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Original poster

Paternity test in pregnancy

190 replies

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:07

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me :)

OP posts:
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Gunting · 07/02/2016 00:19

HmmHmmHmm

1 in 100 amniocentesis procedures result in miscarriage. Is that not much of a risk?

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:19

AM I READY TO BE A PARENT?

Hmmmmm after 3 years trying to conceive, 3 losses, making sure I had a stable job and a nice house with a partner I chose because I love him for who he is, oh yes and having a career as a private nanny (specialising from newborn to 2 years) to ensure I had the skills, knowledge and emotional connection, yes, I'd say I'm ready.

OP posts:
NameChange30 · 07/02/2016 00:19

I think we're done here. Feel free to come back to MN next time you want to ignore our unanimous (VERY rare for MN!) and sensible advice.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 07/02/2016 00:20

I know you're saying that you didn't ask for relationship advice but I would be telling this twat to get fucked. No father ever knows if they're truly the biological parent without a DNA test I suppose but trust in a good relationship negates the need for such a test. Tell him to grow the fuck up.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:21

No, this is not made up. I came here with a genuine enquiry and I'm met with this. And I'm pretty upset by it all actually.

OP posts:
Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:23

Why are you focusing on amniocentesis?

That's not the only way of getting the DNA.
You can also do it by chorionic villus sampling which is the exact same way they determine for Down's syndrome if the scan and blood test aren't clear

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 07/02/2016 00:24

The risk is still there though.

Wouldn't you consider the blood test option which a poster mentioned up thread?

NameChange30 · 07/02/2016 00:24

There is just no nice way of saying "you're an idiot", is there?! I for one tried to be reasonably nice at first. But you're not even listening to blunt.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:24

AnotherEmma, if you're done here then feel free to stop posting. You're not obliged to at all.

OP posts:
Scoopmuckdizzy · 07/02/2016 00:25

You just seem a bit flippant about the potential risk of this to your baby.

There is no way on this Earth I would put my baby at risk (no matter how low it might seem) just to put my untrusting partners mind at ease, especially if I knew there was never any reason to doubt that he is the father to begin with.

Gunting · 07/02/2016 00:25

CVS has the exact same risks except miscarriage rates are 1-2% instead of 1%

SpearmintLino · 07/02/2016 00:26

And why are you focusing on a DNA test instead of what it represents (you being treated like a doormat)?

NameChange30 · 07/02/2016 00:26

An unfaithful doormat Grin

PurpleDaisies · 07/02/2016 00:28

The risk of miscarriage is higher with cvs. It's more like 1 in 50.

It seems a daft chance to take when there in no benefit at all for your baby.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Chorionic-Villus-sampling/Pages/Risks.aspx

primarynoodle · 07/02/2016 00:37

OP i have just had an amnio because my downs risk came back 1:13. This is after my daughter died in utero in august. Thankfully it came back clear and 1.5 weeks later i am so far not showing amy signs of miscarriage...

But i cant understand why you would do it for a dna? Its a horrible horrible experience. Like you i thought 1:100 risk was fairly low but the moment that needle entered my stomach the panic of losing the baby was very very real.

The risk also goes up as the baby grows because there is a higher chance of baby touching the needle before the 'sharp' bit is removed.

I would definitely give the non invasive blood test mentioned earlier a second thought!

DontCareHowIWantItNow · 07/02/2016 00:42

I think it's time to leave the OP alone tbh.

Some of the comments now are getting quite spiteful.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/02/2016 00:47

Your OP makes me Sad. His ex girlfriends are not you - really if he has trust issues as said by PPs the money would be much, much better spent on counselling. Have you or he talked about him getting counselling?

Also when you have the test, will he focus on the 99% accuracy or the 1% margin of error - seeing as he's so insecure I could imagine he'd totally focus on the latter - then what are you going to do? What new hoop will you have to jump through?

I can understand you feel ganged up on but it's only because actually we care, even though were strangers behind a keyboard we care if someone (especially in a vulnerable position) posts an OP that suggests their partner is being at the very least unreasonable and at worst abusive.

Please think what he's really questioning of you here.

primarynoodle · 07/02/2016 00:48

I agree dontcare which is why i steered clear of commenting on the relationship in my post.

But OP i really really want you to understand what an awful, dangerous and stressful experience amnio is, and that the cvs miscarriage risk is higher. If your dp isnt pushing you to have the test now is there no way it could wait? Otherwise i definitely think the blood test should be something you think strongly about

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:49

Counselling is not for everyone, its certainly not for him

Neither of us feels he needs it anyway.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/02/2016 00:52

Why not?

He wants you to have a paternity test even though you're in a monogamous relationship with no breaks and you've not cheated on him - I.e - there no reason for this baby to not be his. What he is suggesting is far for reasonable.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:53

Thank you DontCareHow and primary noodle :) Maybe there are some decent people on here after all :)

I do understand the risks and of course I care about this baby and love it so much already. I don't want to hurt it in any way.

But I want it to have a good life from the moment it's born, not a life that starts with DNA tests and yet more stress. I want this resolved so we can both enjoy the pregnancy and the baby.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/02/2016 00:55

Does your partner know that there's a margin or error to a parenting test?

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:57

Yes he knows that it's not 100% accurate. That's fine by him as he will be concentrating on the fact that its 99% accurate

OP posts:
SpearmintLino · 07/02/2016 00:58

How rude. I have had 3 amnios and so know exactly what your partner is asking of you for no good medical reason. I was being supportive of you, as were many others. Sad you can't see that.

FellOutOfBedTwice · 07/02/2016 00:58

Just googled and it and for $20USD you can have faked DNA "results" posted to you with a little hologram on and everything. I would be tempted to do that as he's clearly so nuts and you're obviously prepared to excuse his mad behaviour. Cheap as chips and no risk to you baby and as youve been faithful, also 100% accurate.

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