Pregnant girlfriend wants to keep baby, i dont

[Evanbaby]

Hi, I've had a sort of relationship with a 42y girl for 8 months, she accidentally got pregnant recently and wants to keep, it despite the fact that I don't.

She has 4 children already from two men and as much as I liked her I never intended to have a family with her. She has always known I don't want a child right now.

I'm devastated because this isn't how and want to experience to my first child and a family, and I know that we'll never be together anyway after that. If I have a child, I want to be a present father all the time, be in a proper relationship and be settled with the girl.

If she goes ahead I can still try but eventually I will be with another girl and start a family then, the child will never be fully part of my family. I'm heart broken to think that I'll never be a dad to this kid the way I would like to be and also I feel the joy of it all is being stolen from me, instead it's a painful experience, not a joy. And the child will never have a dad the way I would like my child to have.

Her reason to want to keep it is to not have the guilt of abortion, which I understand completely, but also her daughter had an abortion recently and they've moved on, so I'm not convinced it's just the only reason.

I feel even worse knowing that she can still go ahead when she knows it breaks my heart and has a family already.
It nearly seems selfish of her but also know how hard the termination is, I just can't do it myself for us.

I'm lost and thought I'd log here to talk to people with experience.

Many thanks in advance

Easy done, Bluemermaid

Don't listen to any of the "my body my choice" blokes. I'm with you 100% on this. It's absolutely ridiculous that the woman gets ALL the decision-making power and, as a result, ropes the man into whatever it is she wanted. If it had been the other way around where she wants the abortion and you want to keep it, all these suckers would say "her body, her choice. Accept it." I'll speak to you from experience. My ex girlfriend was also pregnant and decided to keep the child. I made it clear that I would have NO involvement in the child's life whatsoever. I made it clear that if SHE wanted to keep it, then the responsibility would fall on HER. So I'm not paying any child support since she never made any further moves to sue me for it (which will hopefully be the same case for you my friend). I'd say a more fitting motto is "Your body, your responsibility."

I fell pregnant on the injection with my second child, something that should be highly effective as it covers you for 3 months, i fell pregnant 2 months in on it... no means of contraception are 100%, so yes it is possible she fell pregnant, without "trapping you".

You say you have more feelings than just sex towards this woman but never saw a future, which contradicts itself.. is it because she has four children that aren't yours?

If you genuinely had more feelings, then you could always try to move forward as a couple and both parent this child with love..

You talk about wanting a family and having children but not with this woman, and commenting the child would not be a part of this, just sounds to me you're the one already excluding an unborn child before its given a chance to be a part of your "future family"

When you say you would go through this for her without hesitation you should think a little harder about what you're saying. Are you saying that you would be willing to undergo an invasive medical procedure where instruments are inserted into your sensitive male organ with several people looking on, uncomfortable after effects, potential serious complications and tremendous guilt at extinguishing a potential life that could last years, if not longer? Anyone that could do that without hesitation doesn't qualify as human. Seriously think about what you're asking if her and not just how it affects you. The kid will be fine with it without you, she's already raised others.

We newly married and we were clear we didn't and don't want a baby as at now. We planned on going to see a doctor to get pregnancy prevention, but we were both clear that even if we get pregnant we wouldn't keep the child. We didn't get it yet because my wife is new in the country and there are steps to take like registration, contacting health insurance etc before we can get to see a doctor for such counseling in Germany. So, it is not as though I was careless or unaware we could be pregnant with unprotected sex. It happened and she just turned around 360 saying she's sorry, she's keeping the child, praying and begging we keep it. I'm presently devastated. We are not even financially buoyant to accommodate a new family member, all these i made clear. I understand her body is her choice, but isn't our agreement part of the deal too, we are building a family together and I don't think starting off this way is healthy. I'm confused right now, in fact I don't know what to do. I need belp

poison

Any adult man knows that the reality is, once a woman is pregnant she makes the decision. You knew this. You knew that a man's ability to control this ends at conception, and they have to exercise their control before that. You didn't. You chose to use no contraception yourself and rely on another person and a single method. So sorry, you did know and you did create this situation. I can see it is not what you had imagined as your experience of fatherhood, and I recognise that you are intending to step up which is really good.

The problem is, you can't have a 50/50 say in whether to proceed with a pregnancy because someone needs to make the final decision. The partner's opinion is often taken into consideration, but it isn't him that has to go through with the procedure. If both people in the relationship had a 50/50 say, why should the person that doesn't want the child get to override the person that does? You should have used condoms in addition to your partner being on the pill if you were so sure that you didn't want children with her. That is something you could have controlled but chose not to. It sounds like you think you're above her because she has children with other men. Frankly I'm not sure any self-respecting woman would want to marry and have children with someone as tactless as you in the future. I'd feel sorry for anyone that did end up with you.

Ah, it's a zombie thread!

Oh no, not another zombie!

I’m a male and you sound like a fucking idiot mate. No wonder why so many children have no father figure in their lives when you have people like you in society. I’m due my 1st child next year with my fiancée. Thank Christ my child will be bought up in a safe secure environment with both of us in a strong relationship. If you don’t want kids with her, use double contraception to be on the safe side, pretty simple mate. To many guys spreading their seeds, then fucking off and doing it again. Rinse and repeat. Just pathetic.

Sorry, didn’t realise this was an old thread.