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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Sister is pregnant... And I'm not happy

108 replies

Fluttershy04 · 23/04/2016 19:54

My sister announced this week that she is pregnant, after ttc for a few years. I should be overjoyed and feel AWFUL that I don't feel that way. I want to be excited for her but I feel anything but excitement. I have a little boy and when I announced my pregnancy my sister was beyond amazing so you can't imagine how guilty I am feeling knowing that I don't feel ecstatic for her. Over the past few weeks I've been talking to family and telling them that I want another baby and I am getting my implant removed next month so me and my OH can start trying. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and add to our family. But now I feel like I can't get pregnant because I will be 'stealing her thunder' or that she might resent me because all of the attention should be on her. I feel like I have to put growing my family on hold. And also I feel like if I do get pregnant no one will care because she is pregnant with her first and it's all new and I've already had a baby. Believe me, I do not want to feel this jealousy. Perhaps I deserve to feel this way because I am younger than my sister and when I got pregnant she did feel as though she should have gotten pregnant first because she's older. I haven't let on to anyone that I feel upset and jealous because I know it's her time and talking about these feelings won't go down well. I just want some friendly words to make me feel better. I know I'm a horrible person.

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 23/04/2016 22:37

You have a baby because you want to add to your family surely not because you want some attention.
There are 2 babies on the way in our family. 1 I know about the other hasn't been announced yet. Me and dh are considering a third at the moment and I dint give a tickers what other people think.

BertieBeats · 23/04/2016 22:39

YANBU to feel like you would be stealing her thunder. My stepdaughter is pregnant and was upset when she first told us as we'd just started planning and didn't want her thinking I was trying to compete with her or her dad's affections.
YABU for worrying you won't get as much attention. I really don't understand why some women seem to relish in it when they're pregnant. I hated it. In fact I only told close friends and family I was pregnant when expecting my second and avoided the school run for a while after so I wasn't bombarded.

Icantstopeatinglol · 23/04/2016 22:49

My dsis had 4 dc before me even tho I had been broody for the whole time she was pregnant with the last 2 dc but my situation wasn't right at that time. I never felt anything but happy for her! I did wish my life would allow me the same but it didn't so that was it. I was even a birthing partner for one of her dc. Anyway when I did have my gorgeous dc she couldn't bring herself to come round to visit us for a few days (possibly a week) because she was upset as she knew she wouldn't have anymore dc. This has really affected our relationship and made me realise how self absorbed she is and how she can't see past her own life and be happy for others! It put a negative into what was the happiest days of my life, it wasn't about her so she went in a huff.
Please think about how you react now and what affect this could have on your relationship long term.

mrsmeerkat · 23/04/2016 22:52

what a self centred and strange reaction made worse that she was so supportive to you. she deserves a lot better.

ccsays · 24/04/2016 08:26

'Deranged', 'stupid', 'childish', 'fucking awful'...FFS! Yes, the OP is being unreasonable but she's fully aware that she is, she doesn't deserve such a vicious kicking and the amount of horrible comments from people telling her to be nicer without a hint of self awareness is unreal Hmm

I'm sorry you feel like this OP. Perhaps just try and allow those feelings to be there without judging them too much. I'm sure after a while you'll start to feel more excited for your sister. Why not start getting a little baby box together for her so you can start to feel a bit more involved?

MangoMoon · 24/04/2016 08:38

Agree with it reading like a reverse.

It's written like someone who is already pregnant with a PFB.

hopefulmama36 · 24/04/2016 09:38

Hey. I've been TTC for 4 years. Sometimes the pain of my childlessness is a physical pain so raw I think it will break me. My brother and his wife started TTC and she fell pregnant the first month. I cried after my brother told me feeling like a total bitch!

I was so jealous and it made it harder that I am the eldest. However I am now so excited for them my niece is due in July and I am so excited after having 4 nephews to have a little girl to buy clothes and knit for. You can't help how you feel but you can be supportive of your sister and be there for her. The feelings will pass and your baby will come i'm sure of it. Yes my DSIL pregnancy hurt me but nothing is worth loosing my close relationship with her. In time your feelings will change and one day you will probably laugh with her about it.

Reddot · 24/04/2016 09:40

Has the op come back?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 24/04/2016 09:45

The op won't come back. She's had a fully deserved kicking and hopefully she's off having a hard think about her life.

wombthereitis · 24/04/2016 10:25

Nothing quite like self righteous internet hate for a complete stranger to give you that smug glow, eh? Hmm

differentnameforthis · 24/04/2016 10:31

Support over what? For feeling jealous over her DSIS when she was nothing but incredibly supportive of the OP when she was pregnant? Yes, support for exactly that!

Is that beyond us? OP hasn't been nasty about her sister, she has admitted to feeling jealous, which is an uncontrollable emotion & one none us want to be feeling.

Yet she is called deranged, told to grow the fuck up, called a fucking awful sister, a horrible person...

I take it that NO ONE on MN has ever felt jealous? Because all op wants is some kind words, some of those already said would be fine, without the insults....

Perhaps some woman on MN need to "grow up" before they throw that very same suggestion round.

differentnameforthis · 24/04/2016 10:49

She's had a fully deserved kicking and hopefully she's off having a hard think about her life. You sound pleasant...perhaps you need a "fully deserved kicking" for being adding such a delightful message...

OrangesandLemonsNow · 24/04/2016 10:56

Because all op wants is some kind words

Kind words for being extremely childish and jealous?

No need for posters to be rude however.

AugustaFinkNottle · 24/04/2016 11:08

VinceNoir, you come over as unbelievably smug and lacking in self-awareness.

And that is your "fully deserved kicking".

ermmm · 24/04/2016 11:16

Really weird reaction.
My sis in law is having a baby after a 10 year gap... We all are excited for them.
I have also found out I'm pregnant after 14 years and I don't think I've 'stolen their thunder'. I hope she too will be excited for me joining her in nappies and sleepless nights after a long break.
YABU- sorry.

Lweji · 24/04/2016 11:16

I don't know your sister, but in her place I'd feel bemused about all that talk about thunder and being centre of attention by other people.

What happened to just having children because you want them and when it's right for you, and when it happens?

We can't be much happy if there's all this angst about being in the spot light and having thunders.
Just live your life.

Your sister sounds like she doesn't give a hoot about any of that and will probably be happier for you if you do get pregnant soon than you are about her.
You are being really selfish and I'd work on getting rid of those feelings.

differentnameforthis · 24/04/2016 11:45

Kind words for being extremely childish and jealous? Why not? OP is struggling & perhaps a little kindness, rather than what has happened, would help her realise that.

She doesn't need to be called names, especially by those who also told her to grow up!

Haffdonga · 24/04/2016 12:24

Fluttershy

This is your first and only post.
It is provocative and controversial.
You have not returned to respond or reply to anyone.

Just saying...

FuzzyOwl · 24/04/2016 12:29

I noticed about the lack of posting history Haff earlier in the thread. I doubt the OP will be back!

notamummy10 · 24/04/2016 12:40

Perhaps the OP is one of those people who likes to say something then is afraid to look at the responses. Or it could be a sad, sad person, wanting to cause a reaction which has happened! Don't you have to be a member for a certain amount of days before being able to post your own thread?

But if this is true: OP, this isn't about getting the lead role in a theatre show. If you want to try for another baby then do it. There are no rules that say if your sibling is pregnant, you can't be.

differentnameforthis · 24/04/2016 13:41

Don't you have to be a member for a certain amount of days before being able to post your own thread? No. As far as I know, the only restriction is posting in the sex topic.

I wouldn't come back if those were the first few posts that I was met with either, to be fair.

Lweji · 24/04/2016 14:17

The comment about being a first post is code for the possibility of the sort of creature that dwells under those human made structures that allow us to cross rivers without wetting our feet.

Dixiechick17 · 24/04/2016 19:03

There is a massive difference in having an opinion, telling someone they are wrong compared to attacking them! Honestly some of these responses sound like they've been written by cyber bullies, who sit at their computer feeling proud of themselves for making someone feel small. I assumed this was a forum primarily made up of adults, and on this section parents or parents to be... the vicious responses made me cringe.

SpecialStains · 25/04/2016 09:16

I would love my dsis to be pregnant atm (or soon)! I know she's been TTC for a while and would love to be a mum. Also, I would really like for my ds (due in Aug) to have a cousin the same age. It would make for good family days out and, hopefully, they could be friends. As that looks unlikely, I will be thrilled whenever I get a niece or nephew.

It would never occur to me that I would need to plan reproduction around my sister's life! Nor would she expect me to. Just have your babies whenever you fancy and be nice to your dsis!

Keely93 · 26/04/2016 09:21

Imagine how hard it was for your sister when you were pregnant? And if she knows that you're about to start trying then maybe now she's pregnant she'll feel like hers isn't as special or important herself? But I bet she's still happy for you. My friend was trying for a year and got pregnant and told me 3 weeks after I come off the pill to ttc, now we're having babies 10 weeks apart and so excited, might not be the same thing but I felt more for my friend, this is her first but my second and it took her longer to get pregnant, but she seems equally as thrilled. You can still have a baby. You're being a bit unreasonable. I know things sometimes seem like the shine isn't on you, that's not always a bad thing, you won't have as much of people's 'I did this and I did that and so you should to because everything I say is always right'