Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Sister is pregnant... And I'm not happy

108 replies

Fluttershy04 · 23/04/2016 19:54

My sister announced this week that she is pregnant, after ttc for a few years. I should be overjoyed and feel AWFUL that I don't feel that way. I want to be excited for her but I feel anything but excitement. I have a little boy and when I announced my pregnancy my sister was beyond amazing so you can't imagine how guilty I am feeling knowing that I don't feel ecstatic for her. Over the past few weeks I've been talking to family and telling them that I want another baby and I am getting my implant removed next month so me and my OH can start trying. I couldn't wait to get pregnant and add to our family. But now I feel like I can't get pregnant because I will be 'stealing her thunder' or that she might resent me because all of the attention should be on her. I feel like I have to put growing my family on hold. And also I feel like if I do get pregnant no one will care because she is pregnant with her first and it's all new and I've already had a baby. Believe me, I do not want to feel this jealousy. Perhaps I deserve to feel this way because I am younger than my sister and when I got pregnant she did feel as though she should have gotten pregnant first because she's older. I haven't let on to anyone that I feel upset and jealous because I know it's her time and talking about these feelings won't go down well. I just want some friendly words to make me feel better. I know I'm a horrible person.

OP posts:
IDontSayBlahBlahBlah · 23/04/2016 20:53

Wtf? Why would you go around telling people you're about to start conceiving? ShockConfused
I've never heard that anyone would have to wait to have a baby because someone else is pregnant. Ridiculous!

GooseberryRoolz · 23/04/2016 20:55

You feel jealous of her.

She thought she "should" have had the first baby because she's older.

Knock your heads together FFS.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 23/04/2016 20:57

Oh OP don't be silly.

When I had DS1 my SIL's 4th child was born just 10 days later. The 2 babies were baptised together and it was so lovely to chat with my SIL on the phone when bfing or her giving me advice as we were going through the same thing!

I think you are making something out of nothing. You shouldn't plan your life based on what others do.
And it's probably best if you don't mention your confused feelings to your sister or anyone who might tell her about this.
They will not understand you.
Do not be your own self-fulfilling prophecy.

daisydalrymple · 23/04/2016 20:59

My sister is 47 and hasnt had children as didn't meet the right man at the right time. It breaks my heart that she will never be a mother as she so wanted to be and is amazing with my three children. When we were little we used to imagine being pregnant at the same time when she probably had her second and me my first. I would have LOVED to be pregnant at the same time as my sis.

Try and turn the focus around as somebody says up theead, you are hoping to become pregnant to add to your family and have another child. Confide in your sister that you're starting TTC and wouldnt it be great to be pg at the same time. From what you've said about her she would probably be delighted.

Marmalade85 · 23/04/2016 21:01

Nobody will care about your second and yes everyone will be more excited about her first but you've already had all of that attention so let her have her time

AyeAmarok · 23/04/2016 21:02

Okaaaay. You need to give your head a wobble, quickly.

And maybe seek some counselling over your need to always be the centre of attention.

Mishaps · 23/04/2016 21:04

Let me tell you something - one of my DDs had problems conceiving, and then suffered two very traumatic late miscarriages. Soon after that her sister became pregnant and - do you know what? - she was genuinely delighted for her sister and rejoiced with her. I cannot begin to tell you how proud I was of her. I simply do not have the words.

Get a grip here. You do not have to put anything on hold. Having children is not some sort of competition. Increase your family as and when you will and I am sure that your sister will have the grace to be pleased. People do not get pregnant for the attention for goodness sake. You are just coming at this from the completely wrong direction.

TheHumanSatsuma · 23/04/2016 21:04

Grow up

JugglingFromHereToThere · 23/04/2016 21:07

If you really think about it, and think about your DSis, aren't you a bit pleased for her that she's pregnant after years of TTC?

If you are I hope you can tell her so.

With regard to TTC a DC2 of your own I think you could share your feelings with her a bit. You could say you are thinking of TTC and how would she feel about that?
Hopefully she'll say she'd be very happy for you both to be pregnant at the same time, and have cousins close in age.

Sounds to me as though you need to focus a little more on your sibling relationship, and perhaps a little less on getting attention from parents?
Agree with a couple of PP who've said it's not a competition.

WellErrr · 23/04/2016 21:07

Well at least you know you're being horrible.

Your poor sister. You need to get a grip. In the nicest possible way.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 23/04/2016 21:08

marmalade

That's a bit nasty. Why would nobody care about OP's second baby? What a stupid and heartless thing to say to someone who is already worried about that very thing?!

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 23/04/2016 21:13

daisy

Same here. My sister is 40 and due to health issues she may never have kids.
It breaks my heart. Sad
I would've loved to be pg at the same time as her ( at least once).
I'm saving baby clothes and other things just in case...

ParsnipSoup · 23/04/2016 21:19

I discovered I was pregnant while DSil was also expecting, and she found out she was pregnant while other DSil was pregnant. It's lovely as it's means there are 3 cousins who have less than a year between them in total who can play together as they grow up. It's also so lovely having support (and hand-me-downs) from them. You really need to try to stop yourself feeling like this and try to see the positive side.

CaptainAnkles · 23/04/2016 21:19

Has the op come back? I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't, given the extreme kicking she's had. Yes, it is unreasonable to feel jealous of her sister, yes, she's being very silly if she puts her own pregnancy plans on hold in case she doesn't get any attention.
But she's at least getting those feelings out of the way anonymously instead of actually stamping her foot and whinging in front of her family. Trying to work out how to feel and move on is better than that, surely?

Northernlurker · 23/04/2016 21:30

I really don't think she posted to work this through. She was hoping for validation surely. Which she won't be getting.

daisydalrymple · 23/04/2016 21:51

zing although me and my sis now joke about hot flushes starting in the next few years, I ridiculously still hold out hope my sis will have a miracle late baby like Halle berry I think??? I wish your sis all the best and hope very much it happens for her x

Monstamio · 23/04/2016 21:53

I can't help thinking that this reads like a reverse. If not, then you really need to develop some empathy. Can you imagine how upset your sister will feel if she even suspects that you're anything but 100% delighted for her?

Remember that love isn't like a pie, just because there's a big slice for your sister doesn't mean that you will get less. I'm sure your family will be thrilled for both of you as and when you get pregnant again. And I really hope you never have to experience how soul destroying infertility can be.

Mrskeats · 23/04/2016 22:04

I agree surely this is a reverse
Otherwise it's very sad
Op you could take a few months or more to get pregnant so what's the problem
Please have a think about what you have posted
Your poor sister

FuzzyOwl · 23/04/2016 22:09

I hope this is a reverse. OP has no previous posting history to see if she has spoken about this before.

Ffion3107 · 23/04/2016 22:13

If your sister was amazing the first time you got pregnant, can't you imagine how happy she'd be to get to share the experience with you if you were to get pregnant soon??
My sister in law got pregnant 10 weeks after I did with our first, and the same has happened this time. It's amazing!
Try not to show her that you are jealous though! Put yourself in her shoes!

228agreenend · 23/04/2016 22:17

You need to get a grip and stop being jealous. Be pleased for your sister.

You don't to put your family on hold. Firstly, you may not fall pregnant straight away, so the pregnancies may be several months apart. Also, she may love sharing the pregnancy journey with you. Being pregnant the first time is scary, especially idf she struggled to get pregnant. You could give valuable support.u

You don't deserve to feel jealous, you can't help how you feel. But you need to allow her to have the limelight - you will have this when you become pregnant.

EverySecondCounts · 23/04/2016 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Falling270 · 23/04/2016 22:19

Wow.

You want another baby but you want people to fuss over because you're pregnant so you don't want to be pregnant at the same time as your sister because you won't get as much attention. For being pregnant. You're not doing anything spectacular by being pregnant so not sure what kind of behaviour you expect those around you to exhibit for that.

You have a child. Grow up. If you want another have one. Your sister sounds lovely so I doubt she'd resent you bringing another person into the world and "stealing her thunder".

Half of me thinks this post is a goady joke because to be frank you have painted yourself as a spiteful, jealous, mean spirited, deluded cow.

NoMudNoLotus · 23/04/2016 22:21

This has to be a joke.

EverySongbirdSays · 23/04/2016 22:28

Reverse?