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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sister is pregnant... And I'm not happy

108 replies

Fluttershy04 · 23/04/2016 19:54

My sister announced this week that she is pregnant, after ttc for a few years. I should be overjoyed and feel AWFUL that I don't feel that way. I want to be excited for her but I feel anything but excitement. I have a little boy and when I announced my pregnancy my sister was beyond amazing so you can't imagine how guilty I am feeling knowing that I don't feel ecstatic for her. Over the past few weeks I've been talking to family and telling them that I want another baby and I am getting my implant removed next month so me and my OH can start trying. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and add to our family. But now I feel like I can't get pregnant because I will be 'stealing her thunder' or that she might resent me because all of the attention should be on her. I feel like I have to put growing my family on hold. And also I feel like if I do get pregnant no one will care because she is pregnant with her first and it's all new and I've already had a baby. Believe me, I do not want to feel this jealousy. Perhaps I deserve to feel this way because I am younger than my sister and when I got pregnant she did feel as though she should have gotten pregnant first because she's older. I haven't let on to anyone that I feel upset and jealous because I know it's her time and talking about these feelings won't go down well. I just want some friendly words to make me feel better. I know I'm a horrible person.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 23/04/2016 20:29

OP no one gives a shit when it's dc2 anyways so just go ahead. Her being pregnant won't detract for yours as no one will be that fussed anyways. From my experience anyways.

SeraOfeliaFalfurrias · 23/04/2016 20:29

ooops, "we often can't help...."

arandomname · 23/04/2016 20:30

Why do you think you will be "stealing her thunder"?

If my sister announced she was pregnant when I was TTC, I'd be delighted and hope I could hurry up and get pregnant too so our DC could be the same age and we could share the experience of bringing our DC up at the same time.

You need to start looking for the positives (of which there are many) and not put your own family on hold. Why would you do that?

arandomname · 23/04/2016 20:32

"OP no one gives a shit when it's dc2 anyways"

Yes that's true!

People make a huge fuss out of the first, but don't expect the same with your second, and please don't blame it on your DSIS!

SillyBub · 23/04/2016 20:33

My sister had 2 DCs that I utterly doted on. She knew I was desperately broody, she knew I'd had a miscarriage. When I was finally pregnant with DC1 I couldn't wait to share my news with her, we were so close and she knew how much I wanted this and that I'd had my struggles to get to that point. Yet she was totally cold and completely distanced herself from me for the rest of the pregnancy and after DC1 was born. I was devastated. We had a family meal when DC1 was just a few weeks old and all of a sudden she was interested. At the end of that meal she told me she was pregnant, it turns out that my announcement had made her insanely jealous and made her realise she wanted a DC3. She was great when I was pregnant with and gave birth to DC2. Emotions aren't always rational.

AugustaFinkNottle · 23/04/2016 20:34

You're not horrible, because you know you shouldn't be feeling this way and don't want to. And I'm sure you fully intend to smile and to be there for your sister in the same way as she was for you.

The one area where you are being unrealistic is in thinking anyone would have cared that much about your second pregnancy even if your sister had never become pregnant. Your family and friends would congratulate you and be vaguely pleased for you, but second time round it really wouldn't be that much of a big deal.

hownottofuckup · 23/04/2016 20:34

If you want to try for a baby just get on and do it. All new babies in a family are exciting, my DM was as excited by her 11th GC as she was her first and was very indignant when someone insinuated she might not be.
It's a whole new person for goodness sake, of course it's exciting!

MooningIntoTheAbyss · 23/04/2016 20:35

I do agree with imperial but I would put it a little more gently I think.
Just 'grow up' covers it!!

My Dd is 5 weeks younger then my nephew.
me and SIL bloody loved being pregnant at the same time.

DS is 3 month older then my friends DS and 4 months older the my other friends DS (who also has a Dd 1 week younger then my Dd)

Your focus is all wrong. If your growing your family then grow it. And what is to say you will catch instantly?
You might have the implant out and it could take a year to get pregnant so by then your sister will have a baby....

Get over yourself and be happy for her. She will sense your distance and it will hurt your relationship with her

5608Carrie · 23/04/2016 20:35

Dd has a cousin six months younger than her. They are really good friends. It is lovely. My Dsis and I bonded over our pregnancies. Every baby is special.

In our family we love them all. The oldest granchild, the youngest granchild, all the middle ones and the one with learning difficulties.

pepperrabbit · 23/04/2016 20:36

You only found out today so all of this is very raw, I'm sure once you've had a chance to process it a bit more you'll feel better about it all.
My SIL and I were pregnant at the same time, our DC are 3 weeks apart, it was her first and my second - trust me, we were having completely different and separate experiences. I was a bit cross when she had hers first and I was still PG! But my parents and everyone else managed to have head space and excitement for both of us.
We still have a playdate every week - the kids completely ignore us as they're 10 now but we have a great relationship. You'll be fine.

MTWTFSS · 23/04/2016 20:36

"I know I'm a horrible person"

You're not horrible... you're plain stupid!!!

You do not get pregnant for attention, you get pregnant so you get a baby! A pregnancy bump/baby is not a fashion accessory!

BennyTheBall · 23/04/2016 20:36

You know you're being horrible, so that's a start.

Are you unhappy in your life? Or do you not get on with your sister? It's hard to fathom why you wouldn't be happy for anyone that is pregnant with a wanted baby. It doesn't dilute your own contentment.

dakin1 · 23/04/2016 20:37

I will keep my post friendly as others haven't been so kind. It will be lovely for your sister's baby to have a cousin close in age - how exciting you could potentially be pregnant at the same time and support each other. She will no doubt be asking you lots of questions as you have been through it all 3 years ago. How lucky you are to have such a supportive sister.

GrumpyOldBag · 23/04/2016 20:38

What a strange reaction. I would have thought you would both enjoy being pregnant together and having babies of a similar age.

IceMaiden73 · 23/04/2016 20:39

How old are you?

YABU ! If you want another baby then go for it

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 23/04/2016 20:40

Blimey. My sister lost her one year old son 5 months before I had my first baby. I felt so guilty that I was having a baby when she had lost of her lovely boy. But she was great and very happy with being an aunt for the first time. She was the first person to change DD's nappy.

You need to grow up a little OP Babies arent born for attention, they are born because their parents wanted them.

Crabbitface · 23/04/2016 20:40

Yeah I think you need to really think about WHY you want to have another baby. Is it to get validation and attention during pregnancy and the early days OR is it because you REALLY WANT to add another member to your family. If it is the first (and I don't think it is really) then you shouldn't be getting pregnant and do something else AMAZING instead. If it is the latter - then go for it. No one in your family will be less happy for you or will love your child any the less just because you'r sister is pregnant too. It can be wonderful having someone to share pregnancy and parenting especially if you love that person, and it really sounds like you love your sister. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time and I can honestly say we are much, much closer because of it. We spent more time together, were more honest with each other and our relationship completely changed from being fairly perfunctory (but still loving) to best friends.

If you are worried that she will think you are trying to steal her thunder, talk to her first and explain that the time is right in your own family to start for child no.2.

But I do think you need to examine why you feel like you need attention and validation.

CaveMum · 23/04/2016 20:42

If your sister has just announced she's pregnant I presume she's about 12 weeks?

You say you're thinking of getting your implant removed next month which means she'll be pushing 4 months by then. Then you've got to actually conceive which can take time - took me 3 years after coming off the pill so don't assume it will happen right away.

Even if you did conceive immediately your sister will be almost 5 months gone and you won't be telling anyone until you're 12 weeks, so she'll be 8 months which means 1 whole month of overlap. Is that really the no of the world?

You are over thinking things. Be happy for your sister and if you want another baby just get on with it. Life is not a competition.

musicposy · 23/04/2016 20:44

It could be amazing for both of you if you get pregnant once you get past this and as long as you don't let on to family members how you are feeling.

My DSis got pregnant 3 months after me. I already had DD1, so this was DD2 for me and DC1 for her.

It was much, much easier parenting DD2 with dSis going through the same thing at the same time, and I think it was the same for her. Amazing having someone who's so close to you going through all the same parenting worries - you can really support each other. My DD and her DS are teens now and have grown up like siblings as they've been together since both of them can remember and have so many shared childhood experiences. They've had plenty of sibling type spats but it's been great for them too, especially as DD doesn't have a brother and DNephew doesn't have siblings.

Try to think beyond the bigger picture. Why should she think you are stealing her thunder? I was delighted when DSis got pregnant soon after me and it never occurred to me to be jealous. Have fun TTC and be happy for your sister. It doesn't diminish you in any way, and could enhance your life immeasurably.

FearOfFlying · 23/04/2016 20:47

Sisters can be pregnant and have babies at the same time. In fact. it's nice.

The end.

MissPunnyMany · 23/04/2016 20:47

I struggle with what you are saying in as much as infertility is a bitch, and you should be thrilled for your sister. Whilst she was amazing to you when you conceived your DD, I can almost guarantee she shed bitter tears in private and it caused her a lot of pain. But she faked it for you, because you're her sister, and she loves you.

Please fake it for her.

Go ahead and get pregnant and tell her first, she'll be thrilled. But don't make this about you, and if its jealousy or insecurity (which it sounds like) then deal with it. But fake it and smile and make a massive fuss of her. In a couple of years when your babies are toddlers and playing together, you'll be glad you handled it right. You can't help how you feel but don't show her, some wounds don't heal.

BastardGoDarkly · 23/04/2016 20:48

Jesus, get some perspective! It could be months before you fall pregnant, it's not a competition is it?

It's really sad that you aren't happy for your sister when she's been TTC for a while.

A4Document · 23/04/2016 20:50

It's not a competition OP.

Your sister has been through years of TTC which I assume would have been very difficult for her. Can you put yourself in her shoes and imagine what that would be like? She isn't having a baby in order to annoy you!

If you're lucky enough to get pregnant again soon then that's your life, and it doesn't detract from your sister's pregnancy. Equally your sister is pregnant, it doesn't take away from your own family plans.

Sunshine87 · 23/04/2016 20:51

Op your being utterly ridiculous. Both my SILs on both sides were or are pregnant when I was. No one took the shine from anyone my DBW had her DB and me having baby's after her having her first and my DH sis is pregnant with her first. People should should to expand their family because the time is right. It's not some competition.

RaeSkywalker · 23/04/2016 20:53

Oh OP, I'm really sad to hear this. I hope that you can get through it because I'm sure your sister needs your love and support at the moment.

As others have said, being pregnant should be about the end result, not the attention. Focus on whether growing your family is the right thing for you now- and if it is then go for it.

Your sister sounds lovely so surely it's likely she'll be pleased if you do get pregnant quickly?

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