Pregnancy after infertility

[bananafish81]

Thought I’d start this thread as I find myself feeling quite out of place on the ‘normal’ antenatal club threads - find it difficult to relate to being upduffed after 'just' having some sex, and thinking ahead to buying maternity clothes, how much maternity leave to take, where I’d like to give birth etc

I realise it’s entirely my own issues and that infertility world has clouded my views, but I want to scream ‘DON’T YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG!!’.

There’s a thread for pregnancy after previous loss, but thought there might be some kindred spirits who are navigating the world of pregnancy after infertility

I'm not sure that's particularly useful advice proudmom for someone who has recently lost a pregnancy that was very difficult to achieve in the first place. It's up there with the comment 'everything happens for a reason' drawn straight from the Big Book of Miscarriage and Infertility Cliches.

HP07 I am delighted that your scan showed a happy baby and that it has eased your worries! Brilliant!

birchy and lucie hope you are both OK, the first few weeks are a total headf*ck.

blueroses hello and congratulations! Being pregnant after infertility can be so difficult to get your head around! I hope your scan tomorrow goes well and helps you to absorb the whole thing. I cried after my first scan at about 7 weeks, I didn't feel especially happy. I think I'd spent so long trying to prepare myself for bad news at that scan that I'd already got a ton of negative emotion all backed up, I had to get all that emotion out somehow even though it looked good on the scan... I doubt that makes a lot of sense!

Just to echo what Tabbytoes has said, I don't think that's very helpful advice Proudmum. I'm sure you had the best intentions, but Bananafish is currently dealing with the loss of a fought for and very much loved and wanted child. There will never be a moment where she will see what has happened as the "best" outcome. Could you kindly ask MumsnetHQ to delete your post? Thank you.

Proudmum, how is that helpful? Something great DID come her way! Then it was cruelly taken away from her. She certainly doesn't consider it to be 'the best' for her as you put it. Please God get this removed in case she sees it.

Just stumbled upon this thread and had to read it as it was so familiar. I had 2 children after 5 years of infertility and 6 miscarriages. My heart goes out to you all. It's so scary after everything that's happened. A little tip - my lovely midwife told me to write 'precious pregnancy after infertility and losses' on the top of my birth plan and notes. Obviously all pregnancies are precious but the midwives during labour went above and beyond in our care- extra monitoring and reassurance etc. If you are very anxious it is definitely worth putting it on there. Thinking of you all

Thanks for that Pirate

Hi lovely ladies. Today I am feeling well thank you. Still having brown discharge but was aware that was likely to happen after yesterdays scan. I think I can feel movements!!! The sonographer said that I might feel them later as I have an anterior placenta but I don't know what else it could be as not felt this sensation before. It's very tickly and feel like a little flip or pop from inside. Very exciting.

Hope this is the start of your bleed clearing up Lucie.

Thanks Tabbytoes, I understand exactly what you are saying and I think I'm in the same place.

HP I'm so pleased that the scan has been able to put your mind at rest.

Hello everyone, I'm glad I've found this thread. I only just joined Netmums today. I'm 39, ttc for 3 years, IVF started last year and got pregnant first time but discovered blighted ovum at 8 weeks which I now realise is quite common. However, I had been so convinced at that stage that all was going well after a 6 week scan the docs said looked normal despite no heart beat. The whole thing hit me very hard, even though I know compared to a lot of people including real life friends, we've not been through that much yet.
I am now at 10 weeks from second frozen ivf cycle and we've seen a hb at 7 weeks on a scan. I'm counting the days until the 12 week scan but am a bit scared to do a private one sooner because of the possibility of bad news while work is busy. I've kept days after 12 week scan clear just in case.
Anyway, thanks for this thread bananafish and everyone else. Really wishing you all the best of luck with these pregnancies. X

Oh no, please forgive my newbie mistake. After posting that last post I realized I'd only seen the first page of comments from 10 pages worth. I'm so sorry to hear the news bananafish.

Hi fran welcome to the group and congratulations.

Hope everyone is well today?

Hi Fran and welcome. Doing ok today. More red bleeding but I'm just trying to take it easy. How are you birchy?

I'm doing good - just exhausted! Had to have a little nap after work today. Hopefully that's a good sign though. Still having horrible BM, don't know if I should suck it up or see GP.

Birchy, might be a good idea to see the GP, it might help put your mind at rest or get a referral if needed.

I had a 7+2 scan today, and was so relieved to see (and hear) a strong little heartbeat Sounded like a little steam train!

There is a slight sadness however as there was a second sac found for a foetus that stopped growing at around 5wks. I had 2 embryos implanted following ICSI, and I'm so pleased that we did because if we'd have just had one there's the possibility of a positive pregnancy test and then no heartbeat at the scan. I feel that I need time to grieve for the lost embryo (is it silly that I feel so attached?) and then I can focus on the one who is growing. I know it's still technically early days so still feel the need to be cautious. I also realise that if this was a 'normal' pregnancy and the first scan was at 12wks, I wouldn't even know about the second sac.

Anyways, here's my proud pic!

Sorry about your loss Blueroses but congratulations on your continuing pregnacy. I can understand your mixed feelings and it's not silly to grieve for a baby that could have been, no matter what stage your at.

This evening I have come home from work as advised by the hospital midwife due to passing a 2p sized blood clot. I'm sure it's a continuation of my prior issue with the low lying placenta but she said it was better to rest tonight and as I work 14 hr overnight shifts I'd rather be safe than sorry. I will try and see my midwife tomorrow for further advice and just to listen in to baby.

Birchy, making a baby is exhausting isn't it?

HP I think you are making a good choice to put yourself first and rest. Hope all is well today. Work sounds intense - have they been supportive?

I was all set to let work know today to be able to take antenatal time off for my next scan rather than holiday, but my boss isn't in!

Yes work is very supportive, we have an amazing team of staff who always help each other out. My line manager is an old friend that I worked with years ago as well. It is a corporate so I don't work directly with any of the big bosses but I'm sure they would be fine about it if I did. My manager has booked me off my next shift on Friday too with no questions asked and said take what time I need. It's a very female orientated career so many of the staff have their own families.

The job can be intense or sometimes it can be a very quiet night and you never know what is going to come in so there is no possibility of saying I'll just take it easy tonight. It's a great job though.

Hi everyone, can I join too?

Firstly I want to say sorry to hear about the tough times and losses. Wishing you all the best of luck. Lovely to see all the scan pictures!

I found out I was pregnant recently after TTC for more than 2.5 years. We'd just seen our consultant and were going to be receiving treatment soon, when I found out (I'm now at 7 weeks, first tested at 5 weeks). It's been tough as you all will understand, as both DH and I didn't feel able to get excited - we were just too worried something would happen and unable to believe it's actually happening after so long.

My GP said she didn't need to see me and told me to self refer to hospital so I haven't had a scan or a blood test or anything! I can't believe I have to wait until 12 weeks, it just seems so long.

Hope you're all having a good evening!

Welcome kiwi. 12 weeks is a very long time, I agree. If you can afford it could you have a private reassurance scan done sooner?

How is everyone doing this morning? Birchy, Lucie are you still spotting?

Hi kiwi, we must be around the same stage! I would agree about looking into a private scan if you can. An early scan gave me a huge sense of relief - although I must admit that since the scan I've become a little more anxious and much more protective. I need the next scan to come around quickly!! I suppose impatience during pregnancy is not uncommon!

HP that sounds like a great working environment. I work for a large company but in a small team, and some of the other ladies have been pregnant over the last couple of years and my boss' wife is expecting their second, so I'm hoping it'll be ok. My boss isn't the most sympathetic when it comes to personal matters - but he should be relieved that we've taken it turns and not been off at the same time! I'm going to tell them today.

Hi everyone, hope everyone is keeping well. Congratulations Kiwi

HP07 - I hope you are still of work and relaxing. I am also quite lucky in work and have a supportive manager. She has recently stepped up as my previous manager has left recently and she was also very supportive of infertility issues.

Surprisingly my husbands boss is also very supportive - he had to take 3 hours on Monday while we were at the hospital and only called on Monday morning to inform them. His boss just said that takes priority.

(whispers) I haven't had any blood on wiping since last Sat. I am nearly afraid to say it out loud or type it as feel like I am tempting fate. I have had some brownish CM on liner but that is very very small and DH has also had a look doesnt think it is blood. Im not as convinced but it is not worrying me.

I was only saying last night - On sunday I will only be 6 weeks! This is like the longest time of my life, time is so slow! I am having another scan on Monday though so i really hope to see that everything is well. I will be afraid to wait another 6 weeks though for a further scan. I have stupidly been looking up miscarriage rates week by week please do not do this but I think from figures if I seen a heartbeat I would be very reassured as then the rate drops dramatically! I work with figures and I just felt I needed to know - but I didnt really.

Making a human is so exhausting! I am constantly tired. I couldnt remember any of my work mates names yesterday when I was trying to ask them things! I was so embarrassed. I have worked with them for over 4 years - they must have thought I was so dumb.

Out for food last night with friends and drinks - food gave me terrible heart burn so I just used that excuse for not drinking. Out with another group of friends tonight - no idea how I am going to get out of this one yet ...as its celebratory drinks for me aghhhh

Then Sat have other friends round - going to have to have some non infectious illness where Im not sick but cant drink .... I do have terrible IBS which I dont normally tell people about due to embarrassment - maybe its time to own up and say I cant drink because of that!

Lucie how are things with you?

Science and flatwhite - how are you both doing? I would love to hear as I feel like I have known quite a bit of your story from other boards

wow that was a long post - do you mind if I write another one about a dilemma...

I have a close friend who has confided in me and another friends that she has had multiple miscarriages - has kept us updated up investigations etc.
I have also kept the two of them updated on my infertility investigations etc.

With the oh so special pregnancy I am so aware it can just be taken away in a minute so I am afraid to tell people about it. we are going to tell parents when I am 8 weeks pregnant as thats when we will be seeing both sets (live far away) but no-one else until after 12 weeks.

Is this fair on my friend .. can I keep her in the dark..? Will she be upset with me for keeping it quiet for so long. I wasn't aware of her miscarriages until after but I didn't really know her until after ... I know she will be happy for me but gutted for herself as I was many times for other people.

Also I was planning on trying to meet with her to tell her but have our other friend on standby so that she can go keep her company after I leave. She is not going to want to shout at me how unfair it is - but she can say that to our other friend. obviously this is a while of yet, unless you think I need to tell her ... thats the main concern I have at the minute. I seen her this week and just felt so guilty!

Birchy, that's brilliant that the bleeding seems to have stopped for you. That's a difficult one about your friend but you have also been through difficulties and I'm sure she will recognise that and be happy for you. I have told a few friend about my IVF treatments but we aren't going to tell them about this BFP until 12 weeks for similar reasons. We are scared we won't make it that far and just want to keep it to ourselves for a bit. I do feel a bit bad but I'm sure they will understand. We have told immediate family as they have been supporting us during the IVF on a day to day basis. I would say you are fine to keep it to yourself for now and then have another think nearer the time about how to tell her. If it were me receiving news like that I would probably rather it done by text so that I could take it all in and have time to cry or process by myself but I know texts can seem impersonal as well so can see why you want to do it face to face.

Kiwi, welcome, I agree with the others and if you can afford it definitely try and book in for a private scan before the 12 week one. It will give you that extra reassurance.

Hp, that's brilliant you have such a supportive work place. I haven't old anybody at my work yet. I'm hoping I won't have to until 12 weeks but will have to see how it goes.

I don't dare to say it either but today the bleeding seems to have eased off a lot for me. I've had a few small spots on wiping once or twice but the majority of times on wiping so far there has been nothing which is a lot better than previous days. No doubt it will be back again but it would be lovely if this were the beginning of the end for it. It's been a week today since it started but I've had no pain or cramps at all. I have been looking some things up and apparently he placenta starts attaching to the uterus around now so perhaps it's possibly something to do with that? I did another frer today which is a week after my last one and it was noticeably darker but I think maybe hcg can still rise even if something has gone wrong or there is a mmc? I will probably try a digi tomorrow anyway just to see if that's moved as I was 2-3 weeks last Saturday so hoping for 3+ tomorrow. My NHS scan is not until 7+4 but I've found a scanning place 5 mins walk from my house which I didn't know was there and they offer early scans for only £45 so I'm considering getting that done next Wednesday when I will be 6+4. I'm really scared but I guess I have to find out one way or another. Hopefully by that stage there should be something to see if all is going well.

Hi everyone,

Can I very cautiously join? I've been lurking for nearly a week now too scared to post in case I jinx everything but I'm going a little crazy keeping this all in my own head so here I am!

I'm currently 5w 3d, after 4 years of TTC and my first round of IVF (privately funded, I went to Czech Republic). I've just booked an early scan for 7w 2d but am going crazy until then. I've no idea how I'm supposed to know if I'm still pregnant? I've on utrogestan so have had pregnancy symptoms as side effects the whole time. I've got frequent cramping but no bleeding.

I haven't been to my GP as I don't want her to pull my funding for NHS IVF in case this all goes wrong! Aiming to wait for the early scan and tell her then if there is anything to tell ...

I'm so pleased for you ladies who's bleeding is slowing down/stopping. Fingers crossed for you
As for the friend, I think it's ok to wait a little and I agree with Lucie, I always preferred texts when others told me their news