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Original poster

Paternity test in pregnancy

190 replies

BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 21:07

Hi, my partner would like me to do a paternity test (baby is 100% his) but I'm happy to do it if it relaxes him.
I know they don't offer them on the NHS and from what I've researched, to have one done in pregnancy costs around £899!
Has anyone else had one done in pregnancy, if so, where did you go and what did you pay?
I'm 22 weeks with a little boy who is healthy despite a few complications with me :)

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PurpleDaisies · 06/02/2016 23:37

All I want to do is help him overcome his worries. That's what you do in a decent, loving relationship. You help each other and ease their worries so you can be the best team and best parents you can be

Pandering to his worries won't work though. When this comes back negative it'll be a lie detector test, or reading all your texts and emails, or him knowing where you are at all times, or you never leaving the house.

Unless he gets actual proper counselling you are in for a very difficult time with the man. I know from bitter personal experience.

If you're willing to put yourself out for him, would he be willing to do the same for you and go to counselling?

RainOhJoyus · 06/02/2016 23:37

Was going to post about the non invasive test, but then your comment about you being happy that your baby would be born at 25 weeks just took my breath away. If you want to reassure your partner, then pay the £1k for the blood test for you and him. Which you would have known about having done a simple google, yet you still want to take the cheaper riskier option where you might loose your baby. No, the only outcome isn't that y just go into preterm labour and take home a teeny tiny baby, the other outcome is you don't go into labour and your baby dies in utero.
Even great doctors can't defy the odds, and with a risky history an in utero DNA test is something that you will be hard pressed to find a doctor to do.

You are with someone that is prepared to risk their babies life?

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:38

Purple has got a good suggestion I think. If you are going to take a paternity test then you should make him have counselling for his trust issues too. I think that's a fair compromise.

VagueIdeas · 06/02/2016 23:39

Did you know that ultrasound scans and dopplers also carry a risk of miscarriage? I bet every one of you has had those though

Since when?!

NameChange30 · 06/02/2016 23:39

"He's just worried and insecure because he's been cheated on and lied to by past girlfriends.
All I want to do is help him overcome his worries. That's what you do in a decent, loving relationship. You help each other and ease their worries so you can be the best team and best parents you can be."

Nope. In a decent, loving relationship you TRUST EACH OTHER. If one partner is feeing insecure, the other partner reassures them. If that's not enough, the insecure partner gets counselling to work on their trust issues. AT NO POINT DO YOU HAVE TO GET A FUCKING PATERNITY TEST IF YOU HAVEN'T SLEPT WITH ANOTHER MAN.

Sorry for shouting, but really, OP.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:42

My husband was cheating on numerous times by his ex girlfriend and yea, it left him a little insecure. But not once has he ever accused me of cheating on him, and he wouldn't have even entertained the thought of a paternity test when I fell pregnant. Because he trusts me and realises that I am not his ex girlfriend.

Lj8893 · 06/02/2016 23:46

*cheated, not cheating!

ScandiManny · 06/02/2016 23:47

Wow. Preterm labour isn't 'ideal'!? Ever had a prem baby OP? Ever had a baby who was born unable to breathe by themselves, whisked away within minutes of being born to an intensive care unit with no idea of when they'd leave, if they survive that is. Not being able to hold them, or even see their face clearly because it's covered the tubes that are keeping them alive. Being discharged from hospital without your baby. Separated from them every night potentially for weeks or even months. Not to mention the possible long term health implications.

It's far from ideal. Please seriously consider the potential outcome before deciding to run the risk of premature delivery.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:48

I never said I would be happy if the baby is born at 25 weeks.
I will be happy if the baby is born and survives, whenever that may be.

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 06/02/2016 23:49

Er, ultrasound scans do not increase risk of miscarriage. "Everything" does not increase risk of miscarriage.

I've been cheated on before. I sometimes feel insecure because of it. I don't expect my partner to do ridiculous things to make me feel better.

NerrSnerr · 06/02/2016 23:52

This is a good blog about preterm labour and the struggles notevena.blogspot.co.uk/p/about-me.html?m=1

MadameZeCow · 06/02/2016 23:53

So you are willing to risk a babies life, after 3 miscarriages to soothe your insecure boyfriends accusing worries?

Are you a full shilling?

And btw my son was born at 25 weeks, he survived yes but he has severe CP.
I really cannot believe this. I can't.

Gunting · 06/02/2016 23:54

The ultrasound comment was a bit tin foil hattish.

I will be happy if the baby is born and survives

Why poke him with needles then for absolutely no reason?!

Original poster
BookLover94 · 06/02/2016 23:57

I don't know how much research you've done but no needles enter the baby whatsoever.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 07/02/2016 00:00

Have you done much research about babies born at 25 weeks?

Scoopmuckdizzy · 07/02/2016 00:01

Please take on board the suggestion to either wait until your baby is born or get the more expensive blood test mentioned. It's really not worth risking your baby's life.

Could you really live with yourself if you do get the test and the worst did actually happen? Please think about this a bit more.

He needs to trust you. He needs to understand that his insecurities do not trump the well being of your unborn baby- HIS unborn baby.

If you know the baby is his then that should be the end of it. No discussion. If he can't trust you on this one then it's his loss.

Gunting · 07/02/2016 00:02

The invasive prenatal paternity test is the same as an amniocentesis

Vixxfacee · 07/02/2016 00:08

Shocked

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:09

Yes, in fact my partner was born at 29 weeks due to a hole in his heart.

OP posts:
RainOhJoyus · 07/02/2016 00:11

Now you just sound so detached. Born and survived, yes from an unnecessary risk you are taking. But well done you for choosing to wait 3 weeks till your baby is 25 weeks for risking his life.

RainOhJoyus · 07/02/2016 00:13

Every week counts with preemies, 29 weeks is massively different from 25.

OP seriously how much are you paying for this test? If you think you have to appease your partner then get the non invasive test. And good luck for when he doubts you in the future and you can't be caring and living and have a scientific test to prove it.

Unless you have been unfaithful I really can't understand any faithful couple wanting this

passmethewineplease · 07/02/2016 00:13

Fucking hell are you ready to be a parent OP? I'm just not getting it in your posts at all. Hmm

Will you be opting for the non invasive blood test that was mentioned?

Your partner is a massive cock. Open your eyes.

Original poster
BookLover94 · 07/02/2016 00:15

Look, if it was that much of a risk then it wouldn't be on offer at all, let alone used as much as it is.
I don't see what you're all trying to do here?

I've done my research, I've made up my mind and all I wanted to know were recommendations on where to have it done and the cost of it.

OP posts:
ScandiManny · 07/02/2016 00:17

I really hope this is made up.

SpearmintLino · 07/02/2016 00:18

OP, I can't work out whether this whole scenario is made up, or you have really low self esteem. If it's the latter, please work on that.