Thank you all for your lovely kind & supportive messages yesterday, I read them all a few times and they meant a lot. I feel wrecked today, too much snivelling and crying last night and then mad dreams all night and excitable digestion that kept disturbing me. I've put my sole pair of mat jeans in the wash which means I am slightly uncomfortably crammed into a skirt that is too tight, not great!
Hugs to you too Tinkly, those times of yearning are so intense. I identified with so much in that article, the rooms of tissues and flower pictures, cracking inappropriate jokes with the medics - v awkward, the agony of having baby pictures that you can never share, the unbelievable pain of the first induction & subsequent morphine trip, the stress of would the placenta come out or not (mine both did thankfully), the hideous milk coming in after DD and engorgement and leaking all over every bugger who was trying to give me sympathetic hugs, the awfulness of telling family, the spectacular awkwardness of being around people afterwards and how hard that was. Gah. Stop me now.
whatser I think you're right, it's all a trauma response isn't it. Arse. I am feeling a bit bitter about it all. Not only do I have my horrible history and all the associated mental struggles during pregnancy, I'm also just a bit shit at pregnancy. I in no way bloom. I would never be someone who found out to their astonishment that they were 5 months pregnant... I have such a miserable time of it. It is very galling.
sophia huge congratulations! Hope you are doing ok post birth & lots of luck with feeding. Do not hesitate to call a breastfeeding counsellor if you need help, the sooner you crack it the easier it is.
15+ a bit now.