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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Pregnant girlfriend wants to keep baby, i dont

237 replies

Evanbaby · 04/06/2016 12:03

Hi, I've had a sort of relationship with a 42y girl for 8 months, she accidentally got pregnant recently and wants to keep, it despite the fact that I don't.

She has 4 children already from two men and as much as I liked her I never intended to have a family with her. She has always known I don't want a child right now.

I'm devastated because this isn't how and want to experience to my first child and a family, and I know that we'll never be together anyway after that. If I have a child, I want to be a present father all the time, be in a proper relationship and be settled with the girl.

If she goes ahead I can still try but eventually I will be with another girl and start a family then, the child will never be fully part of my family. I'm heart broken to think that I'll never be a dad to this kid the way I would like to be and also I feel the joy of it all is being stolen from me, instead it's a painful experience, not a joy. And the child will never have a dad the way I would like my child to have.

Her reason to want to keep it is to not have the guilt of abortion, which I understand completely, but also her daughter had an abortion recently and they've moved on, so I'm not convinced it's just the only reason.

I feel even worse knowing that she can still go ahead when she knows it breaks my heart and has a family already.
It nearly seems selfish of her but also know how hard the termination is, I just can't do it myself for us.

I'm lost and thought I'd log here to talk to people with experience.

Many thanks in advance

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 04/06/2016 12:43

'42y girl' 'Sort of relationship' and on and on.

It's scary to think people as dim, ignorant and immature as you are might come into contact with my own daughter in a few years.

So you had no problem shagging this woman as long as it suited you but the second it didn't - she's pregnant - you are heartbroken.

You're 'sort of' right, though, if I'd met someone like you, who had a kid, back when I was single and childfree, I'd have run a mile in the other direction.

passmethewineplease · 04/06/2016 12:44

Oh god you sound just like my ex.. who is a waste of space

Our cisunstancds weren't the best but tbh people go through much much worse. He decided he just couldn't be the dad he wanted to be...and left. Hmm

Don't be that guy.

You had sex, she's pregnant! Shocker.

Do the decent thing and step up.

passmethewineplease · 04/06/2016 12:44

Also at 42 she's a bloody woman!

Arfarfanarf · 04/06/2016 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 04/06/2016 12:46

Well, you had sex, sometimes sex leads to babies, women girls don't always do what you want, life happens.
DM shocker.
Make sure you have your sad face on when they call.

pearlylum · 04/06/2016 12:47

You sound like a pig OP.

IWILLgiveupsugar · 04/06/2016 12:48

Agree with all the above. Re adjust your expectations of what a family looks like. There is no reason why you cannot be a fully involved loving father to this child - your future wife/children have no relevance here. Personally, if I met a man who had already proven he was a good and committed parent, I would see that as a good sign and boding well for how he would treat our children.

I feel for this woman though. You have viewed her as being a temporary shag while you wait for your perfect future wife. That being the case you can expect her to show the same consideration of your feelings as you are showing for hers.

Next time buy condoms!

pearlylum · 04/06/2016 12:49

So this woman was good enough to prod, but not good enough to have your child.

Shame on you.

Oldraver · 04/06/2016 12:49

What is unfair is you getting her pregnant than demanding an abortion

SoupDragon · 04/06/2016 12:50

if you "definitely" didn't want children you should have used a condom.

How do you know he didn't?

Frazzled2207 · 04/06/2016 12:51

She's a grown woman not a girl, and more than capable of making her own decisions.
If you really didn't want to have a child with her you shouldn't have let her get pregnant.

coolaschmoola · 04/06/2016 12:53

How old are you? You sound as though you are potentially much younger than the woman you have been sleeping with.

leelu66 · 04/06/2016 12:53

So you'd rather she abort the child even though she doesn't want to, just so can live guilt free with your future wife and kids?

Are you sure this isn't about having to pay child maintenance for this child you were equally responsible for conceiving?

ReadyPlayerOne · 04/06/2016 12:56

I'm afraid you don't get to choose what she does with her body. Step up and respect her in that. You don't have to be a part of the child's life if you don't want, but don't be a dick about it and make sure you provide for the child with good grace.

I'm sorry this isn't happening how you planned, but it's probably not what she would have chosen either. These things happen. Contraception can fail. Mine did.

Viviennemary · 04/06/2016 12:56

Whatever anybody's opinion is on this sorry tale, you have no choice in the decision of whether your partner chooses to keep the baby or have an abortion. So you'll just have to go along with what she decides. And choose whether or not you want to be involved in the child's life.

alltouchedout · 04/06/2016 12:56

I really want this to be a troll post but in case it's not...

42 year old women are women, not girls.
You should have been fully aware that pregnancy is a fairly common result of sex.
Her body, her choice.
Your child, your responsibility.
Fairness doesn't come into it. Can't cope with that? Stop having sex with people until you can. (Ideally, stop having sex with people until you're less of an immature, self centred, ignorant twat).

AwfulBeryl · 04/06/2016 13:00

Tbh I don't think someone as dim as the op makes "himself" out to be would think to look on MN for advice. He would be more likely to be crying in to his pint in a dingy pub somewhere telling his sorry tale of the girl who done him wrong.

StillRabbit · 04/06/2016 13:00

And how old are you? You do sound like a boy.

Exactly what I was thinking.....

seeyounearertime · 04/06/2016 13:01

Someone give the OP the number for Jeremy Kyle.

AyeAmarok · 04/06/2016 13:02

Tell us more about you OP, you sound nice.

SoupDragon · 04/06/2016 13:03

Leaving aside all that is wrong with your post, you aren't unreasonable to be upset about this. What you do have to realise is that the choice of what happens isn't yours though.

All you can do now is to make the best of it. There is no reason you can't have a good relationship with your child and be fully involved in their upbringing.

Pearlman · 04/06/2016 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChitChatarunga · 04/06/2016 13:05

All you can do is communicate to her how little you have to give.

She may be deluding herself that you are a decent man, capable of loving her, fitting in to her family, being a father to your child.

So, all you can do, the only power you have so to speak is to convey to her really, really clearly and bluntly how little you want this.

It is hard as a woman to sympathise as I've been caught out too, had relationships (I thought) with men who believed they could do 'better'.

Tell her how far short you fall of what she hopes, and then go and do better.

BoreOfWhabylon · 04/06/2016 13:06

Fairenuff · 04/06/2016 13:06

I don't think you will be back OP but just in case, could you clarify what contraception you were using.