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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Sister is pregnant... And I'm not happy

108 replies

Fluttershy04 · 23/04/2016 19:54

My sister announced this week that she is pregnant, after ttc for a few years. I should be overjoyed and feel AWFUL that I don't feel that way. I want to be excited for her but I feel anything but excitement. I have a little boy and when I announced my pregnancy my sister was beyond amazing so you can't imagine how guilty I am feeling knowing that I don't feel ecstatic for her. Over the past few weeks I've been talking to family and telling them that I want another baby and I am getting my implant removed next month so me and my OH can start trying. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and add to our family. But now I feel like I can't get pregnant because I will be 'stealing her thunder' or that she might resent me because all of the attention should be on her. I feel like I have to put growing my family on hold. And also I feel like if I do get pregnant no one will care because she is pregnant with her first and it's all new and I've already had a baby. Believe me, I do not want to feel this jealousy. Perhaps I deserve to feel this way because I am younger than my sister and when I got pregnant she did feel as though she should have gotten pregnant first because she's older. I haven't let on to anyone that I feel upset and jealous because I know it's her time and talking about these feelings won't go down well. I just want some friendly words to make me feel better. I know I'm a horrible person.

OP posts:
madamlala · 26/04/2016 09:44

I think you're very lucky that all these people have bothered to give you a reply.

I saw your post, thought 'self absorbed bitch' and scrolled on.

Dollface136 · 26/04/2016 10:26

As others have said, there is no thunder to steal. It's not a wedding, it's a baby. From experience of my SIL who has 3 kids, I can tell you now that no, your family will not be as excited over your 2nd as they were over your 1st. It's just the way it is and irrelevant of your sister's pregnancy, and it shouldn't matter to you. Go ahead with your plans to have another baby, and support your sister. Maybe now you can understand a little of how she must have felt seeing you get pregnant when she couldn't? It should bring you closer if you can let yourself be there for her and tell the green eyed monster to do one.

MackerelOfFact · 26/04/2016 10:46

If you get pregnant, I doubt your sister will feel resentful that you're 'stealing her thunder' because your sister doesn't appear to be an utter cowbag.

KeyboardMum · 26/04/2016 17:22

Let me wrap my head around this...

You are jealous because you aren't pregnant and you want your child to have the spotlight, so you don't want to conceive until that attention is guaranteed. But you want to have the baby now because you are feeling broody. However, because another baby would be a second pregnancy, you feel as though that child would not get the same amount of love and attention as your sisters baby - who is currently pregnant with her first child.

D'you know what? This kind of reminds me of the wedding dilemma. One person in a group of friends announces a wedding just before somebody else announces theirs, and both weddings are around the same date, requiring the same bridesmaids.

It also reminds me of when I announced my pregnancy to a few close friends - one of them was also jealous because they weren't pregnant for whatever reason.

I know that it's not exactly the same, but it sounds to me like what you are experiencing is competition.

A lot of women feel in competition with one another at some point, it's a natural thing. It's human.

So, no. IMO, you aren't a horrible person. It's okay to feel the way you do, we are entitled to feel how we want. It's how we act on our feelings which defines us.

What you need to do instead, is try to understand why you feel the way you do and what you can do to help combat it and help yourself through it, whilst at the same time reassuring your sister - because if you fake it, she will surely pick up on it eventually lol, she's your bloody sister!

Sisters are often competitive of each other, and as the younger sister growing up, you will have watched your older sister do everything first. You will have watched your parents give that all-important feedback for the first time to your older sister and you will have learned from that, rather than the direct attention.

This leads me to assume that because you had a baby first, it feels like you finally did something your sister hasn't done - you had a baby first. You experienced that feedback from your older family members first. Whether or not you consciously registered it, it was probably quite nice to have those emotions, which weren't second-hand for once. It might have felt like something was exclusively yours for a change, because it was a new experience for your parents.

Have you thought about having a chat with your sister, or your OH about how you feel?

KeyboardMum · 26/04/2016 17:25

Also, torturing yourself isn't going to get you anywhere :P

bishboschone · 26/04/2016 17:27

Newsflash !! No one cares about your second anyways ! Wink

Wheels1986 · 27/04/2016 21:27

Jesus, some of the responses on here are vile.

At the end of the day, you can't help how you feel, and the fact you feel guilty about it shows that you're not a horrible person or a bad sister. If your sister was that good when you were expecting last time I'm sure she'd be thrilled to be pregnant at the same time! I know I'd be ecstatic if my sister announced her pregnancy now and we were having babies together! And as for people saying nobody would care that's just bollocks. Your family and friends will be over the moon regardless of how many other babies you have so don't worry :)

KeyboardMum · 28/04/2016 10:38

Wheels1989, indeed. The women giving these nasty responses must be bloody perfect.

We are human. We're allowed to have flaws every now and then.

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