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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Paternity test in pregnancy

190 replies

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:07

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me :)

OP posts:

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Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 23:12

Well it's not a miscarriage after 24 weeks of course, it would be a still birth

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:12

Calling my partner a wanker and an idiot is not supportive.
Telling me my relationship is no good is not supportive.

What is supportive is giving any useful advice on the questions I originally asked.

That's all I wanted.

OP posts:

Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 23:14

If he shows you he's a wanker, listen to him.
Or he isn't one, but has good reason to believe lo is not his.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:15

You haven't even responded to the fact that you have been really offensive to those people who have suffered losses after 24 weeks. For somebody who has suffered 3 miscarriages and a diagnosis of infertility you have very little empathy.

SpearmintLino · 06/02/2016 23:15

The posts have been supportive of you, though. People want you to take a step back and put yourself and your baby first.

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 23:15

"it's been a hard pregnancy (constant bleeding, HG, placenta previa and I'm rh- so lots of anti-d shots)"

...and being wrongfully accused by the father of getting pregnant by another man

Honestly, the employment situation is the least of your worries. The PP who said you had no job and no money obviously got it wrong. But no amount of money is going to fix this situation, unless you and your partner spend it on counselling!

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 23:15

Legally they do not have to give you full pay at all and you will be wasting your money going to a tribunal and potentially end up paying the fees for the other side. By law, a Fit Note from your doctor IS NOT binding (it is merely their recommendation) and a company can choose not to honour it; they are under no obligation to suspend you and can in fact terminate your contract on the grounds of impossibility of performance.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:15

Why are you with someone who doesn't trust you?

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 23:16

Unless it is pregnancy related but even then, they do not have to pay you.

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 23:17

IMO being supportive means telling someone difficult truths when necessary.

If my sister or best friend was asking my advice I'd be saying (essentially) the same thing.

Cerseirys · 06/02/2016 23:18

If you want a test once the baby is here then go ahead and get it. But for gods sake wait til then. With your miscarriage history and problems with this pregnancy, you'd be an idiot to risk an invasive test, assuming you're for real.

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:19

He's just worried and insecure because he's been cheated on and lied to by past girlfriends.
All I want to do is help him overcome his worries. That's what you do in a decent, loving relationship. You help each other and ease their worries so you can be the best team and best parents you can be.

OP posts:

Gunting · 06/02/2016 23:20

If you wanted advice on the paternity test then why didn't you ask a simple question. You chose to include the info about your partner which wasn't irrelevant surely you must have realised people would pick up on it.

Unless you are so used to it that you think this is a normal situation

Cerseirys · 06/02/2016 23:20

Have you considered that perhaps it's counselling he needs? Because if he's got such severe trust issues then it probably won't stop at this.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:22

The only way for him to overcome his trust issues is counselling. A paternity test will not magically sort his trust issues out, it will just prove to him that this time you haven't cheated on him. In his head, there will still be lots of other opportunities for you to cheat on him.

By asking for a paternity test, he is telling you he doesn't trust you. And that's very sad. Unless of course, you have slept with someone else that he is aware of, but I don't believe you haven

KP86 · 06/02/2016 23:22

If you are already 22 weeks, you have another four months until baby is born.

I genuinely would be spending this time getting counselling separately and together, and then a DNA test post-birth if DP is still concerned at the time.

£800 would go a long way towards help for him and you, and as others have said, if he thinks you have cheated without any evidence, just because the DNA comes back as his doesn't mean he won't find another issue in your relationship. You need to address the underlying causes of his mistrust.

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:23

This is not 'telling me hard truth'
You have no idea about me, my partner or our life together. If I wanted relationship advice, I would have asked for it. But I don't because we are happy together and looking forward to the future.

I apologise if I offended anyone by saying a baby born as 24 weeks has a chance of survival.

Yes, my light duties are because of pregnancy. Yes, they do legally have to pay me. I have a solicitor who has informed me of this and I am confident taking them to tribunal.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:24

And actually what you do in a decent, loving relationship is TRUST one another. And he doesn't trust you, simple as that. If he trust you, he wouldn't need a paternity test.

FuzzyOwl · 06/02/2016 23:26

I am sorry, but your solicitor is wasting your time and money (if you are paying him/her).

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:26

How can he be happy with you if he believes you may have cheated on him? That's not a happy relationship.

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:27

If he didn't trust me, he wouldn't have stuck around all this time. I've dealth with some shit while we've been together (to do with my family) and he's been nothing but supportive.

He's slightly insecure and I'm trying to ease that, that's all.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:29

If he 100% trusts you he wouldn't need to ask for a paternity test!!!!!

Iggi999 · 06/02/2016 23:29

How will you prove to him you haven't cheated, every time you go on a night out without him for example? This won't end...

Gunting · 06/02/2016 23:29

SLIGHTLY INSECURE?!

This can't be real I'm sorry

Original poster

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:32

FuzzyOwl, do you work in or have any qualifications in law?
If you do I could certainly use your help

OP posts:

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