Pregnancy after infertility III

[stealthbanana]

Spotting, cramping, "is my clearblue digi accurate?",* viability scans, measuring behind, measuring ahead, high hcg, low hcg, morning sickness, lack of morning sickness, anomaly scans....

That's right, folks, it's the place where scanxiety really means something, where the feeling like you're always going to be on the wrong side of statistics nevers go away, and where moments of sheer terror are par for the course ...it's pregnancy after infertility.

Join if you want to hang out with a supportive group of women across all different stages of pregnancy who can't believe they got here and are hoping like hell its all going to be ok.

Previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/2679146-Pregnancy-after-infertility-II

*hint for newbies: it's not

Ok I have now found something else to freak me out - I've just realised the nurse today didn't tell us the heart rate. On the scan pic I can't see anything saying HR but the only number on there that is anything like the right kind of number is 98. Virtually everything I can find via Dr Google says this is too slow for 7+1 and means I'm at increased risk of m/c. Im going to call the clinic tomorrow to check, but has anyone else experience of this? Why is everything so hard... x

Just catching up with everyone's news... sorry if I miss anyone.

Sammy sorry that the scan left you in limbo. Hopefully the next scan will put your mind at rest. I think you said you're starting mat leave soon so at least you'll be able to rest up.

Lucie glad the scan went well.

Rebecca lovely to hear from you, glad you are doing well.

Jen yep I relate to not wanting to talk about the 'fun' side of the pregnancy at all!

Chocolate thought it was just me being sensitive about baby bombs. I think it takes a while to get over the infertility mindset. Cramps are normal but do call the midwife for advice if it bothers you.

Trixie cramps are normal stretching pains but get it checked out if the pain gets worse or there is bleeding too.

Friends no infection is fantastic! I know it must be worrying but you and baby friends are doing so well.

Raffles welcome! At that stage a mm either way isn't going to matter so don't worry.

MrsC great news about the scan!

MPP glad you're doing well. That pillow sounds fab!

Blondes glad baby blondes is growing well. That scan album will be v special.

Kiwi hope you recover soon!

Sara that's lovely! Glad the scan went well. Yes pregnancy age is different from foetal age as they add 2 weeks to IVF pregnancies so it's the equivalent of counting from last monthly period as per natural pregnancy.

AFM I have an appointment at the pre-term surveillance clinic on 2nd Feb as they only see patients in second trimester after 12 week scan which I have on 24th Jan. Thats when they will talk to me about the stitch along with any other proposed treatment. So just waiting now... trying not to think about it until then because my anxiety was getting out of hand and triggering antenatal depression. No point in worrying for the next 4 weeks as long term stress isn't good for baby or me. I'm sure there will be plenty of anxiety in the second trimester so I might as well relax now!

Mrscrab - done of my scan pics show HR, I don't think that would be it. Try not to worry, I'm sure they would have got you to come back in a week or two if it was too slow.

Blue roses - yes I'm off now. Trying to rest, eat healthily and drink tonnes of water!
Keeping everything crossed that they'll agree the stitch for you.

Chocolate - at around 17 weeks i worked myself up into a massive panic over cramping... when we went to triage and they said it was totally normal. A bit further on than you are, but the same applies I'm sure. Call your midwife if it's worrying you though.

Welcome to the newbies, and waves to everyone else.

Our heart scan went really well, everything looks good. We have been discharged from St Thomas's now :).
Just have to keep everything crossed that twin 2s brain is ok and that she (particularly her head) carries on growing. X

Sammy - great news am so pleased for you. Everything crossed for your girl x
Mrs c - did you get on to clinic? I don't have hr on scan pics either. I saw it on screen though. Hope you've had some reassurance today.
Blueroses - you have absolutely the right attitude - in fact I think of you as such a voice of calm and wisdom amid all the panic and scanxiety. I am so glad you're here with your reassuring knowledge and understanding.
Have a good weekend ladies, I have turned down two nights out cxause I just want to sleep. I had a life once!

Great to hear from lots of people that it isn't just me being a total freak about getting attention. Is so nice to come on here and not feel like a weirdo!

Chocolate I remember having lots of period and weird cramping pains at that point, right up until recently actually. I think it is just your baby growing. One of my friends at work who is lovely told me to try and think of the pains as a really good sign that baby is growing as it should and my body is stretching to accommodate it. I told DH about this and now every time I feel a pain he reminds me of it. Sort of helps!

Mrscrabtree so hard not to worry particularly at this early stage but I reckon they would have told you if there was a problem at the scan, they seem to be reasonably thorough.

Waves to everyone else

Things OK here, we had our scan again on Thursday, baby still quite stubborn and not moving. Had to go downstairs in the hospital and get a hot drink and chocolate. I tried fruit juice too but it didn't work! Eventually they got the measurements that they needed and all seems fine. I work in children's mental health and one of my friends who works with early attachment and trauma had a theory about why baby was hiding. She thinks that because I am so scared about something going wrong still that I am not as attached as perhaps other mums to be are. The baby can sense this...Not sure whether I believe that TBH, how would it know that we were getting an ultrasound?! That said, I do think that it is true about being scared to get too close due to the years of infertility and disappointment.

Went to pregnancy yoga and they asked us to imagine an invisible thread from our heart to wherever I felt closest to the baby in our tummy. I had a little silent weep as don't feel I have paid close attention to it...I might also just be a little tired and hormonal!!

As we prepare to embark on another week of this crazy journey, good luck ladies. Hang in there!

Mrscrab, just wanted to say it doesn't give the heart rate on the scan pics so you have nothing to worry about. I think it varies from place to place but I'm 21 weeks now and they've never measured the heart rate of mine even at the private scans. I asked about it a couple of times and they just said they don't measure it but to check to hear it sounds nice and fast.

Sammy, great news on the scan so pleased for you.

Dh put up the nursery furniture today, I love it! We've also ordered our pushchair. All seeming very real now.

Mrs c. We had heart beat at 7w and best thing we heard iyswim but it's not on the scan pic

Thinking about it none of the countless scans we have had show the heart beat number on the scans (I've checked as all on phone) so please don't worry yourself

Did the scanner tell you the number?

Ours did and said over 160 like a galloping horse

And every scan has been that

Have 28w scan today and Glucose and consultant

No food since 1030pm till about 11am this morning

It's 4am and fed baby and I'm bloody hungry. Coz my body knows I can't have it. How will I last another 7hrs till allowed to eat :(

Thank you for the reassurance ladies, it's really helpful. No they didn't say a number and on the letter to GP there is just a box for heartbeat yes or no, so maybe they didn't measure it. Taking your advice that they would have said something if there was an issue.

In true style, I have however managed to whip myself up about something else - I read a (scientific) article yesterday saying that if you have no m/s you are 6x more likely to miscarry, particularly around week 8. Well I've had no m/s, hardly any symptoms really and any I had seem to have gone... and I'm about to start week 8! don't have another scan til 10 weeks. I know there's nothing I can do except ride it out but it's so hard isn't it?

Blondes that sounds horrendous, you must be starving! I hope the scan is lovely and makes up for it.

Lucie, wow amazing about having the furniture up! It must seem so real and exciting now!

Jen - I work in child MH and I'm not sure about your friend's interpretation of your baby's position. I think that's a bit extreme and unlikely at this stage - however if it helps you think about your feelings about the baby and how you can begin to believe it's real and connect to baby despite everything you've been through, then maybe it's a good way to think about it? Only if helpful to you though. The yoga sounds lovely but that defo would have made me cry too.

Sammy, fab news on the scan!

Hello to everyone else and happy Monday! xxx

Oh blondes, this was me last week! I felt awful from not eating, but drank a sip of water when it got bad and managed to survive!

We've got another scan today to check the fluid levels and blood flow which is pretty scary as the last thing I want is to end up back at Kings College. I'm going to ask if they can check the measurements for twin 2s head as I've been worrying about them. Xx

Mrscrsbtree if you've had no m/c you're 6x more like to miscarry? That doesn't sound right. Where did you read it?

Please try not to stress. I'm sure the heart rate was fine. They would have said something if not.
I understand the fear though. Even now at 29 weeks I go from scan to scan expecting the worst. for you. X

Oh, m/s - apologies, haven't inserted contact lenses yet! Lol.
My morning sickness kicked in around week 8 so I wouldn't panic about that yet either. It could still be to come! Xx

Good luck with the scan today Sammy.

MrsC try not to worry about the heartbeat, if there was an issue, they would have flagged something. Also some people just don't get strong symptoms, I know it can be reassuring when we've all been so worried but it might just mean you tolerate the changes in hormones better than others. Finding a heartbeat already reduces the risk of m/c.

Blondes good luck with the GTT and appointments today. Must be tough to make yourself go hungry but not much longer!

Lucy must be lovely to start getting ready for the new arrival.

Jen there are lots of reasons that baby's take the position that they do and it only appears that they are 'hiding' from the u/s. I can't believe that they pick up on the mothers feelings though.

Sara definitely don't feel calm! Hope you had a restful weekend.

Hope everyone else is doing well
Any more scans etc this week?

Jen never heard of that and don't think it's possible

Mrs c. Stop googling. You will only stress your self out

Sammy. Hope measurements for heads reassure you

Gagged big time on Glucose but so far managed to keep down. Only 1.45hrs left lol

Blue. Seriously I am soooooo Hungry which isn't helping the hg

Scan hopefully in a mo. If all running on time

thanks for all the reassurance on the twinges ladies - really appreciate it. I've still been getting them but they are definitely mild and I've got a scan to check my cervix next Monday so am going to try and hold out til then rather than book ANOTHER scan.

Jen I'm sorry but I think your friend is talking shit about the baby's position. Its far more likely to be down to the size of the baby/shape of your womb/time of day or what you've eaten. Please don't beat yourself about not being "connected". I am sure you'll feel more so as things progress and I think its totally natural given the circumstances - I feel exactly the same to be honest so you're not on your own!

Lucie that's very exciting about the nursery. Sounds like you're all ready! Did you get some bargains in the sales??

Blondes hope the tests and scan goes well and you're not too ravenous by the end of it!! Let us know how you get on :)

MrsCrabtree I echo what everyone else has said on the HB. Its not on any of my pics and if there was any sort of problem I am sure they'd tell you. Re MC risk and M/S, I read something similar in that book "expecting better". I would say that I think its difficult to compare IVF pregnancies with "normal" ones due to the amount of drugs etc that are taken. I didn't feel any MS really and I'm over 15 weeks now. Are you on steroids by any chance as I know they tend to reduce MS too? But either way, definitely don't worry - I know other people who have had missed MC and felt MS AFTER they've miscarried so I think its v hard to draw any conclusions.

Sammy lots of luck today - really hope there is lots of good news and reassurance for you. COME ON THE TWINS!!!!!

Blueroses hope you're doing ok and feeling less anxious about the stitch (although cervix length is my new obsession so I cant imagine how you must feel xxx)

Hope everyone else is ok - sorry if I've missed anyone - I am running out of time typing this pre meeting

Thanks for the reassurance re the cramping MPP and Blueroses, seems to have calmed down a bit now and my waistband is feeling tight so maybe I've had a bit of a growth spurt. 9 + 1 today.

Interesting, had my papers through for my booking in and 12 week scan and there's mention of the Harmony test.

Exciting re the nursery furniture Lucie!
Good luck today Sammy and Blondes.

I keep having little wobbles Mrscrabtree, nearly ordered a doppler off Amazon yesterday so I could try and find a heartbeat at home but know if I can't find it I'll panic. I've had some nausea (mainly on the bus) but no ms. Trying to focus on the fact that once there is a heartbeat the miscarriage rate drops drastically. Time seems to be going soo slowly.

Jen - I work in MH too and also think that sounds like bullshit. And if it helps, I felt nothing for my baby during the pregnancy, not a thing (apart from anxiety!). Now he's 4 weeks old and on my lap, I adore him. It'll all be fine, honestly.

Hi to everyone else, sorry haven't read full thread yet

An update on the stitch as so many of you have kindly been asking about it.

I received a copy of Jovan's Post Mortem report on Saturday. I had requested it from the consultant that went through it with us (let's call him Consultant A) but it was more for my records as I was comfortable with everything that he told us re baby being genetically and physically perfect, primary cause being incompetent cervix and secondary cause being the infection. The report didn't come and after the confusing conversations with the pre-term clinic (led by Consultant B) I chased them up and received a copy.

The PM report has Consultant B's name on the top as the consultant so presumably she has seen it/has access to it (it was done at a different hospital). It contains factually incorrect statements (heartbeat last heard at 16w, no mention of 20w scan) and missing information such as our ethnicity (so a few times they said they couldn't comment because they didn't know the baby's ethnicity). But bizarrely it also has no mention of my cervix! It dwells a lot on the infection and on something being wrong with the placenta (too technical for me to understand), and this wasn't mentioned at my appointment with Consultant A.

So no wonder the pre-term clinic have taken the position that they have if they are basing it on this report!

My GP wrote to both Consultant A and Consultant B to explain that I was confused and anxious about my ongoing care, and off the back of that I have been offered an appointment with Consultant A on 16th Jan - which is great because I really need to know why what he told us is so different to the report!

After that I have my 12w scan on 24th Jan and appointment with Consultant B on 2nd Feb. Hopefully by then things will be clearer about how they are going to treat me.

Blueroses how confusing and frustrating for you, really hope your meeting with consultant A provides some clarity

Sammy glad the heart scan was ok

Blondes hope the scan went ok and that you feel better after something to eat

Mrscrabtree in the nicest possible way step away from Google! I got really worked up a few weeks ago when my m/s symptoms disappeared so I kind of know how you feel but it's important to remember that every woman & pregnancy is different and not everyone has the same symptoms

AFM I'm going back to the EPU tomorrow as I had more old blood on Friday, not sure if I'll get another scan or if they'll just check me over. The nurse I spoke to said they just want to see me to double check everything is ok so I'm trying not to worry too much, not sure I'll be particularly calm tomorrow morning though!

Trixie - please don't order the Doppler! The midwives find it hard to find the heart beat with them, so we really don't stand a chance.

Blue roses - they're really making you work for information aren't they? I hope the appointments clear everything up for you, and someone just stitches you! Surely it can't do any harm?

Custard - sorry it's not proving straight forward for you, but fx epu can put your mind at rest. How many weeks are you now?

We saw the consultant this morning after our. Can. She is happy with everything but the babies are on the small side and so she has brought the delivery date forward to 34 weeks. That's only 4.5 weeks away!!!!! I'm a bit worried about having small premature babies, but she said they will only go ahead if the risk of keeping them in outweighs the risk of getting them out.

Trixie echo Sammy's comment re dopplers, firstly it's too early to be getting a heartbeat before 16w but more importantly they can lull you into a false sense of security if everything sounds OK, and it stops you getting checked out, or a panic if you can't find the heartbeat.

Custard sorry you're going through that. Hopefully the EPU will put your mind at rest. Have you had your booking bloods yet to confirm your blood type (rh+/-)? If you are rh-, you may need to have anti-D injections if bleeding continues later into pregnancy. Hope it doesn't, but you might want to ask about it if they haven't already talked to you about it. Good luck.

Sammy not long to go for you? I know it's scary but prem babies do so well these days.

So many twists and turns for me... I had a call from the midwife that works with Consultant B. She doesn't want me to see Consultant A to avoid confusion with regards to my care (though said it was my decision) and offered me an appointment with Consultant B for this Thursday, with a view to cancelling Monday's appointment with Consultant A if all my questions were answered. I confirmed that I wanted to be under he care of Consultant B because they are the specialist team. Am I just caught in the middle of departmental politics?

Thanks everyone for your reassurance and strict instructions to step away from google!!

Chocolate - yes I did read it in Expecting Better (which a friend sent me as a present! ) and then I looked up the study she quoted. Mistake! I am going to try v hard just to take each day as it comes. I have a scan booked for just over two weeks away.

Blueroses - bloody hell that sounds like a nightmare. You sound like you're being assertive about what you want which is great and I hope you get the care you deserve.

Hope you're ok Custard, sounds stressful. Fingers crossed.

Trixie I hear you on the time going slowly! I thought about a Doppler but decided against for the reasons Sammy and Blueroses point out. I wish we could ultrasound ourselves!!

Sammy, how exciting, that's soon! They'll be cared for so well if they're a bit early, Im sure it'll be fab x

Sammy I'm 10 + 5 today. Glad your consultant was happy with everything, only natural to be worried but it sounds like they will do what's best for the twins and I agree with Blueroses prem babies do well these days

Blueroses thanks for that I will ask about that tomorrow, there's so much to think about sometimes I feel very under informed. It does sound like you might be caught in the middle of some department stuff, are consultant B's staff taking on board that you have had two different accounts from consultant A?

Mrscrabtree taking each day as it comes is a sensible approach.

blueroses the report sounds confusing and careless on their part. You'd think attention to detail could be achieved at such times. So bad. As for the consultant debacle , yes I think your last assumption is prob right but as you want CB and will see CB, it sounds OK. When will they just get it right though ffs!
Mrs crabtree tbh I am obsessed with miscarriage studies and reports as statistically I feel doomed ( nothing like enjoying your pregnancy) I have read repeatedly that yes ms is a positive sign but its absence is not a negative sign. I feel sick all the time but still assume the worst and feel like I can't get remotely excited about this because its going to come to nothing. I think we've had such a dissapointed mindset that's its just too hard to believe it could be OK and WD could actually have what others seem to achieve so easily. I think the only comfort will be time and getting more weeks under my belt. I understand your stress and fear. I feel it all the time.

Blue roses. Dreadful you have conflicting reports. Why do you have A and B consultants ?

Def no dopplers. You will worry if can't find heart and even if you do find heart you won't know if baby is in distress

Tho agree a portable scan machine would be handy :)

Custard hope epu will reassure you

Sammy twins often delivered at 37w so bringing to 34w isn't unheard of for twins

All ok with scan and Glucose. Tho made me very sick as have hg but test clear and bubs kicking madly