only talk about if you feel confident doing so, otherwise you may find yourself even more upset. We're not religious but I'm perfectly happy with my children believing in heaven and I have always talked about this very confidently and it seems they readily accept this. Our 5yr old knew his great grandma quite well and I said she was poory and the went to heaven, where it was all peaceful and nice. I don't know if this would be right for you and I hope I'm not going overboard but if you felt you needed to talk about this pregnancy ending perhaps you could say that this baby just wasn't meant to be, and that it has gone to a very special place instead. But that perhaps one day, there will be a little brother or sister coming along. I imagine a four year old will pick up on your emotions though and also they don't have the same concept of time, so you may find you don't need to say anything and you can just wait til it happens again. It must be difficult to think about at the moment, but it's probably best just to wait until you feel ready.

It feels a bit odd being on a thread in the pregnancy bit now I'm not actually pregnant, but it has been so helpful to me in the last couple of weeks- just knowing other people are going through similar things.
It really stirs up all my vaguely feminist leanings though- there's so much that we go through- all this physical and emotional upheavel and yet mothers in our society are so undervalued! All the problems that reproduction can unfortunately entail are overlooked and undermined- we are just expected to get on with things and sort ourselves out. Obviously, we do this ultimately, but I can't help feeling, there should be more understanding. I remember afet I had my first child, I was horrified by the whole thing- the delivery, being a mum, all of it. I read a book about post-natal depression and there was this notion of a 'conspiracy of silence' amongst mothers- they don't talk to each other about how they really feel or what is really happening to them. I really think this is true and not just for new mothers but for those who are ttc aswell. It is such a shame that women can't always share their experiences and genuine emotions with each other and that society has little or no understanding about the needs of women fulfilling or attempting to fulfil their reproductive potential.

I think mumsent is something of a revalation in that it does offer an outlet and supportive forum for us.

Oh dear, sorry- have gone on a bit! Slightly drunken ramble over!
x

hi everyone

I've not been around for a while either have been away from mn as was finding seeing some of the threads hard

imaginaryimogen - are you me? what you have said is exactly how I am feeling!

Clairebear - I have a 3 & 5 year old who we told and just told them that a baby grows in a sac and this time a baby didn't grow in the sac. They now seem to have forgotten all about this now.

Glimmer - Glad to hear everything is ok

MrsMc - Hope you are ok. Hopefully af won't appear and you'll get a bfp

We've decided not to ttc at the moment as I'm quite scared of it happening again and also we are going through a stressfull time trying to buy a house so we're going to wait for things to calm down.
I also saw my doctor who thought counselling would be a good idea so she gave me details of that.

Congratulations Glimmer - really pleased for you.

Haven't even turned pc on since monday afternoon so catching up a bit now.

Clairebear - wishing you all the best under the circumstances. Sending on my deepest sympathy and regards

Hi imaginaryimogen. Sorry to read that you are going through the blame game. Like you say, you understand that it isn't rational but that still doesn't stop you wondering why and beating yourself up over all the things you may have done to trigger it off. Please try and push these thoughts away - an argument or regular stress is not going to cause a mc - maybe if yr argument turned into a full on fight and you sustained a severe beating... but really. I guess guilt / apportioning blame is something us women are pretty good at. Seems to start the minute you see the line on the pg test*. I thought I caused my dd's problems by using oven cleaner in late pg. Obv I didn't but I still beat myself up over it.

• Oh Mrs Mc - hope you are seeing one of these in the not too distant future. All the best x

Oh poor you Jules you are having such a nightmare! I am so sorry you have to endure even more heartache hon. I?ve just read your other thread too and see that the consultant has been helpful which is great, I?m glad you feel you have more answers. I bet in some ways you just want to get to Tuesday and get all this over and done with so you can start the healing process. You have been so incredibly brave and I so hope you get some really good news soon. Please keep us posted and come and have a chat anytime. Also, I?m really pleased that so many knowledgeable MNetters answered your other thread, which must have helped you a lot

Hi ImagineryImogen ? sorry to hear that you have been feeling down I did exactly the same as you with regard to checking my diary to see what I might have been doing when my baby died I wasn?t doing anything out of the ordinary I agree with so much that you said. It is only when you tell friends what you have been through that you find out about so many others. How did they carry on as usual and keep it to themselves? I was talking to my MIL last week about my feelings for the lost baby etc. She expressed her feelings of guilt that she had post-natal depression both when DH and his sister were babies, it was so severe that she was institutionalized and spent a good 4 years in care and has been in and out since (she is a manic-depressive and the post-natal depression led to this being discovered) she feels so guilty that she couldn?t enjoy them when they were so tiny, I felt so sorry for her .

Hi Whoops ? sorry to hear that you?ve been finding things tough too hope your house hunting is going well and that the counseling helps you feel much better

Ejb ? thanks hon I hope you are taking great care of yourself and junior.

Hugs all round.

Hi all,
whoopsfallenoveragain... thanks for the advice about telling my four year old. That is a way of putting it that I think he'll understand although I can't see him forgetting at this point. He still talks about when I was pregnant with his younger brother (now 2. Am still undecided but if I wasn't stressing about that it would be something else. I know where imagainaryimogen is coming from about the diary thing. I think I had a stomach bug the weekend that it would have happened and wonder if it was that. I've been through the .. if I hadn't done this or gone there I may not have picked up the bug etc.. It must be normal to feel like this. I am now at the stage where I have just accused my husband of being silly to marry me as I am not the sort of woman he should want. His answer to everything at the minute is just to hug me...which is really the only thing he can do when I am ranting like a mad woman. At least I can blame alcohol now. Am just opening second bottle of wine in as many days, is this normal too?

clairebear - I have been having a drink every night. I bought a wine box so have a couple of glasses a night too, one I think may be a reaction and another that I missed out on a few parties etc so making up for that
I would recomend a night out too I have had 2 in a row with girly friends (drinking at both!) and feel a bit more relaxed and in a better frame of mind.
My 2 kids did take a couple of weeks to forget you'll be surprised how they forget when something else gets on their mind like which toy the want to be bought!!

I've spent the past 24 hours googling brown discharge and miscarriage and I'm really frieking out.

I had an internal scan last Friday which showed a yolk sac appropriate for a pregnancy which was 5+3 weeks.

monday night, I starting having brown spotting, which continued, very lightly, until Thursday afternoon. Thursday afternoon, after walking around with heavy groceries, passed some small stringy brown clumps. I called the antenatal helpline at the Queen Charlotte, who poo pooed me. They told me that they would only be concerned if it was life threatening to me. I asked if I should phone my GP, when they said no, as the GP would do nothing.

Friday, a small amount of brown spotting, until the afternoon when I had one more, slightly heavier episode of stringy brown clumps (about 2), and I again call the Queen Charlotte. They told me this time that if I was so concerned, I should go to A&E.

I went to A&E and the ultrasound machine there was shockingly bad. The gyne said she could se something in my uterus, but could say with certaintly what it was! She also did an internal (which really hurt!!!) and said she saw more of the brown stuff, but nothing red. Luckily I have a private scan booked for next Thursday. She said to just wait until then.

I am still having a small amount of brown spotting, and now some pink tinging (v small amount), which I think is due to my traumatic internal (still am sore!).

My dh is pretty blase about the whole thing. He thinks that, probably rightly so, there is nothing we can do so no need to get so upset. Doesn't stop me from freaking out. How worried should I be?

Clairebear ? It must be so hard dealing with breaking the news to your DS It seems like all of us have tried to blame ourselves for our MCs at some point, I think that in some ways it is because we just want to have a reason for why it happened, somehow, that would make it easier. Your DH sounds lovely with his hugs, mine is similar I know how lucky I am. I?ve been taking to the bottle a bit too, looking for a bit of oblivion but all I find is anger and despair so I have been trying to limit how much I?m having. Plus it?s not helping my weight which is already getting me down.

Hi Whoops ? glad the girls? nights have helped you relax and feel better

Hi Jonze ? sorry to hear this is happening to you and that you are feeling the way you are. Any type of bleeding or related discharge is very scary in pregnancy and you can?t help but be worried. In short, the brown discharge could be nothing to worry about and it is really hard for even the medical professionals to say why it happens. If you are around 5 weeks, the discharge could be down to when your usual cycle would end and your body doing a bit of a Spring clean, some people have bleeding when their AF is due throughout their pregnancy. It could also be due to the womb lining which some times sheds some if it?s too thick. At the stage you are at, it could also be deeper implantation. Brown blood means old blood so that is more positive than red blood, if you have no pain (lower ab), that is a good sign too. Any other symptoms at all? No headaches or anything? My advice would be to write everything down even if you don?t think it?s related. It?ll be useful if you need to discuss this further with the EPU/A&E. You know the pregnancy is in the right place from your scan so you don?t need to worry about ectopics. Also, if the internal hurt, it could mean that your cervix is sensitive and that could be the cause of the spotting too. I hope this helps, we?re hear to talk anytime. Come back and let us know how you get on on Thurs

I?m feeling very angry at the moment. I?ve just spoken to my Aunt, my Mother?s sister. I am close to her but couldn?t face telling her about the MC, I just wanted to tell the immediate family and then hide away. Anyway, she heard from my Gran and was hurt I hadn?t told her. I tried to explain but don?t think I did it well.

She then said the usual things that grate a bit like ?it often happens with the first? (it wasn?t my first, I had a termination 10 years ago and it hurts like hell when people say this to me ? I suppose I feel like the MC was retribution in some way) ?the next one will be fine? etc but then she said something that made me see red.

DH had a back op at the end of November and at the time we asked the Drs if the painkillers and drugs he was taking would have an adverse effect if I subsequently got pregnant and we were told that they wouldn?t. Well, my Mother has been telling all and sundry that I probably lost my baby due to DH?s drugs which is so hurtful to him and to us both because it suggests we are irresponsible and it makes it our fault when we have only just got our heads round the fact that we are not to blame. She obviously told my Aunt her theory too as my Aunt tried to insist that that would have been the reason too. I was so angry and hurt and told her so.

I now feel awful, I know she was only trying to be nice and say the right thing and I know when you have no experience that is hard. Now I feel nasty and low and so terribly sad. Life after MC can be so crap can?t it? Thanks for listening to me

Jules what lovely things to say to me, thank you. I hope tomorrow goes well and the whole thing is not too harrowing for you. You really deserve some peace and an end to all this sadness soon. I'll be thinking of you, let me know how you get on. Sending you huge hugs x

i am hoping someone will have an idea or any experience of my situation. i found out i am pregnant 3 weeks ago but went to the hospital with pain (like bad period cramps) they did a blood test and my hcg was 129 (which i now no is low) did it again 48hrs later and it was 165. 48 hrs again and it was 241, 48hrs again 414, i also had a scan and they couldnt see anything and i had some free fluid? 48hrs later my hcg was 571 and 48hrs after that 754. i was told to have my xmas and go bk in a week as i had no bleeding and no more pains. when i went back my hcg was 1991 and a scan showed a small sac just 4.5 weeks and i was told to have my hcg done again in 48hrs which was 2500 still not doubling. i have now has another done and its 3500 which hasnt doubled again aand i now have pink/ brown like discharge and a bit of mild cramping. i have a scan in 3 days and i dnt no whats going on iv been pregnant foe 3 weeks and have had 3 weeks oj this. can it be ectopic if they have seen a sac? how high should my hcg levels be? am i having a m/c? please help.