Bleeding, waiting for repeat scans, worried about viability etc – let’s unite in limbo!

[MrsMcJnr]

Ladies, I know there are quite a few of us in this category and I am conscious that although the lovely ladies on here are supporting us on every thread we post on, I am worried that we are spoiling their own pregnancy experience by worrying so I thought I?d set this up for those who really don?t know if things are going one way or the other. Thought it might help us to get through the days/weeks until we do know what?s going on.

For those who don?t know me (though I?m a prolific poster ) here?s me in a nutshell: Based on LMP I?m 9+4 weeks (9+1 based on suspected OV). First pregnancy (though had early termination 10 years ago). TTC for 8 cycles to get here. Got BFP 26/1. Some spotting that week so sent to EPU on 23/1 for early scan. Gestational sac seen by external scan and yolk also seen by internal scan. Measured only 11.4mm though so only 5+5/6 weeks. Was rescheduled for scan 7/3 to see if things had changed. Given 50/50 chance. Started heavy bleeding 1/3. Had emergency scan 2/3. Told sac still there and has grown. Repeat scan scheduled for 9/3. In the meantime, more heavy bleeding, clots, cramps and much anguish.

I just wish I knew what was going on! Please join me.

Well, had my scan last night but not good news. There was no heartbeat- it seems that it had stopped at about 8 weeks. I think I really did know something wasn't right so actually wasn't shocked at all. In a way, having the bleeds made me prepare myself for the worst- I think I'd have been much more upset if I'd gone along to the scan thinking everything was fine only to be told it wasn't.

Also I know this usually happens for a reason ie there's something wrong with the foetus and I'm kind of glad my body or nature or whatever has decided this pregnancy wasn't meant to be. I was terrified that we'd get to the scan and ther would be a heartbeat but something wrong with the baby so I actually feel quite relieved. Also I'm relieved that I know whats happening now and can get on with things. Headed straight to pub after scan and had large g&t!

I've got to go to my GP today though as I'm going to need a d&c and I have to admit this terrifies me. I'm a bit kind of phobic about smears and any kind of 'down there' interference! I refused to have any internals when my youngest ds was born because it really freaks me out. I know I'll be under anaesthetic but I still can't bear the thought of it. Has anyone had one? I'd really like to know what to expect (Am sure my male GP will say its all painless etc but don't think I can trust his opinion!)

Apparently they'll take me into hospital later today or tomorrow to avoid me miscarrying naturally. Then at least it'll all be over. I think my dp is more upset than me- he's gone really quiet so don't really know how to handle that.

MrsMc- sounds like your PIL are being a bit self-centerd. Its awful how your ttc, pregnancy, miscarriage etc becomes everybody's business. Its such a personal thing to go through yet everyone kind of gets involved. I wouldn't feel at all pressurised by them, all you need right now is their support not their opinions!

Hope everyones taking care of themselves x

Hi imaginaryimogen
Sorry to hear your sad news
I had the same thing a couple of weeks ago like you I went into the scan expecting the worst as we would have been more devestated if we thought there was a hope.
The EPU arranged my D & C so didn't have to go to the gp but it wasn't as bad as I was expecting once your under ga you don't have a clue what has happened and the only pains I had were a few period type cramps that disappeared after 20 mins or so.

MrsMc - I'm doing ok life seems to have got back to normal now really for me 2 weeks ago seems like ages away now

Bella - when I was expecting ds I had a heavy bleed and my theory is that I lost a twin but I'll never know as the epu then dismissed that that was what had happened when we asked

Oh ImagineryImogen I am so sorry. I really hoped you?d be one of the lucky ones. I can understand what you mean about feeling prepared but do give yourself lots of TLC and don?t try to be too strong. You are right, nature does take care of itself and like you, I?d rather have suffered a MC than have a suffering child. I?m sorry you now have to worry about a D&C too. I haven?t had one so can?t help but I hope you can have one very soon to end all of this for you. Why won?t they let you miscarry naturally? I think that would have been my preference if I?d had a choice, I didn?t and it did happen that way for me. My DH was cut up too, just be there for each other and be tender; it?s all you can do. He?ll hate seeing what you are going through too, I think that that?s where we are in a better position, I?d rather be the one to go through the physical side rather than feel guilty that he was having to go through it. Men must feel pretty helpless. I?ll be thinking of you.

Hi Whoops I know what you mean about time and how long ago it all feels. I?m glad you are ok. I?m not doing to well today, pissed off really, that?s the best way to describe it.

Hi Imaginary I am so sorry to hear about the bad news. Take your time you will probably have ups and downs in the next days. As for the D&C: I had the option between D&C or miscarring naturally. After careful consideration I opted for D&C. It really isn't bad -- I had no pain or bleeding. But it is a surgery and there are some minor risks.

MrsMc -- there is a time for everything: even being pissed off. Your body might need another week or two but I just know you will be fine and pregnant in no time. Just give it another month and I promise things will have returned to normal. I have heard the first cycle after mc is often anovulatory...

Whoops -- glad you are feeling better!

Thanks Glimmer I?m trying not to put too much pressure on myself but the thought of things not settling down and not being able to get pg again for a while even whilst trying feels like another huge blow I know I?m just being negative and that AF isn?t even due in a normal cycle until tomorrow but the lack of ovulation when we?ve put the effort in is frustrating. DH has been very willing but I?m scared that as time goes on, he?ll go back to his pre BFP self which added more stress to me because I was virtually begging him to have sex with me. Maybe it?s just us but we are so tired after the working day that 2/3 times a week really isn?t the way it goes with us

Hi MrsMcEB, nothing to be about... I know something about the timing problem, since my husband lives in the US. If my cycle was delayed (and I am +/-4 d), the chance was gone, because I couldn't reschedule in time... I am not sure if this helps, but I think there is a lot of anecdotal evidence here on MN and certainly in my own experience, that fertility after mc is increased. On another note I very much want this current, uncertain pregnancy, but it has been much more stressful than I ever imagined (and I was considering it carefully given our circumstances). In hindsight it might have been good for me to have another month of wine and equilibrating before joining the rollercoaster again. It's a pity we mcrried our first pregnancy because we will never have the bliss of a joyful pregnancy. I hope you will be doing better than I and you seem to positive and strong, but I believe the first weeks are characterized by as much worry as hope. I send you my love...

Hi everybody, hope you don't mnd me jumping in. Have been following this thread since last week when I was 9 weeks and started bleeding as I was desperate for info. I was astounded at the number of people going through the same thing and have taken great comfort in the fact that this is "normal". My scan on Mon showed no heartbeat and measurements were for 6 weeks not 9. I am now waiting to go for repeat scan and then have to make the decision of D & C or not.

Anyway just wanted to say that this thread has helped me through the past week and anybody thinking they are giving up TMI or that they shouldn't have posted please think again. I am sure there are loads of people out there like me who are just taking comfort from the knowledge and wisdom you ladies are passing on.

Glimmer - God, that must be hard with your DH being away! I think the beauty of hindsight is a wonderful thing, if you?d known that you?d fall when you did then an extra month of caring for and enjoying yourself might have helped but as you wouldn?t have known you would then fall, you probably wouldn?t have made the most of the time as you?d have been worrying about when it would happen! It is sad, we will never have that unbridled innocent excitement in pregnancy, it will always be diluted with a bit of caution but then again, I think that we will never fall as far into despair no matter what happens than we did this time because one of the largest aspects of the pain was the shock I think. Not sure I am strong, I do try to be positive though

Clairebear ? hello I?m sorry you are here we do know exactly what you are going through though. I?m sorry about the scan, my first was exactly the same. The limbo is horrible and in some ways, so is the hope (my baby had grown by the second scan so I was on a high but then I lost it after that) but the hope is what also got me through whilst being prepared for the worst. I think one thing about being called back is that it gives your baby every chance to prove the medics wrong and it also gives your body the chance to make its own choice. Please feel free to talk to us anytime about anything. I would also say, be kind to yourself. I recognise now that I was quite mean to myself after my first scan, pushing myself physically when really I should have been even kinder. I think I would have coped better with what happened if I?d taken better care of myself and rested more. Plus, I was really glad that I thought thorough the various scenarios beforehand and the related questions and took those with me as they helped me to focus and not give in to emotion at the hospital as I knew there were things I wanted to know that I needed to find out then. I?ll be thinking of you, keep us posted.

Hi thanks for your advice and kind words. At my first scan things seemed pretty cut and dried and they made it quite clear that the second one was really only because they are required to do one so I am not holding out any hopes at all. I suppose if there were signs of growth it would be a whole new problem......why is it so small. Anyway that's a bridge I'll have to cross....I'll let you know.

Clairebear - sorry to hear you are going through this
I too was told the same a few weeks ago and had a d & C 2 weeks ago. Knowing that they didn't think there would be any change was gutting to start with but then we came round to the fact there was obviously something not right and there must have been a reason we went for the scan knowing it wouldn't be positive so we were able to sit in the waiting room with dh's work colleague (who happened to be there for another reason!) and chat to them rather than hiding away in a seperate waiting room.
I have had a couple of hard days as I have had 2 people congratulate me as no one had told them things had go wrong and you can hear them feel awkward about what they have said & heard but it isn't their fault. I am hoping now that everyone is aware now and I won't have anymore of those awkward moments.

Hello all

Clairebear - this kind of happened to me when pg with my dd. I measured behind on my dates (nearly 2 weeks at 8 week scan following a bleed) I thought nothing of it - just that I must be wrong on my dates. The pregnancy continued. I had a bit more spotting. Then in the last trimester my community midwife observed I wasn't growing much and referred me to the hospital. To cut a long story short, I had various sizing scans, dopplers, traces etc and was finally induced at 38 weeks for IUGR (growth restriction). My dd was 4lb 2oz (a scan 2 weeks before had extimated 5lb 8oz - she did have the look of a baby who had been surviving off what little fatty deposits she'd built up as she was covered in loose skin)

My dd had a v shaky start to life - in and out of NICU, transitional ward, discharged only to end up back in the children's hospital with aspiration pneumonia. Around this time we found out that she has a rare chromosome disorder and a few weeks after that, I carried it.

The question of 'is it better to miscarry' / natures way argument is thus quite a tricky one for me. Obviously I am very grateful for my dd - she has lots of problems but she is an adorable, gorgeous little girl whom my dh and I love unconditionally. However, knowing what I know and having trod the path which I have, I think I would prefer to miscarry if I were to concieve another child with an unbalanced translocation.

I hope I haven't upset you with this post - you seem fairly resigned for the worst.

MrsMc - I was in two minds whether to post this when you were in this situation. However, you seemed so positive and other posters had such positive stories that I decided I didn't want to piddle on yr bonfire.

Sorry for long post. Hope eveyrone is OK x

Whoops ? I?m so sorry that you?ve had to deal with people saying that to you it must have been so hard. We hadn?t told anyone and now when I bump into people that I haven?t seen in the last few months and they ask me what?s been happening, I cannot think of a thing to say, the baby, and both the associated good and bad news, eclipsed everything else.

Ejb- it must have been hard to share that and it was really nice of you to do so I have to admit now that if my pg had continued with all the bleeding I?d had and the small for dates issue that I would have been so worried about the baby?s health. I couldn?t face that when I was going through it but I can see that now. I?m sure your DD brings you incredible joy but I can also understand why you wouldn?t want another child to go through what she has. Is it something they can now test for now that they know you are a carrier? I?m currently being tested for thrombophilia, turns out it?s in my family and I should have known about it and tested before I?ll never know if I have it whether it led to my MC but at least I?ll know for the future either way

MrsMc - agree that it is better to know whether you carry anything - at least it prepares you and medics for potential problems. You know what you are dealing with. Saying that, I hope you are not a carrier of thrombophilia.

Yes - I can have a test. Am due CVS on monday though am bricking it a bit - terrified of miscarrying as a result of the procedure. Although I don't really feel I have much choice cos there is a chance I could pass on the same mutation my dd has - or worse - pass on the other form of the traslocation which is 'incompatible with life'. Obv I don't want to deal with either. Am driving myself crazy with odds and statistics at the minute. Most likely scenario is that I am pg with a baby with no chromosome issues or a carrier like myself (cos of the high risk of early mc)but although I toy with the idea of not bothering with the cvs, I feel I really need to know and don't want the uncertainty.

Poor you ejb, it must be a really worrying time. I'll be thinking of you on Monday. Let us know how you get on. My friend had a CVS as she is a carrier of hydrokepheulus (sp?). She said it was such a relief when it was over and knowing that she had a lovely little boy without the gene (boys are very rare in her family).

Ah cheers MrsMc. Its reassurring to hear good stories. I'll post as soon as I can - though fully intend to milk the bedrest advice for all its worth

And its not really 'poor me' situation is it? Its not an ideal one, granted, but I fully appreciate that people would give thier right arm (hehe why right arm?!!) to be in my situation. Lurking about in the hut and seeing how people struggle and yearn to be pg - meeting other families in RL through my daughter who deal with much much worse - it kind of puts it all into perspective and makes you appreciate what you have.

Ahhhh. Saying that - if I get bad results - you'll be pulling me out of a big puddle of self pity!

Thank you EJB you have just stopped all of those things spinning arond in my head in their tracks and slotted them into the right places. Without a doubt you love your gorgeous little one to bits but I understand exactly what you mean.

Whoopsfallenoveragain - I am in the same situation in that not everybody knows yet and I have been avoiding people so as not to have to talk about it, but I am facing up to those people now and it's getting slightly easier. This thread is helping so much!

Yes, milk the bedrest hope you?ve got a stack of good books! It is poor you, it?s scary what you are going through and I do feel for you, I think you are very brave (Don?t know why right arm, granted, I write with it but it has a big scar on it and the rings on the left are worth much more!! ) Your experience is all that you have and therefore how can you know what it is like to be in someone else?s shoes? I think it all comes down to how we handle our own experiences and how we deal with them and ultimately heal from them. It?s good to appreciate what we have but it is also worth cutting yourself some slack sometimes. You do have a heavy burden to bear Fingers crossed for you.

Clairebear ? glad the thread is helpful, comfort is so hard to find at a time like this

clairebear - glad this thread is helping too
I found large groups of people that had to betold the hardest I took the the rest of the day of the first scan whch was a friday then the Monday off work so that I could email everyone so they would know also I went to watch my hockey team play on the Saturday but had to leave before the all came off the pitch as I couldn't face them either I asked one of my good friends to let them know for me and she really didn't mind doing that for me.

Hello all,
Clairbear, I'm sorry to hear what happened at your scan. The same thing happened to me this week. I was 11weeks 3 days, but at the scan the baby measured 8weeks and there was no heartbeat. I'd had 2 small bleeds so thought something wasn't right.
They didn't need to do a second scan and I had an ERPC yesterday. I was offered the option of waiting to see if I naturally miscarried but I thought if I hadn't in the last 3 weeks it probably wasn't going to happen naturally. It wasn't as bad as I thought at all, all the nurses were really, really nice. It was actually refreshing just to be on my own as well, and not having to deal with other peoples sympathy and emotions.

I went in at 10am and was home by half past five and the procedure itself only lasted half an hour.

I've had more bleeding and pain than I expected but I think this isn't normally the case. The two other ladies on the ward having the same thing seemed to be up and about pretty much immedietely. I think general anaesthetics really knock it out of me.

I'm kind of relieved its over but I kind of dont know what to do with myself now as I suppose its all over.

I'm still kind of dreading going out anf facing the world- I have barely left the huse after I started bleeding a week ago!
It might sound selfish but I just dont want to deal with other peoples feelings and those awful awkward moments.

And everyones talking about trying again, but at the moment I feel like saying never again! I think I'm a bit of a wimp emotionally! I had difficult pregnancies (and births) with both my ds's and ds 1 was born with congenital heart disease (thanfully hes had surgery to correct it and is ok at the mo, though will need check-ups til hes an adult and pos more surgery at some point). Ds2 was a fantastic homebirth but i had a pph and it was all panic and ambulances!
Its all so draining- the worry and the unknowns, I just feel exhausted by it. I know other people go through far worse but I don't think I'm very brave!

Sorry so long and rambly!

ejb I'll keep my fingers crossed for you
x

Hi and welcome Clairebear. Glad that the posts gave you some support. I am happy that you are now posting yourself! I think for many of us MN is really a lifeline. Sometimes it helps to just formulate and share our worries and sometimes it helps to know that we are not alone but that there are other women our there who are going through the same. And even fewer times we can get a glimmer of hope that things will maybe work out for us in the future because they have for others, who were at some point in the same situation. I wish you a lot of strength for the next scan and the time after. Let us know how you are faring.

MrsMCBE yes, you are absolutely right and what I posted was stupid. It is very stressful and annoying not even been able to TTC when we want a baby so much (I took me 6 months after the mc before I could TTC again because first I had an incomplete ERPC and then a cervical stenosis). All that 'in hindsight' business is complete rubbish please consider it taken back. In no way did I mean to give any advice.
What I meant to say is that once I tested positive again, I was not prepared for how stressful these first weeks are. That's all. I am relieved to be pg again because there is a glimmer of hope, but for me right now, it is 100% worry and anxiety, and 0% joy, when I would have hoped for 99% and 1%.

EJB thanks for sharing your story. It must be really hard for you and wait and ponder about the CVS. We are here for you if you want to talk more. It seems you have to weight the risks of having a CVS with the effects it will have on you not to know. Is amnio an option for you? I remember you mentioning on the other thread that you didn't want to wait the extra time but if you are really unsure, would that be a option? Lot of strength to you -- the waiting part is agonising.

Hi Imaginary. Sorry, cross-posted. I am glad the ERPC is over. Take care of yourself and take as much time for yourself as you need. I was the same -- didn't want to talk to anybody for weeks and weeks. Be kind to yourself and don't think too much about the future right now. So sorry to hear about your difficult pregnancies and births (what is pph?). Take care and come here when you want to cry, scream or share....

pph is post-partum haemorrage (sp??). I bled lots and lots after ds was born (at home) and eventually passed out. I think this is a midwives idea of hell when it comes to a home birth because they have no way of controlling/stopping the bleeding. Also it wasn't clear (and was never really discoverd) why I was bleeding so much. Anyway, luckily ambulance v quick to arrive and me and half hour old babe rushed to hospital (not much of a fun first outing for him!). I was given a blood transfusion and kept in for a few days. Luckily, the birth itself had gone really well so all the stuff afterwards didnt seem that bad (and I wasnt really awake for most of it!).

Anyway, we all came out of it ok in the end!

Am a bit worried about how much pain I'm in after the ERPC yesterday, it was explained as a very simple procedure and I assumed there wouldnt really be any pain, but my tummy really hurts (and seems really bloated). I cant even stand up straight. Have sent dp out for painkillers so maybe they'll do the trick, but I dont know if pain is really normal or not. The doctor examined me and had a feel of my tummy before I came home yesterday and said it felt fine and feeling 'a bit bruised' was to be expected. Any ideas on how long I should give it before I contact the doctor?

Hi Imaginary -- sorry have to run and have to make it short. I had no pain whatsoever and no bleeding. Howver I might be on the other end of
the spectrum (because I had material left and it should have bled away but instead calcified.). You might be especially sensitive in this area given your history. Neverthelss, I would contact the GP rather sooner than later just to make sure you didn't contract an infection. Tell him/her your history and say you have friends who had almost no plain/bleeding. Will check back in here in 2h. So sorry about the worry.

Imag. I had no pain or much bleeding with first one. This one however I had pain and more bleeding. I had pain worse than period pain on and off for about five days. Still bleeding sort of (brown) three weeks later. I think it varys a lot between ERPCs and different women, but if you are wooried get back to the doctor. Glimmer is a bit of an unfortunate expert- she helped me a lot with her detailed advice when I had mine.
Hello everyone else. Am watching the thread but too upset to post about myself at the moment but thinking of you all. Not quite on the prozac yet but am starting counselling next week for six weeks.

Hi Taichimum. I was wondering how are are doing. Am very sorry that you are feeling down.
If you need to talk -- we are here for you!
Have you checked out the miscarriage/bereavement threads? Are you back to work? I went back to work right away, but then two weeks later it really hit me hard and I asked for two weeks sick leave. I then spend most of the time to make a grieving-quilt: just a quilt but I imagined that I weaved my sorrows into the seems and the quilt was helt together by my grief. Somehow this helped me.
Hope you find something that will help you. I ended up not taking ADs but if it helps, why not? -- On another note, I am not sure if you should still be bleeding. Did you check with your GP? I guess I am the 'not-bleeding' expert not the bleeding expert, so I really don't know but it seems long to me.