Bleeding, waiting for repeat scans, worried about viability etc – let’s unite in limbo!

[MrsMcJnr]

Ladies, I know there are quite a few of us in this category and I am conscious that although the lovely ladies on here are supporting us on every thread we post on, I am worried that we are spoiling their own pregnancy experience by worrying so I thought I?d set this up for those who really don?t know if things are going one way or the other. Thought it might help us to get through the days/weeks until we do know what?s going on.

For those who don?t know me (though I?m a prolific poster ) here?s me in a nutshell: Based on LMP I?m 9+4 weeks (9+1 based on suspected OV). First pregnancy (though had early termination 10 years ago). TTC for 8 cycles to get here. Got BFP 26/1. Some spotting that week so sent to EPU on 23/1 for early scan. Gestational sac seen by external scan and yolk also seen by internal scan. Measured only 11.4mm though so only 5+5/6 weeks. Was rescheduled for scan 7/3 to see if things had changed. Given 50/50 chance. Started heavy bleeding 1/3. Had emergency scan 2/3. Told sac still there and has grown. Repeat scan scheduled for 9/3. In the meantime, more heavy bleeding, clots, cramps and much anguish.

I just wish I knew what was going on! Please join me.

MrsmcJnr - If this had happened to me first time I probably wouldn't be as I am now but I am lucky to have 2 wonderful children already.
I can remember what I was like when I had the bleed with ds I was convinced it was over and how would I cope but luckily when we got to a scan 2 days later there was a heartbeat. I think I was carrying twins but that there must have been something wrong with one and that my body had dealt with it to save ds

My sis thinks the same thing happened to her Whoops. She still does not know where the bleed came from.

how weird is the human body hey?
so many people have bleeding and its never discovered why and then so many others have bleeding that ends up in the loss of a baby. i still dont understand why making and then keeping a baby has to be soooooooooo very difficult. i am feeling very emotional today and really feel for all of you who have lost your little babies. i am so sorry. it just doesnt seem right. i dont often give out hugs (i'm not the huggy type!)............but what the hell................BIG HUGS ALL ROUND!!

Thanks Greedy I know what you mean, you have a 1 in 4 chance of conceiving in a cycle if all is perfect and then a 1 in 4 chance of losing it before 12 weeks. It?s amazing that there are any people on the planet at all I think it is great that there are good bleeding stories though, bleeding is so scary in itself, image knowing conclusively that it was a bad thing ? as it usually is if you bleed from anywhere else! Hugs appreciated, I know you pretend to be all tough but we know you are a softie on the inside. Thing is, if my software is correct and the first day of bleeding in a MC is cd1 then I am cd16 and at the best point in my cycle, trying to get DH geared up for a month run like in Dec/Jan ? remember?! It is awful how many people have had to leave the October thread, I was speaking to Chooster earlier (over lunch ? cheered me up no end1) and she said hardly anyone has had to leave the July thread which is great.

Yes, I agree. It's something about the injustice of it all. I mean there are plenty of women that just sail through their pregnancies
and here we are struggling hard loosing and hopefully reconceiving, going through emotional rollercoasters, while they don't even have a clue. It's not that I want a baby less than them I probably want it more! It's not that I want them to have problems, too (okay, maybe sometimes just for one day, so they understand just a little what I am going through). I am withdrawing more and more from my RL friends. They just do not understand what I am going through and I am very annoyed especially at the pregnant ones: one of them was surprised that I am still upset about loosing mine although it has been months! What is she thinking,? especially since her's is the same age, why doesn't she understand? Sorry for the rant.

I know exactly what you mean Glimmer about retreating from RL. It is very bizarre the reactions you get from people some have been lovely and really surprised us but others have not even acknowledged it. Very odd. As Chooster and I agreed at lunchtime, whatever way you look at it, it is a really lonely time when you are going through it and usually in RL, you are the only one who is. That?s why I couldn?t survive without the empathy on here

mrs mc j - pleased to see you being brave as ever and cracking on with things. fingers crossed for you

and best wishes to everyone else on this thread - v brave ladies all of you

Glimmer & mrsmcjnr I now know what you mean about people going through this, I never thought this would happen to me and had been telling people about the baby and that I knew it was early to tell people and that if anything happened we'd deal with it - dealing with it has been so much harder than I thought I know that I will be waiting til the 12 weeks to tell people next time.

Glimmer & mrsMcJnr hope you're both ok

I feel quite lucky that most of my friends have been fab checking on me and things one has let people know what has happened so that I don't have to explain when I see them later

Hi all. I have been posting on another thread about my symptoms (or rather lack of them!) but think I'm in the same boat as you now! Was worried about my lack of pregnancy symptoms (I'm 6 weeks and just feel normal no ms/no sore boobs etc) but now have started bleeding - not very much and no pain but bright red. Am so scared as have been TTC for 2 and a half years and this is first pregnancy!
So sorry for those of you who have had bad experiences...it's such an anxious horrible time isn't it!

Thanks Sparklybits, some days are better than others

Whoops ? are you feeling ok hon? I felt really weak for a few days after the MC, hope you are doing ok. I?ll be waiting as long as I can to tell anyone next time round, probably mainly because I?ll never believe there?ll be a positive outcome. It is exhausting sharing the bad news isn?t it?

Glimmer ? how are you feeling today?

Hello Bella ? sorry to hear you are going through this I really hope it is nothing. The lack of symptoms could just be psychological or plain good luck the bleeding should be checked out hon, it?s great that there is no pain, it?s such a weird thing but some people just bleed and they never know why but their babies are fine. I really hope that is the case for you and your precious bean. Keep us posted, I?ll be looking out eagerly for your post .

Hello everybody and welcome Bella. I agree you with MrsMcJnr that you should get checked out, especially if you get any pain.
I started bleeding again on Friday and light cramps and have been waiting ever since to finally mc. I have been trying to get a scan on the weekend but no luck. Today it stopped again. Have developed strong soreness in my boobs (I know this from last time, but I had already mc when I started feeling them, so it means nothing), so another up and down on the rollercoaster. Thansk you so much for holding out with me here.

MrsMcJnr and Woops -- am thinking of you. How are you holding up? Have you decided if you'll try to conceive again right away?

Bella this could be the wrong words right now, and chances are everything will work out for your current pregnancy. If notn it seems really much easier to conceive after a mc and many of fantastic women I met here were able to conceive within the first three months or so. For me it worked the first time I tried after a 5 month break. Good luck to you and let us know how you fare.

Glimmer - I'm sorry honey but please be positive and hang in there, you just never know and we've heard so many stories that go both ways. I'll be thinking about you and hoping that you can get an early scan on Monday and be reassured. Hear anytime ok? x

Glimmer - as MrsMcJnr said hold on & keep positive and I hope you can get a scan on Monday too - thinking of you.

I was feeling ok today but dh made a couple of silly comments to me about something we were talkng about and I feel crap now
We have decided to wait a while now before ttc again as we should be moving house and so we can get it decorated etc and also so we can try when things aren't so stressful there are so many things that cross my mind that I did in the first few weeks that makes me question that it was one of those that caused this but I know it could have been anything.

Bella - I agree with the others it's always best to get checked out and with Glimmer keep positive

Hi ladies. Seems ironic that its mothers day don't you think? I hold out hope that we will all get mothers day cards next year! My bleeding has stopped now so not really sure what to make of it. The out of hours GP that I spoke to said to only go to hospital if it got worse so am going to wait until my scan on Wednesday unless anything changes again!
Hugs to you all!

Glimmer ? I?m thinking of you and hoping everything will be ok Hope you get some peace of mind tomorrow, keep us posted.

Whoops ? I hope you are feeling much better today Please, please don?t imagine that anything you did caused this outcome. I?ve digested both of the miscarriage books I bought today and it really does seem that nothing that we do or don?t do is likely to have made this happen. It?s a question of science. Give yourself time to think and grieve and just see how you feel about trying again. Sending you hugs hon, I know you are being so brave .

Bella ? it?s a sad irony for some of us isn?t it?! I hope we all get slobbery kisses from babies next mother?s Day I have found today really hard and can?t wait for it to be over (we were going to tell our families and friends our news this weekend). Great to hear that the bleeding has stopped How are you feeling generally? Not faint or light headed or anything? No pain? I think you are right, wait until Weds, give yourself some time to get over the shock of the bleed and your body some time to settle down. I wish I hadn?t been scanned so soon when I bled. Will be thinking of you, come and have a chat whenever you need to.

Sending you all, all my thoughts today, it?s a tough one isn?t it?

I know Jules xxx

Bella - glad to hear the bleeding has stopped, as I have said before I bled with both ds & dd and they were fine. I was actually worried this time that I hadn't had any spotting.

MrsMcJnr - Yes am feeling better today (possibly cos I've had a few drinks) am going back to work tomorrow so will see how I am then.

I hope today wasn't too hard for you both MrsMcJnr & Jules - as I have said before I am lucky I have 2 dc's already that take my mind off things and I hope this time next year you will both have that.

Glimmer - thinkng of you too and hoping you hear something positive tomorrow

I am sure yesturday must have been tough for you Mrs M and Jules. As whoops days for those of us that already are mums it is easier although I must admit I found it tough myself yesturday.
Fingers crossed for you today Glimmer. In fact everything crossed for you. . Same to you Bella. Heres hoping.

My doctor explained my discharge notes about the cervival tear and put my mind at rest. She also said she will conduct a few basic tests into my mc's even though they don't have to until 3 mc's. She is a great doctor actually and was horrified at my hospital story.

Had a really tough couple of days, like my heart is breaking with sadness. Thought I was having a breakdown on Sat eve but after crying hysterically for about 2 hours and then falling asleep with exhaustion, I realise I am far to practical to have a breakdown as I dragged myself out of bed on Sunday morning and put the washing on on autopilot.
DH and I not able to help each other through this for some reason this time and I feel really unsupported. I want him to look after me and spoil me a bit and he is just not capable right now of pulling out all the stops. My family have been crap as usual which has upset me too. I went to see my dad yesturday and he did not mention it all day. Not once. Or ask me how I am feeling.

RL world is just rubbish in this circumstance. I went to work on Mothers Day for a bit of light relief in the end. At least I am busy there and noone knows what has happened, so I don't expect people to be nice to me.
Feeling very sorry for myself. And you guys too. Poor us.

Hello ladies

Whoops ? hope work is ok today and that you are not finding it too exhausting. Take good care of yourself

Hello Taichimum ? how are you feeling today hon? I?m sending you a big hug and lots of empathy; I do know exactly how you feel. I am so glad your Dr put your mind at rest and I?m really pleased that she is going to do some tests for you. I?m hoping that mine will too when I see her next week.

Its horrible how the sadness just creeps up and hits you isn?t it? If I?m honest, I think I have a cry every day, sometimes for 5 mins others for hours. I feel so sad knowing that you cried so hard that you exhausted yourself and fell asleep why do these things have to happen?

I think we are in a very lonely place at the moment and even the best support network around you wouldn?t really help that much. You find yourself yearning for a card or a text message or a conversation that will comfort you but in reality, they never do. That sounds so ungrateful to all the people who have tried to support me, I am glad they are there but I know what you mean about family. Mine have hardly spoken to me since my MC and when I spoke to my Mother yesterday there were infuriating comments like ?just relax? ?move on? etc

My DH told me earlier that he feels able to put it behind him now and concentrate on the next baby. I am pleased that he is not hurting anymore but I don?t feel the same. I?m still so cut up and most waking minute is taken up with remembering what I have lost

We are all here to support each other though and I do feel it helps to talk about it on here, so many of us feel exactly the same and it does take the loneliness away.

Bella, Glimmer ? how are you both today? Thinking of you both and willing everything to be ok

MrsMcJnr - Work is ok keeps my mind off things but feeling quite tired now.

Glimmer & Bella hoping you are ok today

sorry am about to rant!
I had started to look forward to moving after the bad events of last week but I have just found out the is a hige chain ahead of us and we don't even know if it is complete yet
Why in the last few weeks can everything go wrong?
Oh well the only thing I have got to look for too is our receptionist leaving but that makes this week worse as she is a complete nightmare!
Rant over!

Hi MrsMcJnr, Taichimum and Jules
Sorry that you are feeling so low. The fact is that mourning (in addition to dying) is the ultimate experience of loneliness. In my exeperience there is nothing and nobody that can help, at best close friends can accompany through the grief. But I think my reaction to grief is somewhat different to yours in that I didn't miss family and friends not asking but in contrary asked them to wait until I would approach them.
I am so sorry Taichi that you and DH are not able to help each other right now but maybe it is linked to being the ultimate experience of loneliness. Mayby you will be able to mourn together at a later stage?
The thing that helped me more than anything else was to come to MN and just write all my emotions, fears and worries down. And that I found friends who could understand exactly what I was going though, because they have gone through it themeselves. Since I have no close RL friends with mc, just sharing my grief with women who know exactly what it feels, helped. It was the only thing that did. So come on here and share and maybe you will feel a little better. Also remember there are ups and downs and at some point you will feel a little better.

Woops. I am sorry but didn't understand your post. What 'huge chain' are you referring to?
And why do you think it isn't complete? Rant as much as you want!

All right -- I have news to share. I am hesitating a little because many of us have felt low in the last days and good news of other people can be a huge blow in those circumstances. Nobody knows better than I. The fact is I had my early scan today and everything looks fine. They couldn't find a cause for the bleeding, which is still continuing. I am very aware of the many things that can still go wrong but for the time being there is hope and the result couldn't have been better. I am thinking of all of you.

Glimmer - I had a feeling you would be OK and I am delighted for you. Never feel worried about bringing good news. Thank god that one of us has had some at last . You seem like a really lovely person and I wish you all the luck in the world for you and the young life growing and hanging on in there.
Mrs M - the classic 'move on' comment. Thats a good one. I remember a post from you a couple of weeks ago with quotes from either your m or your mil. It would have been hilarious had it not been your rl experience.
I am feeling a bit better today having gone to sleep at 9 and DS did not wake up until 7.30 which gave me a really good sleep. I think DH and I will be able to be supportive in the long term. It is just right now we are both caught up with our own emotions.