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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Paternity test in pregnancy

190 replies

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:07

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me :)

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Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:39

Just to clarify - he's not demanding me to do it now.

He wants it done and I've said that I want it done now if it's happening.

I want this because I want us both to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy and the baby when it's here. I don't want him struggling to bond with it any longer than is necessary when a simple test can put his mind at rest.
I know there are risks to it, but the risks are small and I will do my research to find a reputable doctor to carry it out

OP posts:
passmethewineplease · 06/02/2016 21:39

You do know that there is a chance it can cause miscarriage don't you OP?

Honestly I have no idea why you're entertaining the idea. Confused

Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 21:40

The pg is a surprise as you thought you were infertile, yet you've had three miscarriages?

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:42

I'm really sorry, I don't mean to be rude.

I've only just joined Mumsnet and it's my first post.

I was only really hoping for answers to the questions in my original post if anyone had any information I might find useful.

OP posts:
Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:42

Yes Iggi999, why the question mark?

OP posts:
Gunting · 06/02/2016 21:43

Infertile means that you can't get pregnant.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:45

Yes, which is why this pregnancy was a surprise.

The actual definition of 'infertility' is when you have tried and failed for 12 months (or more) to get pregnant.

OP posts:
Florene · 06/02/2016 21:45

Whose babies did he think the 3 x miscarriages might be?

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:47

They were my ex's children. We tried for 3 years to conceive, fell pregnant 3 times but lost all of them.
My current partner knows all of this

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 21:47

So the pg wasn't really a surprise then as you were having unprotected sex and had already got pg 3 times.
Does it not bother you that he is accusing you of lying and cheating on him? I think you should have more self respect.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 06/02/2016 21:48

An aquaintance did a paternity test via post, sending swabs off, results within a few days. I think it cost about £100. The baby was newborn.

I would think if you've had a problematic pregnancy you'd perhaps be hard pushed to find a doctor who would do a risky procedure for the sake of your partner's peace of mind.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:51

Yes, the pregnancy was still a surprise.
I had surgery last year to try and remove some of the cysts and masses around my uterus and ovaries caused by Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Endometriosis. During this surgery, my reproductive organs were damaged severely enough that I was told I would not be able to conceive again.

OP posts:
Madnson · 06/02/2016 21:53

Wow, just wow.

Regardless of your partners insecurities. I think it really shocking that your willing to put your baby at risk by doing this. And after 3x miscarriages. You sound quite erratic, I think you should speak to your midwife.

passmethewineplease · 06/02/2016 21:54

So even given your history you're still willing to put your baby through an unnecessary procedure that could cause miscarriage?

Wow. Just wow.

makingmiracles · 06/02/2016 21:54

I'll repeat what I said uptrend. It can be done by non invasive blood test on mother and father, cost 1k

passmethewineplease · 06/02/2016 21:55

I didn't know that making! Where abouts do they do that out of curiosity?

PurpleDaisies · 06/02/2016 21:55

I can't understand why you'd risk a healthy baby after everything you've been through before.

Think very very carefully about having this test. I can almost guarantee it won't fix your relationship.

Florene · 06/02/2016 21:56

I could understand a man who had been told he was infertile feeling a touch uncomfortable if his partner then became pregnant.

But surely your previous incorrect diagnosis and subsequent pregnancy has no bearing on how likely you are to have strayed?

In which case he simply doesn't trust you.

MagpieCursedTea · 06/02/2016 21:56

As makingmiracles said, there is a very expensive but non evasive test that can be done. I hope your partner isn't expecting you to pay for it though!
Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 22:03

You've had 3 miscarriages already this increases your risk of miscarriage. In your situation I would not be doing anything to increase the risk even further, including unnecessary tests. And a prenatal paternity test is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.

Spend the money on relationship counselling instead. Your partner needs to work his ability to trust you. You need to work on what you will and won't accept from him.

If my partner demanded a paternity test before he would support me through pregnancy and birth, in the absence of a shred of evidence to suggest I'd cheated, I'd tell him to fuck the fuck off.

I know we're not telling you what you wanted to hear, but we're telling you what you need to hear. I'm sure if you discuss it with your midwife, family or friends, they will all say the same.

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 22:09

Maybe this website will help - it is the first thing that came up when Googling your question, so I am sure you can find more if you research your question yourself.

www.prenatalpaternitiesinc.co.uk/

Personally I find it worrying that you are stressed by the fact that you don't have a job/income but you are happy to spend money that should be going on your newborn on this test.

I also find it concerning that after being told some tests run the risk of miscarriage, when you have been told you are infertile so are unlikely to ever conceive again, that you still want to look into them. The fact the you have been through three miscarriages but are looking at tests that may result in another one is unbelievable. No test will ever be 100% and if your partner has these suspicions and thinks so little of you, I can't see the test being anything more than a waste of money (at best) and a miscarriage (at worst). So if you are going to waste your money on a man who doubts your integrity, please opt for a non invasive one such as the link I have provided.

SpearmintLino · 06/02/2016 22:14

What a nasty man, OP. Please don't enable him by going ahead with the test during your pregnancy.

You and your unborn child are worth so much more than this. I hope you see that soon.

Salene · 06/02/2016 22:17

No you won't get it done for less than £800 it's expensive.

It does NOT carry a miscarriage risk that's nonsense. It's done from a blood sample from the mother only.

And blood from the father. Fetal DNA is picked up in mothers bloods. It's no different to any normal blood test

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 22:17

The fact you feel he won't bond with the baby if he doesn't have a paternity text should be ringing huge alarm bells to you!!

Seriously, there must be more to it than this. If not, you are an absolute mug for even contemplating having a test. A relationship should be built on trust and he doesn't trust you, I wouldn't want to be with a man like that.

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 22:17

Also, please look at these signs of emotional abuse in a relationship. I have a feeling some of it will ring true for you Sad

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